Every friday night, after work, Lucy and I would go to the bar down the street. Sometimes we would bring Teresa, but mostly it was just us two. Every night, Lucy would get asked out by at least three guys. İt's pretty much guaranteed. I'm convinced Lucy hasn't gone one day without someone hitting on her. I kind of feel bad, to be honest. I don't think I could take that much attention. But Lucy loves it. She's very pretty so it's understandable. Her hair is straight, dark, and very long. Her eyes shine in the light, they jet black. She's like a magnet for people, I've never understood how she does it.

On Friday night, Lucy and I went to the bar again, as usual. It started with one drink, my usual cranberry vodka. But it lead to rounds of shots, beer, margaritas, and eventually champagne. Some guy was trying to get Lucy drunk enough so that she would fuck him. I didn't work, she went home with a different guy. None the less, I got drunk. Black out drunk.

That's the night my life went to shit. After that night, I had to continue my pattern. So it lead to me blacking out every friday night and waking up in bed, not remembering how I got there. I don't know why I'd didn't stop. I don't like to drink, not at all. I hate the way it feels, the sting in your throat. But it becomes numb after a while.

Alcohol let's you forget. The times when I'm drunk are the times I am free from my pattern. I don't enjoy my pattern of life. I don't enjoy how it makes me do things I don't like for the sake of repetition. I don't like a lot of things I do. Especially drinking.

Mom doesn't know I drink. She would freak if she knew. "you are just like your father" is a common line my brother and I hear when we do something she wouldn't. And it's true, I am like dad. He drank excessively. When I asked why, he never gave me an answer, but I think I know why. He was like me in the way I am like him. He drank because it gave hims stability. No matter what happened he always had alcohol to fall back on. I think that's the reason a lot of people are alcoholic. Liquor is reliable.