When my mood is not the best, I got almost nothing to at least drain this feelings that makes me feel terrible, just seeing anything I find on Youtube, write on my diary about how was my day or just cry until I fall asleep, the last one is pretty much what I do the most of those three, of course I feel terrible everytime I cry, because I know deep down that no one will ever care about what I feel, after that horrible feeling of course there's the part that I fall asleep, my favorite part of all, I feel total peace when I'm into my dreams, I can do whatever I want or rest as much as I see necessary, and of course, I sometimes dream about........  her.

In my dreams she is totally diferent from the way she treats me on real life, she acts really nice to me, she is kind, friendly, and of course she cares about me, sometimes she holds conversations with me about how was my day, honestly I have to lie, telling her I'm ok in school or in my social life, even though the truth is totally diferent.

I know that it is not ok to lie, specially to a person that cares about you, even if she doesn't really exist, but I have to do it to not get her worried, this is because I remember telling her how she was in real life, and of she couldn't handle it.

I remember that the whole dream she cried telling me that she was sorry, that she didn't know she was like that in real life, and since then, I don't want to hit the topic about how that beautiful girl treats me on the reality.

But, there's a detail, recently I get extremly sad and dissapointed every time I wake up, and of course I try to get myself to sleep again, but it is imposible, why all my mornings are always like this recently? simple. Recently she's been acting a little bit romantic during my dreams, but I know that my little fantasy will end soon when she tries something to do something, something that I couldn't believe at first, even from a friendly version of the person that treats me like trash every single week, she tries something that I honestly would be capable to kill someone to make it come true, both in my dreams and real life...

she tries to kiss me.

Of course I was surprised the first time that illusion tried to, but with the time I got sad, because I know that the moment she's about to do it, the goddamn alarm makes it's appearence waking me up everytime I'm about to finally place my lips against hers.

I always want to skip school, I sometimes wish my mother didn't programme that damn alarm every single night so I can be happy for at least five more minutes....

But I still have to go to that place

At least I will see her

I got up on my bed and get in the shower to be fully awaken, then go to the kitchen to see if my mother made me the breakfast, I'm thankful about that, but of course she leaves really early sometimes and I got to make my own breakfast, (which is the case today) and honestly I'm extremly lazy when It comes to cooking.

After having my breakfast and get my stuff ready for school I get out of my house to walk to to bus stop that takes me to that place. Every time I wonder if this day would be better, if nobody would make fun of me, if the teachers would be more tolerant today......... If she starts to be friendly with me like in my dreams. But I hope one day all of this would become true when I'll hit my first step into that place. I really hope so.....

Today will be another day, maybe a good one