A/N
Hey guys, so this is part two of What Came After - a massive thanks to Bucky_is_life for the suggestion!

I hope you enjoy!

Jim breathed in deeply as he woke, Spock's alluring, spicy scent all over the pillow that he currently had his face buried in.

A grin broke out across his face as he hugged the pillow closer, just before flipping onto his back and throwing his arm in the direction that he knew Spock would be lying.

Except...... He wasn't there.

Jim sat up in panic, relaxing again when he saw Spock standing at the end of the bed.

However his relief quickly turned back to panic when he noticed the stiff set to his shoulders, his hands clasped behind his back and his blank, distant expression.

The only emotion that he could detect in the Vulcans eyes was a soul crushing sadness, which Spock was obviously attempting to hide with his emotionless mask.

"Spock? What's wrong?" He asked, standing and taking a few steps towards him, stopping when he simply retreated in response.

"Spock?" He repeated, confused and trying to hide his growing worry with little success.

"I apologise" was all Spock replied with, his gaze drifting over Jim's shoulder.

"What for?" The sense of forbidding was growing but he tried to shake it off, he was probably just imagining things. He sure hoped that he was just imagining things.

"Last night"

Spock's lips flattened into a tight line and Jim's heart sank, a lump growing in his throat.

He forced a laugh anyway, his heart pounding painfully in his chest as his mind tried to deny what it knew Spock was saying.

"Spock, we talked about this. It was fine." Spock was shaking his head before Jim had even finished, dashing his hopes and drowning his silent prayers.

"I was not in my right state of mind at any point last night. I meditated extensively on the matter as you slept and have come to the only logical conclusion. Apart from the complete illogic of what occurred, there are many other reasons as to why it cannot possibly continue. Despite the fact that you are no longer acting Captain and I have temporarily been relieved of my duties as First Officer, once back on earth you shall undoubtedly receive a promotion, making you my superior officer. However, more importantly, I have a duty to my people. With Vulcan destroyed and so many dead my race is now endangered, it is my duty to find a compatible, Vulcan female bondmate to assist in repopulation. Therefore I must express my sincerest apologies and ask that you forgive me. Last night was my mistake, if you wish to file a report I shall not deny what I have done to you."

Jim's mouth was unbearably dry, the lump in his throat had doubled and his stomach felt like he had just plunged off a cliff without a safety rope.

"Please, Spock, don't" he begged quietly, hating his desperateness. Before last night he hadn't even fully realised that he wanted Spock, and now he was begging him not to leave.

"I am sorry, Jim." For a split second, so brief that Jim almost missed it, Spock's mask fell slightly and he could see the absolute pain in Spock's eyes. Then the mask was restored and Spock's face became emotionless again.

But Jim had seen it, and he knew what it meant. Spock didn't want this either.

"Spock, why are you doing something that's just going to hurt us both?" Jim tried again and Spock closed his eyes for a brief moment before looking down.

"I am sorry" was his only response, and Jim's shoulders slumped in defeat.

"I wish we had just stayed awake last night. I should have listened when you were worrying about things being different." Jim choked out past the lump in his throat, sitting down unsteadily on the edge of the bed.

"Jim," Spock took half a step in his direction before faltering and Jim shook his head, letting out a strangled laugh.

"It's okay, really Spock. I should have known you wouldn't stay. People never do"

"Jim, do not say that. I am sure that you will soon find someone worthy of your affections. Anyone would be privileged to be able to call you theirs."

Jim wasn't looking at Spock anymore but he could hear the pain in his voice at the mention of him being with another.

"I guess that's what you'll do, huh? You'll quickly find someone else who'll love you. I guess there's a line of willing Vulcans for you to choose from, isn't there? Commander Spock. I'll bet some would kill to be with you."

Jim closed his eyes, trying desperately to banish the thought of dozens of beautiful Vulcans attempting to catch Spock's eye, of Spock selecting one and starting a family - the family that Jim could never give him.

"Negative. It shall not be easy finding a bondmate willing to tolerate my human heritage." Spock's voice was quiet and Jim let out a bark of unamused laughter.

"Yeah. Didn't think of that. Course they wouldn't want your part human babies. Cause that's all that really matters to Vulcans huh? The ability to 'repopulate'" Jim stated coldly, looking up just in time to catch the look of surprise on Spock's face, followed by sudden understanding and what looked like a glimmer of hope.

"Indeed, I failed to include that in my calculations. My children would not be fully Vulcan, the others would not want that. They might even prefer..... Jim, I apologise, I require further meditation on the subject." The glimmer of hope grew on Spock's face as he spoke, and when he finished he promptly sat down on the floor, crossed his legs and closed his eyes.

"Wait, what, Spock!" Jim groaned in frustration at the unresponsive Vulcan.

"Jeez, thanks for that. Kill my happiness by going full, tight-assed Vulcan on me, semi get my hopes up again - AND THEN START MEDITATING BECAUSE YOU GIVE ZERO FUCKS ABOUT HOW FUCKING CONFUSED I AM AND DOM'T CARE HOW MUCH IT FUCKING HURTS"

Yelling at Spock was really quite pointless because he was meditating and couldn't hear Jim, and it didn't really make him feel any better either.

Jim stood up again on shaking legs and moved to kneel opposite Spock, sighing in defeat as he realised that Spock meant more to him then anyone he had ever been involved with, and this was after only knowing him a few days at most.

"Oh Spock, what have you done to me?" He whispered as his heart skipped a beat and his stomach started doing loop-the-loops.

His hand itched to reach out and touch Spock, to sooth his already perfect hair, to ease the lines creasing his forehead.

He managed to hold back, Spock may or may not be currently reconsidering his decision, and if he wasn't or if he decided that he was right the first time, then Jim really didn't want to make it any worse then it already was.

He briefly wondered how long Spock would be meditating for, and deciding it would probably take a while he grabbed his PADD, lay down on the bed and started filling out the report that Pike requested for the rescue mission that had ended in Nero's defeat.

.................

Jim was right, and he was just finishing up his report a few hours later when Spock finally stirred.

"Jim?"

Spock unfolded himself and stood in one fluid movement and Jim looked up warily, putting the PADD aside and sitting up.

"Spock" he said flatly and Spock's eyes closed briefly. "I apologise for my sudden meditation. I missed a few important facts earlier and had to re-evaluate."

"Uh-huh. What were the results?" Jim tried to make his voice cold and emotionless, but it was kinda hard while he was looking at Spock.

Spock hesitated, something unreadable flickering across his face.

Jim let out a huff of annoyance, looking up at the ceiling. "Come on Spock, lets have it. Don't worry, I can take it"

He had been mentally steeling himself for further rejection while doing the report, but the sting of what he knew was coming still hurt. It hurt a lot.

The bed shifted as Spock sat down next to him and he looked over in surprise. Spock's expression was uncertain and afraid, but hopeful at the same time.

"I have decided that..... I would very much like to kiss you again. If you are willing" he said quietly, looking down as Jim's eyes widened.

"You mean.... You changed your mind?" he asked incredulously, trying not to let his hope grow too much just incase he was wrong, and failing epically.

"Indeed." Spock replied. "As I stated before, there were several important facts that I neglected to consider while making my earlier decision. One is that it is highly unlikely that Vulcans as a whole would want me tainting the already dwindling population with my partly human blood. More importantly, as a hybrid there is no guarantee that I am even fertile, in fact it is more likely that I am sterile. A fact that really should have occurred to me earlier. I am also ashamed to admit that I am selfish, this is mostly why it took me so long to come to my earlier decision. I desire you, Jim, and now that I know what it is like to have you, I do not know how long I would be able to resist you for. If I was not immediately bonded and we were assigned to the same ship I doubt that I would be able to resist you for very long. It is highly illogical to avoid the inevitable."

Spock's eyes burned with intensity and Jim shivered under his gaze. "But what if you change your mind again? I don't think I could handle that Spock." He whimpered and Spock's gaze softened further.

"Jim, I am so sorry for attempting to leave you. I was trying to do the logical thing, and because I know it is selfish to do what I want rather than what I should do. However now that I have made this decision I shall not change it. I do not believe that I would be able to."

Jim was silent, processing the information while Spock gazed at him pleadingly.

"Dammit Spock, just kiss me already" he said at last and Spock's eyes lit up as he leaned over to oblige.

It was a slow kiss and Spock was clearly still trying to get used to the sensation, but Jim felt like he had been sent straight to heaven.

He had been positive that he would never get to feel Spock again, his soft lips, his gentle hands, his comforting warmth.

He lifted his hands and sought out Spock's, intertwining their fingers and drawing a quite gasp from Spock.

Jim smiled into Spock's mouth and tugged on his hands, breaking the kiss as he flopped onto his back and pulled Spock down on top of him.

Spock let out a soft noise of surprise as he fell, his entire weight landing on Jim as he lost his balance.

He appeared to recover quickly and propped himself up on his elbows, gazing down at Jim with confusion written all over his face.

"Is there a purpose to this new position?" Spock asked and Jim smirked, holding back a shiver as Spock's eyes darkened and raked over his face. "Not that I am complaining." He added darkly as his eyes continued their examination.

"Ha, you like this even better, don't you?" Jim asked with a chuckle and Spock purred in agreement.

"Indeed. You look especially pleasing like this, so obviously mine." He sighed in what sounded like satisfaction, before dipping his head and pressing a light kiss to the hickey that he had made the previous night.

"Mine" he growled again as he sniffed around Jim's neck, thankfully being careful around the fading bruises.

"Yes Spock, yours" Jim muttered, gripping one of Spock's elbows with one hand and knotting the other one in his silky hair.

Then Spock's lips were on his again and he was lost to the absolute bliss of how whole - how complete - he felt.

They could have been kissing for hours, or it could have been days, but it was still too soon when Spock finally pulled back and sat up, shifting away from Jim and leaning against the bed head.

"Spock?" Jim asked as he sat up too, slightly concerned at Spock's abrupt retreat.

"Apologies, I just require a moment." Spock's eyes were closed and he was panting quickly, clearly trying to get his breath back.

Jim grinned in delight and crawled over to him. "I'm so glad you changed your mind." He murmured, looping his arms around Spock's neck and pressing their foreheads together.

"So am I, Jim. I'm so sorry that I tried to leave." Spock's eyes fluttered open and he lifted his hand to Jim's face, trailing his long fingers up and down his jaw bone.

"S'okay. Just, please don't do it again" he replied before hesitating. "How are you holding up?"

Spock's hand stilled and he drew in a sharp breath. "I am content while I am with you, holding you. However I can still feel it. I can feel all the losses. It hurts." He admitted quietly and lowered his eyes, "I can feel it in here, and here." He added, tapping his head and then his side - right above his heart before closing his eyes and turning his head away in shame.

"You lost so much, you don't need to be ashamed. I'm here, and it will get easier, I promise." Jim's heart clenched at Spock sad expression, and the Vulcan looked up in surprise.

"My.... Emotions, do not bother you?" Spock questioned uncertainly and Jim shook his head firmly.

"Of course not, Spock. It's important that you share your feelings sometimes, otherwise they just bottle up and you'll feel even worse. I'll always be here when you want to talk and I welcome your thoughts and feelings. Besides, we're together. It would be a shitty relationship if you felt like you couldn't share your emotions with me."

Spock's eyes glistened and he lowered his head. "Thank you, Ashaya. I.... I never thought that I would be able to find someone like you. I have spent my entire life thinking....... hoping, that someday I might be able to find someone who could tolerate my human blood. I never dared hope for someone who would accept my human side. That is what the other children used to say. That anyone I bonded with would be ashamed of me. That I would never have a willing bondmate. That I was a weak, emotional human. That I was a freak. Now they are probably all dead, and I can only feel sadness and regret."

Jim's heart ached as Spock revealed his fears and the taunts that he received as a child.

The knife in his heart twisted as he remembered his own cruel words not so long ago with sharp clarity.

"I'm sorry, Spock, I'm so sorry" He whispered, taking one of his hands and pressing their foreheads together.

"It was a long time ago, and I have you now"

"Yeah. Yeah, you do" Jim brushed his thumb across Spock's knuckle and soothed his hair.

"I would like to resume kissing you now" Spock muttered shyly, touching Jim's waist with his free hand.

"Ok Spock," Jim muttered and touched their lips together once more.

............

Hours later they lay together, Spock's body spooning Jim's perfectly.

A wide grin was fixed on Jim's face, and it only grew as Spock yawned and nuzzled his face against his hair.

"Tired, Commander?" He teased and Spock twisted their legs together, nudging his foot.

"Affirmative. I did not sleep for long last night." Spock replied, his hand seeking out one of Jim's and intertwining their fingers.

"Huh, that's weird, you were pretty tired. Why did you wake up?"

Spock shifted uncomfortably. "I woke when you turned away from me, when we ceased touching."

"Ah, sorry about that. I'm a pretty restless sleeper" Jim apologised, squeezing Spock's hand lightly.

"You do not need to apologise for the way you sleep. I could have easily adjusted my own position."

Spock's grip on Jim tightened and Jim let out a sigh of contentment. He could definitely get used to the idea of spending at least some of his free time like this.

He twisted his hand in Spock's and stroked his long fingers slowly, revelling in the soft noises of appreciation that Spock let out in response.

"J-Jim!" Spock gasped in his ear as he explored the Vulcan's sensitive hand thoroughly.

"Mhmm, you like that, don't you Spock?" He smirked, leaning back into Spock as the Vulcan arched against him.

"Oh Ashayam, you have no idea how good that feels" Spock whimpered and Jim tilted his head back, smiling.

"Oh, I think that I might have some idea Spock," he muttered, kissing Spock as much as he could with the awkward angle that his neck was twisted at.

Jim felt Spock's lips twitching upwards and chuckled before becoming more serious.

"Spock? Do you think that it will always be like this between us? Like, assuming we do stay together, will things always be like this? Or will we be like most couples and just start taking each other for granted or something? I don't want to be like that."

Spock gently flipped Jim so that they were face to face again. "I do not think that I will ever be able to take you for granted, my Jim. You are too.... Unique. I do not believe that you will ever cease to amaze me."

Jim's smile came back full-force as Spock reached up and stroked his cheek lovingly. "Me either" he stated warmly. "I don't know what it is about you.... You're, different I guess. But in a good way, definitely a good way."

Spock's face, which had fallen when Jim mentioned that he was different, lit up again.

Spock yawned again and moved closer, nuzzling around Jim's collar bone and wrapping himself around Jim as tightly as possible without hurting him.

"Go to sleep Spock, and if I do accedently move away again, just pull my ass back," Jim laughed and felt Spock's chest rumbling with a silent chuckle.

"Very well Ashayam. I love you, always"

Jims heart soared at the words and the way Spock snuggled closer.

"I love you too Spock, God, I'll never stop loving you"