A/n: read the end for an important a/n :))

toni's pov

"wait so sophie's not with you anymore?" jancey asked after me and sweet pea tried out best to explain the situation to her.

"unfortunately not." i say. "are you ever gonna get her back?" she asks. "i'm gonna try." i say. "what happens if you don't end up getting her back?" jancey asks. "uh i- i don't know. i guess i haven't really thought about it." i say.

"um actually i think we should get going. it's getting pretty dark out." sweet pea says because he could tell i was getting uncomfortable.

"wait! will i ever see you again?" jancey asks and my heart breaks. "i'm sure you will." i say and she nods. "i'll tell you what. my number is 673-304-2266. do you think you can remember that?" i ask. "673-304-2266." she repeats. "yea." i say.

"ok. bye toni. bye sweet pea." she says sadly. "give me a hug girl." i say and hold my arms open for her. she hugs both me and sweet pea. "i love you ok?" i say. "i love you too." she says and walks back over to her grandma.

"you ready t?" sweet pea asks as i watch jancey walk away. "yea." i say and sigh. "she's gonna be ok." he says as we walk away from the playground.

"i know she'll be." i say. "then why do you look like you're about to cry?" he asks. "i guess it just hit me that sophie wasn't the only kid i ended up hurting in the long run." i say.

"toni she was ok though." sweet pea says. "pea are you kidding? did you see her face? she was confused and broken. those are not emotions a 7 year old should experience." i say and a tear escapes my eye.

"hey it's ok. if she needs you she'll call you. you know she will." he says and puts his arm around my shoulder.

"i just really wish things would go back to the way they were before this whole mess." i say. "i know me too but i don't want you crying this entire walk home. so how about we just sit in silence and listen to nature ok?" he says. "ok." i say and we walk all the way back to the apartment.

once inside i immediately go into me and cheryl's designated room and close the door. "hey my love. where'd you go?" cheryl asks me while sitting on the bed. "oh i was on a walk with pea." i say and crash next to her on the bed. "smoke break?" she asks. "yea." i say.

"is something wrong?" she asks after a moment of observing me. "what? no." i say in denial. "toni i know you don't like talking about anything involving your emotions like ever but i really do want you to know that i'm here for you and you're allowed to be sad." she says. "i know." i say.

"did something happen on the walk?" she asks. "i- i just really don't want to say." i choke and let out a tear. "tt....come here." cheryl says and holds her arms open. i cuddle into her and tears fall down my face.

"i'm such a mess i'm sorry babe." i say. "no no don't apologize. toni i told you it's ok to be upset." she says and strokes my hair.

"cheryl you don't even understand i've been in so much pain. on the inside you know?" i say. "i know babe. i know." she says and continues playing with my hair.

"i can't even run away from it anymore. i am completely falling apart." i say and sniffle. "is there anything that triggered these thoughts your having?" cheryl asks.

"well....yea." i sigh. "what is it?" she asks. "jancey. we saw jancey on our walk. and she looked so confused and broken and i just felt so bad and i realized that sophie wasn't the only one i hurt in the end." i say.

"wait you saw jancey? where?" cheryl asks shocked. "the playground down the street." i say. "how is she?" cher asks. "i just told you. confused and broken. she had absolutely no idea why suddenly the only family and friends she's ever had were there one day and gone the next. she was clueless for a whole year." i say. "poor girl." cheryl says. 

"and yes she looked sad but she looked so happy at the same time. she still had that kid like mindset. and her smile is still so precious just like it was when i last saw her. and when i picked her up i felt like i was home again. like i finally felt ok again. as if a child being in my arms just felt perfect." i cry.

cheryl doesn't say anything. just has me wrapped in her embrace and strokes my hair. we stay like this for almost 5 minutes before cheryl speaks up again.

"i know you love jancey but do you think seeing her maybe triggered old memories of what it's like to actually be in the presence of a child. and that made you miss sophie?" she asks.

"yes. that's what worries me. i mean if i do ever get to see sophie again will i even be ok? will i get too overwhelmed? i don't even know if she hates me or not." i say. "i think everything right now is overwhelming." she says.

"i just don't know if i'm ready to get my life back together. it's too much." i say. "toni look at me. you are doing amazing. so far you have made so much progress and i'm so proud of you. please do not give up just yet. i promise you in the end it will be worth it." cheryl says.

"i just feel like i've been numb for so long. i don't even know what's wrong with me. i just want to feel again." i say and sniffle.

"i know the feeling. it's gonna take a lot of work and it won't happen right away but i promise the feeling goes away. just promise me you won't give up." cheryl says. "i'm not." i say.

"good. i could cuddle you forever." she says. "me too. me too babe." i say.

A/n: ok i have to ask you all a question and i want you to be so brutally honest ok? 😂 IF and i mean IF i was to kill off any character who would you want it to be? whether you like that character and just think it would make a great storyline or you just really don't like the character i wanna know who you guys would be ok with me killing. it can be main characters, side characters, just whoever you think would make for the best storyline :)