"...but I know time won't slow down
so I can keep your heart in my hands
oh but maybe if you stay a little while
you might feel like I do for you..."

YOU MIGHT FEEL LIKE I DO FOR YOU

It's just an not so innocent game. It's always been and it will be until one of them decides to stop whatever they share. Harry knows that Niall is using him, but it's fine as far as it's mutual which it actually was at the beginning. Whenever one of them felt lonely, was horny or heartbroken, sometimes there was no reason at all, they used to go to their suite in the hotel and have sex. It was simple, no strings attached relationship that started off with what was supposed to be a one night stand that soon turned into more similar nights.

No one knew about their little affair because what was there to tell? Shall they be proud to be each other's friends with benefits? Harry's sure no one would be happy to hear about him and Niall, especially their manager or even bandmates as it will greatly affect the band, probably putting its future at a risk. So they both have been keeping this a secret for three years now. So far it's been good, a few touches here and there, some suggestive whispers in the ear that always lead to the bedroom at the end of the day; no one's noticed anything yet.

And it would be fine if Harry didn't feel the certain way for the blonde. He can't exactly tell when it started, but now the longing to be in Niall's embrace is greater with every day, the craving for the tender touches or sloppy kisses accompanied by their hungry hands, exploring the heated skin is tempting him. However, now there's also something more than that, recently it hasn't been just about the pleasure and the physical contact. Nowadays it's about the simple presence and affectionate gestures, too. He wants Niall in a new way that would give him the comfort of belonging to someone. Of course, since the beginning, he's been aware this form of relationship was not healthy, but he ignored it for he claimed it was a simple task to not fall for Niall. Nevertheless, now he sees why he shouldn't have underestimated the thought as he's literally found himself in the most hopeless position ever.

Whenever they are with each other alone, Harry hardly manages to contain the feelings erupting in him. When they kiss, Harry wants to show Niall how much this means to him by the gentle movements of his soft lips. It's not just about getting off on each other anymore, at least not for Harry. And it hurts. Because he knows that after they both come, their sweaty bodies tangled together in an overwhelming pleasure, it's all over then. This doesn't mean anything to Niall as it's all about benefiting off of each other. They use one another's body for their own pleasure because there's no one better for it around at the time. And when Harry has to let Niall go after they are both finished, he knows Niall is free to go to any other girl or boy he fancies which is not a comforting thought either. However, what Harry finds the worst right now is the fact that Niall hasn't been as often around as he used to. Yes, they are both in a band together, but it seems to be about it nowadays. Harry has gone over all last month's events in his head countless times, but he can't really figure anything out. Was he drunk at a party and accidentally told Niall a little too much? He doesn't reckon this had a chance of happening though, he really can't recall anything he's ever done to scare Niall away. And maybe he hasn't? What if it's all on Niall? Is it possible that he's seeing someone and now he doesn't need Harry for, well, shagging? Harry sends all his prayers to the god that it isn't true although he really fears that's the case and he's got no control over it. It's not like he can stop Niall from dating anyone he wishes as they've never been in a relationship at all. It's bound to happen eventually, someday they just won't need each other anymore.

"Can't sleep either?" says the familiar Irish accent out of the blue and Harry's eyes widen. How long has Niall been there?

"Yeah." He shrugs. "The adrenaline rush after the concert still hasn't left me I guess," it's a lie, but a good one that Niall will actually fall for. Sadly, Harry hasn't got words that would make Niall fall for him as easily.

"Yes, the crowd today was crazy," Niall agrees, his eyes focused on a point somewhere above Harry's head, his pupils reflecting in the dark. Harry gets so caught up in looking at Niall that it takes him a few seconds to notice that Niall's gaze now is focused on him, too.

"So," Harry clears his throat, "what brings you here?"

"Well," Niall begins, sitting down on Harry's bed, straddling the brunette boy. His arms support his body on the wall, as he places them on both sides of Harry's head. "Since you're not asleep," Niall plants a kiss on Harry's neck, right underneath his ear where he knows Harry enjoys it most, "might as well have some fun," he finishes, his accent thick as he speaks, his left hand massaging Harry's chest.

"What if I say no?"

Niall smirks, thinking Harry's just teasing him. "That's too bad cause I won't let you," he whispers, lowering his head to kiss Harry's lips again, but he's stopped by a firm "no" leaving Harry's lips.

Niall looks down at Harry, his brows furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I-" but before Harry can finish the sentence, Niall's lips attack his mouth, kissing away the words. At first, Harry wants to give in, to let Niall have control over him (as if Niall hasn't got it already), but then again he knows better than to do that.

"I said no," he snaps, his both hands pushing Niall away from him. Instantly, his eyes widen as he realises the force he's used when Niall almost falls off of the bed, in the last second catching Harry's hand to support himself. For a moment it's silent, Niall seems to be frozen as he looks into Harry's eyes, not a single emotion showing on his face as if he's still trying to comprehend what's happened.

"I-I'm sorry," Harry says, not really believing he did that to Niall. It was nothing serious thankfully, but it still was an act of violence, something he's never done purposely until today and that appears to scare both boys. He knows it was stupid of him as they usually tease each other and Niall probably just read Harry's motives wrong as he went for another kiss. Whatever would have happened between them, Harry had had no reason to act that way.

"I... I'll just leave," Niall says quietly, averting his eyes to the ground.

"No!" Harry shouts before Niall can stand up, his hold on Niall's wrist tightening. He's unaware he's just made the situation worse until he sees Niall's wide eyes, carefully watching him in horror. Harry gulps. "No," he repeats, but much softer now. "Please, don't leave," he begs. "I... I'm sorry, Niall, I don't know what's taken over me, I just..." He shakes his head.

"Hey," Niall whispers. "It's fine, just tell me what's wrong, Harold, you're scaring me," Niall whispers, moving to sit on the bed next to Harry, however, keeping his distance to the brunette boy.

"I'll make everything worse if I tell you, Niall."

"You won't," Niall delicately takes Harry's hand, "I promise."

Harry sighs, having a mental battle with his own thoughts as he doesn't know what to decide, whether it's worth to risk telling Niall. The minutes pass in silence and Harry appreciates that Niall at least doesn't urge him to tell anymore, no sound leaving the blonde's mouth but his steady breaths. It would be peaceful if not these three little words Harry's yet to tell.

"I just don't want you to go," it's the truth indeed, but not the one he's meaning to say.

"I'm not going anywhere, Harry," Niall says back and rests his head on Harry's chest. "I'm always here for you."

And although Harry wants to, he knows he can't tell Niall. He's lucky he can spend these moments with the blonde boy and he doesn't want to end their relationship by saying things he shouldn't feel in the first place. It's the only way to keep Niall around, to make him stay a while longer. But Harry isn't so sure anymore what would hurt him more; Niall leaving him after Harry confesses his feelings, or staying just the way they are, with all of the meaningless touches and kisses that will maybe last long enough to provide Harry's heart hope. Both paths are just too painful, however, he knows he'll do everything in order to stay with Niall as long as he can.

FOR YOU - GAVIN JAMES

[A/N:] It's happening in like 2014, maybe the beginning of 2015 btw. And I actually wrote it with Harry confessing his feelings to Niall and then Niall says he likes Harry too and all that happily ever after shit, but then I decided "screw it" and made it somewhat sad.

So yeah, I hope you liked it, I'm going back to reading about the very interesting history of France, Austria, Germany and Italy till I fall asleep on my books so goodbye for another few days (possibly weeks cause I'm also lazy).

Love,

Jade