Summary:

coo coo motherfuckers: MATT GOT A GIG AT BALMERA STARTING THIS WEEKEND
coo coo motherfuckers: GUESS WHAT SQUAD IS GOING CLUBBING SATURDAY TO SUPPORT MY BROTHER'S FIRST DAY ON THE JOB
vive la lance: oh
vive la lance: oh my goD
vive la lance: OH MY GOD
coo coo motherfuckers: there's my hype man

......................................................................................

Group Chat: "Family BBQ - Today's Menu: Spit-Roasted Squad"

coo coo motherfuckers: ALRIGHT
coo coo motherfuckers: I need to know who's here
coo coo motherfuckers: so roll call time
coo coo motherfuckers: sound off nerds
coo coo motherfuckers: I'll start: pidge
uptown hunk: hunk :3c
fuck off: uh keith
vive la lance: lance aka the man of your dreams ;)
fuck off: more like nightmares
vive la lance: you know what keiTH???
vive la lance: youre absolutely right
fuck off: ...
fuck off: I am?
vive la lance: yeah
vive la lance: this level of perfection is frightening
fuck off: amazing
vive la lance: thank you
coo coo motherfuckers: alright so tweedle dee and tweedle dum are here got it
fuck off: dibs on tweedle dee
vive la lance: whAT??
vive la lance: nO!
vive la lance: you're totALLY tweedle dumb
fuck off: and why is that?
coo coo motherfuckers: he's just going to say it's cause you're dumb
vive la lance: because I make you speechless ;)
fuck off: I
uptown hunk: :O
coo coo motherfuckers: ...wow
fuck off: yeah
coo coo motherfuckers: I'm actually a little impressed
fuck off: I actually have nothing to say to that
vive la lance: HA!
fuck off: I'm just so surprised you made an intelligent joke
vive la lance: you know Im sensing some sass over there
vive la lance: but Im going to ignore it in favor of the compliment
fuck off: do what you gotta do to make yourself feel better
coo coo motherfuckers: ANYWAY
coo coo motherfuckers: can you two stop clogging up the chat long enough for me to figure out if the others are here?
fuck off: you're not my mom
coo coo motherfuckers: keith I will beat your ass
coo coo motherfuckers: I know where you live
fuck off: bring it munchkin
fuck off: I put out the mousetraps
coo coo motherfuckers: I will murder your kneecaps
fuck off: I'll stand on the table
coo coo motherfuckers: I will climb up that bean pole physique to punch you in the jaw
vive la lance: figHT FIGHT FIGHT
fuck off: I'll sit on you
coo coo motherfuckers: biTCh
coo coo motherfuckers: you weight like tWO POUNDS
vive la lance: not to be a buzzkill cause you know I love a good ol fashions pidge/keith beat down
vive la lance: but keith is a heavy af fat ass
vive la lance: can confirm
fuck off: just because yOU have the upper body strength of a diseased hamster
vive la lance: excuSE
uptown hunk: so, like, you guys know I love you, and I love all your shenanigans, but I've got a paper I need to write and a LOT of research to do for it
uptown hunk: so can we like, hurry this along?
vive la lance: sorry buddy
uptown hunk: no problem, dude :3c
vive la lance: <3
uptown hunk: <33
fuck off: what'd you need pidge?
coo coo motherfuckers: right
coo coo motherfuckers: where are the more adult-y adults?
fuck off: pretty sure shiro is working at the museum
uptown hunk: probably allura too then, cause they usually try to line up their schedules
coo coo motherfuckers: -COUGH- BASICALLY MARRIED -COUGH-
fuck off: basically
vive la lance: amen
uptown hunk: I think it's cute :3
coo coo motherfuckers: you would, you big softie
uptown hunk: I can't help it D:
coo coo motherfuckers: you don't need to help it, you're perfect, hunk
uptown hunk: awwww
uptown hunk: I already told you I'm not making cookies tonight
coo coo motherfuckers: worth a shot
coo coo motherfuckers: so what about coran?
vive la lance: hes probs still at the studio
vive la lance: dudes there all day
coo coo motherfuckers: yeah but he usually checks his phone for messages, especially when he's got downtime in the office
vive la lance: its monday right?
uptown hunk: yup, and this paper, by the way, is due friday
uptown hunk: and pidge is in this class, too
uptown hunk: so I know they should be working right now
coo coo motherfuckers: you're not my mom
uptown hunk: no work, no cookies
coo coo motherfuckers: .... fuck
vive la lance: pretty sure corans got some classes today
coo coo motherfuckers: godDAMMIT
fuck off: what'd you want to tell us?
coo coo motherfuckers: I can't now >:(
fuck off: ?
coo coo motherfuckers: you've all gotta be here when I make the announcement
coo coo motherfuckers: otherwise there won't be the proper mix of excitement and peer pressure
coo coo motherfuckers: plus it'll just get lose by your constant blathering and I can't be assed to get excited twice
uptown hunk: alright so is this meeting done then?
coo coo motherfuckers: postponed until further notice
uptown hunk: alright, wanna meet in the living room to cross examine sources?
coo coo motherfuckers: sounds good
vive la lance: great now that the nerds are gone we can talk about cool things
vive la lance: hows it going keith?
fuck off: I'm out
vive la lance: KEITH NO WAIT
fuck off: what?
vive la lance: Im bored :(
fuck off: not my problem
vive la lance: why are you always so rude
vive la lance: shiro didnt raise you this way
fuck off: shiro once told me that if I ate enough spiders I could absorb their power and be like spiderman
vive la lance: ... wow
vive la lance: how many spiders did you eat?
fuck off: I don't want to talk about it
vive la lance: was it upwards of ten?
fuck off: I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT
vive la lance: alright alright
vive la lance: but dont think Im gonna let you forget about this
fuck off: wouldn't dream of it
vive la lance: cool
vive la lance: so you doing anything?
fuck off: not really
vive la lance: wanna play games?
fuck off: yeah sure

Group Chat: "Family BBQ - Today's Menu: Spit-Roasted Squad"

coo coo motherfuckers: ALRIGHT
coo coo motherfuckers: TAKE TWO
coo coo motherfuckers: SOUND OFF NERDS
vive la lance: ONE B)
I-Mustache-u4ur-Soul: two! 8{D
uptown hunk: three ;3c
coo coo motherfuckers: ... alright I've waited long enough
uptown hunk: you've literally waited two minutes
coo coo motherfuckers: two minutes is an eternity in Pidge Time™
coo coo motherfuckers: where are the others?
coo coo motherfuckers: shiro? allura? keith?
coo coo motherfuckers: ping ping motherfuckers
coo coo motherfuckers: I swear if you're all at the gym again...
I-Mustache-u4ur-Soul: I believe Allura has a shift at the museum tonight!
vive la lance: and you know that means she does
vive la lance: cause my man coran has that crazy knack for remembering schedules
I-Mustache-u4ur-Soul: Thank you, Lance!
I-Mustache-u4ur-Soul: Tonight isn't apart of her normal schedule, however.
I-Mustache-u4ur-Soul: From what I remember her calling out before she dashed out of the apartment, they were short staffed at the museum tonight so she had to rush over for a closing shift.
coo coo motherfuckers: uuuuuugh
I-Mustache-u4ur-Soul: Sorry, Pidge 8(
coo coo motherfuckers: dare I even ask where the others are?
uptown hunk: I have no idea D:
I-Mustache-u4ur-Soul: Nor do I
coo coo motherfuckers: hmmm
coo coo motherfuckers: two secs
uptown hunk: what're you going to do?
coo coo motherfuckers: text matt
uptown hunk: and??
coo coo motherfuckers: UGH
uptown hunk: I take that as no luck?
coo coo motherfuckers: he's not answering me
coo coo motherfuckers: that nerd is pretty much glued to his phone 24/7
vive la lance: you mean like you?
coo coo motherfuckers: what can I say?
coo coo motherfuckers: the family resemblance is strong
I-Mustache-u4ur-Soul: In that case, if he's so glued to his phone, should you worry?
coo coo motherfuckers: nah
coo coo motherfuckers: I mean, probably not
coo coo motherfuckers: neither of them are answering, and typically that means they're having Bro Time™
vive la lance: pffff old man Bro Time™
uptown hunk: hey man, don't diss the importance of Bro Time™ :(
vive la lance: youre right
vive la lance: Im sorry for bringing dishonor to bros everywhere
uptown hunk: it's okay, I forgive you bro :')
vive la lance: bro :')
coo coo motherfuckers: god you two are so gay
coo coo motherfuckers: just like matt and shiro
coo coo motherfuckers: jesus why is everyone around me so gay
vive la lance: we flock to each other
uptown hunk: pidge, I've seen you with keith
uptown hunk: you guys are pretty gay too
coo coo motherfuckers: all bromo, no romo
coo coo motherfuckers: but I'm with lance, they're probably doing old man Bro Time™
coo coo motherfuckers: they lock themselves in their apartment, no phones, no girlfriends or boyfriends, and play idk uno or something
vive la lance: sounds riveting
I-Mustache-u4ur-Soul: Indeed! Sounds like a roaring good time!
I-Mustache-u4ur-Soul: Just dudes being dudes
vive la lance: omg coran
vive la lance: did you just like half meme?
I-Mustache-u4ur-Soul: B)
vive la lance: Im just... so proud :')
coo coo motherfuckers: speaking of keith
coo coo motherfuckers: where is that fucknut?
vive la lance: hes at work
coo coo motherfuckers: ...
vive la lance: what?
uptown hunk: ......
vive la lance: whAT??
uptown hunk: that just had like... no hesitation
vive la lance: so???
coo coo motherfuckers: so how do you know with complete certainty what keith is doing right now??
vive la lance: hold up

vive la lance has sent an image

uptown hunk: awww
uptown hunk: he looks so pissed :')
coo coo motherfuckers: nah that's just his face
fuck off: rude
coo coo motherfuckers: nice of you to join us
fuck off: I just wanted to say that lance took that without my consent
coo coo motherfuckers: you don't say
uptown hunk: I couldn't tell from the glare you're giving the camera
coo coo motherfuckers: or how you're flipping it off
I-Mustache-u4ur-Soul: Visually, it's a very endearing contrast between Keith's sour look and Lance's smile, not to mention Keith's crude gesture and Lance's peace sign
I-Mustache-u4ur-Soul: A wonderful selfie, I say
uptown hunk: seconded
vive la lance: thanks coran
fuck off: fuck off
vive la lance: Im going to start a photo collection called "Times I Surprised Keith and He Looked Stupid"
fuck off: I hate you
vive la lance: yeah sure
coo coo motherfuckers: we can really feel the hate between you two
uptown hunk: I, for one, only visit my mortal enemies at work
vive la lance: hunk
vive la lance: dont do me like this
coo coo motherfuckers: why ARE you at the bookstore, anyway?
uptown hunk: who are you and what have you done with lance?
I-Mustache-u4ur-Soul: I feel we should be questioning what Keith had done to Lance
uptown hunk: good point, coran
uptown hunk: keith, whatever you're doing to lance, it scares me but I think it's for the best
fuck off: it's not an easy job
coo coo motherfuckers: I can't imagine it would be
uptown hunk: do you even KNOW how long I've been trying to get him to read?
coo coo motherfuckers: years
uptown hunk: YEARS, man!
coo coo motherfuckers: and now he's been in a book store twice
vive la lance: Im not sure whether I should be offended or not
fuck off: it's always a safe bet to assume we're insulting you
vive la lance: keith go back to shelving
vive la lance: and for your informATION Im here because leo has turned into a book devouring BEAST and needed more books
fuck off: he reads faster than lance
vive la lance: THATS NOT FAIR HE HAS MORE TIME
uptown hunk: leo's always been my favorite
vive la lance: huuuuunk D:
uptown hunk: besides you, Lance
vive la lance: awww <3
coo coo motherfuckers: leo has a lot of potential...
vive la lance: pidge
vive la lance: dont
coo coo motherfuckers: don't what, lance?
vive la lance: I see you plotting in that ellipsis
coo coo motherfuckers: I would never
coo coo motherfuckers: I just see them as my own younger siblings
coo coo motherfuckers: It wouldn't hurt to take them under my wing
coo coo motherfuckers: look at how lovely sophie turned out?
vive la lance: SOPHIE IS A DEMON
vive la lance: SHE THREATENED TO BREAK MY TOES WHEN ALL I DID WAS TICKLE HER
coo coo motherfuckers: she makes me proud
vive la lance: shes been tainted but yOU LEAVE LEO ALONE
fuck off: he's like a small version of lance
vive la lance: thank you he makes me proud
fuck off: only more cultured and polite
vive la lance: shouldnt you be working???
fuck off: I am
vive la lance: no youre not!!
vive la lance: put your phone away!
fuck off: make me;adoijwaven
fuck off: my name is keithad;kJ and I herebyadflkja make lance my official spokesman for the group chat while Im working
vive la lance: awesome thank you keith Im so honored
fuck off: no problem lance youre just the most handsome and charming and funny and qualified person for the job
vive la lance: I know B)
fuck off: -swoon-
vive la lance: -finger guns-
fuck off: oh laaaance, you're so coooool!
vive la lance: glad youre finally coming around B)
uptown hunk: yeaaaaaah, so I'm going to just leave the group chat for a while, I've got, uh, stuff to do
I-Mustache-u4ur-Soul: I'm already ahead of you
coo coo motherfuckers: same, I don't need to sit here and watch lance talk to himself
vive la lance: okay okay but for real keith wants to know what your announcement was pidge
coo coo motherfuckers: nope, the moment is passed and we're missing our parents
vive la lance: boo you whore
coo coo motherfuckers: go ask keith about the time he thought he was secretly dating mothman
vive la lance: oh
vive la lance: I am so on it

Group Chat: "Family BBQ - Today's Menu: Spit-Roasted Squad"

coo coo motherfuckers: it's been abnormally quiet here
coo coo motherfuckers: dare I ask if everyone is here?
uptown hunk: I am!
I-Mustache-u4ur-Soul: Present!
LLunarGoddess: I'm here :)
Need-A-Hand: What's up, Pidge?
fuck off: are you still trying to make that announcement?
coo coo motherfuckers: yes
coo coo motherfuckers: so far all my attempts have been thwarted
I-Mustache-u4ur-Soul: "Thwarted" is such a lovely and underused word
uptown hunk: agreed, petition to use the word thwarted more
I-Mustache-u4ur-Soul: Petition signed 8{D
uptown hunk: