Ahem, lads and lasses, the time has come for everyone's favorite SCP, SCP-096.

Personally, it's not my favorite. But apparently it is for some people.

I honestly have no idea why people are like: 'Why aren't you talkin' about 096? >:('

Guys, the real tea is in Incident-096-1-A. And we all know I don't do incident reports here, so WHY? 

I mean, I AM doing it, so...

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-096 is to be kept in its cell, a 5 m x 5 m x 5 m airtight steel cube, at all times. 

No, it is not lonely, and no, it does not need to be 'walked' or 'petted'.

That's not even a reference (Or at least, on purpose.) I'm just saying it, because we all know there's some idiot who feels bad for it.

You can feel bad for some SCPs, just not this one.

Weekly checks for cracks and the like are mandatory. 

No video surveillance or optical equipment is allowed inside 096's cell. 

So how do they know it's still there?

They just.....close their eyes and hope for the best.

I'm just kidding, they use pressure sensors and laser detectors to make sure it's still there.

Any and all photos, videos, or recordings of 096 are strictly forbidden without approval from Dr. Dan and O5-something something.

How do I know it's Dr. Dan even though it's blacked out in the wiki? 

Because everyone and their mother knows, goddammit.

Description: 

That sums it up pretty well. 

If anybody's asking (Nobody is) I left exactly four pixels on 096's face alone.

For the references.

That 

is how far I'm willing to go for this.

Wow. I need help.

096 can open its jaw four time wider than a normal humans.

what

the 

FUCK.

Is 096 blind? I don't know. Nobody really knows. And there's only one way to accurately test that...

SCP-096 is extremely docile. That is, until you look at its face, then it speeds towards you at a fast 35 km/h, which, for my American friends, is 21.748 miles per hour.

After viewing 096's face, you are now apparently dubbed 'SCP-096-1'. Fun.

And it does not matter how much you move away, apparently 096 just

knows

where you are. CREEP.

And this happens of you see it through a photo, a video, whatever. But not paintings. 

(Understandable. I'd want to be preserved in paint form too.)

As of late, no known material can stop 096. 

Upon arrival at 096-1's location, 096 will proceed to kill and {dAtA eXPuNGed} 096-1. 

100% of cases leave no traces of SCP-096-1.

Due to the fact that if 096 were to breach containment, it would inevitably end in the breach of Foundation secrecy and also a lot of dead people, you guys should probably try to catch it again.

Just maybe.

Dr. Dan says we should kill it.

The following is an audio log from Interview 096-1.

Interviewer: Dr. Dan

Interviewee: Captain Crunch (No, I don't know their name. I wish though.)

Retrieval Incident #096-1-A

<Begin Log>

{Something-something Time, Research Area //}

Capt. Something: It always sucks ass to get Initial Retrieval duty. You have no idea what the damn thing is capable of besides what little info the field techies can come up with, and you're lucky if they even tell you the full story. They didn't tell us jackshit about not looking at it.

Dr. Dan: Could you- could you please describe the actual mission?

Capt. SomeBODY: Yeah, sorry. We had two choppers, one with my team and one on backup with Zulu 9-B and Dr./////////. We spotted the target about two clicks north of our patrol path. I'm guessing he wasn't facing our direction, else he would have taken us out then and there.

(I don't speak tactical, sorry)

Dr. Dan: You said 096 didn't react to the cold? Wasn't it -// degrees?

Capt. Once: Actually, it was -//. And yes, it was butt naked and didn't so much as shiver. Anyway, we landed, approached the target, and Corporal /// got ready to bag it. That's when Dr. // called. I turned to answer it, and that's what saved me. The target must have turned and my whole squad saw it.

Dr. Dan: And that's when 096 got all agitated?

Capt. Told:  yeah. {Interviewed pauses for a second before continuing} Sorry. got teh willies for a second.

Dr. Dan: That's fine. I imagine it to be rather traumatizing.

Capt. Me:  Yeah. Well, I never saw its face. My squad did, and they paid for it up the ass.

Dr. Dan: Could you describe it a bit more, please? 

Capt. The: Pauses] Yeah, yeah. It started screaming at us, and crying. Not animal roaring though, sounded exactly like a person. Really fucking creepy. [Pauses again] We started firing when it picked up Corporal ///  and ripped off his leg. God, he was screaming for our help... fuckin 'A... anyway, we were blowing chunks out of the target, round after round. Didn't do jackshit. I almost lost it when it started [DATA EXPUNGED] him.

Dr. Dan: That's when you ordered the use of an [Papers are heard moving] AT-4 HEDT launcher?

Capt. World: An anti-tank gun. Started carrying it ever since SCP-///  got loose. I've seen those tear through tanks like tissue paper. Did the same thing to the target.

Dr. Dan: And did that do anything?

Capt. Was: It didn't even fucking flinch. It kept tearing apart my squad, but with half of its torso gone. [He draws a large half-circle across his torso]

Dr. Dan: but was it taking damage?

Capt. Gonna: If it was, it wasn't showing it. It must have lost all its organs, all its blood, but it didn't acknowledge any of it. Its bone structure wasn't hurt at all, though. It kept tearing my squad apart.

Dr. Dan: So no actual structural damage. How many rounds would you say were fired at SCP-096?

Capt. Roll: At the least? A thousand. Our door gunner kept his GAU-19 on it for at least twenty seconds. Twenty fucking seconds. That's six hundred .50 caliber rounds pumped into the thing. Might as well been spitting at it.

Dr. Dan: This is when Zulu 9-B arrived?

Capt. Me: Yeah, and my squad was gone. Zulu 9-B managed to get the bag over its head, and it just sat down. We got it into the chopper and got it here. I don't know how I never saw its face. Maybe God or Buddha or whoever thought I should live. The jackass.

Dr. Dan: We have obtained an artist's depiction of SCP-096's face. Would you like to view it?

(dick move right there)

Capt. /////:  {Pauses] You know, after hearing that thing's screams, and the screams of my men, I don't think I want to put a face to what I heard. No. Just... no.

Dr. Dan: Alrighty. I think we're done here.

{Chairs are heard moving. Capt. Something has left the room.}

Dr. Dan: Let this be on record that I am formally requesting SCP-096 be terminated as soon as possible.

<End Log>