Dear Iris

I don't remember the days when my mind wasn't plagued with thoughts of you. At first I found it weird, I never liked a girl this much. Then I realized maybe there was something special about you. Maybe you were a witch, yes, you cast a spell over me and enchanted me with your words.

In a way, your writing did that to me.

I am not a nosy person but you make me too damn curious, Iris. I don't think I can forget the day we met, it was a casual meeting and it was a chance one too. You were with a friend of my friend and I just came to say hello.

You had an Iris flower in your hair, tucked behind your ear. The flower made you look like a Hawaiian princess with your tan skin and curly hair. I didn't know it then but you were going to plague my thought almost every second of everyday after that.

We were in school, why would you wear a flower in your hair? And how were you able to have your hair open? It was short, like shoulder length and curly, usually they don't allow hair that length to be left open but I guess you were an exception. I had too many questions about you, I brushed it off as normal curiosity but I should have known it was fate's way of tying me to you, you know, like that Taylor Swift song you played the last time? It was called Invisible String, I won't forget the way you sang the song, you weren't good at it, you sucked but you sang it with a hint of longing and sadness, I should have known you wanted that.

I guess I'm going off topic, Iris. When you two left, a letter fell from your bag. I wanted to give it to you but the bell rang and everyone had swarmed around, I lost you in the crowd.

My curiosity got the best of me and maybe I would have found some answers about why you had that flower in your hair. I didn't, I found something more interesting and more heartbreaking.

I learnt a lot of things about you in that letter but the thing that struck out the most to me was that you were 'head over heels' (as you put it) for a boy named Jordan.

I didn't know much, this letter didn't have enough information to quench my thirst and I knew this letter would be the very thing that I would use as an excuse to talk to you again.

So, I decided to go and look for you. I found you but it was in a rather sticky situation. You were standing still, your eyes not on me and your concentration never wavering from the scene in front of you. When I looked there, I didn't get what the big deal was, until I really noticed what was going on.

The Jordan you liked was the same Jordan we both knew. I should have figured it out, he's a close friend of mine and like me he's a player. He was kissing a girl and I didn't even need to look at you again to know how you feel.

You could say I was talking from experience. It hurts when the person you like kisses someone else, it's heartbreaking.

You turned around, didn't even notice me and you walked away quickly. We were in the corridor and there was a turn that hid you from my eyes but it didn't hide your sobs from my ears. You didn't go far and you were talking to someone. "It still hurts," I heard you cry out.

For some reason, it made me angry at Jordan. "I can't even handle it when he smiles at me!" You sobbed more. If only he understood what he was doing to you and then I realized something, maybe he needs to understand.

I turned around to walk back to Jordan when I heard something. "Thanks, Beth." Jordan had said in his low voice. The girl seemed to laugh. "It's alright, as long as that Zoe girl leaves you with some peace of mind, I'll be happy." The girl, Beth, replied.

I felt my hands clench around your letter. It was planned, he planned to hurt you this way. I hardly knew you but I knew what this felt like, I knew how you felt and I was furious he did that.

So, I walked towards Jordan and delivered a punch to his face.
He didn't see it coming and he went stumbling backwards. The girl had already left but even if she was here it wouldn't make a difference. Jordan was angry and confused, why the hell would I punch him? He asked too.

I replied by punching him again. I had the upper hand here, surprise. I pushed him to the floor and I punched his face, a few times he dodged and my knuckles bruised on the floor but I couldn't feel the pain. I told him he didn't deserve the time and effort you put into liking him and writing letters for him.

He ended up kicking my abdomen and pushing me off him. He climbed over me and started punching me as well, it didn't last long because he was ripped off of me. He said he had no idea what I was talking about. I didn't realize that he didn't know about the letters before I charged at him. So, I broke away from the people holding me and pushed him away, I threw the letter I had that was stained with some of his blood. I didn't get to do much after that because you stood in between us.

You stood between us, a horrid look on your face before it dissolved into a glare. Your eyes were red and there were tears down your cheeks. You looked angry at me but I saw the look on your face when you glanced at him, the worry you had for him.

"This can go two ways, you either listen to me or you both get taken down to the office where you will get suspended for fighting. If you listen, I'll make sure you don't get into trouble so long as there is no more fighting and you keep your mouths shut." You insisted. I couldn't help but admire you, though I didn't like being told what to do, so, I ripped my hands away from them and crossed my hands in front of me.

"This bastard came for me, it's not fair if he doesn't get into trouble. I was defending myself." Jordan argued but you didn't look in the mood for it. "You know very well the rules of this school, Jordan. If you fight, in defense or attack, you get into trouble. I'm not going to beg, you want to cause a problem, be my guest." You snapped, your voice harsh and cold. 

Jordan finally gave up and you took us to two different classes. I got separated from you because you decided to keep us apart. A part of me didn't trust you with Jordan, especially because he was angry but I knew I'd kick his ass if he touched you.

I don't know what happened as I waited for you to tend to my wounds after him. But I knew this, he didn't deserve anything. I also knew something else, I liked you more than I thought.

I know how angry you were when I caused this fight. You avoided me and didn't talk to me for so long, especially when you realized that I gave him that letter.

This letter is to tell you that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for wanting to defend you because I care about you, I'm sorry you feel for an asshole like Jordan and I'm sorry that you are so damaged by that fucking idiot.

But I'm not sorry for liking you, Zoe Williams. I am most definitely not.