i stuffed my card back into my phone case and tucked the dollar in the waistband of my thong; i was not about to lose that. i then put the toilet seat down and sat with my head in my palms. everything was moving and i felt like i was falling through the seat through the sewage pipes of the toilet and down to the ocean.

someone knocked on the door and woke me from my  lucid nightmare. "jesus fuck, im leaving!" i yelled. i had no clue why i was mad, the person had been polite. those coke mood-swings really hit.

i opened the door and was met with ciaran. "shit, sorry i thought you were gonna be some random ass." what does that even mean... what is going through my mind right now? ciaran furrowed his eyebrows at me. "valeria, are you on something? your pupils are hella dilated."

shit. i forgot how obvious i look when im on shit. alcohol makes me incapable of standing, weed turns my eyes bloodshot red, coke makes my pupils dilate to the max, and psychedelics just make me have absolutely no concept of reality.

i was so out of it and unable to process a proper response. "no yeah, im yeah. im good, yeah, thanks ciaran." he definitely noticed i was not okay, and continued to stare at me.

perhaps this was a bad idea, considering the last time i did coke i overdosed and nearly died. i was definitely more out of it then i had been in previous highs, but i am a fighter. god, what am i saying? i sound like an addict.

ciaran slowly nodded at me "i'm gonna go find your friends then help you up to a room to lay down, okay?" i was perhaps the most uncooperative person when high, so i obviously rejected his plan. "what? sorry, can't hear you over the sound of this music!"

i then ran, or attempted to run, to the music out back. ciaran facepalmed and attempted to catch up to me.

i morphed my way into the crowd and i was pretty much unable to stand. i was bouncing off of the bodies surrounding me. i began to get paranoid becsuse i was unable to recognize any face around me, and started to panic. i forced my way back out of the crowd and began hyperventilating on a small bench beside the pool.

i was murmuring incoherent sentences to myself and i was trembling. i heard the bench creak, inferring someone had sat besides me. i tried to look up from my lap at them, but my eyes were unable to focus on anything.

i managed to comprehend who it was, and sighed. "ciaran send you to find me? swears, im fine. just dizzy, a little bit of it." i said to indy, who had sat beside me. "okay, you're definitely on coke. did dom give you some? god, i should've warned you about him. here, lets get you situated in a bed-"

"god, im fucking fine! why can't anyone see that i'm capable of taking care of myself? i just need another drink." i cut her off abruptly. i had a sudden energy boost and attempted to walk back towards the drinks, but then i saw dominic there and turned in the opposite direction.

i nearly fell in the pool, but matt grabbed my arm before i did. ciaran and tavia were both stood beside him, and i spotted indy and maisyn in the distance. i took a deep breath and concluded i needed to stop making a scene.

"guys, i swear i'm fine. i've been through this all plenty of times, done drugs before, i'm yeah. i'm all good. enjoy the party, ill go to bed soon." they just stood there and stared at me.

i awaited a response, but was yet to receive one. as i turned to walk away, i heard indy yell, "just no more drugs tonight!" to which i responded with a thumbs up as i headed to get another drink.

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