nothing made sense. san couldn't wrap his head around what went wrong. only earlier that day, wooyoung confessed that he reciprocated san's feelings and all of a sudden, it was a mistake? did that mean everything was a mistake to wooyoung? did all the time they spend together mean absolutely nothing to him?

maybe san came on too strong, maybe wooyoung felt forced to say he liked san even though he didn't truly mean it, maybe it wasn't wooyoung at all. san couldn't understand any of it. all he knew was that whatever he and wooyoung had was over.

and it hurt, it hurt more than san could imagine. this was just after san realized he loved wooyoung, so how was he supposed to move on and act like nothing happened? how was he supposed to face wooyoung knowing that he couldn't touch him, hug him, kiss him anymore?

it was an unfortunate situation, what was even more unfortunate was that this all happened at a time where san would be forced to be around wooyoung. there was still the rest of the week he had to go through before he could go home and return to his normal life where it would be easier to be away from wooyoung. even then, with wooyoung constantly on san's mind, he wasn't sure he would be able to fully leave wooyoung alone.

until then, he'd have to avoid wooyoing without it looking suspicious so that his friends wouldn't ask any unwanted questions.

"what should we do today?" seonghwa asked everyone at the breakfast table. usually san would sit next to wooyoung and he was about to before he realized that wasn't something he couldn't do anymore. he instead sat across the table, next to yunho. if he could, he would've ate his food in his room or somewhere else in the cabin but seonghwa was very insistent that all meals made during the trip would be eaten together.

"i have an idea" jongho said, a mischievous glint in his eye, "san, remember you lost that bet to me last year?". hearing his name, san looked up from his plate with his mostly untoched food and glanced at jongho, confused, "what bet?".

jongho smirked, "you know, the one where you said you'd eat that ridiculously spicy ramen. you lost, and you promised you'd do whatever i said when we came back here this year".

san's eyes widened as the memory resurfaced, after a night of drinking together they had the brilliant idea of challenging each other to eat spicy ramen and whoever gave up first would have to grant a wish for the other. san was already a terrible drinker and his spice tolerance was absolutely horrendous, this whole bet was part of the reason why san didn't drink as much as his friends.

"oh, that bet," san muttered, already dreading what jongho might suggest.

jongho's grin widened. "yep. and this year, i say we go ziplining". san gulped and balled his hands into fists, he hated heights. hated them in the sense that he was absolutely terrified of them. just the thought of being suspended in the air with nothing but a cable holding him up from the doom down below broke san out in a cold sweat.

"ziplining?" san echoed, chuckling nervously.

"yeah, ziplining," jongho confirmed, looking pleased with himself. "it's going to be awesome! and you promised, san."

san forced a smile, trying to hide his growing anxiety. "sure, sounds... fun".

jongho had an idea that san didn't like heights but he doubted jongho knew the extent of it, san never talked much about it and the only people who really knew about it being a fear of his was yunho and seonghwa.

while they were clearing the table and putting the dishes in the sink, seonghwa came up to san, "are you okay with this? you know, you don't have to do go if you're not comfortable. i can talk to jongho." he said, tone filled with concern.

san took a deep breath, he really didn't want to do it but he also made a deal with jongho and he was going to stick it through, "no, don't worry about it. i'll do it" he said, trying to convince himself a bit more than seonghwa.

seonghwa nodded, but the concern didn't leave his face, "okay, but when we get there and you-"

"i'll tell you, i know" san interjected, "but i'll be fine. it's not a big deal" he reassured seonghwa before heading towards his and yunho's room to get dressed.

as they geared up at the zipline course, san's anxiety grew. the towering platforms and long cables stretched out before them, making his stomach churn. he tried to take deep breaths, but it was hard to calm his racing heart.

"you'll go two at a time," the instructor explained, giving them a brief rundown of the safety procedures. jongho and yeosang went first, excitedly zipping down the line with cheers and laughter.

san watched them go, his anxiety mounting. when it was his turn, he fumbled with the harness, his hands shaking slightly. from the corner of his eye, he saw wooyoung struggling with his harness too.

like a reflex, san walked up to wooyoung and helped him with his harness, completely forgetting he was supposed to stay distant from wooyoung.

"does it fit well?" he asked quietly, looking down at wooyoung.

wooyoung looked up at san, their eyes meeting for a brief moment. "yeah, thanks", wooyoung mumbled, taking a step back to create some distance.

san gave him a tight-lipped smile and turned away, trying to ignore the pang he felt in his heart. because he helped wooyoung, they ended up being the last two in line together and san felt a wave of nausea as he stepped on the platform.

the instructor hooked them up to the zipline and gave them a final safety check. "alright, you're good to go. just remember to keep your hands on the handles and enjoy the ride".

san took a deep breath and stepped off the platform with wooyoung. the initial drop made his heart leap into his throat, but as they soared through the trees, he felt a strange mix of fear and exhilaration. for a moment, he almost forgot about his fear of heights.

almost.

halfway through the ride, san's fear of heights suddenly overwhelmed him. his breath hitched, and he struggled to keep his grip on the handles. panic set in as the reality of the height and speed hit him, making it hard to breathe.

"wooyoung!" san gasped, his voice strained and shaky.

wooyoung turned to look at him, his eyes widening in alarm. "san, what's wrong?"

san couldn't answer. the panic was overwhelming, and his vision started to blur. he felt himself slipping, unable to hold on any longer.

"hold on, san!" wooyoung shouted, trying to grab him.

san's grip failed, and he felt himself slipping off the handles, his body going limp as panic paralyzed him. he plummeted, his last sight being wooyoung's terrified face above him.