The last few days had been rough for me. I could feel the weight of guilt pressing down on my chest, every time I saw Billie, every time she tried to get closer to me. I couldn't shake the feeling that I had messed up, even though logically, I knew I hadn't done anything wrong. I was still figuring out what I wanted, what I needed, and who I wanted to be around. But that didn't make the guilt go away. It still lingered, knotting in my stomach whenever Billie looked at me.

Billie had been trying so hard lately. She was patient, attentive, doing everything right. She had been there for me through the rough days, when I felt like I was drowning in my own thoughts. But the moment I met Gia again, I couldn't help but feel like I was betraying Billie, even though I never promised her anything. She had every right to be confused, but so did I.

I hadn't been able to look Billie in the eye the past couple of days without feeling like a fraud. Every time she reached for me or tried to make conversation, I pulled away. She noticed. I could tell. She always knew when something was wrong, and I hated that I couldn't be honest with her about what was bothering me.

I was sitting on the couch, mindlessly flipping through the channels on the TV, but my thoughts were elsewhere. It had been a long day of pretending, pretending that everything was fine when it really wasn't. The silence between us had become too much. Billie had been quieter than usual, but every now and then, I could feel her eyes on me, waiting for me to say something. Waiting for me to admit what I was feeling.

Finally, Billie spoke up, her voice soft but full of concern. "Heavenly," she said, her gaze fixed on me as she sat down beside me. I could see the concern written all over her face. "What's going on? You've been off for days."

I didn't know how to answer. I wanted to tell her that I was feeling guilty for hanging out with Gia. That I was still figuring out what I wanted, and I didn't want to hurt her. But I couldn't say it. I couldn't find the right words. It was too complicated.

"I'm fine," I replied, not looking at her. I could feel her eyes boring into me, though. She wasn't buying it.

"Heavenly, don't lie," she said, a slight edge in her voice now. "Something's going on. And I know it's not just about you being busy. I can feel it." She paused for a second, her voice softer now. "You've been distant. Is it because of Gia?"

My heart skipped a beat at the mention of Gia. The name alone felt like a punch to my gut. I swallowed hard, unsure of what to say. She was right. Gia was part of the reason I was pulling away. But it wasn't just Gia-it was everything. My feelings for Billie. My fear of being open with anyone. My fear of getting hurt. The thought of letting Billie in completely terrified me.

"I... I don't know what I'm doing, Billie," I finally admitted, my voice shaking a little. "I feel guilty for meeting Gia. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. I'm still figuring things out, and I don't know where I stand with you, with her, with myself."

Billie's expression softened, and she reached out to gently touch my arm. "Heavenly, you don't owe me anything. I just want you to be okay. And if that means taking time to figure things out, then I'll be here for that. But I don't want you shutting me out."

I could feel the warmth of her hand on my arm, and for a moment, it felt like everything was right. But then I remembered the guilt, the nagging feeling that I had done something wrong, and it overshadowed everything. I pulled away slightly, not because I didn't appreciate her kindness, but because I didn't feel like I deserved it.

"I don't deserve you, Billie," I whispered, almost to myself. "I'm so messed up. I'm broken. And I don't know how to fix it."

Billie's face softened even more, and she gently cupped my chin, guiding my face toward her so I had to look her in the eyes. "You don't have to be perfect to deserve love, Heavenly. You don't have to fix yourself alone. I want to be here, no matter what."

I felt tears welling up in my eyes, and I had to blink them away before they spilled over. My heart was a mess of conflicting emotions. I wanted to believe Billie. I wanted to trust her. But I was so scared that if I did, I would just end up hurting her-and myself.

"I just need time," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "I'm still figuring everything out."

Billie nodded, giving me a small, reassuring smile. "Take all the time you need. Just don't shut me out completely. I'm not going anywhere."

I could feel my walls slowly crumbling, piece by piece. It terrified me. But maybe, just maybe, it was time to start letting someone in.