I sat in the sand, my wetsuit half undone and tied around my waist. The water looked perfect, perfect waves for learning, perfect temperature. I wanted to run in feel the power of the wave beneath my board, but I had to wait for Ronnie.

He was a ten year old boy who loved surfing as much as I did but he had a lot of learning to do.

"Rowan!" Ronnie called to me, lugging his six foot foam top board behind him while his Dad trailed close behind.

"Hey bud!" I put out my fist and he fist bumped immediately.

"Here's the thirty dollars for the lesson. We can't go over the hour today. His mother wants to take him shopping, so no matter how much he begs..." he looked to me, to see understanding.

"Got it, I'll set a timer on my watch." I took the money gratefully and slid it into the side pocket of my backpack.

"Good, I'll be back in an hour." He waved to Ronnie and walked back to his car.

Ronnie was raring to go, with the cuff of the leash already around his ankle.

"You remember how to do your pop up? We can practice on the sand first." I offered but he shook his head.

"I remember how to do a pop up." He rolled his eyes at me.

"Now remember-" I started, but I was cut off.

"I know, the board doesn't move on it's own, either the water moves it or I move it, so the safest place to be is on the board. Can we go now?" Ronnie asked, tired of waiting.

"I like your spirit, but just be safe in the water, alright?" I put my hand on his shoulder, so he would know I was serious.

"Okay."

I pulled up my wetsuit and did up the back zipper. My surfboard was top of the line, I'd saved up for years and my mom finally agreed to pay half. Now I was saving up for university, I needed to teach as many lessons as I could.

I looked up the beach at a group of girls. They were lying in the sand, tanning. All I could think was, what if she was one of them? The girl from the journal.

I'd dreamt about her the night before, the faceless girl. I came up with different scenarios of how it happened in my head. How she'd be taken advantage of and one came to life in my dreams. I woke up with beads of sweat dripping down my forehead and her journal open on my chest, to March 7th.

I didn't go to school today, I just needed a break from everything, from my life. I felt so stupid for just needed some time to myself, for needing time away from everyone else. I felt bad for lying to my parents, they thought I was sick but in a sense I was. I self diagnosed myself with depression, anxiety and PTSD, of course it didn't matter much, I'd never tell anyone.

I feel sick just thinking about it and embarrassed. It's not right. He should have never put me in this position. But here I am, drowning in my own thoughts, thinking about how my innocence was ripped away and cut into little pieces.

I keep promising myself that I won't cry and each day I break that promise as memories come flooding back.

I keep trying to just put it behind me, to be myself again. I want to get to the point where I can say, wow I feel a lot better today, but something always goes wrong. I remember and I fall apart again and I couldn't possibly feel any worse. It's like there's a war happening in my mind. A war between remembering and forgetting. All I feel is pain, even when I force a smile on my face.

I'm so tired of trying, sometimes I want to go to sleep and never wake up, so I don't have to feel so torn anymore, or so sad.

But I can't do that to my family. So instead I'll just keep my head down I guess, muddling along.

I didn't think I'd ever find her.

"Rowan! Come on!" Ronnie's yelling brought me from my own mind.

"Right, sorry bud. Let's go." He followed me into the water. Once I was down to my knees I jumped on my board and I instructed Ronnie to do the same. "We want to paddle out past the white water, hang onto the rails to get over the waves."

"To say that like I've never done this before." He rolled his eyes at me, doing what I instructed perfectly.

"How about this? You just let me know when you need help." I laughed, quickly coming up with a compromise.

"I like the sound of that." He said, winking at me.

I felt the power of the water as I paddled, while keeping an eye on Ronnie. We made it past the whitewater and I sat up on my board, looking out over the horizon. There were waves coming.

"Pick one of these waves." I told Ronnie and he turned in towards the shore. He laid down on the board, letting the first one pass and the second before starting to paddle. He picks up speed. "Alright, when you feel the power from the wave, stand up."

He stands up, riding the wave effortlessly.

"Woo-hoo!" I shout, congratulating him.

An hour flew by, with each wave Ronnie learned something new. We got out of the water just as his Dad was walking back down the beach.

"Thanks Rowan!" Ronnie thanked me and I waved.

I opened my wetsuit, letting myself breathe. It was such a warm day and I was baking.

I looked up and did a double take when I saw Lennon. She was walking down the beach, looking out at the water. She looked so beautiful with the sun on her face and the wind going through her hair.

"Lennon!" I called, smiling.

She looked up at me with sad eyes. "Oh hey Rowan." She smiled.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, curiously.

"I just remembered what you said about the beach being a good place to clear your mind, thought I'd give it a shot." She stopped when she was about a foot away from me and I closed the distance.

"Everything okay?" Maybe she wants to talk about it, I thought, but I was wrong. She just shook her head. "Oh come on, you can trust me." I lightened my voice, hoping to cheer her up.

"I uh- I'm not really one who opens up easily." She took a step back, closing herself off.

"That's not really healthy." I muttered.

Realising just how much she wasn't like other girls. Most would have spilled their guts just for attention, but Lennon, held it in like her life depended on it. It was intriguing, made me want to know everything about her, even her pain.

"I guess I just don't really want to burden anyone." Lennon shrugged, her arms wrapped around herself. I shook my head this time. Something about it reminded of the girl from the journal. How she held in her pain, not wanting to show anyone what was inside. It was on February 25th. I could still picture the words in my head.

I was to scream it from the rooftops. I was raped! _____ raped me! I wanted to tell someone but I couldn't. Why should other people feel bad about something that happened to me? Why should I burden them? Even if I could get past that, I didn't think I could take people looking at me, the way I look at myself.

I've heard it all, I should share my story to stop it from happening to someone else. I should share my story to inspire others to do the same. I'll say it again, I'm pathetic. I don't want anyone else to feel the way I feel, because me feeling this way is bad enough.

But I can't do it, I won't.

But it couldn't be her. No, she was so light and the girl in the journal was so pained. No, it couldn't be her. Just because there was something on Lennon's mind, didn't mean she was raped. No.

"You know you wouldn't be a burden, not to me anyways." I laid my hand on her shoulder, giving it a squeeze before putting my hands in my pockets. "If you ever want to talk, I'm here."

"Thanks Rowan, really." She smiled.

"I can leave you to think, if you want." I knew when there was thinking I needed to do I liked to be alone, so I wasn't going to intrude.

"No it's okay. I think I'd like the company."

I smiled, she liked being around me.

"Just let me put my board in my car." I told her and almost tripped on the leash as I turned around. I was making a fool out of myself. Embarrassed, I picked up my board and quickly threw it in the back of my jeep.

Lennon was waiting for me. Standing under the sunlight, in front of the water, she looked like a dream. Her beautiful blonde hair was blowing in the wind and her blue eyes were lit up like stars.

"Alright, let's go." I said, nodding down the beach. "I hope we do well on our project." I smiled, making conversation.

"Me too."

Hi guys thanks for reading we love to here your thoughts on this chapter and the book as a whole.

What do you think of Rowan so far? Do you think he will ever find out?