I don't know why I'm straightening my hair. I'm just going to the gym, I think. I don't know why I'm applying just the tiniest bit of eyeliner. It's the gym, I tell myself. I put on denim shorts and a loose white top over my bikinis, and look at myself in the mirror. Is it going to be obvious that I've tried to look good? He's seen me at my worst, so who am I kidding? But I also want to look good. Not just for him, for me. To give me that little bit more confidence that I desperately need.

Mum and Kris aren't home as I leave the house, and I'm thankful. If one of them saw me with my hair straightened like this they would ask questions, and that's not what I need.

It's still earlier than we planned to meet, so Ryan isn't waiting outside his house like I half expected him to be. This makes it easier, and I make my way across the park and onto the beach. I walk along the sand, my eyes fixed on the point, and try to keep a steady pace.

I step from the sand onto the lowest rocks, and then step from rock to rock, making my way out. The waves crash against the rocks, and it's windy but still hot. I sit on a large dry rock and look out to the wild sea. There are surfers out there, trying to avoid the kids and the crowds. Maybe that's where I should be. Out there, surfing, not here, waiting for Nathan.

As I'm waiting, I imagine that he never comes. It scares me, because I need the closure of telling him, to his face, that I don't want anything to do with him. But then I could go back and meet Ryan, and pretend this never happened. And maybe everything would work out okay.

But then I hear someone on the rocks behind me, and when I turn around it's him. He's wearing black board shorts and no shirt, and he has his surfboard under his arm. He places the board down over a rock and sits on the board, and then taps on it, inviting me to sit on the board next to him. I swallow and then stand up, making my way carefully over the rocks and then perching down precariously on his surfboard.

'You look so pretty today,' is the first thing he says to me, and it makes my heart that little bit fluttery.

Nathan puts his arm around me and I straighten my back, my shoulders tensing. He doesn't seem to notice.

'I'm glad you texted me, babe,' he says, leaning into me. I can smell alcohol on his breath.

'Have you been drinking?' I ask, pulling back, somewhat repulsed.

He laughs at my shocked expression. 'Babe, chill. All my family is at home, it's Christmas! We had a big lunch and had some beers. Why do you look so scared?'

'I'm not scared,' I mutter.

He rolls his eyes. 'I had a big night last night so today I needed a few beers to take the edge of my hangover,' he says. 'That's what happens at Christmas.'

'Yeah, you had a big night last night alright,' I say spitefully.

'What's that supposed to mean?'

'You called me like five times.'

He twists on the board and stares at me. 'Yeah, because I asked you to come to drinks because it's Christmas, and you totally bailed.'

'I never said I was coming,' I say.

'Well what were you doing instead? Hanging with Ryan?'

I think back to last night, after the volleyball game, having dinner with Ryan's family and then sitting on the sand with everyone, watching the waves crashing as the sun set and the moon rose, leaving a dancing white reflection on the black waters. I left my phone at home.

Nathan scowls. 'You were with him. You know how that makes me feel.'

I take a breath. 'I don't care how it makes you feel, Nathan.'

Nathan's grip on the surfboard tightens; I see his knuckles go white. The arm around my shoulder tenses. He doesn't speak, so I look down at my bare toes and go on.

'I don't want anything to do with you anymore, Nath,' I say softly. 'All this summer I've been trying to tell you that but you haven't heard it. You keep calling me babe and you don't care that I don't want to be with you.'

'Where is this coming from?'

'I went to Europe, Nathan. Didn't you even notice I wasn't here last year?'

'But you came back for me.'

'I didn't come back for you,' I say, my voice getting stronger. 'I came back for Ryan. I came back because I wanted another chance with him. I needed another chance with him.'

Nathan whips his arm away from my shoulder and stands up. 'Right,' he says. 'Get off my board.'

I stumble off the surfboard, balancing on the rock and ducking out of his way as he picks it up and swings it round. 'I fucking knew that there was something going on with you and that prick.'

He slings the board under his arm and jumps from rock to rock, back down to the beach.

'I'm going to get that son of a bitch,' Nathan is saying as he storms off across the sand.

I hesitate on the spot for a moment before bounding after him, leaping from rock to rock. I am too focused on getting to Ryan first that I slip, missing my landing and falling onto the stones. Pain shoots through my knees and I bite my tongue, hard. I squeeze my eyes shut, then pull myself to my feet, examining the blood that has already exploded from my skin.

I jump down onto the sand, racing up the beach past Nathan, to where Ryan is leaning against his front door, watching my front door. Waiting for me.

'Ryan!'

He turns to look at me, a smile flickering onto his face before he sees me bloody knees.

'Oh, Inds, are you okay?' but then his gaze shoots over my face, to where Nathan must be advancing towards us.

'You been fucking her all this time, mate?' Nathan says gruffly to Ryan. He drops his board on the grass and advances towards Ryan, shoving him in the chest.

'Fuck off, Nathan,' Ryan says, stepping back. 'She doesn't want you.'

'You don't know what she wants,' Nathan snarls.

'You're right,' Ryan says. 'But I know she doesn't want you. Clear off.'

Nathan spins around and stares at me. 'You're not the girl I thought you were.'

'You have no idea who I am, Nath,' I snap. 'You pretend to like me because you hope I'll fuck you, but you don't care about me at all.'

'Already fucked you once,' Nathan says. 'Not worth it to do it again. You were a shit root.'

My stomach lurches, but then before I've even registered what's happening Nathan is on the ground, and Ryan is standing there, breathing heavily, with his hands clenched into fists.

Nathan scrambles backwards and then stands up. 'You can have her,' he says to Ryan. 'She's shit in bed but she's probably the best you'll get.'

Nathan scoops his board from the grass and runs off.

I'm fuming and sad at the same time, and I don't know how to react so I just spin around and walk back towards the beach.

I can hear Ryan following me but I don't turn around, just let him walk a few steps behind me towards the water's edge.

I cross my arms over my chest and stare out at the water, and I can feel Ryan standing behind me. Eventually he says, 'Why were you with him?'

'I needed to tell him to stop talking to me,' I say softly. The words don't make sense to me when I say them.

Ryan puts his arms around me and pulls me into a crushing hug from behind.

'Did you actually punch him?' I ask, startled by the realisation.

'Yeah,' Ryan says, and he sounds just as surprised as I am.

We stand in silence for a while until he says, 'I know this isn't up to me, but I really think you should never have talked to him. You should have just stayed clear of him. He's a shit person. I just wish you'd realised on your own.'

'I know,' I say. 'You were right.'

'It's not about me being right,' he says. 'I just didn't want to see you like that.'

I turn around in his arms and look at him. 'I don't know what's wrong with me,' I admit.

'Nothing's wrong with you,' he says.

I sigh and close my eyes. 'I don't want to go anywhere.'

'We don't have to,' he says.