Four days later:
The sounds of birds woke me up, making me groan as I realised it must've been early. I wiped my eyes to be able to see properly and was faced with a wide awake Jude, smiling down at me as I had unconsciously moved to sleep on his chest.
"Shut up," I rolled over, burying my head into the pillows.
"Hey I wasn't complaining," he joked, snaking an arm around my waist, causing me to turn back around so he'd move it.
"What are we doing Jude?"
He seemed a bit taken aback as he thought for a second before shrugging, "I don't know."
"Well maybe we need to stop this then because it's not like it's gonna turn into anything and I don't wanna be known as the girl who just lets random boys share a bed with her."
He furrowed his eyebrows, "What?"
"All the guys know you've been spending the night with me. They make jokes about it all the time and I'm fine with that but when it eventually stops they're gonna be confused on why we aren't dating or something. They'll think I'm a slag," I rubbed my temple, "And I can't annoy Bukayo with how much he's doing for me right now."
"You're waffling, go back to sleep," he laughed, pushing my head back into the pillows.
"So this is normal to you? You just casually sleep with a girl three nights in a row?" I raised an eyebrow.
He shook his head, "Shut up obviously it's not."
"Then you can see where I'm coming from?"
He paused for a second before nodding, "Yeah I guess."
"I guess my arse," I muttered, rolling my eyes and turning the other way to him, trying to fall back asleep.
He shuffled closer to me, "I don't get why you're annoyed though. Did you not want me to stay? I would've gone if you were uncomfortable, I just-"
"Obviously I wanted you to stay. That's the problem," I stressed as he looked at me quizzically.
"I'm not following."
"I wanted you to stay. In fact, I was upset the nights you weren't here," I threw up my hands as he smiled.
"What do you want? Out of this? From me?"
He shrugged, "I don't know."
"Well I know what I don't want. I don't want to like a guy. I don't want to come dependent on him. I don't want to feel upset without him. I don't want to go through the stress a guy brings with him. I don't want to-"
"Ayodele," he held my hand which instantly made me stop talking, "You're thinking too much. All I know is that I like being around you, I like staying the night with you and I like talking to you. If that develops into something else, why fight it?"
I shook my head, "No. You don't get it."
"You're right, I don't. Enlighten me," he responded, growing annoyed.
"I don't want it to develop into something else. I can't deal with that. I'm a bitch, I'm unreliable, shit I'm literally an addict. You'll get fed up of all my problems and it won't last. I don't want to go through that again. I just-"
"Ayodele," he pushed my braids away from my face, "You're not a bitch, you're not unreliable and your addiction isn't forever. I won't get fed up of 'your problems' because as long as we're together they're our problems. Anything either of us have to face, we'll face it together. Don't leave me hanging just because you dated a dick before me. I'm nothing like that and you know it."
I stayed silent as his eyes searched my face for an answer, "So what you thinking?"
"I'm sorry," I sighed, "But I just can't. It wouldn't be fair to you. You deserve someone who can be there for you as much as you're willing to be there for them. You haven't seen that side of me, where I'm arguing with everyone all because I need to smoke something. I don't think properly and I'm rude to everyone around me, it doesn't matter who they are or how I feel about them. You-"
"But you're not listening!" he put his hands in his hair before taking a breath, "I don't care. I couldn't give two fucks if you're gonna violate me every now and again, who cares? You do that anyway."
I laughed but he carried on, "You need to stop thinking you're such a bad person, you're not even. You're more than good enough for me, everyone comes with baggage and if yours is a bit heavier than normal, then shit I'm ready for the challenge."
I laid my head onto his chest and he wrapped his arms around me, kissing my forehead, "Dele I don't think you understand how badly I want you. Nah fuck that, how badly I need you. We haven't even known each other that long but every time I talk to you it just feels so natural and makes me wonder what I was even doing before I met you. If you want me to back off then I'll do it but if you change your mind, don't be afraid to say it."
"We're still going to be friends?" I asked and the glow behind his eyes vanished.
"Yeah."
I nodded, "That's good. I just don't think I'm ready yet."
"Okay. Whatever you want."
———
Jadon Sancho POV:
Jude stood in the penalty box, booting ball after ball straight at Pickford.
"Get him in the head and I'll give you a tenner!" I shouted but he gave me a glare, turning to boot one at me.
I dodged it, grabbing on to Raheem.
"Did you see that?" I asked in disbelief.
He laughed, "Nah not officially but Reece said he hasn't slept in their room for ages and Kayo said he's been in her room most mornings."
"Shit they were actually..." I made a gesture causing Sterling to shove me, "What?"
"They weren't doing nothing like that, I don't think. Bukayo's room is right next to hers, he would've heard something."
"Come in!" Southgate shouted after blowing his whistle. We all jogged over with the exception of Jude who grabbed his water bottle and walked out. Coach gave us a questioning look and we all shrugged, not wanting to bait him or Dele out.
"Five aside, sort your teams out," he ordered and we all stood in fives apart from Raheem, Hendo and I forming a three due to the odd number. "You three be subs, swap out with who you want after five minutes and keep it going."
We nodded and I turned to the older two, "You guys go in first so I can sort Jude out?"
Henderson nodded, "Course."
I tapped his back on my way out and searched for the moody teenager.
After a good three minutes of hectic running about, I saw him sat with his head in his hands, almost making me feel sorry for him.
"Oi you dickhead. Come back over we're playing matches," I shoved his shoulder jokingly but soon realised it was a mistake as he gave me a look that could kill.
"Hey I'm the one that should be pissed off here. It's a good thing your aims shit otherwise my brains woulda blown out with the power you put behind that," I rolled my eyes, referring to my near death experience.
"What brains? And my aims not shit, I decided to spare you. Killing a retard won't look good on my record," he retorted, making me laugh.
"Mate I'm not the one that broke up with you, save the saltiness for her."
"She didn't break up with me."
"Then what the fuck is going on?" I threw my hands up.
"She thinks I can't handle her and that if we were to get in a relationship I would get fed up and leave."
I snorted, "She's right, you wouldn't be able to handle allat."
"All what?" he stressed.
"All that asssss," I laughed loudly as he held back his own and pushed me.
"But I'm being serious, what does everyone see that I don't? Why does everyone make out she's some loose cannon?"
I raised an eyebrow as if it were obvious, "Because she is? Don't get me wrong, she's jokes, I love her. But she ain't the type of girl you want a serious relationship with."
"But why? I'm not gonna take all this shit people chat about her until someone explains it and I agree!" he stressed again as I rubbed my chin, trying to think of how to phrase it.
"She's got a lot of stuff going on. She didn't get attention growing up and so she tries to get it in places she shouldn't. She doesn't know how to deal with emotions or how to cope when things go wrong. She has an answer for everything and even when she knows she's wrong she won't back down because she's stubborn. No relationship would work with her. You wouldn't be able to talk about things, instead she'll smoke weed when you upset her and argue with you when you say if she's upset you," I shrugged before patting his back, "I know it peak right now but it's saving you a lot of future hassle."
He shook his head, "But we could make it work. She's different when she's with me. She's comfortable, she's childish and open. She puts up her guard for everyone but I think I'm past it. It could work if she'd let me try."
I laughed, "I respect the dedication brotha. If you genuinely feel like that then fight for her. Show her that you're willing to try. But do me a favour and don't start and give up. She don't need any more shit right now, she's just starting to get better."
He shook his head, a dumb smile plastered on his face, "I won't."
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