nyctophilia

(n.) love of darkness or night; finding relaxation or comfort in the darkness

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Give me love like never before,
'Cause lately I've been craving more,
And it's been a while but I still feel the same,
Maybe I should let you go,
You know I'll fight my corner,
And that tonight I'll call ya,
After my blood is drowning in alcohol,
No I just wanna hold ya.

Give a little time to me or burn this out,
We'll play hide and seek to turn this around,
All I want is the taste that your lips allow,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love...

Walking down, headphones plugged into my ears and my shadow following me through the dark streets, it comes to my mind, that Seoul by night probably is my favorite place.

But the streets I like to travel through are not the kind of streets you would imagine from Seoul. It's the little paths around of it, in the middle of it, that can tell you so much more than you could ever find out in the mass of the city.

At night, it's even calmer.

I hear my footsteps clacking onto the street underneath them, a few people are eyeing me. But they all want the same thing, which I appreciate a lot- silence.

There might be something dangerous to it, but I don't mind it.

The street lamps are dim and there's writing on the walls I pass. It's awesome and I sigh internally, wrapping my hoodie closer around my body.

My hands are getting cold, like they always do.

I push them further into the pockets of my hoodie and freeze when I look up to see a person crossing paths with me.

I can tell immediately, who it is. From the dark brown, fluffy hair, that's swaying slightly under his hoodie, from his soft lips, even from his posture, the fast steps, I know, that it's him.

He doesn't notice me, as I stop in my tracks, a little bewildered by my classmate's sudden appearance. Of course, he doesn't notice me.

In a fact, he doesn't notice anyone that much anymore.

Everything changed in this last year, he changed. And everyone knows why. It's no secret, what happened.

Everyone knows it.

And I know it, as he passes me, a breeze of air pushing past me, leaving me a little dazed. But not for long.

I breathe out, irritated with myself and mumble something before keeping on walking. I can't help myself but to glance back at him, stopping once again.

And I stare long enough to see him walking around a corner and I don't know why, but it bothers me and the next minute I find myself silently following him.

I furrow my eyebrows at myself. Why does it bother me again?

Quickly slipping around the corner myself, I see his back under the streetlamps and ask myself what I am doing, if I'm being a stalker as I plug my earphones out and stuff them into my pocket before running a little faster.

Then there's another turn and I know exactly, where he's heading.

Because it's my favorite place of whole Seoul, a cliff that gives you all that sight of the beautiful city that you can't own.

Is it his favorite place too?

I smile to myself before slowing down, as we reach it.

It should be a familiar view in front of us but I somehow think, that the stars changed their position all over again, forming different constellations tonight.

The wind slows down here and there's only the noise of the far away traffic and a few trees swaying their leaves in the wind.

And my footsteps on the ground as I come a little closer, still far away to stalk him further.

Cause that's basically what I'm doing.

I watch as the boy slowly lifts his hand, as if noone's stopping him, and pulls the hoodie down from his face. His brown hair is a little messed up but his hands find their ways to their sides again, as he breathes in slowly, and then looks up again.

And something about that simple gesture of him, his look down the cliff, it makes a weird feeling form in the pit of my stomach. And I can't control it.

Maybe it's the way, he looked like those past few days, today in school. Maybe it's the fact, that his skin is paler than ever and he didn't bring his homework.

But I find myself oddly fascinated as I look at him now, so close to the edge.

And then I realize.

So close the edge.

And my breath hitches unknowingly as I take a few steps forward, closing the gap as I internally start hyperventilating as he lifts his foot again to step closer.

So close to the edge.

And I stop right a few steps behind him and see him closing his eyes before opening them again, and looking up and I start wondering what he sees.

And then I see it too.

He steps over the edge and I scream.

"JIMIN!"