"Love is beautiful, my Vachirawit is beautiful." - July 13, 2019

No, they weren't the only things I wrote in my diary. If I still had my diary, or if I still memorized every word I wrote, It'd fill up about 50 pages on a notebook. Yes, my diary was that big.

Anyways, going back to my love story.

The next day came. The day after he asked me to be his boyfriend. The day after I replied, "I do too". Yes, I love him. But when you're afraid of loving, you don't dare to say the word. 

I went downstairs after doing my business in the bathroom. Bright followed.

"Good morning mom, dad, auntie, uncle, and Ms. Chivaree", I wai-ed all four.

"Right in time for breakfast!", my auntie exclaimed. "Please sit down."

I sat next to my mother. Bright sat in front of me with his mom. 

Auntie served us fried rice as breakfast and we all digged in. 

While eating, I felt Bright's foot brushing against mine. He was flirting.

I chuckled at his behavior.

"What are you laughing about?", my dad asked. I looked up at him and quickly replied with "nothing".

I looked towards Bright and saw him giggling all by himself. I rolled my eyes.

He didn't stop there though, he put his foot on top of mine.

After a few minutes of silence, my mom decided to break the ice.

"So Ms. Chivaree, how are you liking Bangkok so far?"

"I'm liking a lot!", Ms. Chivaree exclaimed. "It's sad that we're going back next week."

I stopped eating. Next week. They were going back in a week and I had no idea. I took my foot back and that grabbed Bright's attention. I felt him stare at me.

"Win, are you okay?", he asked.

I faked a smile and looked up, not staring right into his eyes.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

My mom started patting my lap and she held my hand.

"I'm gonna go first, enjoy your breakfast", I said before going upstairs.

I sat against the bedboard while hugging my knees. My insecurities started becoming bigger. 

Bright came in and quickly hugged me.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

I pushed him off.

"You didn't tell me"

"I didn't know!"

"How am I gonna give you my trust when you can't even tell me something this simple"

"Win, calm down"

I started tearing up.

"Bright, don't leave me"

He pulled me into a hug once again.

"I'm sorry", he whispered as he kissed my head. "I won't hide anything from you"

He pulled away and wiped my tears. 

"We can spend the whole week, you know?"

"Do you think our parents will let us?"

"Maybe not"

We sat on the bed, still hugging each other.

"You know Win, I have the cutest boyfriend in this whole universe." He started talking out of the blue. "He has teeth of a rabbit and I think it's really cute. If you see him once, you'll probably fall hard. If you could see what I see, you'd be bragging about him. Not just that. When he smiles, his eyes turn into a crescent. And when he ties his hair up, he looks like a little girl. I wanna keep him forever."

I chuckled at him. 

"I love him a lot." he then added.

I argued back.

"Mines better"

"Aow, you have a boyfriend?"

I chuckled and nodded.

"Yes and let me tell you, he's way better than yours. You'll fall for him once you see his eyes. I stared at them one time and I swear, I saw the whole galaxy. I fell straight for them."

"You fell for them, but did you fall for him?"

"Of course I did!"

We both started joking.

Days passed quickly. It was too quick. The day before he goes back came.

It was a Friday morning.

Bright and I quickly ran downstairs.

"Mom, Dad, Ms. Chivaree!", I yelled. 

My mom looked at us.

"Can we spend the whole day together?"

They chuckled.

"Do you even have to ask. Make sure to come back early tomorrow morning. They're leaving around 1"

I nodded.

"Hua Hin?", I asked as I looked over at Bright.

"Hell yeah"

We ran upstairs and and packed some clothes.

A few minutes passed.

"You ready?", he asked.

I nodded and he started driving. I closed my eyes and took a rest. 

I felt Bright grabbing my hands.

I opened my eyes and gave him that "what?" expression. He quickly read it.

"I just wanna hold your hand the whole day to make sure I'm not dreaming. And that you're still here"

"I won't go anywhere Bright. It's you"

He sighed.

"I don't wanna leave yet. It's too early"

"We'll see each other again, right?", I asked with a little bit of hope.

"Yeah, someday"

I smiled but I knew that the 'someday' we were talking about back then, it would last really long.

A few more minutes passed and we arrived. We went straight to the room we rented last time.

"Ahh, it feels nice to back here again", I said before throwing myself on the bed.

"You do that everytime we come", he chuckled.

"of course, I have to!"

He threw himself next to me. 

"Win"

"Hmm?"

"Can we cuddle?"

"Of course"

He came closer and I took him into my arms.

"I'm gonna miss you." he whispered

"I'm gonna miss you too, idiot."

There was silence for about 3 minutes.

I decided to be the first to break it. I got out the bed.

"Lets go! We have a long day ahead of us."

"Go where?"

"Hmm." I thought for a while. "First, let's go get something to eat, then we go to the movies, the fair nearby, watch fireworks, and come home to sleep."

"Huh? What fireworks? Fourth of July was like 2 weeks ago."

"It's still July. They still do fireworks around here."

"Woah, Bangkok is full of surprises."

"Stop acting surprised, I know America does that too."

He chuckled.

"You caught me."

"Ah ah, get up, let's go."

On our way to the car, I got my phone out to look for restaurants.

"What about Coast Beach Club & Bistro Hua Hin?"

"Sure"

"Bright, I don't think we need the car, it's right over there." I pointed in front of us.

After about a minute, we went in and took our seats.

"Excuse me!" Bright yelled.

The waitress came to us.

"What would you like to order, uhh sirs?"

Bright looked at me.

"What would you like, my Metawin?"

I gave him a glare. 

"I'll have seafood and wine, please." I smiled

"I'll have the same as him"

Waitress wrote down our orders and walked away.

"Bright, why'd you call me that?" I complained.

"I was just making sure she knows that you have someone"

I sighed. "Idiot. If I have you, I don't want anyone else."

I saw him smile a little.

The waitress came back with our food and we ate in peace. We talked about our lives here and there. That was about it.

We finished around 2:25.

"I'm so full." I said as I tried to get up. "Let's go watch movies now."

he nodded.

"Wait Bright"

I called out before he walked any further. He looked back.

"Help me up please, I'm so full"

He laughed for a good 30 seconds before grabbing my hands.

"Is my baby that full?" he whispered.

"Yeah, I think I ate too much"

He chuckled as he shook his head.

"C'mon, let's go"

We went to the movies to watch 'The Notebook'. I suggested that because I heard from ai'Khao that it was really sad. Indeed, it was. During the movie, I looked over to bright knowing that tomorrow morning, that'll be us. Apart for God knows how long. 

He held my hand. I guess I stared for too long.

"Don't think too much. Maybe that'll be us tomorrow but I promise I leave for anyone else." he said

He read my mind like that.

"You said it once earlier. If I have you, I don't want anyone else."

I giggled. "You remember that?"

"Of course! I'm probably gonna live with that for the rest of my life."

The day seemed to pass by so quick. It was 8 pm when we finally drove home.

"Win, the fireworks are about to start." Bright informed me.

I nodded.

We went outside and sat on the sand. I laid my head on his shoulder.

You're my everything~

Right then, a song came on. It was slow and really peaceful.

Everything by The Black Skirts.

Exactly the type someone would listen to fall asleep.

"Win?" Bright called.

"Hmm?" I replied. My head still on his shoulder.

"If you woke up tomorrow with no fear, what would you do?"

"I would kiss you in front of everyone"

He chuckled and messed my hair up.

"What about you?" I asked. "What would you do?"

He sighed.

"I'd runaway with you"

"Why?"

"So that we can be together, forever"

"Stop, you're making me sad."

I finally pulled away and looked at him.

I felt tears making their way up.

"Hey, it's okay." Bright tried to console me.

"W-we don't even know how long it's gonna t-take." My voice became shaky.

Bright gave me a smile. It was fake.

"If only there was a way for us to communicate." he said.

"Do you have instagram?"

He nodded.

"Aow, why didn't you tell me before?"

"I forgot to"

He gave me his phone and I quickly followed myself.

"brightvachirawit" I read. "That's so long"

"Give me a short username then"

"Err, brightvc"

"Not bad"

He looked at his phone and typed something out.

"What're you doing?"

"Changing my user. There"

I looked at my phone.

"bbrightvc. Why two b's?"

"To remind myself that I'm not single"

I chuckled and scrolled to see his posts.

I recognised myself in one of his posts. It was my back.

The caption read 'Us against the world'.

"Cheesy", I said.

"Win..."

"I looked up at him"

"Can we run away?"

"Stop playing"

"I'm not"

.... There was silence.

"Where would we go?"

"Anywhere where no one knows us. A place we can live together in peace"

I looked down.

"I wish" I whispered.

He grabbed my chin and lifted it.

"Oh right, I've prepared a song for you"

He ran inside quickly and grabbed a guitar.

"Shia, I almost forgot"

I quickly grabbed my phone out, ready to record him.

Bright let out a huge sigh before playing and singing.

{Thai}
Aht yung mai hen wah ruk mahk mai
aht yung song sai poo chai kon nee
Aht yung mai hen sai dtah haeng kwahm wung dee 
dtae tur gor kong kao jai mun suk wun

Aht me krai krai tee kao dee gwah
aht ja mee kont ee tur fai feun
Dtae ja mee krai hai tur mot jai yahng chun
lae mun ja mee hai tur piang kon diao

Yoo mah jon wun nee peua jur tur ja yoo peua tur dtalaut bpai
Ja ao kwahm ruk tee mee gep wai peua ror koy wun tee tur maung glup mah
Aht ja mee welah tee tur dtaung gahn

Eek nahn ake nai ruk nee gor yung yoo
yoo bpen ruk tae peua tur tao nun
Duay jai tee praum hai tur jahk kon yahng chun
gup wun welah tee yao nahn
Kong ja por hai ror tur lae kong ja tum hai tur dai roo

{Eng trans}
It still might not seem like I love you a lot,
you still might be suspicious of this man
It still might not seem like I have good intentions, 
but you'll probably understand some day

There might be others who are better than me, 
there might be someone whom you dream about
But is there anyone who would give you their entire heart like me?
And who will have only you alone?

I've lived until today to meet you,
and I'll live for you forever
I'll take the love I've kept to wait for the day you'll look back at me
I might have the time that you need

However much longer, this love will still live,
live to be true love for you alone
With a heart that's ready to be given to you
from a person like me with a lot of time
It'll be enough to wait for you,
and it'll probably make you realize

I ended the video and clapped for him. If there's anyone out there that understood the lyrics in thai, it really was meaningful.

"Ah ah, your turn" Bright said as he gave me the guitar and took his phone out.

My song wasn't as sad as his but it said all the things I've been meaning to tell him.

{Thai}

koie mai baang tee tee ter dtong gaan poot a-rai ok bpai
koie mai baang tee kam poot man mai yom dtrong gan gap jai
tang tee pa-yaa-yaam lae mai waa ja dtriam dtua sak ka-naat nai
meuan chan eng tee gam-lang pay-chern naa kwaam bpen jing
lae teung mae kaang nai pa-yaa-yaam poot ok bpai hai mot took sing
yaang tee dtang jai

dtae man gor meuan koie mai waa ja bpert poie sak tao-rai
meua dtong poot kam nan siang chan man gor haai bpai

aan bpaak kong chan na waa ....
yaak ja poot eek krang waa ....
lae ja bpen yaang nee gap ter mai waa naan sak tao-rai
mai dtong glua waa chan ja rak krai
mai dtong huang waa chan bplian hua jai
chan ja bpen yaang nee ja .... dta-lot bpai

chan roo dee waa baang tee man gor doo meuan naa ram-kaan
dtae chan ja pa-yaa-yaam tee ja poot ok bpai hai mot took sing
yaang tee dtang jai

ja yam duay kam-kam nee waa rak ter mai yom rak krai

{Eng trans}
Have there ever been a time that you wanted to say something?
Has there ever been a time that the words refused to come out right? 
Even though your try, and regardless how much you practiced
Like I'm facing reality
And though inside I try to say everything
Like I planned

But, as usual, regardless of how much I open up
When I have to say those words, my voice disappears

Read it from my lips, I ....
I want to say it again, I ....
And I will be like this, with you, no matter how long
You don't have to be afraid that I'll love someone else
No need to worry that I'll have a change of heart
I'll be like this, I'll .... forever

I know well that sometimes it seems frustrating
But I'll try to say everything
From my entire heart

I'll keep repeating these words, that I LOVE YOU,
and I refuse to love anyone else

After I finished, I looked up at Bright. He looked speechless.

"Bright..." I called out.

He nodded in response.

"I love you" I finally told him. "It took me so long to say it and for that, I'm sorry. But I love you"

He smiled and chuckled. He came to me and gave me a big hug.

"I love you too" he whispered before leaning in.

Our lips touched. It was a kiss. It was real. It wasn't just a peck or anything. It was a real kiss. You know, with all the tounge and stuff.

It really wasn't a one-sided love. He really did love me back.

At that exact moment, the sky lit up with fireworks. It was beautiful. 

After a while, we pulled away and smiled at each other before the sky took both our attentions.

A sudden flash caught my eyes and i turned to Bright. He took a picture of me.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"For my instagram"

I quickly grabbed my phone back out and saw the post. It didn't show my face that much but I was admiring the sky. The fireworks.

"Heaven is a place on Earth with you." I read his caption.

I quickly looked at him. He stared back with a smile.

"Win let's go inside."

"But the fireworks aren't ov-"

Before I could finish my sentence, he pulled me up.

"Hurry, before morning comes"

I looked at the time. 9:21 pm.

The day was passing by too fast. If only there was another month.. or even a year.

Bright put his hands over my eyes and lead me in.

I heard the door close behind us and Bright took his hands off.

"Surprise" he said.

The room was filled with candles and roses.

"Don't you do this with girls?" I asked.

He chuckled before answering "No, surprises don't have genders."

I hugged him tight and started crying.

"I love you, my Metawin"

"I love you too, Vachirawit"

He pulled away from the hug and leaned in for a kiss.

Our lips met and I kissed back.

I saw where this was going as he started moving to my neck.

I'll cut to this point since everyone knows what happened next. But yes, my first time was with him. Bright Vachirawit.

Hours passed. 

Bright finished and laid down next to me.

I groaned a little from the pain.

"Win, does it hurt?" He asked.

I nodded.

"It's fine, I'll be able to walk in the morning."

He turned my way.

"Let's take a shower in the morning instead then." 

I sighed.

"What's wrong?" 

"I don't want to sleep" I answered. "I don't want to see you going back"

Bright chuckled. 

"I don't want to see myself leaving you either but it's gotta happen."

"Bright, promise you won't ever leave?"

"I promise. Can you do the same?"

"Of course"

I put my arms around him and gave him a small kiss.

"Let's sleep now"

"Okay"

"Goodnight, my Metawin"

"Goodnight"

"I love you, a lot"

"I love you more"

________________________________

Without realising, morning had already came. 

I woke up knowing that the day would have series of breakdowns.

"Bright, wake up"

I shook him gently.

He groaned in reply.

"It's 11:59" I sighed. He heard it.

He got up and quickly gave me hug. 

"D-Don't cry" His voice was shaky.

I felt tears bottling up.

"I love you, my Metawin." 

He pulled away and I saw how he tried hard to hold his tears in.

"Go take a shower." 

"Let's go together"

"I already took mine"

"Aow, without me?"

"Yes now go"

I chuckled as he pouted.

"Kiss after breakfast" I whispered.

I guess he heard it.

He rushed to the bathroom.

I went to the kitchen to prepare our food.

As I heard the bathroom door turned, I quickly took my phone out and ran to take a quick picture. He was wearing a white robe. 

I looked at the picture. It was perfect. 

"What?" I heard Bright ask.

I looked up and showed him my new wallpaper.

Yes, the picture I just took.

He smiled.

"Let's match"

I gave him a "What?" look.

He took out a white shirt and pants. I looked down and my clothing and saw the same exact colors.

I nodded. 

He then went to his bag and took out a polaroid.

"Come, let's take a picture before we leave."

We had exactly an hour. I went over to him as he timed the camera. We stood in front of a while wall. 

We stood side by side and held hands out of sight.

The camera shuttered.

"Another one" Bright said.

This time, he sat on the couch and leanred towards the camera. I put one arm on the couch