I was in the shower for a good half an hour, not ready for the cold air to hit me once I left but eventually turning it off after psyching myself up.

I grabbed a big white towel off the rack, wrapping it around me tightly and tucking the end in, rolling it over so it'd be extra secure and I'd have both hands free. I picked up the pile of clothes and slipped my sliders back on, almost leaving my phone behind but turning back around to grab it, seeing now eight missed calls from Jude.

I unlocked the door, poking my head out to check nobody was there and then standing still for a few seconds to try hear if anyone was coming up the stairs. When my ears were met with silence, I used that as my chance to leg it over to my room, shifting my stuff to the other hand to open it.

To my surprise, Jude was sat on the edge of my bed, head in his hands as his knee bounced. He looked up at me hopeful when he heard the door open but his eyes looked bloodshot which made me wonder how red mine must be right now.

"You had me panicked. Are you okay?"
I nodded, still staying glued to the spot, unsure of what to do or say.
"Look I'm sorry about what I said earlier. I know you don't see Alejandro like that, I was just pissed off but I should've waited til I weren't annoyed, to talk to you about it."

I shrugged, finally closing the door behind me, "It's okay. You kind of had a point."
"It doesn't matter whether I had a point or not, I shouldn't have shouted at you about it. I'm sorry," he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly as I felt a smile creep onto my face.

"It's okay Judas. Turn around, let me chuck some clothes on quick."
He smiled, the stress marks on his forehead fading as he climbed onto my bed properly, laying on his stomach and facing the headboard so I'd have some privacy.

I threw the pile of clothes, along with the metal tin, into the wardrobe before double checking he wasn't looking and putting underwear on and then shorts and a jumper. I placed the towel over the back of the desk chair before laying beside him.

He turned to face me, smiling faltering, "Are you okay?"
I nodded despite the tears welling in my eyes. Why the fuck was I always crying nowadays?
He pulled me in for a hug, my head on his chest and his arms wrapped tightly around my frame, "You're always welcome to talk to me you know? Whenever you're ready."

I trembled slightly, no longer fighting the tears and making his navy t-shirt turn black. He placed his chin on my head, rubbing my back.
"If I tell you something," I wiped my nose, catching my breath, "Please don't get mad. I regret it already but I'm panicking and I don't like you not knowing and I just-"
He intwined his fingers with mine, interrupting my rambling, "I'm all ears Alli, talk to me."

"I did it again."
His eyes softened before worry flashed through them as he looked my wrists over then let out a sigh of relief, "You smoked? And that was it?"
I nodded and he pulled me back into him, stroking my hair.

"It's okay. We've got this yeah? Just because you've done it once doesn't mean you'll be back on it properly. Would you want to see somebody about it?"
I shook my head and heard him hum, "Forget I asked then, it's alright. I've got you no matter what, remember that."

I shuffled in his grip to look up at him, laughing lightly despite my watery eyes, "I think I might love you Jude."
He kissed my forehead, "I know I love you Ayodele. I would've said it earlier but I didn't want to freak you out."

I laughed at that, pulling his face towards mine and letting our lips meet.

I pulled away first, smiling and falling back into my pillow, letting him lay in between my legs, arms wrapped around my waist and chin on my stomach.
"You're always gonna be perfect Dele. It doesn't matter what you do or say; you'll always be perfect for me. Don't be scared to tell me things."

I nodded, wiping my eyes one last time before looking down at him and letting out a gentle laugh, "I'll be real, I don't know what I've done to deserve you."
"You've been you."
"Stop being cute man," I groaned, hands in his hair as I playfully pushed him away from me.

"This might be a bit gay but do you want me to get you like a diary or something for you to write in? Like if you're pissed off you write it all in there and then hopefully by the time you've done that, you've calmed down and are less likely to wanna smoke. Or if you feel too awkward to tell me something I could just read that? Obviously only if you tell me to, otherwise I won't touch it."

I shuffled around as he spoke, so now he was against the mattress on the left of me and my head on his chest, "Why are you with me?"
His eyebrows shot up in confusion as I let out an exasperated sigh, "What do you mean?"
"You do so much for me. You're making simply just living easier for me but I don't give you anything back for it apart from stress you out. Why do you even like me man?"

He lifted up my left leg, placing it on the other side of his body so I was on top of him more.
"You make stressful situations easier for me, you manage to find the jokes in every situation apart from your own. You make me laugh and seeing you smile makes me feel like I'm finally doing something right. I want to be that guy for you, I don't care if you're your annoying self and always being a little shit because you're my little shit, alright?"
I laughed, leaning forwards on him to peck his lips, "Your life would for real be boring without me."
"It would be."

He deepened the kiss, both hands low on my waist as I basically straddled him due to how he moved us earlier. I moved my hips as he used his hands to guide them against him, letting out a groan and causing me to laugh and pull away, "Don't get too excited."

He laughed, rolling his eyes and pulling me into him, holding me tightly and kissing my forehead, "I'm proud of you."
"For smoking again?" I looked at him in disbelief as he rolled his eyes for a second time.
"Obviously not that stupid. But for talking about it. You could've just kept it a secret but you didn't."

I kissed his collarbone as a way of saying thanks before leaning into his chest again, "I don't know what I'm gonna do about Bukayo though. I tell him everything and he deserves to know. I shouldn't be here if there's a risk of me doing it."
"It's okay beautiful, don't stress," he moved my braids away from my face, "We'll sort it when we need to. It seems like a problem for us to face tomorrow yeah?"

I nodded before yawning, "Thank you Jude. Really."
"No problem Alli," he grinned, causing me to laugh and roll off him, ready to actually try and get some sleep.

———

When I woke up the next day, the bed beside me was empty, making me groan as I realised I'd missed him before training and wouldn't see him until about two. I wiped my eyes, checking the time and seeing it was half twelve, not that long to go I guess.

I stayed where I was for a while, mentally preparing myself to get up, and in the next fifteen minutes I was on my feet. I looked in the mirror above my desk and saw how puffy my eyes were and the redness still lingering. For fucks sake.

Opening the wardrobe, I took out the pile of clothes, folding them neatly and leaving the tin on the wooden base of it, not sure what to do with it yet.

I chucked my sliders on, phone in pocket and clothes in hand, making my way downstairs to the utility room. It was a small narrow area with a few washing machines and dryers, ironing boards and cleaning equipment.

Usually I'd chuck my stuff in with Kayo's as I felt bad using up their stuff when I'm not even meant to be here but I couldn't with how bad these reeked right now. Instead I had a couple other dirty outfits that I'd wash with it to make sure I didn't waste nothing.

Once it was all in and turned on, I walked aimlessly down the hallway, stopping when I heard something being thrown and a groan of complaint. I popped my head into the room it came from, seeing a girl in her early twenties, stressing as she clicked a load of buttons on a camera.

I knocked on the open door hesitantly, unsure if I was even really meant to be down here. Her expression relaxed when she saw me, "Sorry I wasn't meaning to be loud. Would you mind helping me with this quick?"

I laughed, nodding and walking over to her, watching as she continued to struggle setting up the camera.

I put out my hand and she sighed, finally giving up and passing it to me.
"You've gotta pull this out first, for any camera to work. It like activates the battery or something, I dunno," I pulled out the little plastic card and the logo appeared on the screen, signalling it was turning on.

She smiled sheepishly, "I've never actually set up a camera before."
I looked at the way she was dressed and raised my eyebrows, "You're the camerawoman and have never set up a camera?"
"I used my brothers old ones for my degree and stuff so they were already done. I didn't expect to get a job with it so quickly but Southgate needed a photographer urgently and his cousins like my mums friends uncle or something. I don't fucking know," she rambled, throwing up her hands and making me laugh.

"You'll be fine. If you need any help with anything shout me, did a bit of photography myself," I laughed but she stayed serious, nodding.
"I'm gonna hold you to that offer. This place is so fucking scary, I don't know how you do it. What's your job?"

Now it was my turn to smile sheepishly.
"Bukayo's my brother. Saka? Just needed somewhere to stay for a few nights but somehow it's turned into weeks. I for real need to sort something out."
She nodded vigorously, "Bukayo Saka is your brother? What the fuck? Explains how pretty you are. Your guys' genes are unmatched."

I laughed, "Thank you. I'm guessing someone's got a little crush or something?"
"Little? Wait sorry it's your brother, that's weird. Plus, gonna keep it professional, don't worry," she saluted me, making me laugh harder.

"You're a joker. What's your name, in the most unawkward way possible?"
"Maddie," she laughed, blonde hair falling over her shoulder, "And you? I feel like I should know it but my minds blank."
"Ayodele. So when do you start actually like taking photos of them and shit?"
"It would've been this training session but my bus here was late so... great first impression I guess!" she said sarcastically, causing me to shoot her a sympathetic smile.

"It's alright, Southgate's pretty chill plus the boys will just be mad over the fact there's another girl here so I'd prepare yourself for that."
She shook her head, "Nah it's actually so scary. Like all of them. The literal England team. I'm gonna have to talk them? Can't I just be the weirdo that takes photos of them from like really far away? Like have a little stalker vibe going on?"

"Girl," I laughed, "Trust, they're not that scary. Bukayo made me go to the team dinner with all them when I'd barely spoke a word to any and I literally shat myself but it was fine. They're gonna be back soon anyway so I'm sure Gareth will introduce you."
"But that's so shit. You had your brother introducing you, I'm having Southgate!" she threw her hands in the air, "They're gonna think that I'm like professional professional, and may I remind you, I have no fucking clue what I'm doing!"

"It's gonna be fine, chill out," I laughed, "I'm gonna go get ready but I look forward to hearing how it goes."
She groaned, "Yeah I'll tell you so long as I don't kill myself before then."
"You'll be fine!" I shouted from the hallway, laughing to myself as I made my way back upstairs. She was going to have to professionalise herself a bit before they got here. Good thing I'm no one important because the amount of f bombs she dropped before even realising who I was, was mad.