ᴍᴀʏᴀ 

It's been a week since the first day of school.

And here I am, still miserable over a feeling I can't even make out.

Riley hasn't really been talking to me as much. She's always hanging out with Lucas and I just feel alone. Everything hurts so much and I can't deal with it. My best friend since forever is completely forgetting about me because of some guy she just met.

After another terrible day of school, I go over to Topanga's, a little bakery owned by Riley's mom. I sit in the small bay window and sip on some coffee as I scroll through my phone. I see a picture of Riley and Lucas on Instagram and immediately exit out of the app. I finish my coffee and try not to completely shatter the mug in anger. I'm having a fun Friday afternoon.

I hear the door to the bakery open and see Farkle walk in. I call out his name and he comes over.

"Hey, Maya," he greets. "What's up?"

"I lied," I spit out. "I don't like Lucas, I never liked him."

"Oh, then what is it?"

I try to put my feelings in words but end up groaning in frustration. "I don't know, Farkle, I just...help me, please?"

He sits next to me and looks me in the eye. "What's happening, Maya?"

I cover my face with my hands. "Fuck if I know."

"How am I supposed to help if you don't even know?!"

I groan and bite my lip. "I can't stop thinking about Riley and Lucas. The two of them together is making me sick, but I definitely do not have a crush on Lucas. I told myself that I'm just being overprotective of her, but that isn't it. Then, I kept telling myself it's because I'm jealous that Riley found someone first, but that's not it either. I just...hate them together."

He slowly nods and processes what I told him. After a few minutes, I get a little impatient with the silence.

"Say something!" I shout irritatedly.

"It sounds like you like Riley," he cautiously says.

"Of course, I like Riley! She's my best friend, how could I not-"

"No," he cuts me off. "Like, maybe more than a friend."

My eyes widen and I let out a forced laugh. "I don't like her, how could I like my best friend?"

"Well, let's see...you don't like Lucas, you hate them together, you can't stop thinking about her, and trust me, the list can go on and on."

"No," I quickly say. "I don't."

"Honestly, I kind of expected it. You two are way too close to be just friends. The hand holding? The nicknames? The forehead and cheek kisses? Sure, I guess some friends do that, but you look at her like she's the only person in the room. For fuck's sake, she grabs your chin whenever you're sad and your face lights up in seconds."

I raise my eyebrows as he rambles all of this out. "Wow, was that all in the back of your head?"

He lightly laughs. "Maya, just admit it."

"I can't, she likes him and I don't like her, okay?!" I shout, mostly trying to convince myself.

Why am I realizing this now? Is it because there's someone else who has their eyes set on her? I really don't want her to go out with Lucas. Before him, I had nothing to worry about. It was just us two and I didn't really think too much of it, but I really love it when it's just us two.

But what am I supposed to do? Ruin our relationship by confessing that I like my best friend? I would never do that. Our friendship is too perfect to fall into shambles. She's too perfect to lose because of my feelings.

"Maya..." his voice trails off.

I look at him and feel tears brimming my eyes. "I can't."

He grabs my hand. "It's okay, Maya."

The warm tears run down my cheek and I lean into Farkle's shoulder. "This can't happen."

"Maya, I know this is hard to take in, but you need to feel whatever it is you feel."

"But I can't feel this way about her!" I raise my voice. "Anyone but her."

"Relax," he whispers as an old couple across the room gives us a look. "Let's go somewhere else and talk about this, yeah?"

I nod and he drags me outside. We quietly walk along the pathway as cars roar past us. 

"Farkle...what if she finds out and totally hates me?"

He doesn't reply for a second and I feel even worse. "She would never hate you, Maya. Even if she doesn't feel the same way, she still loves you more than anything. Just remember that."

"I can't tell her," I whisper and feel more tears streaming down my face.

He gives me a look and gently wipes them away. "You can't keep this bottled up forever."

"Whatever," I sigh and try to stop crying, but tears just keep pouring out. "God, I'm a mess."

"Hey, I think you should relax and get some sleep, okay? You can come over to my place if you want company."

I nod and smile. "Thank you, Farkle. I don't say this a lot--well, I've never said this, but I love you."

He smiles and softly laughs. "I love you too, Maya."

We walk to his house and I take deep breaths to calm myself down. Once we arrive, I text Mom and let her know that I'm sleeping over at Riley's. I didn't tell her I was at Farkle's because she'd probably freak out, even though nothing would ever happen between us.

Farkle tosses me a t-shirt once we get into his room. "Here."

"Thanks," I quietly say and go change in the closet.

I walk back into the room and see Farkle making a bed on the floor.

"You can take the bed," he tells me and I open my mouth to protest. "Don't say anything, just take the bed, Maya. I want you to be comfortable."

I smile at his generosity and thank him. 

He grabs his laptop and plops next to me on the bed. "Let's watch The Office. Hopefully, that brightens your mood, yeah?"

"Yeah," I smile and lean against his shoulder. 

He presses play and I feel myself forget about Riley for the night. Farkle makes some stupid comments and I can't help but laugh. We never really hung out alone, it was always the three of us. After a long while of binge-watching, tiredness consumes me.

"I'm gonna sleep now," I yawn.

"Good night," he smiles and lies on the air mattress.

I put my head on his soft pillow and flutter my eyes shut.

~~~~~

"Maya, wake up!" Farkle screams into my ear.

"Fuck off," I groggily say and throw my hand at his face, making him groan.

"Sorry," I apologize and lazily sit up. "Morning, nerd."

"How are you?" he softly asks, ignoring my name-calling.

I bite my lip and force a smile. "I'm better, I guess."

"Let's go get some coffee at Topanga's," he suggests. "I'm can barely think."

I agree and go to the restroom. He leaves a spare toothbrush on the counter and I freshen up. I throw a peace sign at myself in the mirror just for shits and giggles. Immediately after, I feel overwhelmingly embarrassed even though no one saw me. Thank god no one saw me.

I walk out of his room and see Farkle tying his shoes at the front door. "I just threw a peace sign at myself, I'm so embarrassed."

He looks at me with a blank expression and bursts out laughing. "Why'd you tell me?"

"I figured I'd share my embarrassment, I don't know."

He shakes his head and chuckles as we make our way to Topanga's. When we walk in, I catch sight of the one person I didn't want to see. And to make it even better, she's with the one other person I didn't want to see. 

"Farkle..." I whisper and turn around. "Let's go somewhere else, please."

"Maya, come on! You gotta face her," he tells me once he notices them. "Don't be a wimp. You don't even have to talk to her, just being in the same room is good enough."

I hesitantly agree and walk inside. I avoid her eyes, but I feel them staring at me. Farkle walks to the counter and orders some coffee for us, and I go over to the bay window on the opposite side of the room from Riley and Lucas.

Please don't come over here.

I try to ignore my feelings and scroll through my phone. 

Honestly, I wish she came over here. I'm her best friend but she's sure acting like we're strangers. One guy comes into her life and she doesn't even acknowledge me. How could she do that? Especially to me?

I tap my foot rapidly as I wait for something to happen. She doesn't come over and I feel my heart shatter.

"Hey, you good?" Farkle walks over with our coffee.

"She's acting like I don't exist. We're literally best friends and suddenly, I mean nothing," I whisper, taking a sip from my cup.

"She's been glancing over at you, ya know. Clearly, she wants to talk to you."

"Or she absolutely hates me! Farkle, I know you're trying to make me feel better, but if she really wanted to talk to me, she would've," I quietly say.

"Okay, I'm sorry," he mutters back. "Let's just forget about it."

I nod and peek over at Riley and Lucas. They're holding hands and I fight the urge to walk up and slap his pretty cowboy face back to Texas. After I finish my coffee and listen to Farkle attempting to get her off my mind, we stand up and get ready to leave.

As I walk out the door, I hear footsteps running up behind me. I turn around and see Riley with a confused expression.

"Hey, Peaches."

"Riles," I clench my teeth and force a smile. Farkle walks away and says he'll wait for me.

"Hey, sorry we haven't talked lately," she grabs my hand and I feel my heart warm up.

"It's cool, Riley," I softly say. "Are you and Lucas having a good time?"

"Yeah," she grins.

I feel my heart go cold as ice and I force a smile. "Good for you."

"Are you okay?" she frowns and lets go of my hand. "You've been acting really weird lately. Is it because I'm not spending as much time with you? Because I'm sorry, it's just...Lucas doesn't really know anyone and I-"

"It's fine, Riley. Bye, see you around," I quickly say and run up the steps.

She calls my name but I don't turn around. I bite the inside of my cheek and catch Farkle sitting on a bench down the street.

"I'm such a mess," I whisper and sit next to him. "I can't even tell her that she's on my mind all the time."

"Hey, don't stress about this so much. You'll feel better, alright? Maybe if you just spoke to her again..."

"But I can't! She'll do something like grab my hand and make me feel like she actually cares when she doesn't! I hate her."

"You don't hate her."

"I really wanna hate her," I sigh and fiddle with my thumbs. "It'd be so much easier."

"Um, well, she's kind of coming over here, so..."

My eyes widen and I turn to find Riley walking towards us. "No, no, no-"

"Relax, Maya. You got this," he whispers. "It's you and Riley. Everything will work out in the end."

Once she's close enough, she speaks up.

"Hey, Maya," she says with a small smile. "Can I talk to you, alone?"

Farkle gets the hint and quickly stands up. He gives me a wink before walking away, and I roll my eyes. Riley sits next to me and tilts her head.

"Please, tell me what's wrong," she softly says.

I look into her eyes and feel nothing but pain. "Are you happy with him?"

She furrows her eyebrows and blinks. "Yeah, I am."

"Okay," I whisper.

"Why?"

I bite my lip and look down. "Just wondering."

She cups my chin and my heart flutters as she turns my head towards her. She stares into my eyes for a few seconds but quickly averts them. I look at her confused expression.

"What?" I ask.

She shrugs it off and smiles. "Nothing, sorry. Are we okay now?"

I hesitantly nod. "Sure."

"Okay," she replies and quickly pecks my cheek with her soft lips, making my eyes widen. "Bye, love you."

She walks off and I sit there in shock. Farkle comes up next to me after she leaves and smirks.

"Did she kiss your cheek?"

"Yeah," I blush. "But she'll never feel the same way and I'm just wasting my time. I don't even think that what I'm feeling is real."

"Hey, don't say that. Honestly, I feel like she'll realize her feelings soon. We're all figuring our feelings out. Who knows? You might not even like her like that, but you'll never know if you keep avoiding her. This is a weird stage in our lives so don't give up on her just yet. Hope isn't for suckers, alright?"

"Yeah," I quietly say and smile.

"I'll walk you home," he stands up and holds his hand out.

I take it and we stroll along the crowded sidewalks.

"Thank you, Farkle. So much," I whisper.

"What are friends for?" he smirks.

I walk into my room and lazily doodle on a piece of paper. I'm so deep in thought that I don't realize I've drawn a purple cat. Everything I do has some trace of Riley.

I definitely like her.