Shit! I am so sorry I mean it! I have been really sick to the point of going to hospital and unfortunately the nurses wouldn't give me the wifi passwords. Please don't hate me! I love you guys/girls/whatever you identify as!! I swear.

"Are you sure?" My Father questioned again. "Carl, this can wait if you need-"

I shake my head. "I'm fine. I'll be here when you get back, just go rest."

I was sitting next to Ron on the bed. Denise was checking his heartbeat while my Dad stood across the room. My eyes never left Ron. I was just waiting for him to wake up and right now he wasn't. I had my hands holding onto his hand that was bandaged up and covered in stitches. Denise told me she had done the best she could. 

You see Mikey had come over during the whole ordeal to see Ron and ended up running to get the things we needed to stitch Ron up then offered to watch Judith while Denise and I brought Ron here. Dad had found the house with trails of blood when he got back and only had Mikey to explain. I tried to block the memories out of my head while I continued to watch Ron. His hand was cold in mine and face was an unhealthy pale. 

My eyes stung from crying most the night. My chest felt like it had shattered into a tiny pieces and with every past moment the pain seemed to become even more unbearable. Feeling my eyes beginning to water again, I lift the hand that held Ron's so I could rest my forehead against his knuckles. I needed him to wake up. Denise moves away from Ron, pulling the blanket up his body again. 

"His heart rate seems faint." Denise offers. " Mostly because of the blood lose... I'll be honest I don't know."

"I'd much rather hear the best case scenario." I say quietly. 

Denise sighs. "Ron survives... When he wakes up he no longer remember all of his problem and ultimately is unbelievably happy." 

"What about worse case?" My Father questions. 

"The blood lose was too much, his freezing which isn't a good sign and hasn't woken up yet... I mean from what I know this could go either way."

"No." I answer bluntly. 

"Carl-" My Father begins. 

"His not allowed to die." 

Denise moves around the bed to stand by me. "It's not a choice as simple as that." 

"I don't care." I answer with my voice breaking. 

Both adults go quiet while they look between each other.  I stare down at our hands to see I still hand Ron blood covering my hands. With a shaky breath I move to place Ron's hand back down on the bed before getting up to walk over to the bathroom. Without a word I close the door behind me. I drop my stare making sure to avoid looking in the mirror. 

I wasn't ready to see just how much of a mess I actually was. I turn on the tap to wash my hands trying to pay no attention to how the blood ran down the sink. I tried my hardest not to picture what had happened. Every fibre of my being just wanted those images gone. Unfortunately my mind had other ideas because flashing of Ron bleeding out cross my mind whenever my eyes were open and when my eyes were close it was like I was living it all over again. 

My hands sat still under the freezing water while I tried to steady my breathing. What was I doing? Fuck! What was Ron doing? What was he thinking? I thought he stopped- I mean it wasn't the first time he had done this since his family died but... I thought he was getting better. Christ it was my fault wasn't it! I knew I shouldn't of let him go outside. Not in the middle of the day with so many people. I should know better. 

Before I can even have a thought about it I take my hands out from under the water and instead brace my hands onto the counter before I begin to kick in the cabinet doors that were under the sink. I didn't bother being discrete or quiet. I needed this, I needed to do something. My emotion were boiling over at this point and I couldn't take it anymore. 

I could here my Father calling my name from the other side of the door but I ignored him. I needed this. I heard the wood of the door snap but I continued to kick the broken pieces of the door. I didn't want to stop I couldn't stop. I heard my Dad enter the room and it took him no longer than a sec on dot wrap his arms around my waist, pinning my arms to my side in the process. I yelled in process while I continued to kick out at the sink. 

"Carl. Carl!" My Dad yelled in my ear. "You got to stop!"

"Let me go!" I screams while I tried to get out of my Father's grip. "I said let go!"

"You gotta feel it." He whispered. 

Tears start to rim my eyes. "I don't feel-"

"Carl... It's okay." My Father says in a softer voice. 

"No! No... It's not!" I crack. "It's my fault, I should have known better! I should have just told him to stay home, I should have known he wouldn't be able to ha-handle it... It's my fault he laying in that bed, I was just too... Happy, I-I didn't think! I forgot what can hap-happen-"

Tears were streaming down my face while I leant against my Father. I couldn't do this. Pain seemed to spread inside my chest and begun to ache the more I started to feel everything I was feeling. My Dad dropped to the ground with me in his arms, stilling holding on tight in attempt to comfort me. My whole body was shaky while I continued to cry. 

"H-how could I be so stupid-pid?" I ask. 

"It's okay." My Father answers. 

With shallow breaths I question hesitantly, "What if he doesn't wake up?"

"It's okay, you're gonna be okay." My Father repasts at first. "But right now you should be sitting with him okay?"

"I-I can't." I practically plead. "If he... I can't sit there and watch him, Dad... I can't." 

"I know." My father holds onto me tighter while I finally start to stop crying. My body hadn't stopped shaky and I still felt like a knife was digging into my chest but thinking about Ron waking up somehow made something easier. I just had to hope over and over he would wake up. How in the hell was I going to keep doing this?

*                               *                           *

"I'm guessing you really did stay here all night then?"

I move my head up from the mattress to look across the room to see Denise standing in the open doorway as well as Mikey standing behind her. Mikey eyes were rimmed with red while he keep his stare locked onto the ground. Denise flickers on the lights making me flinch at the sudden blast of brightness. I quickly dig my head back into the mattress while Denise and Mikey walk into the room. 

"I didn't want him to be alone when he woke up." I mumble into the mattress. 

"And did he...?" Mikey asks. "Uh, wake up I mean."

I lift my head to look at Mikey now standing beside me. 

"Not yet but you know Ron, always the dramatic." I try to joke. 

Mikey stays silent after that. He does nothing more then nod his head in a slight response and moves to stand closer to the bed. He leans over to push some hair off of Ron's forehead. I ignore the slight urge to smack Mikey's hand away only to end up standing up in a rushed manner. Mikey slightly jumped at my abruptness while Denise turns around from what she was doing. That's when I notice a map laid out in front of her. 

I glance around to see she also had a bag packed and it was filled with water and food. I guess Denise picked up on my stare because the moment my gaze went up to her's ready to question, Denise had picked up the map and folded it so I couldn't see where it was to. Denise grabs the handle of her bag before she quickly tries to leave the infirmary. I move from where I am to block her path to the door. The moment I get in front of her Denise's face twist to worry. 

"What are you planning?" I question reaching for the map. 

Denise yank her hand back to hide behind her. "Nothing, just something for Daryl and-"

"Then why do you have a bag?" I cut off her lie. 

"Because I plan to go with them." She answers in a mumble. 

I nod. "I will too."

Denise stutters over her words obviously trying to protest while I move towards Ron again. Mikey had moved to sit in my seat while I was now on the opposite side. Leaning down I press my lips to Ron's cold forehead while reaching out to give his hand a slight squeeze. I take in Ron's sleeping face one more time before completely standing back up, feeling reluctant to let go of his hand. 

"Don't worry." Mikey pipes up when he notices me not moving. "I'll stay here while you're gone."

I nod ti Mikey even though my stare is locked on Ron. Maybe I shouldn't go? Closing my eye I physically shake my head as if to remove the thought from my mind. Completely letting go of Ron's hand I turn on my heels and practically run out the room, refusing to spare a glance back at any of them. I leave the door open for Denise to follow. 

It takes a second but when she does the door is slammed shut behind her. I hear her quick steps before her hand grabs onto my upper arm to turn me around. The expression on her face was one mixed of confusion and annoyance. I go to walk away again but Denise grabs onto my arm again making me face her. I knock her hand away before I can think better of it. 

"What do you think you are doing?" She asks in a sharp tone. 

"Going to find Daryl." I answer watching the ground. "You wanted him to come to right?"

"Carl, you have to stay here watch over Ron." Denise points out. "You really think he'll want to see anyone else if he wakes up."

"That's just it, Denise" I burst. "If! If he wakes up!"

"Carl, I didn't-" Denise tries to reach for my shoulder but I step away. 

"I can't sit there and watch him die!" I blurt out my voice cracks while I tried to hold back tears. "Ron he- we were... I can't watch another person I love die Denise, not like this."

I reach my hand up to use my long sleeve to wipe away tears that had escaped my eye and fallen down my cheek. I couldn't bring myself to look at Denise. Though I could see her hand was still being held out to where she tried to comfort me. I try to swallow the lump in my throat whilst Denise rops her hand and lets out a long sigh. 

"You can come." Denise caves. "Let's just hope you don't regret it."

The next chapter is up in a few hours. Promise!!! I'll fix spelling and grammar later I just really want to catch up on everything for now. And yes I'm thinking about saving Denise. Why? I love her, she is amazing and deserved so much better.