I jump out of the way as Newt runs towards Thomas, his hands extended towards the boy. Thomas manages to get away from Newt, making the blonde tumble to the ground with another animalistic growl.

"Newt!" I cry out.

"Newt! Newt, it's me! It's me!" Thomas shouts before Newt runs at him again. The two struggle for a moment before Thomas, once again, is able to throw Newt off of him. Newt jumps to his feet the second he touches the floor, making a beeline for me. 

I throw a punch in his direction, hitting the side of his jaw, but it doesn't do anything. He manages to tackle me to the ground. I'm able to throw him off of me before he has a chance to pin me to the ground. I scramble to my feet and start running over to Thomas. I can hear Newt right behind me, chasing after me. 

"Venus, get out of the way!" Thomas shouts. He puts his body between mine and Newt's again. Newt throws his body into Thomas's, tackling him to the ground. The two roll around for a minute before Thomas throws Newt off of him. I grab onto Thomas's arm, helping him as he scrambles to his feet.

Newt stays on the ground of a moment, hands and knees on the ground, panting for air. "Tommy, kill me!" Newt shouts, looking over at us, a mixture of saliva and blood falling onto the cement.

"Newt," Thomas says, his voice breaking. He begins to approach the boy slowly. "I'm here-"

Newt lets out an enraged screech, throwing his body against Thomas's and sending the two falling to the ground again. I try to pull Newt off of him, but he's too persistent. One of his flailing fists hits me in the mouth. Immediately, I taste blood. I stumble backwards in shock before trying to help Thomas once again. 

"Newt, please!" Thomas cries, tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes. The two of them struggle for a moment longer before Newt goes still, panting heavily again. Thomas grips both of his wrists in his hands, holding them away from him. 

Newt looks from me to Thomas. "I'm sorry, Tommy. I'm sorry, Venny," he says through deep breaths. Newt places a hand on Thomas's shoulder.

Thomas looks up at him, his eyes teary. "It's okay," he breathes, quick to forgive the boy. "It's okay."

"Newt-" I start, but am cut off by Newt reaching for the holster on Thomas's leg and pulling out his gun. He cocks it and points it to his head. "NO!" I scream, smacking his hand and sending the gun clattering to the ground. I lunge at him, tackling Newt off of Thomas. 

The blonde lets out another, deep-throated growl, flipping us over so that he's on top of me. He claws at me, scratching at my face. I manage to wrestle his hands away just before Thomas pulls Newt off of me by his jacket. He throws the boy to the ground and I scramble to my feet. I feel blood dripping down my face and chin.

Newt manages to wrestle Thomas to the ground again before Thomas flips him off. I watch Newt as he pulls a knife out of a sheath on his side. He swings it at Thomas before climbing on top of him and plunges the knife down towards Thomas's chest. Thomas wrestles with Newt's wrists, trying with all his might to keep the knife away from his skin. 

Tears stream down my face as I reach for the gun in my holster. I take it out, cock it, and point it at Newt's head with shaking hands. Newt's snarling and growling through gritted teeth, trying to force the knife down into Thomas's skin. With another animalistic growl, his forces the tip of the knife into Thomas's chest. My brother lets out a scream of pain, kicking Newt's body off of him.

The gun in my hands shakes as I keep it pointed at Newt, my finger hovering over the trigger. My entire arm is shaking, their outlines blurred with tears. Thomas looks up at me, his eyes wide. He shakes his head. "No, Venus! Don't!" He shouts.

Newt tries to claw at him again. Thomas punches Newt in the jaw, making the boy's body fall to the ground again. Newt looks over at me.

"Kill me!" He screeches. My finger hovers over the trigger, but I don't pull it. I can't. Newt stands up and runs at me, reaching for the gun. He tackles me again, making the gun fall out of my hands. It slides across the cement away from us. Newt reaches into the sheath at my side and pulls out my knife- the knife he'd given me back in the Scorch. He slashes at my arms with it, a burning sensation filling my body each time the blade makes contact with my skin. I scream from the pain. I manage to knee him in the ribs, making him fall off of me. It gives me enough time to scramble to my feet. 

Newt recovers almost immediately. Thomas and I scramble back as he runs at us, slashing my knife in the air at us. He lunges for Thomas, throwing his body into the brunette's. The boys stand still for a moment, silence filling the tunnel. It's eerie and unsettling. We all pant for breath.

I slowly walk towards the boys. Newt grips onto Thomas's shoulder tightly. 

"Newt?" I ask softly. Slowly, Thomas pulls away from Newt. I look down just as Newt's hand falls from the handle of the blade that's sticking out hilt-deep to the left of his chest. My wide eyes meet Newt's, my mouth open in horror, all sound caught in my throat.

"Venny?" Newt asks in a whisper. "Tommy?" He stares at us, wobbling unsteadily on his feet and I swear I see the tiniest hint of a smile gracing his face. I lunge at him just as he begins to fall backwards.

"No, no!" Thomas shouts, trying to help me as I wrap my arms around his body as he falls. I try to lower him gently to the ground, but end up falling beside him. I scramble onto my knees, immediately placing two fingers to the side of his neck.

His pulse is faint. It might as well not even be there. But he's alive.

Thomas hovers over his body, staring down at him in shock. 

"No, no, no, no, no," I repeat. I won't let this be like what happened to Gally. "Stay with me, Newt." I pinch his nostrils shut and tilt his head back, pressing my mouth to his. I breathe into his open mouth once for one second before pulling back. I count to five. I check for a pulse before pressing my mouth to his again and repeating the process. I do that five times.

I feel his pulse slowly fade into nothingness. "No, Newt! No!" I shout, intertwining my fingers and placing my palms beside the hilt of the knife, right in the center of his chest. Blood begins pooling on his shirt. I lock my elbows and begin pushing down. Hard.

"Don't go, Newt. Don't leave me," I say between compressions. Thirty compressions. I then tilt his chin back again and breathe into his mouth before starting up the compressions again. "Come on, Newt!" I cry out as I hear a loud crunch, something giving way beneath my palm. 

I repeat the process over and over again. Another one of Newt's ribs breaks, then another. I give him thirty compressions before breathing once, twice, into his mouth. I try not to look at the knife still in his chest. My knife.

"Venus," Thomas says softly. I press my mouth to Newt's again and exhale. I feel someone trying to pull me off of him. 

Denial.

"No!" I shout, locking my elbows and going back to the compressions. "I can save him! I can save him!"

I hear another crunch. Four ribs. My hands are slippery with blood. Whether it's mine or his, I'm not sure. Newt's shirt is stained with it. I can feel the warm, sticky blood running down my arms from where Newt cut me. It drips down my chin from my mouth and down my cheeks. It's everywhere. 

Thirty compressions. Breathe once. Wait. Breathe twice. Wait. Thirty compressions. Breathe once. Wait. Breathe twice. Wait.

I repeat this over and over again. 

"Come on, Newt! Come back to me!" I shout as another rib cracks beneath my hands. Five ribs.

He stares blankly up at the ceiling, his eyes glazed over, his lips parted slightly. He's completely still, motionless under my hands. 

Someone pulls me off of Newt. "What are you doing?!" I shriek. "I can save him! Stop it! Let me go! What are you doing?!" I try to scramble back over to him, kicking and clawing. I manage to wriggle my way out of the person's arms and fling my body back to Newt's. I start up another round of compressions, but I'm completely exhausted, making them sloppy and useless. My arms are tired. My energy's gone. 

Deep down, I know he's dead. He jumped off that Maze wall years ago, but I know he always hated that it didn't work. That he didn't die right then and there. I know he's dead, because Newt wanted to be dead. 

The person is able to pull me off of Newt again easily. They carry me away from his body, holding me close as I try to fight them away. I see Thomas beside Newt's body through my teary gaze. Minho and Frypan kneel beside the body. I rip my body away from the person who's holding me.

Gally.

It's always Gally.

Anger

He holds onto one of my arms, leaving the other completely free. I beat my free fist against Gally's armor. He tries to soothe me, tries to calm me down, but I'm relentless. I try to rip myself away from him so I can go back to Newt, but Gally holds onto me. I pound my fist into his chest. He doesn't move. He doesn't protest. He stands still and takes it. 

"Let me go!" I shout between every hit. My knuckles split. Blood drips down my hand, mixing with Newt's. "Let me go!"

I pull and tug and try to rip my arm free. Gally doesn't budge. Tears are streaming down my bloody, grimy face. The hits become weaker and weaker until they eventually stop.

Slowly, Gally lets me go. He lets me walk back over to Newt. I sink to my knees beside his head. I let out a cry of rage, pounding my fist on the cement beside me. The sight of my knife lodged in his chest sickens me.

Bargaining.

My fist is numb now. I stop hitting the ground. I cradle my bruised, bleeding hand in my other one, tears running down my face. 

I look over for Thomas, but he's gone. Where, I'm not sure. I look back at Newt.

My knife. 

It's my knife that's lodged in his chest.

It's my knife that killed him.

How could I have ever touched the knife that killed him? How could I have ever held it in my hands?

What if I didn't have it? Would he be alive? Would Brenda have made it in time to get him the cure?

What if he had gone for me instead? I could've pushed Thomas out of the way. Maybe Newt would've killed me and not himself. Maybe my knife would be lodged in my own chest instead of his.

If I had pushed Thomas harder to stop listening to Teresa, this wouldn't have happened. Newt would have gotten the cure and been okay. Maybe if I'd gone with Gally and Minho and not stayed with them, I'd have been able to get the cure and get it to Newt before it was too late. I could've tried harder. I could've run faster. I could've done more.

I could've saved him.

Depression.

I lean down as the guilt overtakes me. My forehead rests on Newt's as my tears fall onto his skin. Loud sobs rack my entire body.

"I'm so sorry," I say through gasps of air between every sob. "I'm so sorry."

I press a kiss to his forehead, leaving my lips on his skin for a moment before resting my forehead back on his. I let out a loud, throat-ripping wail that echoes throughout the tunnel. I grasp each side of Newt's face with my hands, rocking him back and forth as I cry. Another broken scream escapes my lips.

Saliva mixes with blood as it falls from my gaping mouth. The blood on my face drips onto Newt's skin. "I'm so sorry," I repeat over and over again. They're the only words that I can bring myself to say.

I'm inhaling sharp breaths. I can't seem to breathe very well right now. We're all so young. We're so, so young. How many people have I watched die? How many of my friends have been ripped away from me?

This world is cruel. It has a funny way of putting up this front of opportunity and joy, but the moment you begin to experience any sort of positive feeling, the world rips it away from you. The people you love, the things you enjoy, and everything that matters most to you. They're all gone in the blink of an eye the moment the world decides to take them. It's cruel and ruthless and leaves you to crumble until you're nothing more than the shell of the person you were before.

I press another bloody kiss to Newt's forehead before forcing myself to my feet. I stand over Minho, staring down at him. He looks up at me, his face streaked with tears.

"Where is he?" I ask, my voice breaking and scratchy. Minho gives me a look of pure confusion. "Thomas. Where is he?"

"WICKED," he replies shortly, his voice hoarse. I nod.

"Venus-" Frypan starts, but I ignore him and walk over to Gally, who watches me as I approach him. He opens his mouth to speak, but I interrupt him.

"Your gun," I say, holding my hand out. 

Gally shakes his head. "Venus, I'm not-"

"Give me the fucking gun, Gally!" I shout. He hesitates, but hands me his gun. "I need a knife, too," I manage, my voice cracking on the word. The image of my knife in Newt's chest is engraved in my brain, making me feel sick.

Gally reaches to his side and pulls out a long, thin dagger. "It's the best I've got," he says, holding it out to me. I take it from him, starting to turn around, but he grabs onto my upper arm lightly. "Venus, where are you-"

"Let me go, Gally," I say, my voice dangerously low. Gally releases his grip on me. 

"Ven-" he starts, but I ignore him. I walk away, the gun in one hand, his dagger in the other, leaving my friends and Newt's body behind me.