An uncomfortable silence hung in the school air like smog, so thick I needed headlights to see my way. But no one offered to light the path. Not until Will Solace came in, his sunny personality enough to break me from the chains of social anxiety, even if just temporarily.

"Hey, Nico!" He said, waving obnoxiously at me from the other end of the hallway, a grin stretching his cheeks. Geez, it looked painful. But that was just Will Solace, wasn't it?

"Hi, Will." I said quietly. "I don't know what's up with the school, but I don't think it's good."

Will Solace stared at me in stillness for a few seconds before shaking his head. "Are you kidding? They respect you."

"What?"

And I could see it now. I could see things differently. I wasn't assuming the worst of people anymore. I could see silent admiration clouding their sadness. And once, when a random dude walked by, he flashed me a smile and quick nod. I was so shocked I could only move my neck muscles in a nod of acknowledgment.

"Nico," Will said softly. "I don't understand why you keep seeing the worst of yourself. You're so amazing. You're the only one who sees yourself so poorly."

And wow. There he was, shaking my world for the second time today, and we'd only seen each other for five minutes. Now that I thought about it, he was right. I mean, I never sat in my room, drowning myself in pity, but I never was nice to me. I never paid myself a compliment. I could never point out one good thing about myself, if ever asked.

I was standing in complete awe of my revelation, which I could only credit to Will Solace, when said Will Solace himself shook his head and dragged me into class.

***

Lunch time was ruined the moment Octavian walked into the cafeteria and decided to grab a seat right next to Percy, who greeted him fondly. Will Solace sat next to me, instantly bettering my mood.

Octavian started conversing with Percy alone, leaving a bored Annabeth to play around with the fork she had in her hand. The conversation was playful and fun at first, until Octavian decided to bring trans people into it, because he couldn't be a decent human being.

"I don't get why they have to be everywhere." He grumbled, in the same tone you'd use to talk about homework and dog poop. "I was watching this TV show and then the character was a trans one. And get this: it's a kids show! Like, I'm not even kidding now. They're putting this into children's cartoons. I sure wouldn't want my kids watching that, if I ever got some."

"Then don't watch the show." It took a second to realise the words were coming from me. Will Solace was staring at me with those big, emotive eyes and behind that was determination. Octavian just shrugged.

"I mean, they could put a warning up, you know? Just telling us if trans characters are going to be in shows. They could do it for the gays and the lesbians and the other ones as well," he laughed. "Oh, stop looking at me like that. That was a joke. The last bit."

I was glaring at him. "It's not funny. And your transphobia isn't either. I'm sick of it. You're cruel for thinking the way you do, and you're worse for not keeping shut about it either." 

My face was red hot, which I don't think it's ever been before. The world started to disappear around me until it was just Octavian and I. It was infuriating, how, on paper, he had all of Will Solace's characteristics. Blond hair and ocean life eyes. But they were nothing alike. Will's eyes were warm and soft and kind, and all I could see behind Octavian's was venom. His fake niceness hadn't crumbled yet, but if it did, I was sure the heartless person I've always hated would be right there. But now, he was as cool as a cucumber. I hate him. 

"Why does it matter to you, Nico?" He taunted. I could see that mischievous glint behind his eyes, and it made me want to tear at my hair. "You're getting so worked up, it's not a big deal. Chill." 

"It is!" I hissed at him, barely able to keep my voice low. "It's a big deal when you just keep going on and on and on about people who haven't even harmed you. What is your problem?" 

Octavian shrugged. "Dude, calm down. You're just being so extra. Why do you care about this so much? Are you, like, gay or something?" 

He laughed incredulously, as if that was the funniest joke he cracked. But any joke Octavian cracked was at the expense of someone else. And this time it was me. Which is why it hurt so much for Percy to flash a small smile at him. It was the smallest gesture, but my heart shattered in that moment. He was basically telling Octavian that everything he was saying was okay, and it so wasn't. 

I turned to look at Percy, who just smiled at me, shrugging his shoulders. He flashed me the same smile he flashed Octavian. And it felt like a slap in the face. Anger bubbled like a cauldron, and Percy's complacency in everything brought it to a boil.

"I am gay." I spat. I wasn't sure who was more surprised: Percy or Octavian. They both had similar expressions, the wide-eyed, jaw on the floor kind of look, like a confused puppy. Annabeth was shocked too, but she had a smile on her face, as if she was a proud mom.

Will Solace stared at me with a different kind of expression. Not the usual shock, but the shock that make you believe in yourself, and that warmed my heart.

"Percy, aren't you going to say something?" I tried to keep my voice from quivering, but it hardly worked.

He composed himself. "It's chill, Nico. Don't worry about it. You're probably just feeling more targeting because you're gay. I mean, you aren't trans or something too, right?"

He meant it as a joke and that was the absolute last straw.

"He's being a total transphobe." I said, pointing at Octavian. "Can't you see that's wrong?"

"Nico, you're going too far." Percy deadpanned. "It doesn't matter. Stop being so whiny about it."

And it hit me then. Percy Jackson never cared about me. He never did. He was there when I was, and he only ever spoke to me when I did to him. I was just some loser he threw to the side, and I was finally starting to feel the sting.

"You're awful." I said, standing up. I looked away. I couldn't let him see the tears that threatened to spill. I pushed my cafeteria chair back and began to walk away, but I only got two steps before I turned around and said, "I can't believe I ever loved you."

***

I was running through the hallways. The lockers flashed with little distinction. I only caught sight of the navy blue that was their body. The floors were slipping from under me, and I was losing the grip of reality. There was no one in the hallways, thankfully. No one to see me in my worst state. I ran until my legs wobbled and crashed into the nearest room.

The art room. My head was spinning. No, no, no, no. Not here. Anywhere but here. The memories were too fresh, like a wound that was brought back from its healing, the scab finally ripped off. A pain seared in my mind, and my mistakes, every single mistake I ever made, etched itself in my memory. My mind brought the worst of my fears, my nightmares and my secrets to life, except they were so much worse.

"Nico? Oh, Nico!" A voice called from the door. I was kneeling on the floor, and I could practically feel the scissors in my hand, the withering string leaving me. But that was then, and this was now.

This.

Was.

Now.

"Oh my god, Nico. I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" Will said, fussing all over me. He rushed into the room and brushed the tears from my eyes, his fingers warm against my cheek. He was biting his lip so hard I was scared it was going to bleed.

"What happened?" I said, dazed.

"Percy and Octavian both just looked at each other and continued being super transphobic, Nico. I was awful. I told them that you were completely right and had every right to be upset. I didn't really hold back." Will said, flashing a sheepish grin. I couldn't have been happier.

"Thank you." I said quietly. "That's more than Percy did."

His expression softened. "I'm sorry, Nico. I really am. He was a terrible person for doing that. I wish I could say I can't believe it but . . ." I understood the sentiment. I'd spent all this time loving Percy to the point it wasn't even Percy I was loving anymore. And watching him disappoint me in the worst way made me realise that Percy was never meant for me.

"And you should know, Annabeth is pissed at Percy. Royally pissed. She actually broke up with him. Told him he was trash, and the fates were getting a phone call if they thought she was going to love him." Will Solace chuckled. "Gotta love Annabeth. And besides, you still have your soulmate, don't you? You're going to fall in love with them, and they're going to love you right back." Will Solace was grinning at me, his face stretching to accommodate his toothy grin.

Will Solace was so wonderful. The thought hit me like a train, but it didn't hurt one bit. He was so nice, and blond and just sunny. The butterflies in my stomach fluttered so much, I wanted to drown them in acid.

Oh, and Percy.

A lump formed in my throat. Somehow, a Texan I had known for two months was kinder to me than Percy had been in the last two years. Somehow, his touches didn't feel as foreign as Percy's, and somehow, despite all the happy and lovesick feelings that I was supposed to feel for Percy, there was something else. Something sharper. Something that we going to cut both me and Percy down. Something like resentment.

Anger.

Unfeeling.

That last one was the scariest yet. If I was unfeeling toward Percy, I didn't know what feeling was. Jason? A friend, but the only emotions he evoked in me were guilt. Annabeth? Now the anger I used to feel disappeared as quickly as my realisation came.

"Nico, it's okay, I've got you." Will Solace said as the tears gathered in my eyes. I blinked. If I was unfeeling, then what was what this was between Will and me? It couldn't be anger, no, Will's soft demeanour and gentle gaze was too calm to make me feel anything except . . .

Love.

Pure, intense, and frightening love. I could only describe love as I could describe Will Solace himself: brighter than anyone else, a force, commanding you to come closer, to step forward and take a risk. Like the sun, pulling you in a warm embrace.

That was Will Solace. That was love.