I woke up, my legs intwined with Jude's as he held me close. I kept my head on his chest, not ready to get up yet and just thinking about everything.

I liked him. A lot. But why were relationships so scary? Why does the thought of one make my stomach hurt? Why am I so afraid of fucking it up and doing something wrong?

It felt like everything had happened so fast. I moved in here about three weeks ago, that's it. That's not exactly a long time, were we really ready for a relationship in the first place?

There was a knock at the door, making me wipe my eyes and blink a couple times to wake up before telling them to come in. I was met with Jadon's head poking through the little gap he had made as he opened the door.
"Is it alright if I come in?"

I laughed lightly, mumbling a yes and watched as he sat on my desk, looking as if he were debating to say something or not.
"Are you alright?" he finally spoke, making me raise my eyebrows in surprise.
"I'm as good as I'll be at eight in the morning mate, why?"

He smiled, shaking his head, "No like actually. I know you're awkward and that but to be honest, same. It's just- Your dad said something about," he sighed, "Forget it. See you in a bit."

"No, no, you can talk to me. I kinda just zoned out when he was shouting stuff so I don't remember half the stuff he said anyway. Remind me."
He sat back down, taking in a breath, "You were being sarcastic saying something about them trying to make you feel grateful over the fact they fed you and didn't let you die and your dad said you tried to take it in to your own hands but your mum interrupted him and I couldn't get the full jist of what he meant. He didn't mean...?"

I moved to sit up against the headboard, Jude's hands still wrapped lazily around my waist.
"Yeah. It was a long time ago though."
"Shit."
I bit my lip, awkwardly nodding.
"You wouldn't try to now though, yeah?" He looked at me sincerely, causing me to shake my head so he wouldn't worry.
"What? Of course not."
He nodded, "Alright, that's good. Just let me know if you ever need anything yeah?"

Jude started to stir next to me, yawning and stretching before opening his eyes to see Jadon in our room again.
He groaned, "Bruv I told you already, you're not allowed here until after trainings. It's weird and-"

"It's fine, I let him. We needed to talk quick, it's nothing," I explained, placing my hand on top of his.
"Yeah mate I was just leaving. You guys... have fun," he smirked, causing me to chuck a pillow at him as he dodged it and left the room laughing.

Jude wrapped his arms around me again, moving so he was laying in between my legs, his head high on my stomach.
"He's such a dickhead," he complained, making me laugh as I messed with his hair.
"He can be alright though. I didn't know he knew how to be serious," I laughed as he looked up at me, chin on my chest.
"He was good to you yesterday yeah? He had your back and that?"

I nodded, "Yeah. He came in now just to check on me as well, he's sweet sometimes."
"Yeah, chill with that," he rolled his eyes, smiling as I copied him, pushing him away from me.
"I didn't mean it like that. No need to be jealous," I pinched his cheek as he rolled his eyes again, pulling a face and trying not to laugh.

"Shut up."

We focused on trying to get comfy again when he spoke up, "You're coming to the game next week yeah?"
I nodded as I laughed, "Of course I am?"
"Good," he let out a sigh of relief, causing me to laugh harder.
"Are you nervous?"
"Are you joking? I'm literally shitting myself," he said bluntly, making me stifle a laugh so I could try be supportive.

"You'll do great, I'm sure."
He shrugged, "I might not even play so it all depends I guess."
"Shut up, you're gonna play at some point even if you're not starting. You might be what we need to turn a game around. Being a sub is easier because you look better as everyone else is knackered," I winked, making him laugh.

"I'd hate if I had to play with you."
"What do you mean?" I asked, shocked, "You'd love it, I'd literally carry England to the finals."
He raised an eyebrow, biting his lip so he wouldn't laugh, "Mhm."

"No but genuinely, you'll do great. There's no need to stress about it," I comforted, both our head inches away from each other on the pillows. I comforted? What was happening to me?

He smiled, shuffling forward to move his face even closer, "You make me so happy, do you know that?"
I groaned, pulling my head away, "Stop being cute man."
He laughed, holding his hands up, "Hey you started that one."

"Fine I take it back then, There's every need to stress about it," I smirked as he gaped.
"You did not."
I laughed, barely getting a word out, "I'm joking, I'm joking!"

"Nah you're horrible," he turned around so that I was now facing his back.
I put both hands on his shoulder to try turn him back around but failed miserably, causing him to crack up, basically wetting himself.
"It's not that funny."
"Yes it is. There's no way you thought you'd be stronger than me," he raised an eyebrow, flexing his arm and although it was definitely one of the lengest things I'd ever seen a man do, I wouldn't tell him that.

(THE EDIT WHERE HE DOES THINGYS CELEBRATION AND PULLS HIS EYE W HIS TONGUE OUT AND THE MUSCLESSSS ONG JTS MY FAV CLIP OF HIM AHHHHSJSHDHSHSJ)

"There's literally nothing there," I rolled my eyes as his widened slightly.
"Girl."
I laughed loudly at his reaction as he put a hand over my mouth, now laying on his stomach next to me.

"It's too early man, let me sleep," he complained as if he wasn't pissing himself five seconds earlier.
"Boy," I copied, causing him to now be the one laughing.

"For fucks sake man. We should just date already," he said in a voice where I couldn't tell if he was joking or not.
I shook my head as I laughed, "Nope. Too
much pressure."
He groaned, "But why? You don't wanna commit? We're literally doing everything a couple does minus the commitment, got me feeling like a slag."

I laughed loudly as he grimaced at his own words.
"I think I've been pretty loyal. What about you huh?" I raised an eyebrow.
"I literally told my mum about you."
My eyes widened, "You what?"

"Only briefly, don't panic," he laughed as I continued to shake my head.
"No. Jude that's so scary! What did you say?" I stressed as he smiled to himself.
"You care what my mum thinks about you then?"
"What? Obviously," I looked at him as if he were crazy as he continued to grin.
"Just let me wife you up man."

I pushed his face away from me, "Where are you getting this confidence from? Go back to being quiet."
He laughed, "I know you love me really."
"Mhm."

"But it's okay cos I love you back," he squeezed my cheek as I did to him earlier and I shoved him away, trying to act like his words didn't fill me with panic.
"I'd love me too, to be honest," I shrugged as he rolled his eyes.
"You'll give in sooner or later."

"Nah," I rolled over so I wasn't facing him anymore but felt his hands around my waist and then his body against mine as he shuffled closer.
"Why don't you want to?" I felt his breath against my neck as he spoke.
I shrugged, "It's scary."

I felt him smirk against my shoulder, "Nothing should be scary when you're with me. I'll protect you."
I gagged at his cringyness, hearing him erupt into laughter as I moved away from him, having no words to even reply.

He dragged me back to him by my waist. This time we were so close I could feel his abs against my back which I didn't even think could be possible.

"I'm joking. Kind of. I dunno. But like for real, why's being in a relationship with me scary? I'm not scary."
I laughed, "Indeed you're not."
He looked offended before pressing on, "Then why's a relationship with me scary?"
I sighed, shrugging, "I don't know. It's too early for this man."

He rolled his eyes, placing kisses up my neck and talking in between each one, "You cant tell me you don't want me just as bad as I want you."
I tried not to fold, not giving him an answer as I'd probably give in. Unsatisfied with the lack of response, he trailed the kisses higher until he reached my cheek, then kissing slowly around my mouth, mumbling nonsense as he did so, I was too flustered to listen.

He smirked, looking up at me as he kissed the corner of my mouth and my hands looped around his neck.
"I guess we should stop, seeing as we're not in a relationship or anything," he said, all proud of himself as I rolled my eyes.

"You're a prick."
He smiled mumbling against my lips, the gap between both of ours being almost nonexistent, "I could be your prick though."
"Shut up," I laughed, finally making the decision to connect our mouths, him being more fierce and passionate than the kisses we shared before, as if he had something to prove.

He pulled away first, leaning his forehead against mine as he hovered above me, holding himself up with an arm either side of me as he grinned, catching his breath.
"I've got mad rizz innit?"

I rolled my eyes, "No. You might have to redo all of that so I can judge it properly."
"Oh really?"
I nodded, biting my lip to hide my smile as one of his hands traveled down my body, holding my hip in place before he started to kiss me again. It got more heated by the second, my hands in his hair and his dangerously low on my arse but I pulled away before it could develop into something further.

He panted lightly as he laid beside me, both of us just laughing as we caught our breath.
"We should spend all mornings like this," he smiled as I rolled my eyes, laying back into the pillows properly as he propped himself up on his elbow next to me.

"Can I be honest with you for a second?" he hesitated before asking, tracing patterns on my stomach, where my t-shirt had ridden up, out of nervousness.
I nodded, a hand in his hair again, "Of course. What's up?"

"I know I'm gonna sound like a mad simp when I say this but I need to. I really, like genuinely, like you Ayodele. And I feel like you like me back, at least you act like you do, and I know you've said that you're scared and whatever and I don't want to put pressure on you or anything but I can't help but feel like you're just playing with me sometimes. Like I'm good enough for you to flirt with and kiss but not to date? I don't know, I know I sound like a dickhead right now but you have to see where I'm coming from. Maybe we should just stop all of this if there's no chance it's gonna become something because the longer we leave it, the harder it's gonna hurt and-"

I stopped his rambling by placing a soft kiss to his lips, only a second, before pulling away and speaking.
"You don't sound like a dickhead and if anything I'm the one that is one, alright? Everything you said is true and if I didn't feel ready then I shouldn't have entertained this, it's not fair on you and selfish on my behalf but maybe," I paused, a sly smile creeping onto my face, "Maybe I am ready."

His eyes went wide, not expecting me to end the sentence like that and if anything was getting ready to walk out, "You what?"
I shrugged, still smiling like an idiot, "I'm ready if you're ready."
"Oh my Lord, I've done been ready bruv," he grinned, moving my braids away from my face, "But I'm asking you out properly so this doesn't count yet."

I groaned, "So I've gotta wait even longer to call you my boyfriend?"
"Girl don't complain. This could've been done weeks ago," he raised an eyebrow making me laugh.
"We literally only just met weeks ago."
"Don't know what I was doing before that, I'll be real," he smirked as I sighed, having no snarky remark to make fun of his cringyness and instead laying my head onto his chest.

We were ready.

———
Jude's actually moving to Real. Or at least when I wrote this it was the day he actually confirmed it and idk how to feel urgrhfjfj. Like I'm excited to see him grow and improve as this is a massive opportunity for him but i'm actually so upset he's leaving Dortmund, they need players that actually stick around other than Reus. And I swear I remember something about him saying how when he grows up his dream was to play for Barcelona and he didn't look that happy at the signing event thing. Idk, might just be looking into it too much but I'm fr actually upset. I knew he had to transfer at some point, I just didn't process it properly and thought maybe he'd move to the premier league or something finally but he hasn't. I'm really fighting what to do as well because with the whole Barca and Real rivalry Ive always grown up saying Barcelona's better and obviously will still think that no matter where Jude's playing it's just so upsettinggjfjfjfkfkf. I'm gonna miss him man.

i fr just wrote a whole paragraph crying over a random man moving from one team to another to kick a ball about what is wrong with me. ANYWAYSSSS

hope u enjoyed this chapter vote and comment, lots of love