Review completed by Nikachu22. This review is for IkomaSensei's Dating the Ice Prince.

Opening Chapter - The opening chapter was going pretty smoothly. Details were there, and we received a first-hand glimpse of the MC herself with background and the fact that she's quite the complainer/someone who's dealt with a stressful life. That sets up her foundation in introducing her personality. Some expressions, however, had me a little confused.

You wrote,

'She growls to herself with her Spanish voice.'

I'm not sure I understand that. What is a Spanish growl? If you could help me understand, I'd appreciate it. If what you meant was her accent is so heavy that even her growl has a Spanish ring to it then I think that sentence can be reworded to something like this--

Edit: With a heavy accent, she growls. 

This will still inform the reader what was trying to say.

Also, at the vending machine. She kind of moves rather quickly in her actions. One moment she's standing and kicking a machine. The next she slumped and then she straightens up. All of these quick movements can be spaced out just a little and insight on her emotional state could be given. You could also use her senses and elaborate so that her actions are not rushed.

Edited:

"Oh, forgive me, Lord." She muttered. Regret filled her, but the swelling and loss of composure hit her harder.

"Death to all!" She yells. Her foot was drawn up and a heavy kick dealt to the vending machine sending the contents inside rattling. She reached out, grabbing hold of each side, fearing that her power strike had been too strong as the machine began to rock back and forth. Her job training told her differently, which expected her to act like a true Japanese. Polite, patient, and a role model for everyone. At this moment, she found that hard to achieve. The itch to let out her frustrations was stronger than some image.

The raised foot lightly tapped at the ground with proud success, before her planted weight began to shift.

"Fucking useless piece of trash--" The heel of her foot slid to one side suddenly. Confused as to what she had been feeling, she tightened her grip on the machine before a darted worried expression landed upon her shoe. Just like the events in her life, this situation too had won. Her cheap office pump cracked, peeling off at the sole. Her head is thrown back, hair sent to dangle lightly behind her as a frustrated scream bellows from her lungs. With a twist, to further break her shoe, and let out some anger she turns and falls dead weight against the bench near the machine. A long sigh ripples through her, expression filled with disappointment. Curled parted lips, a roll of her eyes, and dangling arms between her slim thighs express how defeated she had been.

2) The same goes for their character interaction. The characters seem to be reacting at a very fast pace without much left for me to feel/picture what is really going on. I'd also slow down this scene too because I assume he is the male MC. So this first meeting is everything and the last thing you want to give in the opening chapter is the characters coming together without no depth in their interactions. You'd want more words used to express their feelings than dialogue. Dialogue should only be the icing. Don't tell, show.

You can use the setting, items around the characters, and even the characters themselves to help fill the needed emotions. You can show distinct personality traits that a character has whether it's the way they move or don't move.

A fidgety character will move and a calm quiet character won't move too much. You can show that.

 The characters also should react to the dialogue, but in-depth.

Example:

Let's say the Ojiro says, "Oh, you're really pretty."

Give who she is instead of saying Louise blushed, rolling her eyes.

You'd want to say something like this

A small flutter in Louise's chest forced her aware of his kind words. She'd stray her eyes from his frame, looking upon the vending machine that took a scuff from her rage. The warmth that filled her heart almost made her crack a chuckle, but the awkwardness she'd felt held her back. Her small hands came to fidget at the fingertips before she released a smile. 

He complimented her and it felt nice. A woman that often didn't have much luck in the opposite sex found herself falling back into high school days by these simple words. She needed them today. 

"Uh, thank you..." Louise slide her broken shoes behind the other, hoping to hide the fact that she had sat here with fault. Would he withdraw his compliment if he'd known she was a raging bull a moment ago?

Pacing and Fluidity - The story is quite rushed. There are not enough details that allow me to really soak in the moments these characters are going through. There isn't much emotional depth either to their reactions which refuses me a chance to actually get to know them. I think you have to slow down and feel the moments as well as feel your characters. When you do that you can elaborate a lot on what you want us (the readers) to know. Scenes jump from one to another within a paragraph or two which allows you to cram in multiple scenes in one chapter. I'd like to see Louise at much more of a slower pace.

Character Portrayal - Though Ojiro doesn't seem to have much of a personality, Louise to me does; however, she's a bit sporadic without much depth. She jumps around from anger to high energy, to being composed, and then suddenly she's filled with adrenaline. Her personality needs to be grounded and there are a lot of character dissects that you can find on Google that will help you really crack down on who she is. 

She's very comical and I can't seem to take her in a serious way. When it comes to characters, you'd want them to be as solid as possible because it will help readers connect to them. Stick them like stickers and later as time goes on, they begin to unfold whether it be in a bad way or a good way. This is called character growth. Not all stories work out for characters. Shy heroes become bada** and emotionless ones learn to express themselves. Fire attitudes always seem to get them in trouble and learn the hard way after some dramatic turn in the plot that they need to be a bit humble. All these details can be found by doing the character dissect because it will ask you every detail.

Plot Development - Though your plot moves quickly, it doesn't hinder my engagement in reading. I actually like your story. The moving pace of the plot only does damage to your characters. Slow it down and keep some scenes as the main focus of the chapters. Elaborate on them and then start the ball rolling again where you could start speeding it up. The interview, their first meeting, her finding out who she had met (when she was talking to Jackson and seeing the posters), the moment he hits on her-- all these scenes could really be dissected and give the chapters the punch they need. Some scenes require you to slow down because as a reader, we'd want to engage in the beginning interactions that will later push these characters forward into whatever relationship you've chosen for them.

Vocabulary and Mechanics - Though you had some mistakes with misused words, run-ons, and some punctuation, this isn't entirely my focus when doing reviews. I suspect with all writing that there will be mistakes so, I'm not faulting it. A simple run through Grammarly or another site would fix that.

Overall: Your story is not a bad story at all. Your cover is beautiful. I enjoyed reading the chapters that I read, but there is room for improvement. I couldn't sit and give edits on every scene because then I'd be writing a VERY long review because I can get carried away. You do well with keeping the interest because the characters are constantly meeting and they are interacting in innocent ways. It's refreshing to read. I like that Louise seems to be really strong in nature (from what I see.) I wonder if that is just a cover-up. I'd like to really see the most out of her because she's the most interesting. She can carry a story. The MC male got lost somewhere to me. I'm not sure if his shine is in the later parts of the story, but I think he also needs a little more oomph.

Is this a fanfic? I fear that because I do not know who this story is based on I fall short in really grasping your story and I feel that through the MC male. I think there's someone I have to know first because to me he's quite stale and I can't figure out why. I think for those that do not know, you could really teach us who they are by us learning through your writing.

Confusion stirs when it comes to fanfics because they often require prior knowledge to fully grasp characters based on something/someone. The author fails to implement the character in real life/cartoon/anime/series/movie as who they are in the book and readers that do not know don't get the chance to know. Fanfics often are limited to those that know. I think if fanfics could actually harvest the characters they're basing the story on, it would bring in more readers as well as maybe bring more fans to the actual real-life person. This can be achieved by really soaking in who that character is and portraying it correctly in the story.

I thank you for giving me a chance to read your story and you have a lot of potential. I'd really only suggest working on what I've mentioned. I think after that you'd have a really solid story. If you ever get that full edit, I'd like to read it again, but this time at its full glory. As always, keep writing!!