"How can you help someone who doesn't think they need to be helped? Who thinks they're a hopeless case?" Roseanne asked Joy with a sigh as she glanced over at Gabe who was in between Wendy's legs as they played Mario Kart together, Wendy determined to beat the four year old.

Joy looked away from Wendy and Gabe and back to Roseanne. "Is this about Lisa?" she asked.

Roseanne nodded as she ran a hand through her hair. "She just... she thinks she can't let go of the circus because of this stupid legacy. But she doesn't want to be in the circus anymore... she's done. She leaves in three days, Joy. And I feel like if I let her go... I'll lose her. I don't know if I can handle her living this life she clearly doesn't want to live. I want to help her... but she's so stubborn and tries to make it seem like it's not a bad thing. It is. The circus is destroying her. And I don't even think she fully accepts that fact."

Joy hummed as she leaned forward. "Have you tried talking to her about it?"

Roseanne sighed. "So many times. But she dismisses it so quickly." She shook her head.

"Then I think she knows exactly what the circus is doing to her. But she's stuck. The circus is all she knows, Roseanne." Joy told her. "She's never had control over her life and she's afraid of having it."

"But..." Roseanne chewed on her lip. "She has me... I'm something she knows too..."

Joy smiled tightly. "Sometimes, having a person be there for you is not enough to dissipate whatever you're feeling."

Roseanne sighed. "I wish it could be enough." She mumbled. "I just... I just want her to talk to me. Be honest and talk to me."

Joy hummed before leaning closer to Roseanne. "This is probably not good advice, but it works." She whispered.

Roseanne raised an eyebrow before nodding. "Okay... what is it?"

"You know, they always say that the best way to get anyone to be honest is by getting them drunk." Joy said.

Roseanne was surprised by the advice and raised an eyebrow. "That's probably the most fucked up suggestion you've ever given me, but it's surprisingly true."

Joy shrugged. "You don't have to do it. But if you want answers, it'd probably help to get her drunk and have her say what she refuses to say sober."

Roseanne nodded. "Yeah... well... I feel like I have no other option but to do that." she sighed. "Will it work?"

"Sometimes, it's better to not know. The unknown is scary, but it's better to not know it than to know everything. Knowing everything only causes more anxiety." Joy shrugged. "Sometimes all you gotta do is hope the world doesn't bite you in the ass this time around."

————————-

Lisa smiled as she crawled over to Roseanne who was writing in a notebook on her bed. "Whatcha writing there?" she whispered, kissing Roseanne's jaw.

Roseanne hummed. "Give me a second before you seduce me." She mumbled.

Lisa giggled and kissed Roseanne's lips gently. "And how do you know I didn't already?" she smirked.

Roseanne rolled her eyes. "Shut up." she chuckled.

Lisa smiled before wrapping her arms around Roseanne. "Okay, but seriously... what are you writing?" she asked.

"A poem." Roseanne responded.

"So detailed." Lisa chuckled. "What's this poem about? It's not depressing, right?"

Roseanne kissed Lisa's cheek. "It's about you. And it's not depressing." She chuckled. "Do you want to read it?" Lisa nodded and Roseanne handed the notebook over to Lisa and then rested her head on Lisa's shoulder.

a letter to my soulmate

My favorite number is one.

Because there will always be just one of You to love for one lifetime. And You are the only one I want to love. The only one. Do You see that? I love You.

Singular.

You.

One.

There is one of me and one of You and together we create one love no one else can recreate.

There is only one Sun and one Moon, and I think that, this time, the universe chose them to collide.

And once will be enough.

Roseanne heard sniffling and quickly looked up at Lisa. "Are you okay?"

Lisa nodded as she wiped away tears. "Yeah." She whispered with a soft smile. "It's just..."

"What?" Roseanne kissed Lisa's cheek.

"I can't believe someone loves me."

Roseanne felt her heart tighten at the words. "I'm not the only one that loves you." she said, caressing Lisa's cheek. "Many people love you."

"Not like you. Never like you. With them... there are always reasons why they love me, you know? But with you... it's unexplainable. I can never pinpoint why you could love me. I ponder and ponder and I never reach a conclusion. So I just explained it the way my father would."

Roseanne looked at Lisa. "How would he explain it?"

"Anything unexplainable is magic." Lisa said softly, taking Roseanne's hand and kissing it. "If you have an exact reason to love someone, then you don't love them. Love is endless, and so should the reasons for it." She shrugged. "So you're magic. Our love is magic."

Roseanne smiled and kissed Lisa's lips deeply before wrapping her arms around Lisa's neck, resting her head against Lisa's. "I love you."

Lisa smiled back. "I love you too."

"Let's go out." Roseanne suggested. "We can go to... a bar. With excellent music to dance to. You and me."

After hearing Lisa's words, Roseanne knew she couldn't lose her. She had to do something to help her before she lost her for good this time.

Lisa raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Magic?" Roseanne smiled cheekily.

Lisa giggled and kissed Roseanne's cheek multiple times before shaking her head. "Just because that response was adorable."

Roseanne smiled before patting Lisa's thigh and getting out of bed. "Get ready then."

"I, uh, don't really have anything nice to wear. Like, to wear to a bar." Lisa blushed. "I mean, have clothes. Just nothing... nicer than t-shirts and flannels." She chuckled.

Roseanne hummed. "Guess we're going shopping then."

Lisa scrunched up her nose. "I get the feeling we're going to take so long shopping if you're involved."

Roseanne chuckled and walked over to Lisa and pecked her lips. "Let's find out." She winked.

———————

Roseanne felt guilt as soon as she held Lisa's hair as the girl puked her guts out on the porcelain toilet when they got home from the bar. Most of the night, they hadn't even talked. It was mostly Lisa being all giggly and rambling about things that didn't make sense while squealing excitedly that every song that came on was "her song" and would start trying to sing along to the song.

Roseanne thought it was adorable, but tonight was not the night for Lisa to be adorable. She needed answers. Roseanne flushed the toilet when Lisa finished and helped her up. "At least you can puke your guts out in the comfort of my home."

Lisa only groaned as a reply as they walked to the living room and Lisa sat down, letting out a squeak when she sat down on one of Gabe's toys—a stupid Barbie in a very uncoordinated outfit. She grabbed it and tossed it aside. "That's a weapon." She slurred. "The government needs to ban it."

Roseanne chuckled. "I guess so."

Lisa looked up at the ceiling before looking over at Roseanne who sat down next to her. "Dude... you're like... so beautiful."

Roseanne blushed and looked down. "You are very drunk."

Lisa hummed. "I'm totally shitfaced." She agreed. "But even though I see two of you, I see double the beauty." She gave a goofy smile.

Roseanne chuckled and looked at Lisa before kissing her forehead. "Even when you're drunk and don't make much sense, I still love you so much." She whispered.

Lisa smiled at the kiss before turning her body to face Roseanne, tilting her head. "You're not that drunk."

"I only drank wine, babe. You drank vodka and tequila."

"It was great." Lisa smiled. "It's more fun getting drunk at a bar than alone in your bus and crying." She said softly.

Roseanne raised an eyebrow at the words. "What do you mean?"

Lisa hummed. "I'm being mean?" she asked.

Roseanne shook her head. "You mentioned about getting drunk on your bus and crying... tell me more."

"Ooh, like a story?" Lisa giggled. "I'm the storyteller now?" she wiggled her eyebrows.

Roseanne nodded. "Tell me that story." She whispered.

Lisa hummed as she leaned back. "Well... I missed my sun." Lisa said softly. "I didn't want to be sober without her. It just felt better being drunk than remembering a time I was happy. And it was only a few days." She shrugged. "And I'm leaving in a few days so we all know it probably won't end well." She chuckled.

Roseanne chewed on her lip. "Well what if you stay with me? You don't have to stay with the circus."

Lisa chuckled dryly. "I know I don't. And the circus doesn't need me... I need it."

"What do you mean?" Roseanne raised an eyebrow.

"It's the only thing that never leaves me." Lisa got quiet for a moment. "My dad left me... you left—well I let you go—but we were doomed from the start." She mumbled. "Jisoo left... everyone eventually leaves me and the only thing that stays with me is the circus. This is the only permanent thing I got, Roseanne. Not even you are permanent—or maybe you are, who knows? That's the thing... I don't know if you are permanent. But my circus... I know it will stay with me. That's why I can't let it go. What happens if I leave the circus and then you wind up leaving me? Then what will I have?"

Roseanne wasn't sure what to tell Lisa. The only thing she did was pull Lisa towards her and hugged her. "You'll never lose me."

"I already did once." Lisa muffled against Roseanne's neck.

Roseanne lifted up Lisa's head so the girl would look at her. "Listen to me," she into Lisa's eyes. "You are the one. The only one. I don't care if the next person I meet is the most perfect person out there—fuck that. I don't want a perfect person, Lisa. I want someone with a story and wanting to write a story with me. I want you with me so that we can tell the greatest story alive. My love for you is something so... incredible... that even I, a writer, can't write. But I know fate is writing our story, and it's amazing. Even if your story has bumps and mistakes... I want them. I want to read the whole story. Let me read your story, Lisa, please. I want to read it. You are the only book I want to read."

Tears were streaming down Lisa's face and Roseanne wiped them away. "You won't leave me?" she asked.

Roseanne shook her head. "No." she whispered.

Lisa gulped. "I'm scared to leave the circus." She whispered.

Roseanne tucked a strand of hair behind Lisa's ear. "Why?"

"What if I'm not good enough for anything else but that? I'm not good enough for anything. I'm not good enough for you and I'm not good enough to live a life without the circus backing me up. I don't know how to live... life. I don't know what it's like to wake up in the morning to a bed that I know is mine in a house that I know I share with someone I love and to do whatever I want without having the fucking circus on my mind. I'm so use to it on my mind, Roseanne. How... how can I live without it?"

"Baby, I'm right here to help you get your life together." Roseanne assured. "Can't you see how much it destroys you? You don't want to be there, and you know it."

"But... what if I lose my magic leaving it? I don't want to lose the wonder and imagination I got from it..." she trailed off before sighing. "Who am I kidding? I lost that a while ago. It just..." she paused. "It controls me. The circus has power over me. I have a legacy to uphold, you know?" she mumbled, wiping away tears. "I can't disappoint anyone."

Roseanne looked at Lisa. "Nothing in life is permanent. Not even the circus. We live life taking risks with everything. Nothing is ever certain, so just live in the now. Don't think even a second from now. Just think about now. What do you want right now?"

"Happiness."

"Then get it."

Lisa shook her head. "You act like it's so easy." She mumbled."It is—"

"No it isn't!" Lisa exclaimed as she ran her hands through her hair. "I lost so much because of that fucking circus!" Lisa's voice cracked. "My life is wasting away and I have no control over it! This circus is the only reminder I have that I still have something. It may not make me happy, but it sure as hell gives me security that I have something to hold onto. When I leave here, it's the only thing I'll have. I don't even have you."

"I know letting go isn't easy." Roseanne said. "Did you want to let me go?" Lisa shook her head. "But you did anyway... you did it anyway. You may not want to let this go... but you have to. It's not letting you be happy. If you let the circus go... you're on the first step to living life on your terms."

Lisa sighed and shrugged. "I don't know... I just—I'm so scared to actually live in the outside world. A world without the circus in it. It's like cutting a part of myself away."

Roseanne rubbed Lisa's back. "Sometimes... letting go what hurts you is what heals you."