I don't even know what I'm living for.

Masachika? He's no longer around. I failed to protect him.

Genya?

Yeah, there's still Genya.

Don't worry, Genya.

Nii-chan will keep you save.

•••

"You guys never learn. I told you that I won't join so screw off."

Hey, Masachika.

You wouldn't believe this.

My first duty as a Pillar was to persuade a young girl to join the corps. This Oyakata-sama person said that he owed his life to the girl's father so he wanted to return the favor. It looks like the girl's father was a remarkable hunter. He goes by Kisaragi, do you know him?

Anyway, it seems the Pillars have been persuading her for about five months. The girl must be one hell of a stone, huh? She kept pushing them away for five months. If I were her, I think my head would've exploded.

But hey, maybe she was thinking highly of herself since the Pillars keep persuading her. Maybe she felt like she was needed.

I didn't like her.

Even imagining her face, no. Even hearing her name made my blood boil.

You should see her for yourself.

But I guess you won't think like that... You're a kind person after all.

So yeah, I had to force myself to get along with her since this is my job. I sais some bad things to Oyakata-sama so I wanted to apologize for it. Even though it disgusts me so much, I had to do it. I'll do anything to make her join the corps.

There's something interesting about her though. Since she has been through a lot, she's very fragile. She won't trust anyone because she's been betrayed a thousand times.

Do you know what will happen if someone like her starts to trust someone again?

So I decided to gain her trust and finally throw her into the corps. You probably won't be happy if you knew, but I had to do this. It's for Oyakata-sama.

And I didn't like her so I didn't care.

That was back then.

•••

"I've been living like this for years. Working all over the place, stealing food, pickpocketing passerby, making use of someone else's kindness. I'm a bad person, aren't I?"

Hey, Masachika.

What do you think a good person is?

I think of you as a good person.

But I wonder why do I think like that.

Was it because you helped me? Because you introduced me to a cultivator? Or maybe because you fought alongside me?

Was it because I think of you as a friend?

Lately, I've been thinking about what it means to be a good person.

It looks like I don't know what a good person is.

What about you?

Do you think someone who helps strangers, gives food to stray animals, works all day for her family and never complaints is a good person?

I think she's a good person.

But when I compared her to myself, we're really alike in some ways. I too, helped some strangers before, taking care of stray animals, I also worked for my family even though we're nowhere as poor as hers.

Does that make me a good person too?

I think of her as a good person.

But why can't I think of myself as a good person?

Is it because I was trying to use her kindness?

... Did I just say kindness?

Oh well, she really is kind after all.

•••

"Having someone that knows how vulnerable I am, it bothers me."

I don't know since when, but I started to think of my younger brother often.

Well, I think of him every day, but it's just... He pops into my head more often lately.

I wonder what he's doing, is he eating well, has he grown taller, is he safe...

I hope he's not trying anything dangerous such as training to become a demon hunter.

Come to think of it, I can picture my younger brother when I looked at her.

That girl.

I don't know what's gotten into me, but she reminds me of my younger brother.

Well, they're very different though.

And if you asked me to choose between them, I'll chose my younger brother without even thinking.

I said I didn't care about her, didn't I?

I don't feel like that anymore.

I wonder why.

Oh, did I tell you that she has a male older cousin and a sick aunt?

... If you saw them, you'd probably burst into tears.

Even I wanted to cry.

I mean-

I found out that her aunt's life won't last long. Even after all the hard works she had done, she couldn't save her aunt. How would you feel if you were her?

She literally dedicated her life to her aunt's wellbeing, so what will happen if she passes away?

I don't want to imagine it.

I really regretted my choice.

If I could turn back time, I think I'd refused to do this job, or even to be a Pillar.

That way, I wouldn't have met her.

I wouldn't have turned into a softie like this.

... Redemption, huh?

By the way, what do you think I should do to make it up for her? You know, for deceiving her and stuffs.

Yeah, yeah, I know I'm a bad person.

Should I make something for her?

Oh, I should probably help her make some friends so she won't feel lonely.

But I only know my fellow Pillars.

... Oh well, I guess they will do.

Man, I have really turned soft because of her.

•••

"I've always thought that it's pointless to ask for help. Even if I reached out, there's no one who would take my hand..."

"It turns out that you're the first person to hold it."

So, uh.

I really need you to explain something to me.

This is what happened.

I saw her face after she was beaten up by some loan sharks. I won't even call that a face. There were black bruises and dried blood everywhere it made me flinch just by looking at it.

I felt uneasy when I looked at her.

And I felt angry somehow.

All I thought was who those bastards are and where they lived.

I just wanted to give them some pieces of my mind, I totally won't kill them.

At least that's what I told to myself.

I also felt somewhat proud of her. She's very strong, you know? How she keeps trying even though she fell numerous times.

She's also very kind. Even though she said she'll do anything for her family, she won't do something that will bring harm to other.

Like, how can she still be so kind even though the world has given her shits to deal with?

It just makes me... happy... knowing that someone like her still exists in this world.

And then I started to feel uneasy... no.

I started worrying about her, like, did she get home safe? Is she eating well? Has her wound healed?

What is she, a Genya rip-off?

Why do I feel like this, Masachika?

... I guess you can't answer me.

You're no longer here after all.

•••

"I'm... tired... I'm... really really tired..."

When I saw her crying, I don't know what I was feeling.

Was it pity?

Well, maybe it was.

But something felt unfamiliar.

After her aunt passed away, I can't take my eyes off her and her cousin. I don't know, I just don't want them to do anything reckless.

I lost my family too, so I understood how she felt. She must've been in despair, just like how I was back then.

But she got over it soon.

Maybe saying that she's stronger than me, mentally, is understandable.

When I lost my family, I would be lying if I didn't think of suicide. I did try to fight demons without a nichirin blade.

But she's different from me.

She keeps living, now reaching out to her dreams.

Do you know what her dream is?

She said it's to be a demon hunter. She even asked me to train her.

If Oyakata-sama hears about this, he'd be happy. Even the Pillars would be happy.

But I'm not.

Even though I desperately tried to make her join the corps, I'm not happy when she asked me to train her.

I don't want her to become a demon hunter.

It's dangerous, she could get killed any second.

I wanted her to have a normal life. A peaceful, happy life.

Then I'll make sure nothing ever harms her.

What would you call this feeling?

A father's intuition?

I really don't want to train her.

But, she said it was her dream since she's still very young. She said she wanted to be a demon hunter that can protect everyone, just like her father.

Naive, I know. She still doesn't know what's waiting for her if she became one.

But, I just can't refuse.

She gave up on her dreams because of her aunt. She's willing to throw her dreams to help her aunt.

But she's no longer around.

Even her cousin moved away to another village to pursue his dream.

So why can't she pursue her dream too?

Fuck.

I really don't want her to become a demon hunter.

But I have no rights to crush her dream.

She's finally free to do what she wants.

And I want to help her.

That's why I made up my mind.

I don't want to see her crying anymore.

I want her to be happy.

I want to make her small world smiles at her.

•••

"You're a good person, Shinazugawa-san."

"Kisaragi Yuna. I'm in your care now."

Hey, Masachika.

Don't you dare forget about me up there. I'll make sure to come to you after I kill every single demon in the world.

When we met again later, I'll introduce you to her.

Kisaragi Yuna, my disciple.

I'll make sure she becomes an amazing demon hunter that can slay every demons. She's a disciple of Shinazugawa Sanemi after all.

That way, I won't have anything to worry, right?

Hell, there are still a boat load of things to worry for. But I guess it's fine, I'm with her after all.

Genya, I hope he won't be a demon hunter.

If he ever becomes one...

I'd be even more worried than now so I'll probably force him out from the corps.

Yep.

Rest assured, Masachika.

I'll be fine now.

Thank you for being my friend.

Until then.

•••

"Shinazugawa-san."

"... Shinazugawa-san."

Sanemi slowly opened his eyes, staring at the brown haired girl in front of him. He realized that he fell asleep on the engawa while he was watching over Yuna's training.

"I've finished swinging the damned sword for two hundred times." Yuna sighed.

Sanemi blinked once.

"Oh." He muttered.

"Go do ten laps around the house."

Yuna growled lowly, cursing under her breath but complied to Sanemi's orders. Sanemi watched the girl he used to hate running away.

The number of people he has to protect now has become two.

His younger brother.

And his disciple.

He'll make sure they won't die before him.

Sanemi looked at the blue sky above when wind blew against his figure, as if telling him that everything will be alright.

A soft smile plastered his face.