[14— Even Closer]

   "Do you still talk to that guy?"

   You looked at Liam in the mirror behind you. He sat on your bed, fiddling with one of the toys he brought from his room. "Guy?" you prompted.

   "Yeah. The guy in the blue mask."

   You took a deep inhale, unable to qualm the nervousness inhabiting you. You had been gradually growing more and more uneasy about the upcoming date throughout the date. Now, you were almost finished getting ready for it, and Liam had been with you all the while, though he had hardly said a word until now.

   "Um..." Was it okay to be honest with him? "Sort of."

   "Is that who you're going on a date with?"

   The breath you'd taken came out in a choked sputter as you failed to hold back a laugh. "No! No. I'm going out with Nico."

   You could see his mouth go up into a smile in the mirror. "Cool. He's nice."

   "He is, isn't he?"

   "The mask guy is, too," he went on. "How did you even meet him, anyway?"

   You pressed your lips together, turning away from the mirror to face him. "I guess by accident," you answered vaguely. "Why are you bringing him up?"

   "You don't," he answered plainly, eyes on his toy. "And I want to see him. The mask was cool."

   Clueless on what to say, you shifted where you stood for a moment. You hated lying to Liam, but he couldn't know the full truth. "Well, I don't know if you will be able to," you started, "he won't be around much longer."

   "Is he moving?"

   "Pretty much," It wasn't technically a lie, was it?

   "Hey," Iris's voice sounded from the door, and you looked over to see her peeking her head in. "I'm heading out for work."

   You glanced at the time, and then started toward her. "Me too, actually." You looked at Liam. "You're sure you'll be okay on your own?"

   The kid slid off the bed, nodding. "Yeah. I'll stay in upstairs like I'm supposed to."

   You smiled. "Good."

   You and Iris went downstairs together and out the door. Not much was exchanged between the both of you, but you didn't mind. You knew she was having problems at work recently, and you were too nervous to talk about much at the time anyway.

   Sitting on the top step of the porch, you watched as Iris pulled away in her car, and then the road for another one to come up. All the while, your mind wandered, and you could not help but think to the lemon verbena in a small bag in your pocket. What would you even say to Jack? "Here's the verbena you needed. Bye." You wanted to say something more. Needed to. But what?

   Headlights drifted in your field of view, and you looked up to see Nico's car slowing to a stop in front of your house. Getting to your feet, you hurried over, the twisting in your gut stronger than ever. His usual casual smile was on his face as you opened the passenger door, and he leaned back in his seat as he fully took the sight of you as you got in. The smile widened.

   "Took you long enough," you joked.

   "Aw, come on. It's only five minutes over," he joked back.

   Your heart pounded in your chest, though you weren't sure why you were having such a hard time looking at him.

   "...I look that bad?" you heard him say.

   You forced a glance his way, shaking your head. "No, you looked as handsome as ever," you told him. "I'm just kind of anxious."

   "Oh, good. Vie told me I looked stupid."

   You huffed. "Doesn't she always tell you that?"

   Nico blinked. "Uh. Yeah. Actually. I guess we're both too anxious about this." The car began to move, and he began to drive down the road.

   "Maybe she'll be right about us. We'll suck together."

   He looked over at you, a brow quirking. "Will we, now?"

   You lightly hit him on the shoulder. "Shut up."

   As planned, he drove you to the nearest movie theatre. As nervous as you were about the date, you did know that at the very least, you were excited about the movie. You were lucky Nico was also such a big fan of horror, so that you could watch the newest horror flick with him for a date. You could tell he, too, was excited, given the way his mannerisms loosened up as soon as both of you had gone inside.

   As you sat down with him in one of the seats, a drink in hand and bag of popcorn in his, you were almost hyper-aware of what he was doing. Every little shift, every breath, every glance your way— you could sense it all. So much so, it felt as if it had taken a million years for his hand to reach over and takes yours, when it had only taken a few seconds.

   What would Jack think about all of this?

   You tightened your grip on his hand. Perhaps it wasn't all nerves. Perhaps some of it was guilt.

   The movie had started. You allowed it to be a complete distraction from your thoughts, and gradually, you were becoming more comfortable as time went on.

   Apparently, Nico had been watching you as much as the screen, as at some point halfway through the movie, he whispered: "You're totally into the killer again, aren't you?"

   You blinked, looking over at him. "...Maybe?"

   He chuckled. What a nice chuckle it was. "Perhaps I should get in the murder business. You seem to have a thing for killers." You loved his voice, but not as much as...

   You couldn't help but smile, leaning a little closer to him. "It's the thrill of the danger."

   "I—"

   Harsh shushing came from a woman a seat down from Nico, and you and him gave each other amused looks. The both of you fell silent, and Nico went back to the movie. You, on the other hand, were now more interested in those around you.

   You scanned the dimly lit rows of seats for anyone that much stick out. Was he there somehow, watching over you? Was he somehow in disguise, hiding in plain sight? Could he see how close you and Nico were? The way you were holding his hand?

   The knot in your stomach twisted further, shame kindling on your face as you turned back around to return your focus on the screen. Why do I care?

   The movie was over before you knew it, and you were walking out of the theatre at Nico's side. Hand still in his, you and him headed over to the car, laughing at some silly joke he made.

   You slid into the vehicle on your side as he did his. Closing the door, you were quick to notice he had not stuck the keys into the ignition. You shifted in your seat, suddenly aware of the fact that the both of you were alone.

   You swallowed the lump in your throat. Desperate for a distraction, you slipped out your phone, only for the sight of the time to throw you right back into your thoughts. One hour before I have to meet him. You blinked, trying to focus on the messages you missed. There were three texts from Vie from two hours ago.

Hey. I know you and captain nervous wreck are geeking out over a movie right now but i found out something important

Dont worry or anything. Like its important but not urgent. I guess. Idk.

Look, just dont worry. Call me tomorrow and ill tell you all about it. Happy smooching! ;)

   You weren't sure what to think. It was so much like Vie, and she wasn't a liar, but when did anyone hear "don't worry" and not worry?

   Nico clearing his throat yanked you out of your thoughts, and you quickly put your phone down, coming to his attention as he began to speak.

   "Listen, um..." His face creased with what you couldn't differentiate between concern, confusion, or frustration. "I know you didn't have as much fun tonight as you probably would have, had you..."

   You tensed. "What do you mean?" you were quick to ask. "Had I what?"

   He shook his head. "I mean, I don't know. Maybe it's just me seeing things. I mean, you have been acting different ever since that dude showed up at the fair."

   You clutched your phone tighter, suddenly wishing you'd spent every second of tonight behaving differently. "What?" Your voice was taut.

   "[Name], come on. Please. You've been more distant, and, I mean..." He suddenly leaned back in his seat, running a hand through his hair. "Shit. I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm talking about. I think. I don't know. I-I think I feel bad, 'cause you've seemed distracted all night, and I didn't want it to be something I was doing, but..."

   You softened, and tried to focus on that instead of the dizziness that had come over you, and reached a hand out. Gently, you took hold of his arm, grabbing his attention. "No, Nico. You haven't done anything wrong." You gave him a warm smile. "It's like I said. I'm really nervous. I'm..." You struggled for words. "I really don't want to screw this up." Because I... have to? "Okay? You're you. And I love that. And I... I..." The next words got caught in your throat. "I love you."

   Nico leaned closer, his form relaxing at those three words. "Geez. I love you, too, [Name]."

   Inches, You were inches from his face. You knew what you had to do, but there was that hesitation, that sensation deep down telling you not to, and that he was supposed to be someone else.

   But I have to. It has to be him, because it who it should be, can't be. It can't be him. Can't be. He's leaving. He's... He's...

   Nico's breath plumed against your face. You closed the gap between the both of you, your brows knotted together as you tried to ignore how conflicted you felt. Your lips pressed into his, and he pressed back.

   I should go through with this, but it's not right to Nico. It's not right to me. Not right to...

   His hand trailed to the side of your face.

   Jack. Over and over again, you heard his name in your mind. The kiss was easier when you pretended it belonged to his name.

   What would he think, seeing this? Would he care? Why would he? He leaves tomorrow. It can't be.

   The world was spinning. Your mind was melting.

   "I was looking for you, [Name]."

   Would he still look for you, ever after he was gone? Just as you looked for him in the seats at the theatre? Just as you looked for him in this kiss?

   Nico parted from you, and you finally granted air. You were breathless, unable to focus on anything. He leaned back, examining your state. "Woah, [Name], I took that much out of you?"

   You fell back against the seat, forcing half a smile. "Maybe." You couldn't say no.

   He huffed, putting the keys in the ignition. "Well, maybe I won't have to turn to the killer business after all."

   You lowered your head. "I guess not." The car began to move.

   Even if Jack were leaving, even if it couldn't be him, it could not be Nico, either. You could not tell him that night, but perhaps you could tell him tomorrow.

   The car slowed to a stop at your house. You thanked him for the date and the ride home, saying you had a good time. He reciprocated the feeling, and once you had stepped onto the porch, he was driving down the road in the direction of his dorms.

   You allowed all of the pent up stress from the night to make its way out of you, your form slumping and loosening up. Hurriedly, you checked the time, and then reached for the door. Finally, it was time.

   Quietly, you opened the door, peering inside your house for your uncle. There were only a few lights on, though it wasn't any surprise given what time it was. You carefully shut the door behind you and snuck your way toward the stairs, hearing the television on in the living room where you figured uncle Luis to be.

   Up, up the stairs. You were floating, your mind clouded. Iris's door was pulled to, so she was not yet home. Liam's door was shut. You opened it slowly, glimpsing through the crack you made in the doorway to see him asleep on his bed.

   You opened your own door, anticipating the conversation. He was already there, and was sat, hood down, motionless on your bed. He had been waiting patiently for your arrival. He always seemed to be waiting for the next time he would see you. Wasn't he?

   The way your face broke into a smile was involuntary, but welcomed. "Well, if you're here before me, and unless you can move faster than a car, I take it you weren't watching over me."

   "I left for here as soon as you went inside theatre," he rasped.

   So, he wouldn't know anything about... "Oh. So, have you made yourself at home in here while you waited?"

   Jack shrugged. "I like the room," he said.

   "Yeah?"

   "Smells of you."

   You blinked. "Well, it is my room."

   He looked away. "...That was a weird thing to say."

   "It was a you thing to say."

   "Right," he mumbled, "you're not normal."

   You stepped closer, quirking a brow. "Oh, I'm not, am I?" The woes of the night were already beginning to lift from your shoulders.

   He shifted, still sitting on the bed. "A normal person wouldn't have me here."

   "What, on their bed? Come on. Any normal person would have you there."

   Jack was silent, and as were you as soon as you realised what you had said. Your face was burning, and you opened your mouth to correct yourself, or to say anything at all, but nothing would come out.

   "Then what would you do?" he asked.

   Floating. Clouded.

   "I..."

   It can't be him.

   You shook your head. "Sorry. I— It wasn't supposed to come out like that." You swallowed, wishing you wouldn't stammer so much. "Um. I have the verbena," you suddenly said, beginning to frantically dig it out of your pocket.

   He moved and stood off the bed, getting closer. Closer. He reached out a gloved hand for it, and you placed it in his palm. "Thanks," he said, then shoving the bagged herb into his own pocket.

   You did your best to control yourself. "Yeah."

   "How did the date go?"

   You fidgeted. "It was okay. I mean, it was great. The movie was good. Uh, Nico was good." You face-palmed. "No. I mean, that's not—"

   "You don't have to dance around anything," he said calmly.

   You were frantic. "No! No, I'm—"

   "[Name]."

   "I-I'm just... I'm a little, no, a lot— very—"

   "[Name]."

   You were frozen. He'd taken a hold your forearms. Something about the touch was very familiar to last night at the hideout.

   "Slow down," he said reassuringly. "Okay?"

   You nodded, and then remembered he couldn't see it. "Uh-huh."

   His thumbs brushed across your arms where he held you. "Say what you want."

   You opened your mouth. The sensation of Nico's lips resurfaced on yours. I want... You cleared your throat. "Sorry. It's just been a weird night. I had a good time, though."

   "Good. I hope he did by you right."

   You searched him; searched for any sign that something was wrong, that he had a problem with you going on that date— anything. You wished he wasn't so hard to read. "He did."

   The muffled voice of your uncle shouting profanities at the television was audible from downstairs, and the both of you fell silent.

   "How often does he...?" He did not finish.

   "Hurt me? A lot."

   His grip on your arms tightened, and you took hold of his to ease him.

   "I want to kill him," he said.

   "Me, too."

   He chuckled.

   You blinked in surprise. "I don't think I've ever heard your laugh," you said.

   "You like it?"

   "I like everything about you."

   "...Everything?"

  "Shut up." You gave his shoulder a shove. "Shouldn't you be heading back by now?"

   His hands gradually slid down your arms, lingered on your hands, and then finally retracted as he stepped back. "I should. Jeff would hunt me down and beat me if I don't show up at some point," he said, heading to the window as he pulled his hood up.

   "I want to kill him," you said.

   He opened the window, stepping onto the sill. "Me, too."

   You smiled. "Jack?"

   He stopped, but did not turn to look at you. "Mhm?"

   "What would you do?"

   His hand flexed on the sill. "I would have you, too," he said, and then disappeared through the window.