Chapter Twenty Seven

"Okay! 10 minutes rest!" The choreographer-dancer-intructor announced. The rest of the team immediately catches their own breath.

"Aaaa! My leg hurts!" Yangyang whined, but holding his arms. That gave everyone laughter. "I feel like I should really hurt your leg." Chenle said back.

On the other hand, Taeil sat down beside Taeyong at the middle of the floor, "I've heard the management offered you a solo career again," Taeil started off.

The gray haired guy nodded while wiping his sweat, "Yeah, but I didn't accept it." He replied.

Taeil frowned at him, "I don't get it. You left APA to debut soon, then what are you still waiting for?" He asked.

To be honest, Taeyong's confused too. His mother has been nagging him about his decision, but he's still not ready- is he waiting for someone?

He's not expecting Jaehyun will audition to MBC, but just in fucking case. Just maybe.

Their relationship's at the edge, maybe that could save their relationship.

Taeyong stared at Taeil for a second as he admire his relationship with Doyoung. They are both trainees- they almost have the same schedule and they have a quality time every night.

They also hide their relationship very well.

Same goes with Johnny and Ten, they're both still studying. They also had problems just like a normal couple, but they're still going strong.

Taeyong's envious.

"I'll just go to the comfort room," he said and avoided Taeil's question. He got his phone from his bag first before going to the comfort room.

He's hoping, even just one text from his boyfriend. But not even one notification with Jaehyun's name are there.

He sighed, and started typing.

To: my home.
hey

To: my home.
have you eaten your lunch?
i still haven't eaten mine, but will do soon :)

He kept his phone inside his pocket, Taeyong washed his face with cold water and let it- atleast- heal his numbness.

We're busy, that's it. I shouldn't let overthinking take over me. Yup.

But he missed Jaehyun so much.

Last time he saw him was almost three weeks ago, last time they talked over phone was five days ago, and every time they text each other— always late replies.

Did he let Jaehyun get too close to him before? That's why it hurts so much now that they barely have time for each other? Was it wrong?

He feels weak. Like a puzzle with a missing piece, a bed with no pillow, a book without words, a heart without love.

"Hyung? Hyung!"

Taeyong washed his face again when he heard Sungchan's voice entering the comfort room, "A new trainee arrived!" He excitedly delivered the news.

The gray haired guy just nodded and smile, "Let's meet him then."

**

"That's so fucking unfair! I hate it here!" Lucas glared at- who else? Yangyang of course. "What's unfair? This is my property, so you should pay me! You didn't buy it from me!"

"Then I'll buy it!"

"Your money's not enough!"

"Can't I just use my own, real credit card?"

They're fighting over monopoly.

Is there even an occasion? None, halloween's done and Christmas is coming. Our anniversary is getting near.

"Who is he?" Mark asked, the new trainee last November. "He's Lucas, our friend. Still studying at APA." Ten answered, they already met once before.

"Yeah, I already met him earlier. I was referring to him." Mark pointed at the picture frame on the side table.

Ten glanced at his best friend, Taeyong smiled- obviously a bitter one. "I haven't introduce my boyfriend to you?" He said, laughing. But his eyes says otherwise.

How can I introduce Mark to him when he's busy?

"You have a boyfriend?!" Mark exclaimed, can't even believe what he just heard. Ten just chuckled and went to play monopoly with the others.

Taeyong sighed, still trying to smile. "I guess."

"Where is he? I've known you guys for so long to the point I though I already met all your friends." Mark laughed, not knowing the other's situation. By long, he meant a month.

Taeyong shrugged at him, "He's busy. Studying at APA." Mark sensed that he doesn't wanna talk about it so he just remained silent.

"You know what?" Taeyong spoke, "Have you ever been in love?" He randomly asked.

Everyone's actually playing at the floor, only Mark and Taeyong who's seating on the sofa with a beer on can on their hands.

Mark wanted to laugh at the question, "Love? Nope. For me it'll just distract me from my dreams. Never had time for that." He honestly answered.

Taeyong's about to share his experience, but the younger's answer attacked him. He reflected from it.

Distract from my dreams.

Never had time for that.

Funny. So fucking funny to the point Taeyong laughed. He laughed so hard. Everyone was frozen while staring at him.

Cause the laugh screams so much pain, his eyes started to shimmer with liquid.

He doesn't want to blame Mark, he just answered truthfully. It's not his fault. Mark actually helped him, even though he started overthinking things.

Jaehyun.. does he found me as a distraction from his dreams?

Ten told everyone to continue playing even though the all look so worried, he took his best friend to his own room and locked the door.

There Taeyong started sobbing, he tried to make the pain go away by crying his eyeballs out.

It hurts.

"Yongie.." Ten felt bad, he doesn't know what to do. He just hugged him and let him cry on his shoulder. It hurts seeing your best friend suffering from pain, Ten felt it.

They stayed at the same position for a few minutes, Taeyong finally stopped crying and Ten could finally smell alcohol from him. Though Taeyong's not that drunk yet.

"Wanna speak it out?" Ten asked, Taeyong leaned on the bed's headboard- sighing.

"Speak what? That I miss him so much but I can't do anything? That I just want him beside me again? That I don't feel like I have a boyfriend even though I do? That his absence is killing me? That I'm longing for his touch and kisses? That I wanna feel his love again? That I wanna go back to day one? No, I won't speak."

Ten smiled a little, atleast Taeyong let a few out. Not straight to the point, but what he directly feels.

"Mark.. I asked him if he has ever been in love, he said no. He said it's just a distraction towards his dream, that he got no time for it." That's the words Taeyong wanted to speak about.

Ten understood it immediately, but he also can't blame Mark. The kid knows nothing, he doesn't even know that Taeyong got a boyfriend until a while ago.

"Johnny, Lucas, and I witnessed how busy Jaehyun is. He's having a hard time too while maintaining the leader position," Ten tried to explain. "He isn't like you. He may be competitive but the spot could be easily stolen from him, I don't wanna compare- but he isn't like you. You, who used to be chill cause you know you're the best among the bests."

"And Jaehyun.. is just among the bests." Ten added.

Taeyong got the point, of course. But when will people understand his point? He's tired too, he's having a hard time too, he's trying his best too.

What hurts him is his expectations.

Him and Jaehyun are both suffering, but he's trying his best to save it- yet why does it feel like he's only the one trying to save their relationship? He's expecting that Jaehyun's doing the same..

But why can't he feel him?

"I wanna rest." All Taeyong said, no one will understand him anyway.

Ten just wanted to give him comfort, but he should also give him space. He left Taeyong alone in the room and went back to the living room.

"Should I call Jaehyun?" Taeil asked, out of concern. "I actually.." Lucas showed a weird smile, "Already did."

Yangyang facepalmed, so as Yuta. Mark, who knows nothing, laughed cause of their facial expressions. "You guys are funny."

The five of them continue playing, except for Ten who's waiting for Jaehyun to arrive. It's getting late, they'll probably leave Taeyong's apartment in an hour.

Or maybe he'll stay if Jaehyun won't come.

Fortunately, after 30 minutes- they heard a car pulled over outside. Ten opened the door and welcomed him, Ten just sighed cause Jaehyun.. looks like a mess.

Both Taeyong and Jaehyun.. are a mess.

"Is he okay..?" Jaehyun asked worriedly, "I'm sorry, I replied late. I fell asleep while practicing."

Ten nodded, "He's at his room, resting. I'm not sure if he wants to talk to you- bu try it out." He tapped his shoulder to show atleast a moral support.

"Oh, he's the boyfriend?" Mark whispered, Lucas nodded at him with a smirk. "Yup, he's also the reason why Taeyong cried a while ago. He's the reason why Taeyong looks a mess. He's the reason why Taeyong isn't so lively the past few weeks. He's the reason— Oh shit, am I talking too much?"

"Cool, you noticed." Yangyang rolled his eyes.

Jaehyun went to his boyfriend's room. His body actually hurts cause of the nonstop practice, but nevermind.

He didn't bother to knock and slowly opened the door, "Ten, I said I wanna rest." Taeyong uttered with his eyes closed.

Jaehyun walked towards the bed and sat down at the opposite side of where Taeyong is lying down. "Babe.." he whispered as he leaned closer.

Taeyong opened his eyes when he heard the voice, he instantly sat up and directly stared onto the younger's eyes. He saw how tired Jaehyun is, he wanted to pull him for a hug—

But he didn't, he felt like he'll break once he touches him.

Jaehyun tried holding Taeyong's hand but the older was quick to pull it away. "Why are you here?" He asked.

Dumb. Fucking dumb. Taeyong hated himself, for giving a cold treatment- as if he didn't want Jaehyun to come for him. He missed him so much, he should he hugging him and giving him kisses.

But he just can't help it.

He can't help to push him away whenever he see Jaehyun's tired eyes- as if he's the reason of it. They rarely see each other and this is what would welcome him?

"Why did you cry?" Jaehyun tried not to sound as cold as Taeyong, but the tiredness can be heard. Taeyong felt like crying again, he just prevented himself.

Taeyong avoided his gaze, "Dumb question." He simply replied back.

Silence.

But in Jaehyun's ears, there's like a time ticking. A bomb that might explode soon, which he's afraid of. He stared at Taeyong, he'll let it out, will he?

And he's right.

Taeyong gulped, gathering courage in him. "Are you tired of me? Of us? Am I distracting you from your dreams? Am I on your way? Don't you need me anymore?" He bursted out.

Tired. Jaehyun wanted to laugh at that term. Of course, he's fucking tired. Physically, mentally, and maybe emotionally too.

But the question, is he tired of Taeyong? Of their relationship? No, of course not. He sighed, "No, babe. I'll never get tired of you- of us—"

"Then stop acting like you are!" Taeyong's voice was heard to the living room. "We're both busy, I know! I tried understanding our situation, it hurts every time I missed you but it's fine! It's always been fine!"

Jaehyun lowered his head, he hates seeing Taeyong cry especially if he's the reason.

"I just.. we could only meet once in a fucking blue moon, but you keep showing me those tired eyes of yours. I thought I am your rest? Is that a lie?"

Jaehyun looked up to him and quickly shook his head sidewards, "No. It was true, okay? I'm just really tired, Yong. Everything is numb, I'm getting blind and all I could see is my goal. I'm sorry."

"Fuck your sorry! You keep saying sorry, it made me think if it's really your fault or mine!" Taeyong's started becoming so red, cause of crying? Anger? He's not sure either.

"And all you could see is your goal?" Taeyong let out a sarcastic laugh. "So I'm starting to disappear?" The pain on his voice when he asked that was felt.

Jaehyun didn't respond, he loved Taeyong truly but it also hurts him to admit the truth— Jaehyun's starting to focus on his goal.. and goal only.

And Jaehyun found it unfair for Taeyong.

"Let's take a rest." He uttered with double meaning, trying to say everyword as clearly as possible.

He wants the older to say don't but even he will, he would still insist for a rest. Taeyong doesn't deserve him, they both doesn't deserve this.

"Do you love me?" Taeyong asked with his soft voice, he's tired of screaming- it hurts.

He can't even believe Jaehyun said that. Instead of fixing or trying to make things work out again, he's choosing to rest. Is it better?

Jaehyun slowly nodded, "I'm absolutely, definitely, positively, undeniably, beyond any doubt, inlove with you. Don't ever doubt my feelings for you, please."

The pain of getting your feelings doubted by someone you love, is what Jaehyun doesn't wanna feel. It's making him doubt himself too.

"Then.. why?"

Jaehyun sighed, finally caught Taeyong's hands. "We're both suffering from pain, we're both in pieces, and we can't fix each other. Let's fix ourselves on our own, heal, and get better."

Taeyong got his point, he knows Jaehyun's right. However, he doesn't want to let him go. He can't.

"Yong," Jaehyun held his chin to let their eyes meet. "After a year, if we're both healed- then let's give it a try, hmm? Yong? I'll come back for you."

No, don't go.

Taeyong wanted to scream that and lock him in his arms, but his body got it's own mind which doesn't want to move.

How unfair it is.

How unfair how Jaehyun could leave and come back anytime he wants, how unfair Jaehyun could decide so easily while him.. he's dying to make a choice.

What if Jaehyun finds someone else inside a year?

—
a/n: so hard writing angst i still have to kill a mosquito just to do it bye

note : this is unedited. expect more typographical and grammatical errors. thank you.