Lightning crashes down and thunder blasts through my surroundings. Everything was so loud and the rain poured so hard I could barely see. All I knew was i was running. That's all I could do. Voices echoed and resonated within me and screamed as i tried to cover the noise. Failure. That one word. Repeated over and over and over again until i felt I had reached the brink of insanity. Failure. That's all you have ever been and thats all you ever will be. The voice of my mother repeating this statement gradually presented itself more and more as I ran faster, losing my sight and peace of mind. Everything was chasing me. I could never escape my past. I could never escape what I did or who i was. I could never escape her.

"Tori- baby- wake up!" Awsten whispers, gently pushing me some. I jolt awake and jump at the sudden contact. My heart was beating out of my chest. I felt like everyone within the radius of 5 miles could hear it rapidly booming in attempts to bust free from my rib cage. I was breathing so weirdly that my lungs could deflate. Everything had fallen apart and I had let it.

"I'm sorry- i- I didn't mean to- I'm sorry i-" I ramble on, crying. Awsten cuts me off, pulling me into his chest. I cry, pressing my face against his chest. His arms snake around me and the roar of my nightmare slowly melts away at the slightest touch from him.

"It was just a bad dream. I'm here. I'm not leaving, ever." He whispers reassuringly, placing kisses on the top of my head.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want you to see this." I apologize, absolutely ashamed of myself. No one had ever seen this side of me except for Jack. It was supposed to stay that way.

"Don't be sorry, Tori. it's all gonna be okay. I promise." He says and i sigh. I wish it was that easy. I wish i could just snap out of it and let go of everything.

"Is this why you haven't been sleeping?" He asks and I nod some. He doesn't question it and i'm relieved. I wasn't ready to talk about this side of me yet. I wasn't ready for anyone else to be trapped by me. No one deserved that.

"I'm right here, try to sleep, okay?" He says and i nod, snuggling into his chest. His arms tighten their grip around me as he pulls the blanket up around us both. We eventually drift back off to sleep.

×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

"What do mean she hasn't slept in 3 days? Awsten how could you let that happen?!"

"I didn't know! She stays on your bus, i assumed you guys got your heads out of your asses long enough to realize it! She hasn't slept, she hasn't ate. Fuck. Geoff had to get her to eat pizza yesterday."

"You know we fucking pay attention to her."

"Do you? Have you noticed all the extra makeup lately to hide the fact that she hasn't slept? Have you noticed that she's been scratching at her arms and wearing only my oversized hoodies? When's the last time you saw her smile and actually mean it?"

"Awsten we're busy people and-"

"So are we but at least we notice that she's breaking inside."

"How do you think I feel? The love of my life is hating herself more than ever before and I- I can't fucking fix it. I can't."

"I knew it."

"Good for you. She's yours. I'm not gonna ruin that. She's happy and thats what matters. What are we gonna do, Awsten?"

××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

I wake up and realize I'm in my bunk instead of Awsten's. I look around, confused. Did I dream it?

I yawn, getting out of bed. I grab some black jeans, a white bra, a blue muscle tank, and black socks before going into the bathroom to change. I put on makeup and fix my hair that desperately needed redyed. I throw on a flower hoodie i stole from Awsten to finish the look.

I walk back out and see all of All time low staring at me. They were all crying.

"What the fuck did i miss?" I ask and they all burst out crying even more. I panic, walking towards them to assess the situation and instead I'm engulfed in a group hug I did not ask for, followed by a million different answers and conversations I could barely even register.

"We're so sorry Tori. We love you so much. Please don't forget that. We're shitty but we are gonna fix that." Rian says, sobbing into my shoulder.

"I'm beyond confused but okay! I love you too?? Guys seriously what's happening?" I say, trying to find a way to leave the embrace.

"We haven't been here for you lately and we haven't been good for you. We've been distant and we-" Zack starts but gets cut off by Alex.

"We haven't been a family lately. That's changing." He says and the boys all agree, wiping away some tears.

"You've been more than enough for me for forever guys. I'm okay."

"And no more lying!" Jack says sternly, furrowing his brows.

"We know you've not been okay and we haven't helped. No more lying. If you're not okay, tell us." Zack says and I sigh, nodding.

"I'll try."

"Any progress is still progress." Jack says and I look at him, studying his expression. Otto says that, not Jack.

"Okay.. I'm gonna go check on the boys." I say, trying to push past them to get to the door.

"No, you're not. We've uh, we've made plans." Alex says, blocking the door.

"Guys this is really starting to look like the first scene of a weird porno and I'm soooo not into it." I joke and they all roll their eyes. 

"We need family time."

××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

"This is family time?" I question, looking down at the monopoly board game we were currently playing.

"This is the best we can do until we get to Kansas." Rian says, rolling the dice.

"So what's the plan when we get there?"

"The plan is that we do the plan. Got it?" Alex says, smiling some before practically robbing Jack from rent payments.

"That's not fucking fair!" Jack protests, slamming his hands down onto the table. I flinch and his eyes widen.

"I'm sorry... I forget sometimes." He apologizes then gets quiet, watching the game pass by.

I sigh, taking my turn. Alex had taken my phone and hidden it somewhere on the bus and I needed to find it. I wanted to make sure Awsten was okay.

"Your turn." Zack reminds Rian and Rian sticks his tongue out at him, rolling the dice again.

"This game is horse shit." Rian says, handing Alex 600$ of the colorful money.

××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

"I'm getting sick of this. Can we just go back to the bus?" I ask as Alex leads me towards the 9th store we've stopped at in the mall.

"This is the last stop I promise." He says, pulling me towards the store. Hot topic.

"I shop here way too much. You all know this." I laugh, looking at the group of boys.

"That's exactly why we are here." Zack says, smiling. The store owner walks out, smiling.  She was holding a large box with red tape all over it.

"You're Victoria, yes?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"This is for you. The HT team has been working with All Time Low for a while now and this is what we've came up with. We really hope you'll enjoy it! The rest will be shipped to your P.O. box within 3 to 5 days." She smiles, handing me the box, before walking back into the store.

"What in gods name did you do?" I ask, looking down at the massive box.

"You'll see. Come on, let's go." Alex says and we all make our way back to the bus with all our bags. No one let's me carry anything even though majority of the stuff was mine even though I refused to let them get me things the still did it anyways.

We all gather around the box once inside the bus. I grab a pair of scissors and rip it open, looking down into it. 

"Holy mother of god. You're kidding. No we have to send this back."

"It's custom, can't do it." Jack smiles.

I pull out the contents of the box and gasp. It was my merch. My merch. My designs, my logo, my name. Everything.

"How did you-"

"Magic. They've already been sold out in Baltimore." Rian says, showing me the Twitter post about it.

"That's why you hid my phone."

"Couldn't spoil the surprise, doll." Alex says, handing me back my phone.

"I can't believe you all did this."

"Believe it sweetheart, because it's happening."