Being here feels kind of awkward and like I am intruding on something intensely private but the way that Ali is clutching my hand as he talks is making me realise that this is what he needs. He needs me, just to anchor him. This is one of those moments I imagine that Athena is used to being with him but she is with Sharon right now and I am his emotional anchor now. It's almost too much for my brain to handle. I'm not used to it. So I focus on my breaths and let Ali say what he needs to say.

"Hi, Dad... I guess a lot has changed since I last got to talk to you. This is Harvey" he says and kind of cuddles closer to me like he's freezing cold. It is a little chilly but I think he just needs reassurance. I reciprocate the gesture to let him know I'm not going anywhere. Telling him I love him without words.

"He's my boyfriend. Yeah... it finally happened. I wish you could meet him... you'd like him. Mum loves him and he's really good with Athena. Even though he was terrified when he first met her."

"Just a little bit" I say quietly and he chuckles.

"Just a little bit. But yeah... I miss you. I'll bring some flowers up once winter is over so they last longer. Love you, dad."

His voice breaks as he says the last few words and I hear him sob. I just pull him into me and he just cries into my chest quietly. I hold him - one arm around his waist and one around his shoulders with my hand snaking up to cradle the back of his head. This was almost surreal. I look down at the gravestone. Read the words "loving son, husband and father". The dates signifying he wasn't even forty when they lost him. I sigh. I'm really not equipped to deal with this. But maybe I can do something to help. That's all I really want to do today - help where I can. Ali quiets a little and is trying to settle his breathing.

"Come on" he manages to eke out "I wanna go."

I nod but don't move. He gives me a weird, slightly irritated look and I just lean in to kiss him softly on the lips before turning back to the headstone.

"I promise I love him and I'm gonna do my best to be the person he deserves" I say, barely above a whisper. When I turn back to Ali he looks like he might start crying all over again. I give him a half smile and nod towards Sharon and Athena. We walk back slowly. As we get to the bench, Athena comes over to Ali and nuzzles into him. Sharon doesn't say anything. She just smiles at me and we head back to the car, pile in and head home. When she pulls up out front, she doesn't park. Ali jumps out and opens the door to let Athena out. I go to follow but Sharon turns to me.

"Would you be able to stay in the car for a bit, Harvey? I was going to go pick us all up fish and chips but I'll need a hand with it all. Is that okay?"

"Uhh... yeah, sure. Okay."

"Come on and hop in the front."

So I do. I make sure to kiss Ali and tell him I love him as I clamber out and then back into the car. He smiles and says he loves me too before he heads in with Athena.

"Sorry about today. I imagine it wasn't exactly what you had in mind" Sharon says as we are suffering with roadworks induced traffic. I blink at her trying not to admit that it was possibly one of the most surreal things I'd ever had to deal with.

"I mean... as long as Ali is okay then I'm okay."

"It's okay, you can admit I shouldn't have asked you. Ali had just withdrawn so much and I think I know why."

I wait patiently for her to explain as she finally gets past the temporary lights.

"The last time he got that emotional... It was the first time we visited after he came out. He really regrets that he didn't get to tell his dad. I think sometimes he wonders if his dad would have hated him for it. Vic never would have. Not for a moment. Ali was his pride and joy. But there is a lot of guilt he carries for not coming out sooner and telling his dad in person. I had a suspicion it was going to be harder now he finally has someone who loves him and who he loves in return. I thought you being there would help him with that but I didn't consider what you would feel like and that was incredibly selfish of me."

I sighed before speaking.

"Okay, yeah it was pretty weird and awkward but... I'm still glad I went with you. One of the first times I stayed, Ali had a nightmare or something and I think it was about his dad."

"He hasn't had one of those in a while," Sharon replied quietly.

"You both miss him a lot huh?"

"We do" she clears her throat to not sound too emotional.

"Can I ask more about him?"

Sharon turns, teary eyed and smiles at me. A gentle hand on my knee as she speaks.

"Not today if that is alright. Ali may be more open to the conversation but I fear it might be a bit much for me."

"Yeah. I mean, no. Wait not no I mean... that's understandable" Okay great I'd gone into full babble mode but Sharon just laughed lightly.

"It's okay I know what you mean. And thank you, Harvey. Now come on. Let's get this food."