We are getting ready to leave Port Couth within the next couple days, as most of the things that needed to be done are well underway. I've found myself almost a figurehead for the meal houses and schools here, as there seems to be more acceptance to the concept of serving those below us within the ranks for the Sellexu nobility than Aupana, as much as I cringe to admit it.

Where I faced derision and selfishness at home, I find open acceptance and eager involvement that makes the process far less demanding here than in other places. Lyana has done a great job copying out the logistic framework and I find that for the most part I'm standing around and giving my approving nods to this and other parts of the preparations.

It is still a bit frustrating, whenever a new group of people arrives to deal with these things, how they seem to expect it to be someone other than myself or Lyana. At first, I naively attributed it to the fact that I was Aupanan but Lyana explained to me that they think they need to wait for the man behind the scenes to arrive. 

Since that explanation, I have been a bit ruthless in making sure they understand that it is two women that are approving these things and none other. Some try to talk down to me, or Lady Lyana, or try to take advantage of what they think is ensured naivety of a woman in business. I find myself almost mimicking Nerini's ferocity and I understand her insistence that we shove how capable we are in their faces, all the time. There are some who accept it by watching us and our capabilities but there are others, who you almost have to choke with facts before they back down. I have refused a couple contracts and find that even Lyana is picking this ferocity up, realizing that she is a powerful woman in her own rights.

It is colder here, in the north of Sellexu than northern Aupana, even Nerini agrees that she misses the "milder" winters of Lansen province. I remember as a kid, being absolutely floored by the frozen expanse of the northern provinces, I don't think I could have handled Port Couth when I was eight. Looking at maps, and trying to properly figure out where we are, I have an assumption that Port Couth may be a fair bit north of where the mountains stop the province of Lansen.

Every day, Nerini does her sword drills, like clockwork, a singular fixation that keeps her mind away from something else. We had the company of the Cleandrians while they were here, and their displays of skill along with Rini's show in the village square has drawn some willing students other than myself and Lady Lyana, much as it had in Alliance this summer. There are some women who come, but do not wish to use weapons, for whatever reason. So, Nerini has taken to showing them combat in hand to hand, after the sword drills are done for the day.

Every couple days, Nerini and Lord Shiar will spar. I think it is still a perfect draw, and if one has more wins than the other, the next spar will tip the scales back the the other direction. He has started learning some of our sword fighting styles and she has begun additional training with Port Couth's master at arms, a quiet but mean seeming man named Razdu who has a glare for everything. I think Shiar and Rini only ever end their duels when one of them tries an untested move that does not work out as they had hoped.

Speaking of Rini, and I know it isn't the place for observations of our own people, a journal to document anything I see that may be a comparison to Aupana, but I need to write it down because it is something that needs to be pondered by more than me.

For someone who understands her, I feel it is important in ways I don't quite understand, but a couple days after you left, she had that look in her eyes. Her whole body was leaning towards the north, you could see it, like she was a wolf catching the scent of prey on the wind. I was scared for when you were no longer here, her expression was almost feverish and obsessed like I haven't seen it in years.

And one day she went for a ride, I had thought for sure she had left, that it was the last time I was going to see her. Perhaps I should have said something myself, tried to pull her attention back here. But you get used to it, you understand and you swallow the hurt that your friend just isn't going to stay true, and you say good bye and hope for the best. 

No amount of kicking or yelling or talking her down has ever worked. But, how often have we ever actually tried? We give in, so easily, let her go with an acceptance that that's just her. Perhaps we let her down as often as she disappoints us, being so afraid of hurting her, we stand back and brush our hands of the responsibility of holding on to someone we love.

But I digress, High Lord Shiar saw her riding out of the keep on her own, and I was unable to do more than shrug and say that's Nerini, before he was jumping on his horse, riding like a man on a mission. He went after her, and I don't know if she was ever going to leave, or if he had to even stop her. Or maybe they just went for a ride through his country, but they came back that night, dirty, muddy and laughing about some sort of suicide trail that had sent them both tumbling into a frozen creek and perhaps down the side of a cliff.

Nerini saw the surprise in my face when I saw her walk through the door and she almost looked sad. I felt bad, but at the same time, I let her feel it. She still gets distant, but I've learned to grab her by the arm and force her to help me or Lyana when she starts leaning North, and it seems to be doing the trick. 

I don't know if it would be bad form for me to ask Shiar what happened. You know Nerini would never explain it.

Wyn Lac 

Port Couth, Sellexu