TW: Suicide attempt and suicidal ideation. It's kinda graphic, pls don't read if you aren't in a good space mentally. Love you!

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Harry fell asleep a few hours later. Once Draco could hear his snores, he snuck under his bed and pulled out his secret bottle of fire whiskey.

He cracked it open and took a sip, allowing the burning sensation to linger in his throat. He took another swig, and pulled out his favorite black suit. He went to the bathroom to put it on.

Draco wandered out into the hallways. He swayed while he walked as he continued to drink his fire whiskey.

I want to remember.

He walked past the Dining Hall, where he was sorted into Slytherin. It was also the place Harry rejected his friendship.

Stupid Potter. If only you knew how obsessed with being your friend I was. My social skills were lacking, I know that, but imagine how different things would be if you just accepted it.

Draco walked past the room of requirement, where he was forced to let the Death Eaters into Hogwarts.

I knew I was betraying you. But I couldn't let my parents die. Maybe if I had a chance to explain, everyone would've understood.

He strolled past the Prefects Bathroom, where he would cry while he was alone. Sometimes it felt that the only one who cared was Moaning Myrtle. She listened to him, and swore to never tell a soul.

She was odd, but a good friend. If it wasn't for her, I would've done this a long time ago.

It hurt most of all, when Draco stopped in front of the bathroom where Harry used sectupsempra on him.

That hurt Potter. You nearly killed me. Maybe I deserved it. Maybe you should've just finished me off. I wish Snape didn't rescue me.

He walked in, and let the memories flood over him. He felt the same pain, the same sadness as he did that night. Draco stood in front of that same mirror.

He hated what he saw. The bags under his eyes, the spots where his hair was falling out because of stress, the wrinkles and worry lines that were starting to appear. He hated all of it.

Draco drove his fist into the mirror and blood trickled down his knuckles. He breathed a sigh of relief and downed more fire whiskey.

The pain felt good. Almost as if he was making up for everything he did.

He picked up a piece of broken glass and held it in his left hand. He held it so tight, that his palm started to bleed.

Draco made his final stop in the Astronomy Tower. He remembered how weak he felt that night.

I was only a child.

He fell to the ground, his empty bottle smashing into a million pieces. He let out a scream as his stinging tears rolled down his cheeks.

--

TW: Suicide attempt!!! ⚠️

--

Draco made his first cut right on the skull of his dark mark. It was a thin cut. Not very deep. Not much blood came from it.

He frowned and drew the piece of glass on the exact same place, deepening the cut. This time, a good amount of blood fell from it and Draco cried silently.

He made a few quick cuts, not too deep, but good enough to draw a significant amount of blood. His blood fell on to the floor, creating a puddle of sorts.

This is what should of happened. In the bathroom. During the fire in the Room of Requirements. This was supposed to happen a long time ago.

I've just been holding on. For so long, I've had only a finger on the ledge. And now, I'm letting go. I'm tired. I just want to sleep. And be held.

Maybe when I die, I'll see someone in Hell. And we can share the misery.

I'm sorry C. I'm sorry Pansy. I'm sorry Blaise. I'm sorry Luna. And I'm sorry Giselle.

I need to rest. I've lived my life.

All I have to do is

Let

Go

~~~~~~

When Harry woke up, the first thing he noticed was that Draco wasn't there. Normally, he would've thought nothing of it, but things were different now.

He went to Madame Pomfrey to see if maybe he went back in the middle of the night.

He didn't.

Then Harry started to panic, he asked anyone, everyone, but no one seemed to know where he was.

Harry gathered Pansy and Blaise and the three of them spread out to search.

Harry was unsuccessful and he sat down on the floor, just to settle for a moment.

Then Pansy ran up to him. Her hair was frizzy and her face was stained with her tears.

"Pansy? Did you find him?" He asked.

"Harry...he tried to kill himself." She choked out and fell to the floor in sobs. Harry did the best he could at comforting her.

Blaise sat down beside her, wiping his own silent tears from his face.

"I don't understand! I tried to be there for him! I did everything right!" Pansy cried out, and held herself tightly.

Something told Harry that this wasn't the first time this had happened.

"It's not your fault Pansy." Blaise hummed and pulled her into his chest.

"I promise I tried! He told me...he told me he wouldn't do it again! He fucking lied!" Pansy whispered into Blaise's shirt.

Harry was too stunned to cry. He didn't show much emotion at all. Maybe he was in denial. Maybe his mind just didn't want to accept it yet.

He tried to steady his breathing, but he couldn't. "I have to go see him." Harry said and Blaise just nodded as he calmed Pansy.

--

When Harry walked in, Madame Pomfrey was standing over Draco, and using various healing charms. There was an empty bottle of blood replinisher next to his unconscious body.

Draco was wearing hospital clothes, and Harry could see the gashes that were drawn across his dark mark.

Harry's stomach twisted when he noticed the little shards of glass that were stuck in his hand.

His hair fell over his face lazily, and his cheeks looked sunken in.

"Is he going to be okay Madame Pomfrey?" Harry asked, his body shaking. He'd seen so many people die, but nothing compared to how he felt right now.

"I really hope so. But please, you can't be here." She answered and never took her eyes off of her patient.

Harry dropped his hands to his sides.

I'm sorry Draco.

~~~~~~

Yeah so. I cried while writing that.

Please if you ever need to talk, message me and I'll be there for you <3

I promise we'll get some fluff soon!

Love,

Date: 10/30/22
Time: 4:35
Words: 1137