"I JUST can't understand why he would block me!" katie argued through the phone, waving both of her arms in the air. "i'm pretty sure it was her, i mean she has his account." i replied back, placing my phone down, facing the celling, and searching for my charger.

"she's such a little brat. i don't even know why louis likes her." katie added, writing something down on her diary. "whatcha writing down?" i asked, holding my phone with one hand and plugging the charger with the other. "how bitchy olivia is."

i laughed, laying down on my bed and pulling the covers to myself. the end of october happens to be very chilly.

i smiled to myself, thinking about how katie would literally kill her if she knew what she told me in the changing room.

"my mom's calling me for breakfast, i'll text you later." she added, cleaning her desk and waving at me. i blew her a kiss and ended the call.

for a few minutes, while i was facetiming katie, i forgot how lonely and depressed this house felt without him around. but it has been almost a month since they've been dating, it just reminds me that i'll never talk to him, and strangely it makes me feel good.

i sighed, turning my TV on as a background sound, a comfort noise, i don't know why.

i scrolled through instagram, seeing the new posts of olivia, mostly being about louis. i don't know why i still follow her, maybe i like to remind myself of her existence.

louis' post of a few hours ago popped on my screen, a picture of him, smiling, he's so pretty i can't even lie, but next to him olivia, kissing his cheek. i rolled my eyes and scrolled.

another picture of olivia popped on my screen, at this point all i wanted to do was to throw my phone off the window. i rolled my eyes, but still examining the first comments.

'lol i love facetune too!' i read katie's comments and slightly laughed, she always had to comments stuff. i laughed to another comments, i stopped laughing as a notification popped on my screen, followed by me furrowing my eyebrows.

•••
LOUIS
12:34pm

hey

well hello to u too
care to explain why youre
texting me now?

ive been busy

kissing olivia?
dont know and dont care

could you tell katie to stop
commenting on olivias posts

why

cause shes crying rn

why dont you tell katie
yourself

first i cant find her in my contacts
and second i assumed u could
since ur 'bffs'

first, yes we are and im proud
of it
second, no i wont bc its funny

seriously?
youre so childish

huh?

please just do it

no lol
and im pretty sure those arent
the only hate comments...

but theyre the most hurtful

pleaseee
i. dont. care.

you're such a bitch
seen.

•••

i almost gasped reading his comment. mostly because he never called me anything or even treated me like that, although i did now one day or another he would just explo, i didn't imagine it would be this soon.

i rolled my eyes, followed by another notification, this time making my face light up as i read 'hottie'.

•••
HOTTIE
12:45pm

y/n
can we meet up
i need to talk to u

uh sureee

i'll be there in five
seen.

•••

there was alot on my mind to process, i threw my head back from the edge of my bed, which i don't know how i got to. my hair touching the ground, i looked at my wardrobe who was half opened, trying to spot a outfit.

i ended uo by taking some black flared leggings and a oversized harvard hoodie, who was from lily. i sprayed a bit of perfume all over my body and brushed my teeths along with my hair.

i grabbed a tote bag, not knowing where he wanted to go, and walked downstairs, finding louis and olivia cuddling on the couch, he looked at me, looking a bit sad, and maybe disappointed.

i brushed that thought away, stepping out and surprisingly raising an eyebrow since liam was already there, walking back and forth, hands in pockets.

"hey." i said, making him look up and slightly smiled. "hey." he blurted out, stepping closer. he hugged me, wrapping both of his hands around my waist, pulling me closer.

i embraced him back, kissing his cheek and letting go. he offered me his arm, looking confident as always. i hit him and walked faster. "ouch y/n!"he yelled, coming after me.

•••

we've been walking for as long as i can remember, through the woods. i can tell it's very freezing but i can feel some sweat running down my back from walking non-stop.

"is this gonna take much longer?" i groaned, stepping on a branch as i looked around.

i looked up, seeing liam titling his head towards a big field, it was plain, alot of green and more chilly.

i stepped outside the woods, admiring the beautiful view in front of me, i wish i could woke up to this everyday, instead of having olivia banging in my door for breakfast.

i ran to the middle, feeling the cold breeze hit my warm skin, i pulled my sleeve down, covering the last bits of skin.

it looked plain, just plain really. it didn't really had anything really interesting to see or to do so i guess he really wants to talk.

"ugh i wish i could stay here forever." i groaned, watching the blonde boy walking closer, looking awfully stressed.

"you could just live here with your person." he answered, looking down at my feet, examining my whole body, ending up by giving me a smile.

"what, do you want for me to fall in love with a random boy?" i joked, obviously. letting out a small laugh.

he shook his head, my smile quickly faded away, knowing what he was talking about.

"no." i quickly let out, but he was already speaking.

"we've gotta talk about it." he cried, following me as i walked away. "it's no use to run away when i touch this subject." he continued, putting himself in front of me.

i looked away, clearly embarrassed to talk about this. "i have loved you ever since i've known you, y/n." he let out, moving his hands as he spoke- something that fascinated me about him. "i tried to show you but you wouldn't let me, which is fine. but i need an answer cause i cannot go on like this." he blurted, taking my hand but looking disappointed as i slowly pulled away.

"liam, i can't." i whispered, hopping he would ear me although the wind was loud. "i did all this cause.. you know i figured you'd love me y/n." he continued, gasping for breath. "i've tried liam, but it's no use. i can't change how i feel, liam." i added, feeling bad as i saw him rubbing his heart- he only did that when he was having panick attacks.

"im so sorry liam." i muttered, feeling a tear roll down my cheek. "i can't love anyone else, y/n. i only love you." liam cried out, this time stepping away. i looked away, not wanting to face this.

"it would be a disaster if we get together!" i continued, trying to find a way to end this conversation. he shook his head again, this time a bit more aggressively. "say yes, and let's be happy together y/n." he added, taking a step forwards and taking my hand in his.

"i can't say yes trully, so i'm not going to say it at all."

silence, something we used to have as a comfort noise, which had now become the worst thing. i looked at him, caressing his cheek with my hand and wiping his tears.

"i'm sorry." he finally spoke, breaking the awkward silence between us. i let out a breath, but quickly sighing as i watched him walk away.

i had no idea what to do, so i just walked home, in the opposite direction of him.

i don't see why i couldn't love him- even if i tried to. he's pretty, nice, comforts me and has never been mean to me. he's got everything most of people would try to find, but i denied him- i've truly tried.

•••

i walked home, wet. by now it had started raining, like most of days in london.

i unlocked the door, stepping outside and kicking my shoes off- which now were soaking wet.

"hey." i said to issie who was sitting in the counter on her phone, she replied with a 'hi' and i sat in the couch and took my phone out. i texted liam to make sure everything was okay.

•••
HOTTIE
1:56pm

hey..
liam im so sorry

•••

i sighed, he still hasn't opened my text after ten minutes, he usually opens it right away.

i turned the TV on, clearing my thoughts away. i played a random show that i wanted to watch for a long time and placed down the remote next to me.

•••

halfway through the movie and i already wanted to now the rest- it was really interesting. a widow woman trying to find who killed her husband, her new bestfriend seems sus...

i played the next episode, excitedly waiting to know the rest when i heard the door click. i turned around, spotting louis taking his coat off and hanging it. i rolled my eyes and kept watching- unfortunately he sat next to me.

"hey." he spoke. i didn't reply, instead i rolled my eyes. in the corner of my eye, i watched him take the remote and change the show to 'Sex Education.'

"im sorry but i was watching TV." i said, snatching the remote off his hand. "do you want a resumé of Sex education? just to catch up." he asked, totally ignoring my statement. "no thank you." i added. "well, the boy has been in love with the girl since the beginning, not the girl." he continued. i sighed, looking away. "he really did love her, but she was too blind to see." he added, looking deeply at me. i looked at him- knowing that this wasn't about Otis and Maeve but about us. "but he got a girlfriend when the girl found out about her feelings." i continued, this time turning the TV off. "but that's because she didn't show him any attention, so he had to move on. he always loved her. "

i looked away, meeting my eyes with issie', who was looking at us shocked. that was enough, i got up, took my belongings with me and went to my room. as soon as i entered it, i locked the door. quickly laying in my bed.

i opened instagram and scrolled through instagram, just to find a interesting olivia post.

•••

liked by sam.brown and 6k others!
shortgirlolivia just got dumped
tagged @louispartridge_

user disabled comments for this post.

•••

i turned my phone off and did the first thing i could've think of- call katie.

"wassup." she spoke through the speaker, adjusting her hair as she placed down her phone.

"louis broke up with olivia." i directly said, feeling a bit guilty about it.

"woah." she whispered, then bursted out laughing.

"and i also rejected liam." as soon as those words left my mouth, a blank silence was plastered on the call.

"i'm still trying to process what you just said." she spoke, rubbing her eyes.

"i don't know why i did-"

"you did what was the best." she interrupted me, crossing her arms.

"why do you think so?" i asked.

"because you love louis, obviously."

i took a time to reflect on her words, of course i did, but months ago, not now, i thought.

"no, i don't." i said.

"then why would you reject liam? he is perfect."

"he is, i'll call you later."

and with that i ended the call, staring at a white spot on my ceiling, trying to figure out my feelings.

it's like devils and angels fighting. my brain doesn't want for me to like him, but my heart does. while they're debating, i rethink about everything and everyone. maybe some choices could've been made different, if i had chosen another family to keep me for a year, i could've have more motivation to no everything.

even if it was obvious- i did love him, for the past months i've been here, i learned to hate- perhaps i never really did- and love him. i think it's beautiful, watching a movie and slowly watching the main characters falling in love. i got to see myself falling. but when you fall, there's no way you get up again.

'i fell in love." it feels weird to say it out loud, maybe not weird, maybe comforting, i don't know what i feel when i say it, so i don't know if i'll feel it when i say it.

that's the point, i've read too much books, and it's always the same end- the perfect ever after- but this is another reality, it doesn't always end like fairytales, and i'm starting to wonder if this is how we should end like- strangers, but with memories.

word count - 2564

AUTHOR'S NOTE— hellou

the parallels ffbvxnhfhjh

i feel so bad for leaving liam:( justice for liam guys!!