Let's start with a casual, "Hello"

I don't think I would really consider myself 'normal'.
But, let's be honest.
I don't think most of us would consider ourselves normal considering what the definition of 'normal' is in humanity.

I'm just going to get this out of the way before I say anything else:
Thank you guys so much. You guys mean so much to me. You bring the positivity I'm not able to create in my own head.

Now, let's talk deep shit.
Like I said before, I'm not normal.
I suffer from depression.

"Oh yeah, boo hoo so do I" you might be thinking.

I'm not here to make you feel sorry for me. I'm here to tell you that I relate if you are dark-minded like I am.

I'm a deep thinker. Sometimes I think a little too much.
I've come to terms with myself that I'm going to be completely honest with you all and admit the things I only tell certain people that I know in real life.

My thoughts have been scrambled, and I'm in the point of my life where I'm so confused that I can't even remember who I am.

I'm glad that I can make others happy through my stories, though.

Speaking of which, I bet you guys are wondering how I came up with this story.
-mumbles- probably not but whatever I'll tell you anyway...

Honestly, I have no idea.
I've always been a fan of fictional torture.
Not in the gorey bloody way.
Mental torture. Probably because I'm so used to the concept every day.
Used to being mentally tortured.
My favorite part when I write is that I can have people notice when the characters are struggling.
That's the funny thing.
The most fictional thing about my fanfiction is that people notice when you're in pain.
They notice when you're hurting and you don't even have to confront them.

I prefer to have the characters I can either relate to more or characters that I can put myself into their perspective to be hurt.
I like to see the other character in the relationship who isn't hurt mourn them, or try to help their love in any way possible.
Twisted, I know. But I can't help myself.

Maybe the reason my plots are as some of you say 'the best' is because I bring out the darker more heart-wrenching scenarios.

Oddly enough, all of my plots are very similar to each other, just different things happen. The base idea of what will happen is the same, however.

Having characters become evil is also a thing with me. When I was a kid, I always loved the evil villains. I loved imagining I was the villain's kid.
Being able to do whatever you want and still be safe from the villain's wrath.

...

Anyways...

I started writing when I was
(wait for it)

-deep breath-

In kindergarten
Unbelievable, I know

I started writing technically three times.

In kindergarten, I made this little booklet with poorly-drawn animals.
All I did was write the names of the animals underneath. I couldn't remember half of the names and I probably spelled them wrong.

The next year (first grade) I made this weird scroll-like story. About three paragraphs about who-knows-what.
There was this scheduled 'reading time' thing, and I was proud of myself (which was rare for me even at that age) and I kept rereading my gibberish.
So my teacher got annoyed when I didn't read a 'real' book.
I started putting it away, and rolling up that 'scroll' was hard af for little me. I was rolling it up and my teacher shouted at me again.

Hold up, so you know those colored card things that show your behavior or like, clothespins they had in gradeschool?
Yeah.
She told me to flip my card.
I was finally done by the time she yelled at me to flip my card again. (like, at first flip it from green to yellow but now flip it to red)
So yeah, that was a fun day.
I stopped writing ever since then. My pride was crushed -sniff- (fuck you Mrs. Gunty)

The next time I 'started' writing was during like fourth or fifth grade?
I made this story called 'Kaylin Sparks'. It was like a diary of a wimpy kid but without cartoons and basically a seventh grader bitching about life and small issues that are all her fault.
I finished the short story, but it's terrible and the grammatical errors -cringe-

I still have the story printed, but since we have a new pc (gaming yeet yeet) and we don't have the program that I wrote it on, I can't show you guys. I also had this sequel to the story or something. I didn't finish it lols. I don't even remember what it was about since I didn't print out that one.

I stopped writing after THAT.

And lastly, I was really into reading fanfics in 7th grade. I was reading this "Michael Vey" series that I had gotten into because my language teacher read it to the class everyday and for a whole class period sometimes because the class loved the series so much.
As stated before, I like the dark stuff. Becoming OP is my thing. (Though, writing online restricts it because then you sound like a douche. I still have some works that I don't publish because they make no sense since being OP can sometimes confuse things and make things seem unfair but now I'm rambling so...)
So for months I kept trying to find an "Evil Michael" plot.
I got so frustrated because it didn't exist.
So, I created the first (yes, I claim first fight me) Evil Michael plot.
That was the first story on this profile.
I made a few stories about Michael Vey for a while, then I thought, "Why not share the love with Steven Universe?"
And after a while, my writing style changed about four times.
And here we are.

Here's my personal life:

I'm fourteen years old, going to turn fifteen in late February.
I was an outcast when I was in kindergarten-sixth grade.
When there was recess, I walked the blacktop (the driveway-thing in the back and front of the school). Sometimes I was offered to play hopscotch or jump rope.
I hated that stuff.
That was basically my life for about three years. (K-2nd)
When I was in third grade, there was this game called 'Boys V Girls'. Original, right?

I got 'captured' and was pinned against a poll by invisible handcuffs.
I remember sorta what I said to that kid.
"Can I join you" or "I'll join you"

The kid thought about it for a while, then he said sure.
I was basically the only girl on the team of guys in guys v girls.
I went by 'fang' (hey, gimme a break)
We basically 'shot' each other with a bunch of imaginary guns and blew each other up with invisible nukes.

Good times.

I played a lot of this one mythological game at that time as well, which is why I love mythology so much. Around that time I discovered horoscopes as well because when I played the Sims games I didn't know what it meant when they said "ask [sim name] her sign" or something.
Then I got really interested and basically that's why I love horoscopes. Naturally falling in love with them.
Anyways, because of the mythological game (Age of Mythology. Basically another version of Age of Empires but with a Cerberus titan and god powers)
I still play it to this day btw.)) I used my knowledge to be an evil-doer in our recess game.

My imagination ran wild with evil plots and schemes even before I played that game.

The next year, the lunch aids (hate them smh) said it was 'too dangerous' to play with AIR basically.
Yes, we did tackle and wrestle around, but that was when you got 'captured'.

We had an ARMY of like twelve kids on our team.

Anyways, the same thing happened in fifth grade where they got sick of us but we played behind their backs still. But we were parting ways and going to different middle schools.

Fifth grade I met this one girl. She was odd, but I was a relatively friendly person.
She walked strange, still does to this day.

She loved pokemon and played with this one kid who ended up having a crush on this one other friend in eighth grade (I'll get to that later)

We got to know each other a little better. We went with the flow. We had a weird friendship. We got along, but we argued a lot at the same time.
We had sleepovers almost every weekend.
I was especially glad when fifth grade ended mainly because I went to this 'vacation bible camp' that sucked assssss.
I met this one girl. She was slim, goofy, fun to be around. Apparently I met her in kindergarten at some sort of charity banquet where I got this spongebob blanket (I still use it to this day for some reason. It's a solid blanket)
She was going to move away in fourth grade (sorry for jumping all over the place) or some time close to that so she gave me this necklace as a sign of our friendship. I never wore it mainly because I didn't wear jewelry. It wasn't anything personal it just wasn't what I did.

At the end of seventh grade she moved back. But that was where things got messy.
She gained quite a bit of weight. Not being rude, it was very noticeable.
She was a different person.
She told me she suffered from depression and lots of things I hadn't really been too exposed to.
She told me not to tell anyone because it was a secret and personal. I respected that and kept my mouth closed.
When she got to school however, it seemed like just anyone was her best friend. I was pretty hurt. She told a lot of people. She seemed as if she just told people to get sympathy and become her friend. Lots of people noticed there was something odd with her as well. That was when I gave up on keeping my mouth shut about the depression. She told a bunch of people she just met, so I didn't feel like it was a secret at that point. I didn't shout that she had depression to the whole school, but I wouldn't feel inclined to keep my mouth shut if someone asked me.

A few months later, there were these gossiping girls that friend I had sleepovers all the time with was friends with.
Let's just call the bully... Holly.
That's not her real name, the first letter is just similar.
So Holly was a trouble maker. She talks behind people's backs. Cliche and casual female bully.

Since I was better friends with the friend of Holly, and frankly the girl that I met at summer camp was confusing me and weirding me out, I sided with her.

That's where things got messy.
I'm an honest person. I'm not saying that so you'll agree with me. I'm just saying that I don't mean any harm when I talk about others. I don't make up bs. I tell people how I feel and what actually happens. That's the only way you get accurate reactions and real friendships.
I told her about the summer camp girl and what happened.
Then she said straight to my face that she wanted to make up a story and tweak my memories and what the summer camp girl said to me.

I never spread any rumors. I never made any of them up. I even told the summer camp girl what was going on on my side of the situation.
But the time I told her, she told me she would attack Holly physically with a knife and that her step-dad (a cop) would help her.
I didn't believe the cop part because that was just... not how the world works.
Regardless
That time, I was freaking out. I had no idea what to do.
I told my mom the next day, and then her mom apologized and they started dealing with the summer camp girl for a while.

When I told some people about it and why they should be weary of her, she completely denied the whole story.
That was when I got pissed.
She 'swears to god' that she tells the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
BULLLLLLLLLLLLshit.
I'm not saying that I do exactly what she claims either.
I don't 'lie'. I leave things out.
That's just who I am.
I only lie if I don't care enough about you to tell the truth.
But when I'm justifying myself to society, I get my facts straight.

She claimed that 'they threw the first stone' which doesn't justify any of her plans to hurt them with a blade of any kind.

Holly's friend kept going with the gossiping.
Between those moments of Holly's friend and summer camp girl at each other's necks, Holly's friend and I were having problems of our own.
I had this weird thing where I liked to study human reactions. I could literally change any emotion I wanted to with a snap of my finger because I would never be 'truly' happy for a long period of time.
In the middle of sentences, I'd always go into that dark corner in my head and leave reality. I did that in kindergarten too. I know this because I hung out with one girl in kindergarten and did it twice when we hung out (we only hung out twice ironically. But not because she thought I was creepy.)

Anyways, in eighth grade when things toned down, I thought "how does [Holly's friend's name] deal with cyber trolls?"
(she wasn't exposed to the internet as well as I was back then)
So, I, as usual, took it too far and ended up making her cry.

Now, let me tell you this:
When I told her stuff as the troll, I was sloppy on purpose, because I thought it'd be a quick in-and-out.
But being my self-hating self, I ended up acting like I was talking to myself rather than talking to her. So I said things I didn't mean. Things went downhill.

After clearing that up for a while, we got a little better.
I opened up to her for the first time. I told her that I was having depressed thoughts. I had them since I was in sixth grade, I just didn't admit it to myself. They weren't strong enough to be recognized even by myself.

But then, the morning after opening up... (Mind you, she was the first and only person that I've ever told and I was really sensitive and I didn't even say anything about killing myself.)
I wake up to my mom frickin staring at me as she sits on my bed (I fuckin was creeped tf out I don't like having even my parents watch me sleep it's creepy af. If you're not someone I'm IN love with, don't watch me sleep)
For about a month she thinks I'm gonna commit. (Luckily it's not so bad that she hides knives but still)
I didn't care if I'd regret anything at that moment. I even told myself that I'd regret it at that moment. But I didn't care. I got so pissed. I got so pissed that I just wanted to scream at that girl.

We had issues before, but this time I had it. I regretted opening up. I learned that if I open up, my mom will think I'm going to commit suicide. So I shut my mouth about anything for the whole year. The only times I'd open up would be with random people on the internet since they can't impact your life. They will forget everything you say, or won't care like people irl.
It felt good to let things out. But I didn't have closeness when I ranted. It still felt good though.

For exactly eight months I tried to apologize for going berserk on her. I don't even know why. I didn't feel any sort of real connection. I guess I was just really used to having her in my life that it felt weird without her. It wasn't like I trusted her to such a great extent. I didn't trust anyone to a great extent.

That summer, I went to summer school. I finally realized what bands I liked since I never really had a favorite. Set it Off helped me feel better. It made me feel less alone.
It expressed anger, hatred, revenge, and abandonment unlike other bands. Blink 182 is great as well.

Of course, that girl was going to summer school there as well.
I finally made amends with her after eight friggin months trying to do that exact thing.

We talked a bit. She was way different. She used to be more of a tomboy, but now she's a complete girly girl.
Mind you, I never get along with them. I've only gotten along with one true girly girl, and she's not that girl.

Anyways, when we finally talked, we made small talk on the bus. She called "Set it Off" the 'pop' version of Panic At The Disco.
That just infuriated me.
I didn't go out on her but I still got pissed.
Then she said "Green Day is better"

Not
"I THINK green day is better"
We were talking about Blink 182 btw

She said "Green Day IS better"
I got mad mostly because those songs were there for me when nobody else was (along with YouTubers. Mainly my roll models Markiplier and Jacksepticeye. Such great people...)

So, yeah. I stopped trying to connect with her after that. I just was done with it all.

I still had thoughts nagging in the back of my head blaming myself.
When I told the story to other friends, I made it sound like it was 100% my fault.
It felt like it.
But after thinking it over so many times, I finally realized our friendship was bound to break.

We just weren't compatible as we grew up.

Highschool...

I met these two girls. I met one girl in science (she was also in my math but I'm a dumb dumb and didn't realize that until later) and we talked a bit. I was glad to make a friend, but I was still really self-conscious about... everything.

I was my typical friendly self. I joked around. Everything was okay. It was better than most days.
Then a few days later, I saw her next to a pillar on her phone listening to music as I stood by the math door (first period class) since I didn't have anything better to do.

I walked up to her to say hi. Being awkward af, I was only mentally prepared to talk to one person. I walked up to her, but BEHIND the pillar was another girl.
And she looked chill af and way too cool for me to talk to.
So as I walked, I was internally screaming and shouting
"SHIT FUCK NOPE FML ABORT ABORT" buttttttt then we made eye contact and at that point I just wanted to die and turn around but I didn't.

Good thing too. We were pretty chill with each other.

Then we went to this school football game. I hadn't been social in like... a year so I didn't really remember a lot of the vines, memes, nor did I care. I lived under a rock because I basically just gave up on life.

But that day...
Man...

That day changed everything.

I hadn't felt any positive emotions in years. Pure positive moments were foreign.
Smiles were legit.
Laughter was real.
But I literally felt nothing but sadness, anger, and pure depression.

But that one day I wasn't able to go into that deep corner in my mind like how I said I did in kindergarten. For the first time I was too happy to do that.

I felt so free.

Ever since meeting them I've been the happiest I've never been.

But emotions are complicated.
And I for some reason felt like I could trust mainly one of the girls with anything. I don't understand why, but I did. I felt like I could. So I did.
It didn't take long for me to grow feelings for the two.

I still felt alone in my head but...
When I talked about deep things with her, I didn't feel so alone.
The two were real. They were fucking real.
They sounded real, they acted real, they didn't sugar coat they were just fucking real.

I love them.

I enjoyed their company greatly, but I still have irrational and rational fears being the overly self-conscious person I am.

I'm still depressed, but for different reasons.
I torture myself with my thoughts. It's not like I can help it. It's not like anyone can stop them. But being close to that one girl makes me happy.
I like to talk to the other girl a lot too, but I haven't really opened up to her yet. I will some day. I can be sure of that. I just don't know when.

There's a lot more in-depth detail of my feelings towards those two friends, but I won't make these things complicated.

So yeah.
That's