Hope is the last thing you lose

They decided to approach from West Ravka, there were too many of them to go on the flying boat so they agreed that Tolya would escort the Soldat Sol to the eastern shore of the Fold and wait for them there. It would take them a full day on horseback and that would give the rest of them time to enter West Ravka and find a suitable base to camp. And then they will enter and the war will start.

They boarded the Bittern and mere hours later Kaida was facing the big, black cloud. The gray eyed girl hugged herself when they entered the Fold. Alina spread her arms calling the light, protecting them from the volcra. For once, Kaida was ready for the feeling of familiarity and anguish that overcame her everytime she entered the Fold, but as always she tried to push it away, not wanting to feel what the volcra and her friends were feeling. She squeezed her eyes shut trying to control her emotions and push the other's away.

"Don't push it away," a voice said inside her head, but it wasn't Eleanor this time, she didn't know who it was.

But Kaida didn't listen, she kept trying to push away those feelings. She was relieved when they started flying above West Ravke.

The territory west of the Fold had been evacuated and Kaida was grateful for the lack of people, without people there were no emotions. They flew over abandoned villages and houses, all without seeing a soul. In the end, they decided to set up in an apple farm just southwest of what was left of Novokribirsk, less than a mile from the dark reach of the Fold.

The owner's house was lavish, a perfect little cake of a building, lovingly maintained, and topped with a white cupola. Kaida felt almost guilty as Harshaw broke a window and climbed inside to unlock the doors.

"New money," sniffed Zoya as they made their way through the over decorated rooms, each shelf and mantel brimming with porcelain figurines and curios.

Genya picked up a ceramic pig. "Vile."

"I can now add breaking and entering to my list of crimes." Kaida said

"I like it here," protested Adrik. "It 's nice."

Zoya made a retching sound. "Maybe taste will come with age"

"I'm only three years younger than you."

"Then maybe you're just doomed to be tacky."

Kaida laughed slightly and started looking around her. The place was nice, but it wasn't Kaida's style.

They went to the neighborhood houses to pick up some food and when they were ready they left David, Genya and Misha to get started procuring materials for the production of lumiya and blasting powders. Then the rest of them reboarded the Bittern to cross back to Ravka.

They'd planned to reunite with the Soldat Sol at the monument to Sankta Anastasia that stood on a low hill overlooking what had once been Tsemna. Thanks to Anastasia, Tsemna had survived the wasting plague that had claimed half the population of the surrounding villages, but the Fold took her, the same way it did with a lot of people.

Kaida started to think about the Saints. Anastasia was a really powerful Healer, but that's it. She did what every good person would have done. Did that make her a Saint? The people called Alina Saint just because of her small science, there were even some people that called Kaida Saint. Were they Saints just because they were different? Because they were going to save them? A lot of people were helping them, a lot of people died trying to save Ravka but they weren't called Saints, but without them Kaida was sure they would have never survived. So why not call them Saints too? Kaida didn't want to be a Saint, she didn't consider her a bad person but she also did bad things that a Saint shouldn't have done and it was too much pressure to take. She didn't want people looking at her as if she was perfect, because she was far from being perfect. She didn't want people thinking of her as something she was not.

The monument was an eerie sight, a giant stone woman rising out of the earth, arms spread wide, her benevolent gaze fixed on the nothingness of the Fold.

They'd arrived before the Soldat Sol, so they landed and made camp for the night. The air was still warm enough that they didn't need tents, and they laid their bedrolls next to the foot of the statue near a patchy field studded with red boulders. Mal took Harshaw with him to try to find for dinner. It was scarce down there, as if the animals were just as wary of the Unsea as they were.

Kaida wrapped a shawl around her shoulders and walked down the hill to the edge of the black shore.

She heard a soft scraping sound behind her. She turned and froze. Nikolai was perched atop a high rock. He was cleaner than he had been, but he wore the same ragged trousers. His taloned feet gripped the ridge of the rock, and his shadow wings beat gently at the air, his gaze black and unreadable.

Kaida took a shaky breath. She'd been hoping he would show himself again, but now she wasn't sure what to do. Had he been watching them? What had he seen? How much had he understood?

"I was hoping I could see you one more time," Kaida said, sadness covering her voice. "I don't know if you can hear me, or even understand me, but this might be the last time we see each other," tears filled her eyes. "I might have to do something that could kill me to win this war but I wanted you to know that I haven't lost hope, I know I will bring you back, I know it," she made a pause, "the same way I know you are not a monster doesn't matter if you look like one," she cleaned a tear from her cheek, "and if you ever doubt about it just remember you were never my monster and you will never be, because you, Nikolai, saved me, in every way a person can be safe, and I'm really sorry that I might not be the one to save you now, but I promise you I will do everything I can to bring you back, because you saved me, and now it's my turn" Carefully, she removed the ring from her finger, afraid any sudden movement might make him bolt. She held out her hand, the Lantsov emerald resting on her palm.

He frowned, a line appearing between his brows, then folded his wings and leapt soundlessly from the rock. It was hard not to back away but Kaida wasn't afraid, even with the way he moved, so inhuman, she wasn't afraid. He stalked toward her slowly, eyes focused on the ring.When he was less than a foot away, he cocked his head to one side.

Despite the black eyes and the inky lines that coursed up his neck, he still had an elegant face, his mother's fine cheekbones, the strong jaw that must have come from his ambassador father. His frown deepened. Then he reached out and plucked the emerald up in his claws.

"It's " The words died on her lips. Nikolai turned palm her over and slid the ring onto her finger. Her breath caught between a laugh and a sob. He knew her. Kaida couldn't stop the tears that welled in her eyes.

He pointed to her hand and made a sweeping gesture. It took her a second to grasp his meaning. He was imitating the way she moved when she summoned.

"You want me to call the mist?" Nikolai shook his head. Kaida took a shaky breath. "You want me to call the shadows?"

His face stayed blank. She let shadows pool in her palm. "This?"

He seized her hand and slapped it against his chest. Kaida tried to draw away not knowing what he was trying to do, but he held her hand in place. His grip was viselike, made stronger by whatever monstrous thing the Darkling had placed inside him.

She shook her head. "No."

Again, he slapped her hand against his chest, the movement almost frantic.

"I don't know what my power will do to you," Kaida protested, shaking her head, fearful in her voice.

The corner of his mouth curled, the faintest suggestion of Nikolai's y smile. Kaida could almost hear him say, Really, lovely, what could be worse? Beneath her hand, his heart beat steady and human.

Kaida released a long breath. "All right," she said. "I'll try." she summoned the barest bit of shadows, letting it flow through her palm. He winced, but held her hand firmly in place. Kaida pushed a little harder, trying to call the shadows out of him, thinking of the shadows inside him, calling them. Like calls to like.

The black cracks on his torso began to recede. Kaida couldn't quite believe what she was seeing. Could it possibly be that simple?

"It's working," Kaida gasped, hope in her eyes.

He grimaced, but waved her on, asking for more.

Kaida called the shadows out of him, watching the black veins fade and recoil.

He was panting now, his eyes closed. A low, pained whine rose from his throat. His grip around her wrist was iron.

"Nikolai-" Kaida said, her eyes full of tears.

Then she felt something calling back the shadows, as if the darkness within him was fighting. All at once, the cracks exploded outward, just as dark as before, like the roots of a tree drinking deep poisoned water.

Nikolai flinched and shoved away from her with a frustrated snarl. He looked down at his chest, misery carved into his features.

Kaida looked at the man that was in front of her. Her desperation overwhelmed her as she threw her arms towards a tree creating the cut. The only thing that could kill a nichevo'ya was the cut, but that would kill him too.

His shoulders slumped, his wings roiling with the same shifting movement as the Fold.

"Hope is the last thing you lose" the same voice of the Fold.

"We'll think of something. David will come up with a solution, or we'll find a Healer. . . ."

He dropped to his haunches, elbows resting on his knees, face buried in his hands. Nikolai had seemed infinitely capable, confident in his belief that every problem had a solution and he would be the one to find it. Kaida couldn't bear seeing him this way, broken and defeated for the first time, it hurt her so much.

She approached him cautiously and crouched down. He wouldn't meet her eyes. Tentatively, she reached out and touched his arm. His skin was warm, the feel of it unchanged despite the shadows lurking beneath it. She slipped her arms around him, careful of the wings that rustled at his back.

"I'm sorry," She whispered, a sob coming out of her mouth.

He dropped his forehead to her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Nikolai."

He released a small, shuddering sigh.

Then he inhaled and tensed. He turned his head. Kaida felt his breath on her neck, the scrape of one of his teeth beneath her jaw.

"Nikolai?"

His arms clamped around her. His claws dug into her back. There was no mistaking the growl that issued from his chest. Kaida tried to move away but he didn't allow her, preshing her harder towards him.

"Nikolai," Kaida said, stirring in his arms.

Kaida could feel his claws being dug into her back, but she wasn't scared, the only thing she was worried about was Nikolai, and how he must be feeling.

"Nikolai," Kaida said in a whisper trying to bring him back. She felt Nikolai's teeth against her neck as his grip grew tighter and tighter.

"Sturmhond," nothing. Kaida closed her eyes and rested her head on Nikolai's shoulder as a tear rolled down her cheek.

"Niko," it was in an almost inaudible whisper, but he heard it. Nikolai let go of Kaida and pushed her away from him. Horror covered his face while he stepped away from her. Shame, sadness, frustration, anger... Kaida could feel all those emotions coming from him but the main one was fear. Kaida saw how he intended to leave.

"No, no, I'm fine. I'm fine," she said quickly. "I'm fine. I'm not scared of you, you would never do anything to hurt me," Nikolai spread his wings. "No, no, please," Kaida's eyes were once again full of tears, "please, please don't leave me. I will find a way. Don't leave me," she cried. But her pleas were ignored as he flapped his wings and began to soar through the blue sky. "Nikolai!" Her scream was desperate, agonizing, the pain, both physical and emotional, did not allow her to breathe properly. Kaida was sobbing on the floor, her hands on her chest trying to relax her breathing, but she could not. The sound of footsteps reached her ears but she didn't move from her position on the floor.

"Kaida," Jake knelt in front of her and took her hands into his. "Kaida calm down and breathe with me" Jake forced her to accomplish their brethings and she finally calmed down.

"Was that a nichevo'ya?" Zoya's panicking voice called Kaida's attention.

The gray eyed shook her head. "It was Nikolai,"

"He found us?" Mal asked.

"He's been tracking us since we left the Spinning Wheel,"

"But the Darkling—"

"If he were the Darkling's creature, we'd already be dead," Kaida snapped.

"How long have you known he was following us?" Zoya asked angrily.

"I saw him once back at the copper mine. There was nothing to do about it," Kaida said, feeling the blood running down her back.

"We could have had Mal put an arrow through him," Harshaw said.

Kaida snapped her head towards him and stood up quickly, pointing with her finger at him. "Maybe I should put an arrow through you," she said angrily.

"Easy," Jake said, stepping between them. "There is no point in discussing, he is gone now..." Kaida could hear the voice of her friend really distant. She was losing too much blood and all around her was spinning. She could feel herself losing balance and before her world turned completely black she felt two arms catching her before touching the floor.