-

"It's been falling for so long..." a growl laced with candied sympathy, underlying darkness so poorly concealed that even in the foggy transition to consciousness, Loki can pick it up as evil.

"Master will be pleased with this one." another voice, a slimy hand through his hair painted with the illusion of gentleness before ripping his head up harshly. Loki gasped, limbs weak from being unused for so long attempting to scramble for some sort of hold on the dirt floor, but too exhausted to find one.

Solid ground.

He'd stopped falling.

The realization brings a sob of relief before his head is yanked up again, this time by his throat. He chokes, blinking rapidly to clear his blurry vision as a rough hand slides slowly down his backside.

"How about we get acquainted, eh Frost Giant?"

-

Loki jerks awake with a small gasp, lifting a hand to his burning throat.

It was just a dream.

He sags back against the pillows, exhaustion pouring from every nerve. Why can't the world just be quiet for a little while? It's all I ask.

His other hand is occupied by none other than Thor himself. The blond had apparently moved him to a bedroom chamber, as he was laying in a large bed and was tucked in by blue sheets. Thor himself was slumped over in a chair beside him, clutching his hand while his head lolled on the bed, snoring softly.

Loki takes a moment to truly observe his not-brother, too terrified during their previous reunion to really see him. Thor looks different, an air to him that's present even in his slumber, an air Loki is estranged to. His hair has grown longer, brushing past his shoulders in slight waves that are more of a dirty-blond than the pure blond Loki was so used to. It wasn't brushed out or fluffy anymore either, and Loki finds he likes this style better. He'd thinned out his beard just slightly, now only light facial hair compared to his previous poor beginnings of an imitation of The Allfather.

He looks older. More mature, if Loki dares to hope. He's lost the youthful look to him that he'd carried before. It wasn't to say that he'd aged, at least not by appearance, but he'd lost the brash and stuck-up appearance of royalty that he'd carried for so long.

But looks are deceiving, Loki would know. A mere alteration of appearance does not necessarily point to intellectual or emotional growth, Loki muses. For all he knows, Thor is the same old brash, oafish, self-absorbed idiot he'd become as soon as he'd begun hanging out with Sif and The Warriors Three centuries ago.

Or was he? Could he have possibly changed in Loki's absence? Even in the short span of leave from the Battle of New York to now?

" I know, brother, I know. Do not think of it now. We will have much to discuss later." he'd said when Loki had reminded him that he was not yet forgiven. Such words of patience, of gentle acceptance, of maturity even, were most unlike Thor. Could he have learned of his faults and be attempting to change for the better? To be a better person? A better son? A better prince? A better brother?

For a minute, Loki ponders, and then he bursts out into bitter laughter. Surely, no. He's never been worth it before, there is no reason why he should be worth anything to Thor now. Then why is he here? At the sound of his laughter, Thor stirs and blinks wearily up at him, lifting his head from the mattress.

"You are awake," he states.

"And you were not a dream. Keen observations on both of our parts." Loki snorts. "Though I fail to see any logical reason for why you are here."

"It was not an easy decision to leave your side." Loki snorts again, ignoring the flash of hurt in Thor's eyes. "It was not. Yet my friends thought it a poor decision to remain, and I wanted only what was best for you-" another snort, "so I departed to Asgard, where I instructed Heimdall to inform me when the time was right to return to you."

"I don't need you." Loki snarls in response, a bitter hole in his chest. Thor's gaze drops briefly to their still-clasped hands, and it takes every drop of sheer will Loki has to tear his hand away. What are you doing? You're going to drive him away again!

"No," Thor smiles, though it's sad. Sad smiles do not belong on Thor's face, Loki decides. "You've never needed anyone."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean only that you have always been independent, reliant on no one but yourself. Save for mother's brief period of study with you, you've taught yourself your powers on your own. Everything with which I admire about you, though I am late to express it, has come from no one but yourself. You have always been independent, that is all I mean."

"Only because I learned all too quickly that I had to be!" Loki finds himself shouting. "The Allfather only tolerated my existence so that he could use me as a pawn in his political schemes. He cared not for the monster he'd stolen. And although the knowledge of my true heritage may not have been known to everyone else, they still hated me too!" Rightly so, the voice inside of his head doesn't sound like his own. "Surely the Allfather has informed you of my heritage, no? Slay all the Frost Giants, Thor. You promised. Kill me." There is no trace of the anger Loki had counted on sparking in Thor's eyes, only sadness, guilt, and a twinge of horror. Anger, Loki knows what to do with. But this? This puts him at a loss.

"Aye, the Allfather informed me of such, and I care not. You are my brother, Loki. I care not if it is by true sharing of blood, for you mean more to me for that simple technicality to have any power to change. Such a thing could never and will never sway my opinion of you. I never should have said those words. I was wrong, and I'm so sorry." Loki's head is spinning. It's too much new, weird information, so he settles for the one thing he can grasp first, the one thing he can always grasp; pain.

"But the Frost Giants are monsters, and I am one of them. Surely that repulses you as it does I?" Thor shakes his head. "You should kill me while you have the chance."

"Brother, I have raised my hand in battle against yours twice before now, and that is twice too many times. Never again, and certainly never for the result of your death. I could never kill you, even if you were a monster, I could never. Call me weak if you must, but I love you, and this is the truth. But Loki, brother, you are no monster. Neither are the Jotuns. Sometimes individuals are monsters. But that does not make the race with which these individuals belong to monsters as well. Asgard is foolish to think otherwise, and I was too. Yes, you are of Jotun blood, but that does not make you a monster, or any less my brother." Thor's eyes are filled with honesty, yet Loki still searches for a lie.

He finds none.

"You thought me capable of the attacks on Midgard, though," Loki whispers, hating the way his voice trembled with tears. Always so weak.

"Aye," Thor says softly, eyes flashing with guilt, "but through no fault of your character. I simply believed you to be in pain and lost from your time in the void and the revelation of your heritage. I should have asked, yet I did not. I was also in mourning still. I'd lost you a year earlier. I mourned you greatly. I prayed for you to return to me, somehow. But when I was made aware that you lived, and what everyone had perceived that you had done, Heimdall warned me that the void had changed you, and I assumed him correct, for you had never been a violent person. These were my faults, not yours. I should not have confronted you without a clearer head. But I did not believe you capable of such things because I believed you to be an evil person. I simply believed you were lost."

"I myself have been lost," Thor speaks again when Loki does not. "Did you not just say that I had sworn to slay all the Jontuns? A grave wrong. But for my misguidings, do you believe me to be evil? To be a monster?"

"No," Loki admits softly. "I simply believe you have many misguidings about things." Thor rises from his chair beside Loki's bed, and for a split second Loki fears he'd angered him. Please don't leave me again. But then Thor crashes to his knees.

"Brother, many wrongs I have done in my life, the most grave done to you. I have no place to ask anything from you, yet I am selfish, and I beg of you, please, to hear the words that I might speak if you so let me. I do not expect your forgiveness, and Norns know I do not deserve it. But you are my brother, and I love you dearly. 'Tis poisonous of me to have required such tragic events to realize how deeply you mean to me, and I fear there is nothing that I might say or do to heal these wounds I have given to you. But please, I beg of you, I could not live with myself if I did not try." Loki's too stunned to say anything or even half-heartedly protest when Thor reaches for his hand once again. He just nods somewhat dumbly.

"H-have I ever told you the tale o-of the first time I laid e-eyes on you?" Thor asks softly. Thick tears are rolling down his cheeks before disappearing beneath his tunic. Loki once wished to cause Thor such pain. To make him cry. To make him feel but an ounce of what he himself felt every moment. But now, faced with the blond's tear-filled blue eyes filled with pain and his voice radiating guilt; he doesn't want that anymore. He doesn't know what he wants, but it isn't that. Loki shakes his head slowly.

"Mother had placed you in a b-basinet, lined with gold, and you were dressed in green, a-as though she'd known you would take a liking to the color." Thor's voice begins to steady as he speaks, a small smile forming across his lips. "I asked what you were. You were so tiny. She told me you were my brother. My baby brother. You simply slept, yet I wished to play with you. I expressed this to mother, but she told me that I could not play with you yet; since you were sleeping. I yelled, "But I want to play with him now!", and you started to cry. Mother told me that I'd scared you. I didn't want to scare you. So I took your hand in mine and said, "Don't be afraid little brother, for I swear to you I shall protect you", and you stopped crying. Loki, brother, I am so, so sorry that I broke my promise." Thor is full-on sobbing now, his shoulders shaking, and Loki isn't really sure what else to do but reach his arms out for him; as he is crying now too.

"You are the best brother," Thor cries as he pulls Loki to his chest in a tight hug. "I once said you were the worst but that was a lie, you are the best, and it is I who am the worst."

"S-since when did you become so mature?" Loki whispers against Thor's shoulder. The blond shifts a bit so that Loki is curled up against him as he himself leans against the headboard.

"I told you once, when we fought in Asgard, that I had changed, do you remember?" Loki nods. "That was not a lie, though I realized all too late that I had not changed enough. When...w-when you fell," Thor tugs him a little closer, "It was all I could think about. It has been ever since. What I could have said. What I could have done. What the Allfather could have said and done. I wished I'd let go with you. I believed you to be dead, but had I died as well at least I would still be with you. The second time," Thor's hand trails to Loki's wrist but he does not roll up the sleeves. Loki finds an odd sense of relief that he didn't see the lightning scars.

"The second time," Thor repeats, "I-I knew I had to fix things. I knew then, clearer than ever, that it was I who had wounded you so badly. When I returned to Asgard, I went straight to Mother's chambers and explained to her what had occurred."

"Mother knows?" Loki whispers.

"Aye, she knows that you are innocent. I told her such. I asked her to help me become a better brother so that I might have a chance to fix what has happened between us."

"How did she help you?"

"She taught me how to see things from your perspective, and I was horrified to see it as such, for your perspective is such a pain-filled one. She made it clear to me that my old friends mistreated you, so the first thing that I did when I saw them was to put them in their places." Loki looks up at him sharply.

"You did?"

"Aye. Had the situation been any different, I might have found some entertainment in their expressions. Mother also helped me to use my head, for once. It is through that which I went on my own. I stayed in your chambers, and I read the books which you used to read. I spent many an hour thinking, trying to see things from your point of view, and trying to understand. Too many times have I shut you down, cast you aside, agreed with the Allfather in all things, without stopping to realize how dull your eyes had become. I wish I could take every one of those moments back, believe me. Had I been able to see past myself and realize how much I've hurt you, I never would have. I swear that to you."

"You are here now." Loki's words aren't an acceptance, but they're also not a rejection. Thor feels hope swell in his chest.

"Aye, I am. I shan't leave you again." Loki chuckles.

"I highly doubt that your father will grant any approval of that."

"He is no longer my father." What? Loki sits up sharply, facing Thor with an incredulous look in his eyes.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Both mine and Frigga's relationship with the Allfather is strictly limited to matters that concern Asgard and her people, and only that," Thor informs him. "I spoke with him regarding you and he was...he was...the cruelty that poured from his lips was not my father."

"But-but you love him!" Loki's voice is a few octaves higher now.

"Nay, I loved the father I thought I saw. I was blinded to his mistreatment of you and focused only on gaining his approval and the glory of being the heir to the throne of Asgard. He has neglected you horribly and look at what has come out of that. I promised myself when the Son of Fury and the Avengers gathered to discuss the events that had taken place that I would never make such mistakes with you again. My blind following of Odin was one of those mistakes, which I shall never repeat. The Allfather has fallen into the Odinsleep again, but if he were to awaken and demand my return, I would not comply."

"Who is ruling Asgard then?" Loki is well aware that his mouth has dropped open, but he finds appearances aren't high on his priority list at the moment.

"I am, yet when Heimdall called for me Mother has taken over until my return."

"I see," Loki murmurs, drawing his skinny knees to his chest and frowning at the wall in front of him.

"Are you alright, brother?" No. Everything is too much, it hurts, I don't have my magic, I can't get anything out of my head, I get weird fluttery feelings just by looking at Anthony. Nothing is alright. 

"I don't know," Loki admits, not daring to meet Thor's eyes in fear of what he might find there. But Thor simply hums in acceptance, leaning back as well and letting Loki have his silence to think. Many minutes pass before he speaks again. Where is Tony?

"You said you mourned," he whispers, something ugly coiling in his belly when Thor tenses beside him. "You said everyone did. But your eyes betrayed you. Even then I could tell. It was not everyone, was it?" Who would mourn a monster? Thor is quiet for a very long time before he eventually sighs and rubs a hand across his face.

"Nay," he begins very quietly. "'Tis one of the reasons why Mother and I are so estranged from the Allfather now; he forbade it." Loki feels something inside of him shatter, and he wraps his arms around himself.

"Why? Why did he forbid it?" his voice cracks in the middle and never recovers. The all-too-familiar sting of tears fills his eyes, burning from the constant abuse of salt-water that he really ought to be used to, thick and uncontrollable down his gaunt cheeks, breath hitching when Thor once again pulls him into a hug. "I wanted n-nothing more t-than to please h-him. Nothing m-more! I just..I-I just wanted him t-to love-" Loki finds he can't continue, breaking off into loud, wet sobs, burying his head against his knees as he shakes.

"I know not, brother, I don't." Thor sounds like he is crying too. "I pleaded with him, mother slapped him, but he would not hold a funeral. He refused." Loki cries even harder. The sound of the bedroom door opening and rushed footsteps is drowned out by his tears. The bed dips a little bit to his left and the angry voice of Tony Stark fills the room.

"What the fuck did you say to him?" he growls but doesn't give Thor a chance to respond. Tony's arms aren't as warm as Thor's, but they bring a different kind of comfort as they wrap around him, the arc reactor humming against the side of his chest. A painless kind of comfort.

"Snowflake, talk to me, baby, what's hurting that pretty lil' heart of yours?" Tony murmurs, brushing Loki's hair away from his face. He's broken down enough in front of Tony's judgment-free presence that the words don't stick to his throat as much as they once did.

"They didn't care! They didn't care that I died! Odin refused to have a funeral, he..h-he didn't even care!" Loki wails. His heart is splitting in half.

"That fucking bastard can rot in hell then. Honey, I can't get it out of my head when I found you. I thought you were going to die. There was so much blood and you-" Loki can feel him swallow thickly. "I would have mourned if that means anything to you. I would have mourned."

It does, Loki feels almost selfish to admit to himself. It feels good that someone would have been sad.

"Perhaps there were no funeral fires to keep burning, but my candles for you never went out, and they never will." came Thor's soft voice. He's staring off to the side with dark eyes when Loki lifts an aching head to look at him. "Odin may have forbidden the funeral, but the people still mourned. I saw it. They still do now. They burn candles and dress in black. There is a hidden sight at one of the coves you used to frequent. A cave, and inside it there are candles and offerings. The children leave you candies and stories they wrote for you. It is beautiful. As soon as I learned of it, I informed Mother, and she cast a spell to cloak it from Odin's sight so that he would not disturb it. When he fell into the Odinsleep, she frequented it as well. Brother, I never stopped mourning you."

"You jest?" The fact that Loki even feels the need to even ask makes Thor's stomach churn, but he takes some comfort in the fact that his eyes are slightly brighter.

"Nay, I do not. If...if ever you decide to return to Asgard, I will take you there. The people are in mourning for you brother. They would be overjoyed to see you well."

"P-perhaps..."

"Feel no pressure to decide now. I did not come here to persuade you to return home with me, only to be here for you as a better brother," Thor assures him.

"I-I want to forgive you," Loki murmurs, a ghost of a smile tugging at his lips when he feels Tony press a kiss to his forehead. "But...I don't know if I can." Thor's smile is sad again, but it holds no resentment or anger as it might have had once before.

"That is alright, Loki. I understand." No, you don't.

"I wonder if it is pointless to even try." The smile drops