CHAPTER EIGHT , the butchery & self-annihilation of being a teenage girl.

the girl that got away — lana del rey.

october 3rd, 1:25 pm.

the cold air slapped against shuji's cheeks as he looked down at the view from the school roof– his amber irises shifting their focus from the street near the school gate to the far-off houses in the distance to the swaying trees lining the sidewalks.

a cigarette was hanging from his chapped lips, held together by his index and middle fingers, his other hand hidden in his pocket.

he was waiting.

patiently.

for the first time in his life, he was waiting.

normally, it would be other people who were waiting for him– but not this time, this time is different.

he didn't even know why he came to school today, he already showed up last monday, that was enough for him to ditch for the entire month — shuji didn't know what compelled him to come back.

well, that's a lie. he knew why, it was because of a certain (h/c) haired girl — but he didn't know why her specifically.

shuji has had many girlfriends, sure his delinquency often scared some girls off but most of the time, his talent at sweet-talking and attractive face compensated largely.

the only problem was: he gets bored. fast.

he was never the patient type, even as a kid – he hated playing with the same old toys for more than a few days; always ended up discarding them before looking for the next thing to entertain himself with.

that translated to his teenage years, his longest relationship lasted 90 days. exactly 90 days.

which is why he found it weird how much he was thinking of (y/n) after their last encounter.

thinking of the way her (h/c) curls fell from her head to frame her face, the way her tired eyes looked up at him with such excitement while running from the cop— it was like she had been brought to life.

the way her smaller hand curled around his, he could almost still feel it grasping tightly.

his hand tightened in a fist in his pocket.

shuji felt like punching himself in the face when he came to the realization... he missed her.

shuji hanma! missing a girl he barley spent 10 hours with. it's him for crying out loud, he doesn't 'miss' anyone! if anything, people miss him.

she should be the one waiting for him to come not the other way around.

he exhaled a puff of smoke, watching as the small grey cloud twists and twirls near his face before disappearing with the air.

that was when he heard the roof-doors swing open.

(y/n) was standing there in all her (height) glory.

her uniform clean & pressed, not a fold in sight. black tights clinging to her legs acting as a barrier from the cold. her hair neatly braided, rested on her shoulders.

lips moisturized and pink from a gloss she undoubtedly just put on.

it was almost poetic; how differently their aesthetics clashed.

(y/n), a girl who has her entire life ahead of her, with her pink hair bows and braided hair. who's grades were promising. who stays in her lane and minds her business. who spends her free time writing songs and playing flash games on her computer.

standing before shuji, whose life went in the wrong direction at a young age. who relished in living his life on the very edge of a blade, teetering between the fall on either side. falling under the influence of harmful coping methods. entertainment at the expense of his health. hands bloodied and cracked from the countless fights he won. cigarette in his mouth. neon city lights of tokyo. smell of blood in his nose. sweet intoxication in the corners of his brain

now that it's daytime, it's unthinkable to think these two had done all the things they had done last night. it just couldn't be.

a girl like her wouldn't be caught dead messing around with a guy like him.

they were on two opposite ends of the social line.

and yet... she came.

shuji swore he could hear musical notes in his ears when he finally met her (e/c) eyes. she came.

"you're still alive."

she smiled, "don't sound so disappointed, i might start to think you're starting to like me"

he stood silent for a second, chuckles fell from his lips at her response as he stretched his right arm out; waiting for her to come take her place— next to him.

they were on two opposite ends of the social line.

and yet... (y/n) silently made her way to him, situating herself under his arm and hugged his torso closer.

"how'd it go with your parents?" shuji asks, exhaling smoky rings through his lips. his voice rumbled down to her heart, leaving it racing like an overflowing machine.

she smoothed her skirt down at the mention of her parents, getting subconsciously nervous. "s'fine. told them i spent the night at hina's."

he nodded at her words, glad she didn't get in any more trouble with them than she already did.

sure, he didn't know her for very long— but even he could tell their fight really affected her by the purple eyebags staining her pretty face.

"bunny."

"don't call me that," she mumbled, turning to look up at him. "what?"

hanma ignored her request, opting to just tell her the reason why he even came to school today. "you wanna ditch this place and go to an arcade?"

yes. he was here to ditch.

ditch with her.

"i... can't." she began, eyes casting down to the floor. "i can't.. i have an important math lesson to get back to, s'gonna be on the upcoming te–"

(y/n) was cut off when she felt his rough hands grab her cheeks and squish them together, causing her lips to puff out like a duck.

"you said you're gonna start living differently." he reminded, amber eyes staring down at her with a sharp glare. "are you already backing out now? not even a step in?"

she could only frown in concern "i dunno shuji.. last night was easy for me to because i was emotional and acted on a whim— but now, during school hours... in the middle of cla–"

he cut her off again, she was starting to get slightly annoyed.

"ahhh~.." hanma threw his head back to sigh, feigning a heartbroken pout. "my new girlfriend is sooo boring.."

he almost burst out laughing at the cute glare she sent his way.

it's not like she didn't want to – it was much more than that. the circumstances were different; last time she was kicked out, but now (if she chooses to ditch with him) it would be a conscious choice.

not only that but no one was looking after her, in this moment, however, her teacher is expecting her return in a few minutes.

"soo? you're coming with?" shuji grinned.

the girl stood silent with her arms crossed for a second or two, (e/c) eyes downcast to the floor with a frown.

(y/n) spent the better part of her teenage years hauled up inside of her bedroom, nothing to do and no one to speak to. sure, she filled the social void with songwriting and painting — but the primal hunger for life and excitement turned into a tight rope around her neck.

she craved the feeling of pure, unrestrained, messy, adventurous, excitement.

and she feared, now that she's 17 and on a giant brink of an irreversible change, she had lost her chance at living her teenage years to the fullest.

(y/n) wants to go back in time to waste her life as a teen. she wants to make mistakes, worry about petty things like drama, clothes, friends and nightouts, she wants to rebel just because she can.

she wants the butchery and the self-annihilation of being a teenage girl. she wants to feel it all.

she's supposed to be testing her limits, figuring out how to stop being a child and craft a good sense of her own identity — but she's failing to accomplish that.

(y/n) finally heaved a defeated exhale, her eyes met her boyfriend's. "ok... but we come back just before school ends, my mom picks me up."

"i want my cake and i wanna eat it too

so glad you guys are enjoying the book so far!
writing this is so fun <3