All sights, sounds, and smells outside the library blurred past me. I wasn't sure if wolves cried, but my vision clouded over as I ran out the Eastern packhouse. Desperate to put as much distance between me and the library of depressing reality bombs, without any thought, I gave up and let Lumi take over. A mental sigh of relief washed over me as I slid out of control and into the back of our mind.

While our pain intertwined, at this moment, she was more rational in her reactions.

Licking my egotistical wounds, I understood why she often sat in the back of my mind and hid in the darkness. Mentally, this recessed location comforted my consciousness like a thick black quilt wrapped around me.

My thoughts distracted, I paid no attention to the surroundings in front of us. I vaguely felt her paws as they pushed into the ground, the air that filled her lungs and pumped blood into her veins, and the sharpness of her mind as she ran with a free, wild spirit.

Away from the truth.

Enough of the truth for today.

Hugging my knees into my chest, I sighed and curled up into the blackest corner of our mind. I paid no attention to, let alone cared about, where Lumi was headed.

'Zara...'

Leave me alone, Lumi.

After a few minutes of peaceful silence, I noticed she stopped and laid down in a shady spot under some trees at the lake. A few birds chirped from the branches overhead and she had a terrible interest in a flock of ducks at the water's edge.

Don't even think about it.

Footsteps flicked one of her ears back.

'Zara, company.'

Abruptly, she stood up onto all fours. Tension ran down her spine as if the sensation were my own, the tightening as her hackles raised. Her lip curled upward and her jaw set as her teeth barred. A warm vibration rumbled the back of her throat as a growl rose from her chest.

I was content to let her deal with whoever was bothering us, until I heard a familiar female voice.

"Zara? Oh, not Zara... Lumi."

Lumi didn't change her stance, locking her muscles in place. The vibrations of her growl rumbled around me as she released it.

"Lumi, calm down." Raina stepped into view. "You know I'm not going to hurt you, big fluffy snowball."

Lumi snuffed, but laid back down and looked away. Raina approached, sat down, and crossed her elbows over her knees. We must've been an odd sight and her human form next to Lumi drew a few curious eyes.

We sat silently for a few minutes before she spoke again. "Lumi," her voice muffled. She reached and stroked her fingers down one of Lumi's front paws, which earned her a lick. "I need to speak to Zara, please. I know she's in there."

Another round of growls rumbled around me like thunder. My lips twitched at Lumi protecting my need for space.

Thank you.

"You know..." Raina leaned closer, her eyes peering at one of Lumi's. "It's hard to see from your eyes which one of you is in control. But if you keep growling at me then I'll come back later."

It's okay, Lumi.

I regained control, almost to the point where I shifted back. Blinking, I remembered my destroyed clothes and rested our head on Lumi's paws.

Naked walk of shame back from the lake is the last thing I wanted to do.

"Don't worry, Flower. I brought you some." Raina tossed a T-shirt, sweatpants, and sandals at my side.

I looked at her for a moment, then shifted back and got dressed. She gazed out at the lake, a faraway look in her eyes, turning when I sat next to her.

After I gave her a sheepish smile, I hugged my knees to my chest. We sat for a few moments as I squeezed them tight with my elbows. A soft breeze blew against my cheeks.

"Thanks," I mumbled, my gaze forward but unfocused. "For the clothes."

"No problem." She didn't move her expression either. "I like the spot Lumi picked. It wasn't hard for me to find you."

"Didn't want to be found." I squeezed my knees, tucking my stomach and rounding my back.

"Look, Flow - err, Zara," she corrected as the side of her nose closest to me cringed. "I'm not good at this talking, feelings thing, but I can listen if you need me to."

"I wouldn't even know where to start..." My mouth tugged into a half-smile with my lips pressed together. "Taking all of the false information in the past seventeen years and ten months aside, everything I've been told and believed over the past two months except for the fact I'm a werewolf has been a complete lie."

"I wouldn't say everything, Zara." I caught her suppressed smile. "But I can see how you'd feel that way. Your father's an asshole."

"You're right." I scoffed, digging my heels into the grass. "You aren't very good at this."

"At least I brought clothes." Her shoulder bumped against mine.

We fell into a comfortable silence, as I declined to discuss what fogged over my brain and she appreciated that. The bright afternoon sun warmed my forearms and the soft breeze relaxed my eyes half-shut. The faint rippling sound of the lake fountains served as a backdrop for the birds chirping overhead.

"Raina," I whispered. "I'm glad you're still here, but why are you still here? I mean, you got the medical supplies, right?"

"I was going to talk to you about that." Her dark eyes shifted to the grass between her feet. "I'm... thinking of sticking around."

"Really!?" Wide did not describe my eyes as they stretched open.

"Yeah," she said quietly, chewing her lower lip. "I mean, if that's alright with you. You could definitely use some more practice fighting."

"You and your non-compliments, Raina." My lips pulled into a genuine smile at her. "What about your pack?"

"Seems you were right about one thing, Flower," she replied. "Arlo was a capable fit taking over training. Lucus asked me to resolve some strained relations at the Western border, so I figured I'd stick around until we got there..."

Her voice trailed off, sounding unsure. Her eyes also refused to meet mine, but she smiled when I replied, "More than okay."

I beamed at her, leaned over, and wrapped my arms around her shoulders. She scowled and shrugged me off. "Flower-" she started when I cut her off with a wave of my hand.

"I know, I know." My head tipped back and laughs bounced my shoulders, lightening the heaviness in my chest. "No hugs. You can make it up by throwing me into the ground, if you're up for practicing."

"Always." She nodded. "We can start tomorrow morning, if you're free."

"I'd like that," I started when I heard a mindlink from Cole.

'Zara?' he asked. 'You out here?'

'Yeah, by the lake,' I replied.

'You okay?'

'That's debatable.' I didn't feel like answering further, and fortunately he didn't ask.

'Elena sent me to see if you were coming back to the library. They're having dinner down there tonight, something about an all-nighter.'

'Great.' Even mentally, I had no enthusiasm in my response.

"I should get back to the books," I muttered.

"You sure?" She eyed me sideways.

I looked at her for a few seconds, my eyes scanning her dark ones. "Yes."

Over the next two days, I trained with Raina in the early mornings for two hours, then met with Elena and Luna Rashida for ten hours straight in the library. We peeled back my father's lies one at a time, like layers of an onion. And, like an onion, each peel stunk and left my cheeks stained with tears.

After I absorbed the onslaught of information that detailed how my life was nothing but an intricately weaved web of lies, I felt alone. Lumi receded to her silence, although I felt her presence.

While I appreciated how Luna Rashida was as open as any book in her library, and Raina reached out with stress relief, logically I assumed their true loyalties remained with their own packs. I held nothing against them about this and accepted facts for how they were presented to me.

Family ties.

I looked at my father's security team differently. Most were younger guys my age up to a few years older than me.

Raina watched them train, then confessed to me that they were the best warriors in the country. Their strength and stamina levels were greater than she'd seen. Before now, this gave me a sense of comfort and safety.

Now, the men became another representation of my father's control, mere extensions of his prison walls around me.

Leaving... Elena and Cole.

As I was closest to them, including their direct access to my mind, I was most confused about their intentions. Elena was also lied to and never demonstrated being capable of malice. Cole remained like the rude, older brother I never wanted.

But she also never told me that she was from the East. Is he even from the Central territory?

And Cole was in charge of my security. 

Is he another one of my father's pawns? So confusing.

The only decision I made was that we needed to have a long conversation before I could decide if we were going any further with... whatever this traveling shitshow was. I was still sorting through this new reality.

Once my initial shock to each new set of information wore off, the more truth I learned and absorbed, the unhinged I became. Tiny bubbles of annoyance formed in my stomach, like a simmering pot of water.

Eventually, I reached a level that surpassed what I felt in the hospital. Book words blurred before my eyes, I lashed out in sparring practices until my muscles screamed with fatigue, and ate all my meals alone. I considered asking Luna Rashida if there were any anger management alternatives in their greenhouse since I had trouble controlling my seething reactions.

The third and last day I spent in Luna Rashida's library involved by far the most painful conversations. And unfortunately, our discussion on one particular subject yielded further questions.

The first difficult conversation involved my family history. In particular, I needed to know more details surrounding the deaths of my mother and brother Soloman.

"I'm sorry." Luna Rashida's voice husked as tears glimmered in her eyes. "Your mother did die after childbirth. She came here to use our healers for a natural, unmedicated birth in our infirmary."

Her tears spilled over, glistening trails on her cheeks but she didn't wipe them away. "There were... complications. The labor stalled because the birth cords were around both of your necks, and she had substantial hemorrhaging. Your father flew her to the West for more modern equipment."

I didn't say anything, staring at her downturned mouth. This information, so far, was identical to what Miss Anna shared with me. Oddly, I felt relieved once at least one piece of information told to me was validated, no matter how horrible the subject matter.

"You were born blue in color and not breathing." Rashida's eyes closed and her voice dropped, "You were put into isolation. Your brother -"

"What about him?" I whispered, leaning so far forward that my elbows dragged across the table.

"I... don't know." Her eyes still closed, she shook her head. "He was still inside your mother when I offered to go with you to neonatal care since your father couldn't be in two places at once. When I returned to give the good news that your condition had stabilized, I saw your mother."

Her voice husked around a sob, "She... she was..."

I whispered the word that seemed stuck in her throat. "Dead?"

Opening her eyes, now red at the corners, Rashida nodded. More tears slipped down her cheeks. "Your father informed me that your brother needed to remain in isolation at the pharmaceutical lab to receive life saving medications. I stayed in the West with you until he returned a few days later, alone, and took you to the Central territory."

She paused for a breath, then continued with, "Two weeks later, your father contacted me. He informed me that your brother had met the same fate as your mother, and had me draft a death certificate for both."

"Back up, please." My eyes closed as my fingers rubbed my forehead. "You said you knew my brother had a white wolf."

"I only assume that," she replied sadly.

"So is he or isn't he -" I couldn't bring myself to say the word 'alive,' for fear of false hopes.

"There have been no sightings of your brother since his birth," she responded as her eyes darkened. "I am sorry Miss Zara, he is dead. And the best that you can do is honor their memory moving forwards. Werewolves who focus too much on the past only end up chasing their own tails for the rest of their life."

"There have been no sightings of your brother since his birth." Her eyes darkened and tears dried up. "I am sorry, Miss Zara, but he is dead. The best that you can do is honor their memory moving forwards. Werewolves who focus too much on the past end up chasing their own tails for the rest of their life."

"Can you tell me anything else about them?" I squeezed my interlocked fingers. "What did she look like? I've never seen any pictures of my mother."

"You share several of your mother's features." She cocked her head sideways, examining me with narrowed eyes. "Her eyes were light but a different shape than yours, same light hair but hers fell in waves."

She smiled, sadness dulling her hazel eyes. "But size, stature, pale skin, soft voice, are identical."

"Th-thank you," I squeaked out.

My back leaned against my chair. A smile played on my lips for the first time since I set foot down in this basement library. For the next few breaths at least, the air didn't taste as stale.

"My pleasure, Zara. And, that -" Her gaze shifted to my chest and she nodded at my necklace. "- I recognize as hers, although your father's pack Sigil has been added to it."

"Do you recognize the other one?" My thumb and forefinger parted the two charms and I pressed the pad of my thumb against what I knew was the half-circle intertwined with a triangle.

"Unfortunately, no." The overhead yellow lamps cast dull highlights over her loose auburn hair as she shook her head. "I can only speculate that it might be from her pack or a family heirloom."

"The rogue in the Northern Territory," I reminded Elena. "His tattoo was similar, but with a wolf's head on it."

"That was my search during the first two days here." She sighed, smoothing her hands through her hair. "I'm sorry, I looked in every historical family and pack history book here, even records on rogues, and found no Sigils or mention of something remotely similar to that."

"Well..." I looked back over at Rashida. "I appreciate knowing anything you have about my mother."

"Her wolf was white," she added. "Like yours."

"What was she like?" As I leaned over, desperation for any additional piece of information she had on my mother tightened my chest.

"I didn't know her personally because your father is very private." Luna Rashida's voice was low but even as she admitted, "She wasn't here long but from our brief interactions, she was kind and quietly thrilled to become a mother. Quite overwhelmed at the idea of the two of you."

Every inch of me smiled as I heard the word 'kind.'

My mother was kind.

Another phrase she said caught my attention. "Not here long?" My eyebrows squeezed together. "What do you mean?"

"Your mother..." She hesitated, glancing at Elena.

"Luna Rashida," I begged, cupping my hands around her forearm. "Please. I need to know. Something. Anything... Please."

"Purely speculation," she warned as her eyes flicked back to mine. "But I suspect your mother was not from our country."

"What!?"

I looked between her somber expression and Elena's gaping silence. My lips parted but the rest of me sat frozen. Lumi paced so much that my skull pounded dizzy. I pressed my fingertips against my forehead to calm the sensation.

"I don't have a shred of proof of that," she admitted. "Your father disappeared for a few months and showed up with her one day. He had me draft the Luna paperwork right then. Six months later, you were born. Your... distinctive features support this theory, which again I admit that I have no proof of."

My shoulders sagged as I slumped down in my seat. So many emotions swirled inside me that nausea rolled my stomach. Anger and despair dueled against each other to see which would win and bubble up to the surface.

"My father..." I frowned as her words registered. "Was he different, before they met?"

"Your father's demeanor shifted after your family's losses." Her expression hardened with lines of tension around her eyes and mouth. "I wish I could admit that he was substantially different before, but no."

Maybe that's why she was mated to my father, so her kindness could balance out his distance and cruelty.

Knowing an answer to my question would never surface, I chose to focus on questions with potential answers.

"What was her name?" Out of the corner of my eye, Elena's mouth dropped.

"Nieve," Rashida whispered.

The entire library space fell silent as I internalized her name, which sounded like naïve. Only the faint murmur of the air conditioning hummed in the background. My gaze dropped down to my hands as I ran the tip of one thumb up and down the other side repeatedly.

A faint sound broke through the silence.

Plop.

My ears twitched at a tiny water droplet sound, then another. I looked up to tears streamed down Elena's face. They splashed tiny puddles as they landed on the table between us.

"You didn't even know her name?" She made no attempts to wipe her tears away.

I shook my head and averted my eyes. Otherwise, both of us would have cried.

"It means snow." Rashida's lips pulled into a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "Like Lumi."

Oh boy.

My breaths turned ragged and uneven, pitching my chest with each one. While Elena sniffled and wiped her eyes behind her glasses, Rashida drew a slow breath.

"I think we needed a mental break," she whispered, her eyes glazing over.

Elena pushed her chair back. "Excuse me."

By 'break,' Luna Rashida had lunch brought to the elevator. Carrying large bags, Gamma Sebastian provided our delivery service. Elena walked to the bathroom upstairs, cleaned her face, and returned with Gamma Sebastian. Although my nauseous stomach left me without an appetite, I smiled and nodded thanks as we unpacked the bags at our table.

"You need to eat, Zara." Elena spoke up, her eyes on my unopened bag.

"I'm okay." I pushed it away.

Between zero appetite and an unpleasant, metallic taste in my mouth, neither motivated me to eat. Rashida seemed to sense that we needed comfort food and had requested a tomato cream soup, salad, and warmed cheese sandwiches from the kitchen. While the food smelled heavenly, my mouth felt like my jaw had been wired shut.

"Zara..." Luna Rashida reached over and rubbed my arm. "Anytime you want to stop we can. It's a