Here I am sitting on this bed that has probably had countless bodies lie on it, sleeping, dong 'things' in it. It's disgusting really, laying on this bed knowing I'm not the first one, in all honesty if it wasn't for all the emotions running through me due to this song I'd jump right off of this bed. Upon my arrival into this institute all I felt was the loathsome lonely feeling I had, the kind you get when you arrive somewhere and you are all by yourself. I got to the dorm I was suppose to stay in, right after the dreadfully long registration process that just further rubbed the fact that I am now in varsity in my face. the dorm was relatively nicer then expected yes, I was mostly expecting some prison like looking place. the fact that it did not look like a person however did not in any way alter the distasteful feeling I had for the place. When I got to the room I put my bags down and looked at the bed...

So back to the song I'm listening to (so I got to the room unpacked my things in the hopes of feeling at home. The bed looked like my bed at home, but it was not, it wasn't even half as comfy). I decided to listen to music to drown out the sound of chatter that I was hearing in the hall way. the first song to pop up on my playlist on my laptop was 'lay me down' by Sam Smith. Listening to it I fond myself swaying about on the chair I was sitting on .

At some point as has become apparent to me, I ended up on the god-forsaken bed staring at the ceiling whilst clasping my butterfly pillow within my arms. Singing along to the lyrics. That possessive feeling of flooding emotions ignited by sorrow filling my entire being. Honest speak, I cant possibly say what causes such deep sorrow to fill me non the less who the cause is, considering the fact that I've never been in love before (I would need to have a boyfriend to love) so i couldn't possibly be able to relate to the song I was listening to, but damn what can i say the lyrics hit you hard. 

... We can leave it all to a phantom emotion of my non existent boyfriend that I never had and hope to never have. I am the kind of person that attempts to avoid heart break at all costs really. However I cant say I have not entertained the though of me being in a relationship. Having someone who loves me. Someone to take me out on a date. 

Dates are pretty much the main thing i find myself daydreaming about. Especially when I listen to sad romantic songs like the one that I'm listening to now. "Can i lay by your side" I'd wish to say that to someone. We would go on long walks on the beach... No no we would go watch a movie. No that's not right that's too cheesy, i would really rather go to the top of a high building (me being afraid of heights) and there we would have dinner with my heart racing terrified of the thought of falling. We would work on our fears together, you know in that 'I'm here for you babe' kind of way  were i know that around him I'm safe. That would be the perfect date. One that is not conventional or common. 

After having dinner we could lay side by side, on the floor and talk about random things. No blankets required just the two of us side by side arm against arm the earth below us as we speak of the most random things. That would be perfect. Just perfection. I'm a simple kind of person, I don't require much no extravagance just simplicity required. Me and him spending time together, bettering each other, building each other through the love we would have for each other. 

Maybe later we could drive away and find a spot high up to watch some view. I'm afraid of heights, yes ofcorse... but I'd still want to see the view if I was with someone whom i love. Not really for the sake of enjoyment, but to be with someone who I care about high up where no one an see us. just the two of us high together. Perhaps we would kiss. 

I don't know really how to. But if i were to be with someone high up next to what can be considered to be a beautiful view, I'd probably kiss him. I've never kissed anyone before but I would kiss him. It will probably be sloppy and disgusting on my behalf but I'd do it.. 

I'm knocked back into reality when the song ends putting an end to my weird day dream.