*generic sitcom music plays in the background - the camera zooms in on a house and- ykw fuck it i'm not typing out the intro*

*the family is on the couch, watching the news because they're bored - except for Tak, wonder where he is...*

*Alex is sat in the middle, his legs swinging in the air as he hugs his Marker plush*

*Yessoan is the news reporter, talking about an IKEA*

Yessoan: Recently, a lot of controversies have been going around about a certain IKEA, claiming that several children have gotten lost in its halls.

[carykh: Hey, that reminds me of something...]

[Tantusar: Are you gonna talk about Nerd getting a part-time at an IKEA or about SCP-3008?]

[carykh: ...Nerd getting a part-time, but I was thinking SCP-3008 as well.]

[Tantusar: Called it.]

Yessoan: However, today marks the first time any proof of these claims has been found, which was a recording that lasted almost two whole days.

Yessoan: We have here today the founder of this recording, as we are yet to watch the full thing.

*Spicy suddenly pauses the TV*

Spicyman33: Really? You guys didn't even watch it? And you call yourselves professionals...

[Tantusar: He's right, these guys just want to hop on the bandwagon as soon as possible.]

[carykh: Talk about efficiency! It sucks.]

Crafty7: *laughing a bit* Honey... it's nearly two days long. Nobody has time to watch all of that.

*Crafty spots Alex fidgeting a lot, clutching his plush tightly*

Crafty7: Hey, kiddo... you alright?

alexlion0511: I- Yeah...

*the three of them look back to the TV, as Spicy lets it play again*

*it zooms out to Yessoan in front of a couch, which Nerd is sat on, holding a camera*

Yessoan: So, Miss... what's your name again?

some_nerd: It's some_nerd, but most just call me Nerd.

[Tantusar and carykh: WAIT, OH MY GOD-]

<TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES>

[Tantusar: Alright, let's get back to narrating this.]

[carykh: HOLD ON, LEMME FINISH UP TEXTING HER-]

[Tantusar: Heh, alright then, Cary.]

Yessoan: Okay... Miss Nerd, where did you find this camera?

some_nerd: Underneath a till. From what I saw, a young boy must've gotten lost, and at the end made a run for it out of the IKEA.

Yessoan: You actually watched the whole thing?

some_nerd: No, I skipped ahead a few bits.

Yessoan: ...Have you heard about any other stories of kids going missing in this IKEA?

some_nerd: Yes, but this is the first time there's been actual proof. But I haven't heard about any story that would line up with this one, though...

Yessoan: Hang on... what day did it say it was recorded on?

some_nerd: Think it was... June 11th.

*Crafty pauses it this time*

Crafty7: Hey, wasn't that when we left for a couple days, leaving Tak to take care of Alex?

Spicyman33: Yeah... why'd you ask?

Crafty7: I dunno, but it feels strange that it was during that time...

*Alex grows even more reclusive, shaking ever so slightly*

*Crafty unpauses it*

Yessoan: Did the recording give you any clues as to who recorded it?

some_nerd: Why do you want to know that? The kid might want to stay anonymous... this seemed traumatic, he even began crying in the bathroom...

Yessoan: I get that... what did the beginning say?

some_nerd: Something about his older brother and his friend running off to buy spraypaint together, leaving him all alone...

Yessoan: ...See, this is why you need to keep an eye on young children.

[carykh: A nice moral to the story! But man, I hope that child's okay...]

[Tantusar: STILL shocked that Nerd managed to get on the news. And proud, that's my girl!]

[carykh: I KNOW, RIGHT?!]

*Spicy pauses the TV*

Spicyman33: Okay, THAT I can get behind. You don't even want to know how many times I've had to tell Tak to keep a better eye on you, Alex... Alex?

*Alex is crying - his dads immediately start telling him things are okay*

Crafty7: I- Wait... Alex... was... was the kid yo-

alexlion0511: *silently nods before breaking down again* I just- I WAS SO SCARED! I-I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK, NEVER, NEVER!

*Crafty hugs Alex, whispering that he'll never abandon him anywhere as Spicy gets up, SUPER pissed*

Spicyman33: OH, I SWEAR, WHEN TAK GETS BACK, I'M FUCKING GROUNDING THAT SON OF A BITCH.

[Tantusar: Spicy may not have realized this, but he just insulted himself.]

Spicyman33: Alex, you just won the rights to choose what's for dinner for the next two days.

alexlion0511: *wiping tears* R-Really, dad?

Spicyman33: Yeah...

alexlion0511: Thanks... can we have McDonald's?

*Crafty laughs, as Spicy pulls out his phone*

Spicyman33: Sure, kiddo, why not.

Crafty7: Just don't spend too much, I'd like to have an above-average credit score...

[carykh: I forgot that they're having to use Crafty's credit card for everything now, because of Tak.]

- - -

*cuts to an ikea, Alex is walking through it*

[carykh: OMG, IT'S A FLASHBACK!]

[Tantusar: Traumatic flashback, but yeah.]

[carykh: Oh... damn...]

alexlion0511: *clutching a plush* Hello? Tak? Midge? Hello? You two anywhere...? Hey... this isn't funny...

*Alex keeps walking, past several boxes containing cameras*

alexlion0511: No... *looks at the plush* Marker... will I ever escape...?

*silence*

alexlion0511: No... no, no, no, no, no... *starts crying* please... save me.

[carykh: ...Alex...]

alexlion0511: Hmm? A... camera...? Maybe... maybe I should try recording this... what do you think... Marker?

*silence*

[Tantusar: Two whole days... the poor guy. I just don't know why Tak didn't seem to care...]

[carykh: Honestly, him and Midge probably forgot that Alex was there...]

[Tantusar: That doesn't explain the two days! Wouldn't Tak have at least realized Alex wasn't home?!]

[carykh: ...You have a point.]

[Tantusar: I always do.]

[carykh: Heh, I missed that part of you most...]

alexlion0511: Hey... I'm Alex... I've been lost in this IKEA for about an hour now... I'm trying to find my brother... our parents went out for about three days... I don't know where he went.

alexlion0511: But I have Marker... it'll be alright... I hope. I-I don't want to die here...

[carykh: You weren't going to die there...]

- - -

*cut back to now, this time with Midge and Tak out spraypainting underneath a bridge*

[Tantusar: I- Midge, why.]

[carykh: Aww, so cute!]

TheMightyMidge: GET FUCKED, NOBODY INSULTS THE QUEEN!

[Tantusar: Fuck, he's British.]

Tak Ajnin: Are you- STOP DRAWING THOSE ON THE GODDAMN WALLS!

TheMightyMidge: WHY NOT?!

Tak Ajnin: YOU'VE ALREADY DRAWN LIKE A HUNDRED!

TheMightyMidge: ...Actually yeah, maybe I should spice this up a bit.

*Midge proceeds to give what he drew a cowboy hat*

Tak Ajnin: ...

Tak Ajnin: Not like that, but okay.

[carykh: Oh my god... HOW HAVE THEY NOT BEEN ARRESTED YET?!]

[Tantusar: They have, actually. Midge just keeps threatening the police to leave them both alone.]

[carykh: Eh, I guess that makes sense.]

*Tak's phone suddenly starts ringing*

TheMightyMidge: OH, MOTHERFUCKER-

Tak Ajnin: Shhhhhhh! It's my dads, you know they'll be mad if they caught us hanging out again...

TheMightyMidge: Man, fuck them! Why worry about them when you're here with me right now?

Tak Ajnin: ...Look, just- keep quiet, okay?

TheMightyMidge: Fine...

*Tak answers*

(Tak Ajnin: Hey... what is it?)

(Crafty7: Oh, nothing bad, just wanting to let you know that we're gonna have McDonald's for dinner. You cool with that?)

(Tak Ajnin: Yeah... I don't mind...)

(Crafty7: Okay, great! But when you come home, can we talk? It's about something important.)

(Tak Ajnin: I- O-Okay...)

(Crafty7: Alright, I won't interrupt you and your friends any longer. Bye!)

(Tak Ajnin: Bye...)

*Tak hangs up, seeming worried*

[carykh: OOH, YOU'RE IN TROUBLE-]

[Tantusar: Haha! But in all seriousness, I'm wondering if this might shine a light as to how he could've forgotten about Alex...]

[carykh: ...Right, the IKEA thing.]

TheMightyMidge: Tak? Are you good?

Tak Ajnin: ...

TheMightyMidge: It's about the "important thing", isn't it?

Tak Ajnin: Yeah... do you think they found out about-

TheMightyMidge: I don't know... just know it wasn't your fault, alright?

Tak Ajnin: ...

Tak Ajnin: Then who's fault was it...?

TheMightyMidge: ...I don't fucking know, but it certainly wasn't yours.

[Tantusar: This feels like oddly threatening comfort.]

[carykh: I was about to say that!]

TheMightyMidge: But look, if you're that worried about it... then I'm sure I could get my mums to let you stay for as long as you want.

Tak Ajnin: Heh, thanks... anyways we should probably leave now before we get arrested-

[Tantusar: Or Midge can just threaten the police.]

[carykh: Or Midge can just- wait a minute, I PRINTED OUT YOUR SCRIPT!]

[Tantusar: Oh goddamnit Cary I SAVED THIS IS AS "MY SCRIPT", HOW?!]

[carykh: I DON'T KNOW!]

[Tantusar: THAT'S IT, CUT-]