"But then I remembered when you packed my car,
You reached in the back and buckled up your heart."

. . . . .

My shoulders shook as I curled further into the blankets on top of me. Though there was warm air circulating around me, my entire body felt cold as though I laid on my back in the snowdrift I had fallen into in my dream.

My eyes parted as a light knock signaled that someone was at my bedroom door. I ran a hand through my hair as I propped myself up on my elbows, letting out a long breath.

"Josh?" Tyler's head popped into my room after he had opened the door ajar. "Oh good, you're up!"

I grunted. "Barely."

I could see him tilt his head to the side in thought before he stepped into the room, leaving the door open. "It's Christmas frickin' Eve, Josh. Be merry!!"

I scoffed at his happy attitude, but couldn't help the smile that tugged at my lips. I finally sat up and rubbed my bare arms as goosebumps appeared on my skin.

"Is it cold in here?" I looked up at Tyler in question as though I didn't trust myself to tell.

He shrugged. "Feels fine to me."

"Hmm." I hummed to myself as I stood and moved toward the bathroom. I guess my mind had just been playing tricks on me again.

"I've got breakfast on the table so come down before it gets cold!" Tyler called after me in a singsong voice as he turned and headed back downstairs.

"Thanks, mom," I mumbled as I shut the bathroom door behind me.

. . . . .

Even from my spot standing on the front porch of my house I could still hear the loud Christmas music that blasted through the speakers inside Bryce's house. The sun was just now beginning to fall behind the horizon, giving the entire neighborhood a reddish glow.

"You ready, buddy?" Tyler came out onto the porch, Jenna close behind him.

I nodded my head without saying a word and took a step down off the porch. All day the only thing on my mind was how tonight was going to be the Christmas party that Bryce's sister was throwing. For a while my nerves had gotten the best of me, so much so that I thought about not going, but now after worrying for hours I felt like it was going to be a night to remember.

"You look like total idiots." Bryce stood in the open doorway of their house once we had rung the doorbell.

The warm air from inside tickled my cheeks, but the redness that formed on them was from Bryce's words. She was right, Tyler and I did look like complete idiots in our matching Christmas sweaters, but I couldn't have cared less as I just smiled down at her.

"Thanks!" Tyler gushed in response as he stepped around her and into the house.

Jenna walked in after him, greeting Bryce with a hug and a friendly hello. I stood still in my spot on the porch, hesitating before I too made my way inside. I could feel my heart as it started to pick up speed. I hadn't really seen Bryce since her and Johnny had come over so I could teach him some more drumming the week before and as always it was hard to tell what she was thinking in the moment.

I was surprised when her eyes averted from mine shyly before she turned away and scurried off toward the living room where all the other adults seemed to be gathered. I bit down on my lip anxiously as I trailed after her. It seemed as though she was just as nervous as I was. 

. . . . .

My shoulder rested against the doorway of the parlor room where Johnny and his friends had been sanctioned. The eggnog, which had been undoubtedly spiked, that had filled my cup minutes before was gone and now I just held the empty mug, an amused smile on my face.

Tyler sat cross-legged in the middle of the room, waving his hands around dramatically as he spoke to the small group of 10 and 11 year olds with determination. I couldn't tell how long it had been since we had arrived at the party, but honestly it didn't really matter all that much. Even with the large amount of people that swarmed the house, I still felt comfortable in my own skin.

"Hey." I felt a hand touch my arm and I turned to see Bryce as she stood in the space next to me.

"Hi," I spoke in hushed tone and I watched as her nose scrunch in a cute way, her cheeks slightly red.

Bryce had wanted her sister to have a night with her friends and family, which meant I wasn't able to see her much as she scrambled around the house to make sure everything was in order and people's drinks were filled.

"Let me get you another drink." She took the mug from my hand.

"I can do it," I said, but she shook her head.

"It's kind of my job for the night. Plus you're supposed to be entertaining John," She stated a matter-a-factly.

My eyes glanced back over to Tyler from a brief second. "I think Ty's got that covered for now." 

She shot me a look and yet there was still a smile on her face. "I'll be right back."

As she took a step away from me, I reached out and grabbed her hand. She stopped and turned back to look at me with raised eyebrows. "You look gorgeous tonight."

I could visibly see her swallow hard as she stared up at me with wide eyes. I couldn't help the smile that formed on my face as she said nothing and walked away to get my drink. It was odd to feel confident around someone like Bryce. With any other person I would be like an ant ready to be stomped on, but Bryce kept me secure and I didn't want to lose that feeling anytime soon.

Without thinking I left the doorway I stood in, passed by the living room where Trisha and her friends talked and laughed, and headed for the kitchen. Another smile graced my lips as I watched Bryce and Jenna converse back and forth. Jenna laughed loudly as her eyes caught mine and she waved me into the room.

"Is Tyler still with the kids?" She asked.

I nodded, glancing toward Bryce for a split second to see her eyes already on me. I couldn't help the feeling that stirred in the pit of my stomach in that moment. All I could think about was how badly I wanted to kiss her again. My eyes followed her fingers as they pushed a bit of her dark wavy hair behind one of her ears, all the while Jenna watching the two of us closely.

"There you are!" My eyes pulled away from Bryce and looked toward the doorway where Trisha now stood. "Bryce we are all out of eggnog, your uncle drank the last of it."

"Pft." I chuckled as Bryce rolled her eyes, like her uncle drinking a lot wasn't anything new.

"Will you go to the corner store and pick some up, please? I think it's the only place still open this late." She asked, but her attention was elsewhere as her friends called to her from the living room.

"I can go," I offered, feeling like getting some fresh air might be a good thing.

"You're so sweet, Josh." Trisha smiled and agreed with my idea.

I smiled back and took a step toward the front hall, but Bryce's voice stopped me from going any further. "Wait, I'll come with you."

She rushed to my side, grabbing at the fabric of my sweater. I nodded as Trisha disappeared into the other room and Jenna took a step around us.

"Dress warmly, guys," She said as she moved toward where Tyler was. "It looks like it just started snowing again."

I pulled at the sleeves of my sweater until they covered my hands. I hadn't actually brought a coat with me, but I was willing to pain through the cold if it meant a few minutes alone with Bryce.

"You can wear this if you want."

My lips parted in awe as everything around me seemed to pause and an eerie silence took over my mind. Bryce stood in front of me with a bright red scarf in her outstretched hand. A heaving breath left my lungs as I took a step back, not wanting to alarm everyone else around us as flashes from my dream the night before circulated my mind as I stared down at the wool fabric.

"Wear it," She spoke as she watched me with worried and very confused eyes. "I don't want you to get sick."

"N-no, that's okay," I stuttered out as I pushed the scarf back toward her, the soft material feeling like needles piercing my palms.

"Are you okay?" She let her hands drop to her sides, but the scarf was the only thing I kept my eyes on.

It was exactly same. The bright red color, the plush wool fabric. My jaw clenched as she shrugged her shoulders at my strange behavior and instead wrapped the scarf around her own neck. I bit my lip, thinking twice about telling her not to wear it. She would think I was crazy if I told her the truth so instead I said nothing as we headed out the front door.

. . . . .

The party had gone on late into the night. But I was no longer in the right state of mind to be around all those people. My shoulders trembled slightly as I sat quietly outside on the front porch of Bryce's house. I remembered back to the first time I had sat on that porch in a desperate attempt to get away from Tyler and Jenna's idea of playing live. I guess not much had changed since then. My dreams were still always on my mind and I was still desperate.

"Are you feeling okay?" I tensed as Bryce's voice drifted through the crisp night air.

"Fine." My voice felt hoarse, like I hadn't spoken in weeks.

Bryce's shoes padded against the wood floor and I looked up toward her as she came to sit next to me on the steps. It was then I noticed the thin rectangular shaped present held tightly in her hands. I stared at it momentarily before I let my eyes drift back out to look over the snow-covered yard.

I could feel Bryce's eyes on me as she watched my dispirited features. How a simple article of clothing could just ruin my entire night was beyond me, but it did. I couldn't get the images of the blood red fabric as it laid sprawled out in the bright white snow of my dreams.

"How have you been sleeping?" The concern laced in Bryce's words made me turn to look at her.

I gulped back my nerves and shook my head. "Not the best."

Bryce bit at her lower lip as she stared back at me. It was obvious she wanted to say something, but held back from saying it. So instead she handed me the wrapped present in her hands. "I got you something."

My heart leapt into my throat as I took the item from her. It was flimsy in my hands and my eyebrows furrowed in wonder and embarrassment.

"I didn't get you anything," I confessed, the smile on her face confusing me slightly.

"I don't want anything from you, Josh." Her words confused me further, but I said nothing as she motioned for me to open the gift.

I tore at the shiny blue wrapping paper, a smooth brown leather surface coming into view. I paged through the empty notebook before I turned to look at her in question.

Bryce looked nervous as she spoke, "Jenna told me that your dreams have been getting worse recently so I thought maybe you could write them down..." 

At first I felt a bit angry with Jenna for telling her that without my knowledge, but then I realized that she was just trying to be thoughtful.

"It's a dream journal," Bryce continued on, her voice sounding sweeter with every word she spoke. "I thought maybe if you wrote them down and saw them on paper that they might not seem so scary anymore."

I sucked in a breath of air as I felt Bryce's fingers run along the back of my neck tenderly. My eyes shot up from my lap where the notebook rested and I looked straight into her eyes.

"Thank you," I whispered.

She smiled, the feeling of her fingers running through the hairs on the nape of my neck calming my racing heart. "You're welcome."

My jaw was set as I thought over the pros and cons of kissing her in that moment. The muffled sounds from everyone inside reminded me how great it felt to be out here in the cold - how great it felt to be alone with her.

My eyes fluttered shut as Bryce's lips pressed against mine and I ran my hand over her legs, pulling them against my own. Everything inside me was warmed by the feeling of her lips, the freezing air no longer a bother.

Bryce sighed in a dreamy fashion once she had finally pulled away from me. Her green eyes trailed over my face as a slight smile appeared on her lips. Even though the look she gave me was suppressed, I knew that it was her way of saying that she was happy.

My eyes crinkled at the ends as I grinned down at her like an idiot. Bryce didn't need to say anything, the simple fact that she had kissed me the way she did just then meant we were both on the same page with our feelings. It was long awaited, but I finally felt like I had something to look forward to.

.