" Jesslyn can you come sit please..." Rick asked gently " you're not in trouble we just want to talk to you"

Jesslyn sat down between Gail and Rick on the couch 

" I think I can guess why you tried to hide and take off...." Rick laid a hand on Jesslyn's leg

" I'm sorry Daddy... I just..." Jesslyn's tried to get up 

" Jesslyn we only want what's best for you, granted that you're becoming all grown up,.... We only want to help you but we can't if you don't let us in... Please talk to us and if you would prefer that I step away and you and Gail talk that's ok too but I'm only asking for you to talk to us about how you feel. And I want you to know that you can come to me anytime you need to." Rick replied easily 

" There's nothing Jesslyn to be ashamed of when trying to talk about things. Your Dad comes and has sessions with me all the time... Don't be afraid to talk about something." Gail said gently and gave Rick a nod to give them some time.

" I just…. I hate this time of the year... And I used to enjoy going around playing and then talking about what to do next.... And now it's nothing without...."

" Jesslyn there are some things that are easy and others that are gonna be hard and when we lose someone we love rather if it's our parents, a patient, or maybe even just a friend it's always hard... When your mother first learned she was sick, she and I we talked about it, she told me how she felt and how scared she might get... But above how she felt, there were only a few other people she wanted to talk about..."

" I just... I just feel so alone without Momma..." Jesslyn admitted

" Your mother loved you and your sister and your brother very much.... Anytime there was a chance she would talk about the 3 of you...." Gail said

" She was the only one to talk to... If I had a problem, Momma would be there but she's not.... And I'm all alone..." 

" Jesslyn you will never be alone... Your Dad he is here, your sister she's gonna be there for you and you have Jessie and I. We will always be there when you need us... You will never be alone." Gail replied

" Thanks Aunt Gail... I'm gonna go to bed now I'm starting to get tired." Jesslyn gave both Jessie and Gail a hug and went to bed

After Jesslyn went to bed, Rick, Gail, and Jessie stayed up to talk for alittle bit before they all went to bed for the night

" Rick I think her coming for sessions with you would really benefit her she's facing alot of demons and alot of mixed emotions that surround from Lesley's death and all that came after." Gail stated direct

" That's what I was afraid of Gail.... And I knew it surrounded within the origin of her mother's passing but I didn't think it was this bad and I should… I should know these things Gail because that’s my daughter and yet here I've been so wrapped up in my own struggles with Lesley’s death that I couldn’t even pay attention to my own daughter’s feelings and struggles with things." 

" It's not on you Rick you've been doing the best you can for those kids and for yourself since Lesley passed away. If she were here she'd tell you herself that we all do the best we can." Jessie got out 

“ I agree with Jessie Rick it was not your fault and everything you could do you did for Lesley before she passed away and she had told me many times Rick that the only thing she was gonna be afraid of was how you were gonna hold onto the guilt and determination to blame yourself…”

The 3 went their separate ways to head to bed so in the morning Rick can get up to get breakfast and the start of something he had planned for awhile. But before finally drifting out to sleep, Rick thought more about what Gail told him and what she told him broke his heart in two all over again as he thought of if Lesley had passed away before he had taken that leave of absence to spend that time he got to have.

~~~

Rick finally got up to start the day as best as he thought he could as it wasn't his favorite day but he decided to bite his lip and make the best of it for Lesley as she would expect him to.

Going to spend the morning down by the river stream along the creek just before dawn Rick started to feel a sense that Lesley was watching him from the cabin while he sat along the side with her urn just to spend alittle of that time for himself.

" I really miss you Lesley... It's been 2 years too long that you've been gone... I just hope you've found a sense of peace wherever you are." Rick held to Lesley's urn while dawn started to show itself

" Just as you've always loved it darlin’ I haven't forgotten how you used to love watching the sun come up and then it set in the evening ever since Jessie and I first brought you home.... I just thank God that you're not having to suffer any more." 

Rick started to feel closer to Lesley as he continued to sense that she was there especially when she touched him on the shoulder and sent him her usual routine signs that she's there.

" I love you Rick and I'm always here... Look for that monarch butterfly we always saw if one circles back and lands on you later then you'll know.... I'm at peace and I'm always with you"

Jessie was first to get up so she could get the coffee started and the table set up but she watched out of the side window where Rick was in sight view as he was still sitting alongside of the creek just thinking about Lesley as he always done

" I thought I would see you down here.... I thought maybe you could use some tea if you would like..." Jessie said gently

" Thanks Jessie... I was just out here thinking.... And I was talking to Lesley..." Rick replied and stood up

" Lesley and I... We used to when we'd come up here together we'd be up just before the crack of dawn because she always loved to see the sun come up and when it came that the sun was about to set we would be along down here to watch it set before running inside trying to warm up because some of the times it was colder than all hell even when you and I brought her home after the last time she was in the hospital I’d get up before she would wake up for any reason and most of the time she was just in so much pain course I would make sure she had her medication though I always asked if she was up to wanting to see the sunrise so I would bring her out on the porch sometime it was in the mornings and some of the time I brought her out into the early evening. So I got up to bring Lesley out here to watch through dawn..." 

" Her proudest and happiest times Rick were with her family... She's always told me "Jessie to think that if I had to face not having my family I would be lost especially if I were to be without Rick"... When I finally got her to be seen Rick I wanted to tell you right away when she didn't want you to know... But I told her she couldn't keep it hidden... That is my biggest regret to you Rick." Jessie stood next to Rick in the grass along the riverbank 

" Jessie it isn't on you.... It never could be you were there when she needed you most and I want to thank you for that Jessie. It really means to me that she had you to turn to even though I wish she had turned to me about it too... " Rick gave Jessie a hug

" Why don't we head inside before everyone else gets up..." Jessie suggested

" Good idea Jessie.... I should start breakfast anyway after that I would like to do the balloon send off where it's just you and I and after that there's a letter Alice found and I think it's important for all of us to read it together.... I think that was Lesley's plan for today." 

Rick and Jessie walked back to the cabin just as Gail and Riley were up

" Morning Gail... How'd you sleep?" Rick asked

" I slept okay... You were up real early did you have alittle trouble sleeping?" Gail asked gently

" No, actually there was a routine that Lesley and I always had, especially when we came up here and after I brought her home from the hospital last... We'd watch the sun come up and then later in the evening Lesley loved to watch the sun start to set up until she couldn’t really couldn’t do much of anything so I thought I should keep that routine with her." Rick replied

" Well that's a nice idea to start today it can remind us on the kind of person Lesley always was.. are you still gonna scatter her ashes along the creek just by the garden field side?" Gail asked 

" No, not all of her ashes. I'm gonna scatter some of her ashes and keep the rest so I have her still with me..." Rick sat down with Lesley on the couch.

" I think she'll always be with us Rick, Lesley had this personality about her she always kept the people she loved the most close to her... Particularly her family..." Gail sat next to Rick on the couch.

" She always said that she wanted to be scattered entirely but I don't think I can do that.... I feel like if I do then I'll lose her all together all over again... I mean it's hard enough that she’s gone and I can't tell her what I still would like to, but to scatter her ashes all together, I just don't think I could do it."

Now Gail took ahold of Rick's hands and turned him where he was looking at her “ Rick you above all know Lesley always had a special understanding with you... I don't think Lesley could ever fault you because you choose to keep her ashes.” 

Genesis started to get up to go join Rick and Gail but sat by Jesslyn instead first as she had a harder time accepting that Lesley had passed away and she wasn't coming back. Still Genesis thought to try her best to comfort Jesslyn because she always hated how Jesslyn was upset. " Jess, are you okay?.... Please talk to me... I just wanna see that you're okay.." 

" I'm fine Gene, I just want to be alone, I don't want to talk to anyone..." Jesslyn replied and turned towards the wall of the room. 

Genesis stepped out into the other room and joined Rick, Jessie and Gail. " Hi Dad.."

" Morning sweetheart... Did you sleep okay?" Rick turned towards Genesis

" I guess.... I had alittle trouble getting up with today..." 

" I know.... Today is gonna be alittle tough for all of us but what we have to remember is your mom is at peace and even though she isn’t here, she's always with us and she’s always gonna be looking out for you."  Rick pulled Genesis in for a hug.

A few hours after breakfast and Jesslyn helped Riley clean up in the kitchen, Rick started to get some stuff together while the kids were up in the cabin and Jessie came out to give a hand

" Rick, why don't you let me help you with that..." Jessie insisted and gave a lending hand.

" Thanks Jessie I appreciate it...." Rick replied

Rick took a minute to get himself together as best as he could while helping Jessie finish up for that afternoon.

" Lesley asked me to give you this... She um…. She  thought maybe you would like to have it after everything you did for her. It was willed to you anyway… I just ah I guess I've had alot of trouble being able to part with it."

" I wish I could take that Rick... But that rightfully belongs to you as it should.." Jessie expressed 

" To be honest Jessie I don't know that I want to keep holding on to her things... But I don't think I could part with them either.... I miss her so much Jessie and with what Monica the nerve she had a couple days ago I thought I was about to do something I'd regret."

" You stopped yourself Rick because Lesley was right there with you. She was there telling you that somebody like Monica isn't worth it." Jessie suggested while putting the balloons together

" I always think of our last couple of moments I spent by her side before she..." Rick stopped and closed his eyes for a moment when he started to feel like his emotions were gonna overwhelm him.

~~

 Lesley started to wake up even if it wasn’t for very long, Rick always kept up his brave front even as Lesley would call him out while she knew him like a book and better than most.

“ You’re do...ing it again… you’re staring with that look Rick.” Lesley looked to Rick’s direction. 

“ Who else would be better for me to look at or would want to be with more than you. Lesley you’re always gonna be the only woman to my heart and my life I want no one else but you.”

“ I’m al...right Rick I need you to believe that… No-nothing is making me feel more safe or feel better than when I’m right here with you.”

“ Is there anything I can get for you, maybe some tea? ”

Lesley gave Rick a small smile but had no reason to try to move from Rick's arms while she was comfortable through some that time.

~~

" Rick, as hard as it was... She wasn't about to just let go without fighting hard for you... The biggest thing that she wanted me to do was to guide you through this... I told her right before that, she didn't have to ask me to promise her that I was already gonna do that because she did that for me from the time she walked into my life to the morning she passed. Lesley was very proud of those she loved you especially."

" She always was a pistol... Especially when she would be mad at me just to see that spark.. I miss that the most"

Jessie gave Rick a good hug and waited for Rick for when he was ready to send off the message balloons together

" Jessie and I, we miss you very much but we love you Lesley.... We hope that you are at peace and Laura is taking good care of you... We wish we could see that smile you used to have.." Rick started but stopped in his tracks when he felt that there was one specific butterfly that sat on his arm and saw another land on Jessie's shoulder.

“ Jessie I know that this is gonna sound crazy but I think Lesley is here with us right now... I mean sure I have that feeling that she's always with me but this is different from the other times I really think she's actually here...”