(tell me what you think in the comments :) )

Anxiety is eating me alive as I sit in my parked car. The only sound I hear is my nervously quick breathes mingling with the pitter patter sound of the rain hitting my roof.

I can't do this. I can't do this. It's too much.

I stare at our school building, apprehensive tears starting to build up in my eyes.

I jump at the sound of a knocking on my window. I roll it down, looking up into the forest green eyes of my best friend.

"I can't go in there." I croak, wiping my eyes, smearing my freshly applied mascara in the process.

"Yes you can." Brett soothes with a calm smile, "It's gonna be a fun day, alright? It's a new trimester, we get to go to brand new classes."

"It is not gonna be a fun day. After school, I have to take all of the exams I missed... And people are gonna ask me questions about Jeff, and Niall, and I'm not ready to answer any of those, Brett, I can't f.ucking go in there, and look at my neck, everyone's gonna stare at these bruises on my neck... I'm going home." My neck was still completely black and blue from when Jeffrey tried to choke me. I have a faint black eye, too, but it's mostly all healed up.

I start to turn my key, sparking the ignition to life.

Brett grabs it and turns it off again. "Out of the car, we're going in."

Brett practically drags me out of my car and into the horrid building. This feels almost like my first day of school here, only much worse. But at least this time around, I'm going in with a friend.

"The office put you in all of my classes." He remarks with a bright smirk, "This trimester is gonna be bumpin."

"Bumpin?" I raise my eyebrows.

"Bumpin." He nods intensely and I giggle.

We walk down the hallway to our first hour: World History. I've never been a fan of history, so I'm not looking forward to this class in particular.

That is, until we walk in and Brett's smile drops like a meteor falling down from space and crashing into the earth with a deafening explosion. His face drains of color. I follow his gaze to the boy in the back row.

This boy is unfamiliar to me. A mop of brunette curls sits atop his head. His eyes are a blazing green. He laughs at something a guy next to him is saying, and suddenly, I realize who I'm looking at.

"That's Harry, isn't it?" I elbow Brett ferociously.

"Ow, yes, stop," he growls.

"You have to talk to him. Right now." I beseech him.

"Madi, class starts in 10 minutes."

"That's plenty of time."

"He has a girlfriend."

"Who he already cheated on with you. The damage is done and you both need to talk and find out if that kiss meant anything."

"I'm not gonna-"

"Do it or I'm going home." I snap, punching him in the arm.

"No you are not, Rhonda Rousey" He teases me, grabbing his arm where I punched him.

I roll my eyes, "Do it."

"No."

"My brother is dead." It's a demented thing to say to get him to do what I want, but it's guaranteed to work.

Brett glares at me, "Oh my god, stop using that line... It's sick, Madi."

I give him a defiant, winning stare, crossing my arms.

He sighs and walks over to Harry. He grabs his shoulder and I read his lips from where I'm standing as he says, "Can we talk?"

Harry looks terrified, but nods. He stands up, and walks out of the classroom and into the hallway. Brett follows close behind, shooting me a fearful glance. I give him a thumbs up before he disappears into the hall.

I take a seat towards the back of the room and get comfortable. Just as I'm pulling out my phone to distract myself before class starts, a voice beckons me.

"Hey Madi!"

I look up at the girl sitting directly in front of me. She's a brunette with long curly hair and tan skin. Her smile is flawless, as is her carefully applied eyeliner. Her eyes are kind as she looks down at me.

I admit, I've seen this girl before, but we've never actually interacted. Brett is the only one at this school that has ever tried to befriend me. I flash her a shy smile, "Hey, uh...."

"Summer," she helps me.

"Hey Summer."

"How are you doing?" She asks. I can see the pity in her eyes and it's repulsive. I want to throw up.

"I'm okay, thanks." I respond just a little too briskly. She doesn't seem to take the hint that I'm irritated, though, because she continues, "that's great. How's uh Rec doing? I heard he's still in the hospital."

I instantly stiffen up. Nobody has called him that to my face in what seems like a loooong time. And it instinctively makes me want to defend him. I narrow my eyes at her, "Niall is still in the hospital, yes. 15 days now."

She reaches her hand out and squeezes mine, pouting out her lip, "I'm so sorry, sweetie. I bet he'll be fine soon. But on a lighter note, I absolutely adore your hair. Black hair suits you."

I give a polite nod before jerking my hand away from her. She finally gives up and turns back towards the front of the class. I grit my teeth. If I have to deal with shitty, uncomfortable conversations like that all day long with people that pretend to care about me, I'm surely going to lose it.

I look up at the clock. Class starts in three minutes. Brett and Harry are still in the hallway. I hope it's going well.

I doodle in my notebook while I wait for class to start. I zone out as I do, lost in my thoughts, and before I realize what I'm doing, I look down and a sloppy sketch of Niall sits in my notebook, staring up at me. I sigh. Why can't you leave my mind for one fucking day?

I close my notebook as the bell rings. Class has started, and neither the teacher, nor Brett and Harry have entered the room yet. Odd.

The World History teacher, Mr. Bennett, walks in soon after that thought crosses my mind. He throws his bag down on his desk, "Sorry, guys, woke up late today. So, whose ready to learn about French philosophers?"

The second he says that, my mind wonders elsewhere. I seriously hate history, I cannot focus on the subject to save my life.

~

Class is over in 15 minutes when Brett and Harry finally walk back into the room. Their eyes are on the floor and their faces are unreadable.

"Gentlemen, you do realize you missed more than half of my class?" Mr. Bennett asks, eyebrows raised in amusement. From one hour with this man, I can already tell how laid back he is. This trimester is gonna be a breeze.

"Yes... Extremely sorry, sir." Harry mumbles, taking a seat.

As Mr. Bennett continues with the discussion, I try to make eye contact with Brett to gain some indication of how his talk with Harry went. But his gaze is unreadable and he won't look me in the eyes. I give him an inquisitive look, and then look at Harry. His features are just as unreadable. Curiosity consumes me, and for the moment, my mind is taken away from Niall. What happened out there with those two?

As soon as class ends, I'm up in Brett's face, "What happened?"

Brett finally meets my gaze, his features stone cold, "It took a while, but I got him to admit that he kissed me back. And then he admitted that he was attracted to me. And we made out."

"And the problem is....?"

"He won't break up with his girlfriend." He growls, "I don't even know what any of this means, I'm so confused by that boy, "

My eyebrows wrinkle together in confusion. Why would Harry stay with his girlfriend if he openly admitted that he's into Brett and acted upon it? What a dumbass.

"Well that's confusing." I mumble, ruminating it all.

"Tell me about it." He grumbles.

~~~

By lunch time, I have a plan.

Instead of sitting with Brett, I plop down next to Harry, his girlfriend named Kelly, and several of her friends. They all give me surprised looks. I don't blame them. After all, I've never had a conversation with any of them. And God, I'm not looking forward to it at this moment. They're all so generic and bitchy... Well, at least, from what Brett tells me, they are. I hate making new friends.

"Hey uh...?" Kelly attempts to greet me without success.

"Madison, or uh Madi." I confirm, putting on my best fake smile.

"Great, hey Madison." Her smile is just as ingenuine as mine, I can sense it.

Harry's eyes are stuck on me, narrowed into suspicious green slits.

I smile at him as if I'm oblivious to his behavior, innocently twirling one of my black strands of hair between my fingertips, "Oh, you're Harry right? Brett's friend?" I bat my eyelashes innocently at him.

His eyes dart nervously around the cafeteria and he apprehensively runs a hand through his messy curls, "Uh yeah. But we aren't really that close."

"You're not? He told me you guys are pretty close." I press, tone casual, but eyes piercing. As his gaze meets mine, I know that he knows that I know the truth about him and Brett.

"Huh, I didn't know you hung out with Brett?" Kelly questions him.

"Yeah we only hung out once last week. It was just a one time thing."

"That's too bad, Brett said you guys had a good time." I chime in. Harry shoots me a glare and I smirk in response. This bitch is terrified at what I'm going to say. I've got to say, I enjoy the power.

Kelly is oblivious to what's going on, "Aw, Harry, Brett's a great guy. He's hilarious. We should invite him out with us sometime. You too, Madi!"

Oh honey, little do you know.

I smile brightly, "That'd be so fun! Wouldn't it, Harry?"

Harry plasters on the most frightened smile I've ever seen, "So fun."

But Kelly is still oblivious to his discomfort, "This weekend! Let's do it!"

Damn, she's kind of a ditz. She can't see how scared he is, and it's so fucking obvious, a blind person could see it.

I smile, "that'd be really fun. I need more friends, Brett's all I got, ladies."

"I'm not a lady," Harry pipes up, attempting to be playful.

"Eh, you're close enough."

Kelly laughs, and Harry pretends to laugh, but I see right through him. I smirk and take a bite of the crappy cafeteria pasta.

I stay at their table for the duration of the lunch period, and it's actually not that bad. Kelly can go on for ages about a wide variety of topics, ranging from her love of Project Runway to her love of dogs and the Walking Dead. She's actually an interesting person to listen to. From what Brett has told me, Harry is too, but with me around, knowing what I know, he stays silent, forking his pasta absentmindedly but not eating it.

I glance over at Brett at the table we normally share. He already inhaled his pasta and is sitting alone on his phone. I feel slightly guilty for not sitting with him today, but I mean, sitting at this table to cause Harry discomfort was pretty fun.

When lunch is over, I stand up and dump my tray in the trash can. Kelly enthusiastically hugs me and says goodbye before rushing off to her next class.

I have to say, I appreciate how no one at that lunch table treated me with pity or disrespect. And although Kelly's friends acted like I wasn't there, I sort of like Kelly. She's a bit clueless to some things, like the fact that her boyfriend is an obvious cheater and is into guys... But other than that minor character flaw, I like her.

Brett catches up to me as soon as I leave the cafeteria, "What the hell was that?" He snaps.

"Relax, I didn't do anything. Just made him squirm a bit."

"I was so scared you were gonna tell Kelly or something."

"Someone definitely should, and that someone should be Harry, not me." I shrug.

"True... Isn't he cute?" Brett asks, eyes sparkling.

I smile, "He's alright."

~ ~ ~

School was a nice distraction from reality. Coming home, the hole in my chest returns.

I can't walk into my kitchen without remembering when Jeffrey was mopping up Niall's blood. I can't walk into my room without feeling my skin burn where Niall kissed or touched me. Actually, I can't go into my room at all without longing for when he was 100% alive and healthy. Now he's missing limbs and basically dead.

Well, he's not dead yet. The doctors tell me that he's not exactly in a coma, but he's basically in a coma. I'm not sure what that means, but that's the way they describe his state to me. The overall meaning of that diagnosis is: they have no idea when he's going to wake up.

According to Zayn, whom I still talk to on a daily basis, he should've woken up days ago. His leg underwent surgery, as did his chest (he had a few broken ribs), but it's been many days since then. He's recovering from it, he should definitely be awake by now. The doctors are keeping him fed and hydrated through tubes. Fucking tubes, as if he's a plant or something. He's rapidly losing weight since they brought him in, too. He looks like a dead body and it kills me to see him like that, so I don't visit him as often as I should. Most of the time, I keep up with his current status through Zayn, who is becoming a close friend of mine.

I plop down on the bed in our guest room, not emotionally ready to be in my own room just yet. I whip out my phone and search for Zayn's number in my contacts.

Once my eyes land on it, I call him. He answers on the first ring, "Hey Zayn, how was your-"

"Madi...he's awake."