iv. POETRY THAT I FEAR.

words, my greatest fear. they stare back at me, telling me how not good enough they are yet i don't know how to strengthen their growth. they bellow out just how insecure, i scavenge for a better outcome than the way i have treated them. read other's, how they place them so beautifully in between spaces they deserve, not using them the way i have. listen to the way they are sung, compared to the piano playing heavily behind them, they win the battle of elegancy, of pain, and all they have ever wished for. press down on meaningless keys, piece together these syllables until they bleed. spit out shards of broken glass they have swallowed involuntarily, my own white knuckled grip ripping their throats open in hope they no longer scream at me that they don't want to be put to waste. cry, watch tears melt into the pool of crimson that runs down the back of my feet, bathe in what should've been. don't take in pride when people cheer from the sidelines for the crime i have committed. holding up wooden handcuffs hugging my wrists firmly, screaming the way they once did. can't you see, i am a disaster hiding behind calm nature. a ticking time bomb in a box unwrapped. i use poetry to tell you what's wrong with me yet no one seems to take out plastic earbuds to listen. to peel open their tired eyes from what society has laid on top of our already heavy chests, read that i need something to heal what has been burnt. i want these words to run through your veins as coldly as they have for me, feel the venom sit on your tongue and try not to speak. shackle your feet to a bed of nails, feel the weight of the world crush you into all that you are ever going to be.

these are the words i have grown to fear for they speak louder than i ever will.
why can't you hear me?