july 1st.

Jordan and I made the cake earlier today. I also painted her nails and we watched princess and the frog and a couple other Disney movies. She fell asleep though, so I went up to jacqs room after her mom got her.

We haven't really talked the whole day it felt like. I came around eleven, and spent it with Jordan and josh.

He really doesn't like when we start doing girl stuff so he went back to his room after we finished the cake and gave him a piece.

We said hey to each other, but other than that, nothing really.

I knocked on the door hearing nothing.

"It's open." I heard him say.

I walked seeing him at his computer with all the lights off.

Even his leds.

I closed the door behind me, and went towards him. He had his headphones on so that's why I didn't hear anything.

I just watched him do what he does with music. It looks super confusing. Especially with all the little buttons everywhere.

He took his head phones off and stood up suddenly.

"What time is it?" He asked stretching.

I pulled my phone out of my sweatpants pocket and checked the time. It was nine thirty-nine.

"Damn." He mumbled going to back to his computer to shut it off.

"Yeah, you hungry?" I asked noticing he ran his hand down his stomach when he turned back around again.

I feel like he can go a while without things people usually need throughout the day, or at least teens.

He can live without his phone, sleep, and food for like two days straight.

"A lil bit. I thought you left."

He grabbed his phone and I sat on his bed going on DoorDash to order us some Chick-fil-A.

"No. Your mom asked me if we were dating earlier-

"What you say?" He asked super quick.

Well dang.

"She said I didn't have to answer. I guess I looked shocked."

He nodded smiling.

I picked him out a large twelve piece chicken nugget meal with a sprite, and got myself a large number one with a Oreo milkshake. I remembered he is definitely going to ask for some of mine, so I added another one and ordered it.

"Ima make it, and ima get rich, then ima marry you, and we gonna be like my aunt and uncle and shit. You know ima get you pregnant, and then we gone raise them in a big ass house with Bailey. We gone be ballin and happy, traveling the world.." He finished, pecking my lips twice.

He just don't know how much I love that idea.

"Okay." I smiled.

"Ima still fight yo big headed—

I pushed him off of me and he dramatically fell on the floor. I took a picture of him on the ground and he put a middle finger up.

"Mmcht." I said stale facing him.

He laughed getting up.

two hours later.

"Damn, what the fuck." He said in distress.

I was holding on to him for dear life while laughing watching him try to win the game. I was laying on his back as he did push ups— basically playing flappy bird on tiktok with his nose.

"You got it!- wait, you don't got it."

He gave up and laid collapsed on the floor.

"Why you stop when I started encouraging you?" I laughed.

"I'm not doing that again." He said breathing heavily.

I could tell he was being dramatic, but I got off of him only to lay right next to him.

"Awe. My baby boy." I laughed again.

He stale faced me before standing up. I followed in his steps again and also got up, but as soon as I did, he wrapped his arm around my neck.

"I'm not a baby boy." He whispered in my ear.

Waiiiiiiiiit.

I have to act like that just didn't affect me the way it did.

"I don't care. You're still my baby boy." I said moving my head back so I could see him.

"Okay. I won't argue with you." He laughed kissing my cheek and letting go.

"Good boy." I smiled.

He smacked his lips. "Doing too much now lil girl."

"Shush up."

"Your not my-

"Shush up. You don't listen." I fake mugged.

The way his jaw dropped immediately made me break character.

"I swear ima have you screaming. There's no way you speak to me like this." He said shaking his head, putting his hand on his heart.

I scrunched my face up.

"You gonna harm me?" I questioned concerned. Very concerned.

Jacq used to scare me with his stare. Now, I'm back scared.

"Never. Where you even get that from? I'm talking about screaming at the top of your lungs from backshots or sum." 

Oh. I really should've known.

"Uhnt uhn. That sound like it hurt." I frowned thinking about it.

"I honestly can't help you with that cause ion know how that feels."

"You want to—

"No." He said immediately.

1:39 am

I smiled looking down at him. He was doing absolutely nothing at all, just watching flubber on his phone while laying on my stomach.

He looks so relaxed and cute. I notice sometimes his eyes can get really soft and he be looking so innocent.

I put my hand on his head and rubbed it gently. He is my baby boy. I don't care.

I wonder if he thinks I'm weird. I wonder what he thinks about me in general. Of course I have a slight idea, but I want a detailed report lol.

I know I love when he laughs and scrunches his nose up. When he smiles and his dimples show. When he's focused on something, and he has that serious look on his face. When he wears black jeans, or a fitted tee with his silver or gold chain with the sweatpants combo. When he drives with one hand. When he licks his lips at me and grab my waist. When he's with his little siblings. When he talks about things he loves like music, food, movies— anything. I love his voice. Especially when he first wake up. His nose, eyebrows, lips, chile even his ears. I love how we can just chill without doing a lot and it still be one of my favorite memories. I even like when we fake argue. I feel like it's weird to admit, but the veins in his arms too. Mmm.

The list could go on forever.

I do want to tell him. I want to tell everyone.

Ugh.