I think its hard to love yourself especially after you hid out of fear for years.
I did a thing called #endselfhate and what I did was say screw anyone else who says I was better fake. I am a better person now that I am real with myself.
When I told my parents about the real me they didn't believe me and say, "You'll come around." or, " You don't have the brain capacity to understand what you want."

I just...feel cornered so much and when that happens I turn to the Goddess and chant a strength prayer for my family and those who need it.
I research Scott Cunnignham and SilverRaven Wolf books but I still have much to learn.
I celebrated Ostara but I wasnt sure exactly how to celebrate it. And I was excited to be doing it myself.

I ended up just feeling at peace...I felt like myself again.

I didn't want to get carried away in nonsense at first...being Pagan from being Christian...people can say its not a big deal or no different and they couldn't be more wrong than ever.

To get over hell was a struggle for me.
I had a big anxiety attacks every night when I let my parents influence me over it.

But I never really thought Satan existed. I just felt like he never was there.

I also had a crazy Sunday school teacher who basically said without Jesus I was as good as dead. She would corner me about how I should love Jesus. She would get mad when I didn't do my devotional stuff and says the devil was controlling me.
She would also make a terrible example of me.
I felt like I was having an episode...mental breakdowns when I was not doing what someone else wanted.

So people pleasing became a thing for me from a young age.

But it is my life and I choose to change it for the sake of my own sanity.

When I put that into pagan practices...it was so beautiful. My mindset changed for the better of myself.

Love yourself. Please love yourself. Its not just Spiritual self but for yourself.
Its quite awesome to do what you love. If pagan beliefs make you feel better then investigate.
The difference between Pagan and Christian if you're passionate you'll seek it and because its more of nature you experience it yourself.

Christianity is a dedication that makes you feel guilty for falling behind. Too many people have ideals of the great "I am," that you cant follow people.

However in both religions you can be guided and find what resonates with you.

But for me personally Pagan ideas resonate the most.
It called to me and I decided to open the door.

Maybe something will call to you.
But don't feel bad if it doesn't.
Be yourself. Find ways to love yourself.
If you want tips to get you started let me know.
Sometimes people need help with this stuff.
The next chapter I will discuss very important healing meditation that validated my journey.