There was nothing I could do. 

And believe me, I tried.

I really tried.

It was too late as soon as my father entered.

And I wasn't expecting to hear what I did.

My father...

FINALLY approves of Nate?

There was something fishy about that.

As soon as I heard the doctor tell them the news, 

I used every ounce of energy I had to wake myself up.

I tried to scream.

I tried to move.

But nothing.

I was stuck.

And it was too late.

Nate knew.

I heard him punch the wall and slam the door.

And,

in that moment,

I DIDN'T want to wake up.

I just wanted to stay here.

And even if I die,

It'll be for Nate and the baby, not for me.

I had another life inside me.

And if I fall, it falls too.

I held this responsibility.

I carried this responsibility.

But it's too heavy for me.

I'm afraid I'm not strong enough to carry it.

And, like I said,

If I fall, it falls too.

My father knew.

Nate knew.

It was a code red.

And I couldn't do anything.

I was helpless.

I felt sadness.

Anger.

Fear.

Regret.

It all filled my mind.

And I really wondered,

Am I going to live,

or am I going to die?

I heard someone come in.

It sounded like a lot of people.

"Oh my poor baby!" My mother sobbed.

She was crying.

I felt terrible.

She came.

And so did my father.

But there was someone missing.

I felt someone take my hand.

"I know you will pull through this Mija, you and the baby." Dad says in tears.

I heard someone come in and close the door.

"BABY?" Maeve yells.

I hear her pull up a chair and sit down.

She didn't know.

And again,

there was nothing I could do.

"Yes, Maeve, your sister is pregnant." Mom answers.

"Oh my god!" She exclaims, sobbing.

But unexpectedly, 

her tears weren't sad.

They were happy.

She came around the other side of the bed and held my other hand.

All I saw was darkness.

"Oh my gosh, Mom, Dad, is it a girl or boy? Is it Nate's?" She asks in excitement.

"I spoke to the doctor. He said it's too early to tell. And yes, it's Nate's." Dad responds.

But now his voice was filled with disappointment.

What was going on?

I heard Maeve squeal.

she's always been excited to be an aunt.

Especially since that day.

It was just a few months after she was diagnosed.

The doctor told her,

she would never be able to have kids.

I remember it so well,

She was sitting there,

in her hospital gown,

glowing,

but she was crying her eyes out.

Every since we were little kids,

Maeve and I had always talked about that our future kids would be doing,

and how they would be the greatest cousins in the world. 

And now, 

that will never happen.

So she promised me she would be the best aunt in the world.

It was just a little sooner than we imagined.

Then I heard her sobbing.

And everything changed.

It wasn't happy anymore.

"Mom, Dad, can I have some time alone with her?" She asks.

"Of course, we will be right outside." Mom answers.

They leave the room.

I feel Maeve wrap her arms around me.

And I wish,

I wish I could hug her back.

But I can't.

Then she starts to cry even more this time.

"I'm so sorry this happened to you, Bronwyn." She says, sobbing.

"But I have something to tell you."

I listened.

And I didn't know if she could tell I can hear her.

But she could probably sense it.

And even though I couldn't speak or see her, I would still always love her.

And this sounded serious.

"The cancer, Bronwyn," She begins. "It's back."