When we get home, I notice the lamp on the living room purposely lit, meaning my mom is spying on us. Molly says bye to Mason while stepping out of the truck and I tell her I'll be inside in just a minute.

"So..." I start awkwardly. "That was weird, huh?" I apprehensively look beside me and collide my gaze with his confused one.

"Weird? How?" Mason frowns bemused.

"I don't know... the whole ordeal of having you at my house with my whole family there..." I trail off, not sure at all of where I'm going with this. I want to know if he had a good time, or if he found my family overwhelming or annoying or cool. In the end, I think I just care about his opinion... and that distant thought scares me.

"Not at all. I mean, having your aunt and your grandma tell me I'm the most handsome man-"

"Boy," I correct him with an eye roll

"Man, Blair. I'm eighteen in January, that makes me older, therefore, a man,"

I grin. "If you say so,"

He sighs and rolls his eyes at me. "I never win with you... Anyway, what's there not to love? They all love me. Your cousins Kendra, Erica, and Denise have the hots for me. Ben and Ty don't want to kill me in my sleep anymore, Jesse is cool with me now... we agreed to train together sometime," he smiles boastfully; his eyes gleam with pride at the mention of winning my family over.

"You're so fried," I narrow my eyes with a smirk. "Jesse is a hard player,"

He scoots over and puts his arm around me in one swift motion and positions his mouth in my ear. "I like it hard," he purrs with a heavy double meaning that makes the blood on my cheeks boil and my stomach tightens.

I push his face away hardly. "Oh, you're such a dirty asshole, you know?"

He laughs at me and I can't help but join him. We go at it for some seconds until we both sober up. "Well, see you tomorrow at school, drive home safely," I smile and turn to open the shitty door.

"Oh, I'm not heading home," He retorts.

I look back. "Where are you going right now?" I ask curiously.

He smiles. "I'm going to Kyle's. Girl trouble. Apparently, Jen won't leave him alone; she's still calling him and trying to get back with him," he rolls his eyes exasperated and I gape at the statement that just filtered from his mouth. As much as I'm surprised, in the back of my mind it registers this is the first time he's ever talked about what goes on with his friends with me.

"Oh," I muse, putting the puzzle pieces together in my brain until it all clicks. Finally, everything makes sense. The crazy girl going after Kyle... Liam told me about her but never really told me who. I furrow my brows; something's not right with this.

Jen and Merina became 'friends' after Kyle said they were dating, but she's the crazy ex-fling that won't leave him alone... An uneasy feeling settles in my stomach and my head runs a hundred miles per hour imagining how my best friend could come out of this hurt. Merina has to know about this now.

"Yeah, but Kyle's with Merina; she won't get it," he shakes his head.

"He 'is' with Merina," I air quote with my fingers, glaring at nothing in specific. That asshole exposed my best friend carelessly to the wrath of a crazy bitch and now she's blindingly in love again, probably willing to take on the fight.

"Well, I wouldn't be so sure it is like that anymore," Mason frowns, taken aback by my anger. I decide to drop the subject; the guy is his best friend, and honestly? He'll defend him to death even if he committed murder.

I roll my eyes. "Whatever, have fun. Drive safe," I pull the handle and push the door with the side of my torso, getting it open with a slight whine.

"Sure, love, anything else?" He teases me and I blush with my eyes squinted in his direction.

"Yes, in fact, there is something else. You need to start the character analysis for Gatsby and hand it done by tomorrow night,"

Now he whines. "Aw, Bear come on!"

"See you tomorrow!" I chirp, entering my house with a triumphant grin. After changing out of my clothes I survey my drawers, searching for a warm pajama when Mason's hoodie catches my eye. I smile remembering when he gave it to me months ago after I pushed us both into the pool. It feels as if it's been ages since that when in reality, it has been weeks.

Mentally scolding myself for being so weak and pathetic, I take it and throw it on; no one but me will know about this. I pull the covers up to my chin, snuggling into my bed comfortably, giddy about my pajama choice. Once settled, I sigh with a smile, turn off my lamp, and drift into the abyss of slumber.

***

In the morning I wake up feeling oddly refreshed and ready to start the day. The slight chill from the past month has fully dissolved into an unforgiving cold that prompts me to wear my favorite, oversized grey sweater, high boots, and my coziest jacket. I decide to wear my hair down and throw on a beanie as I dash out of my room in a haste.

Once I step out of the car I run inside the school building, feeling a slight pressure in my bladder. I run into the first stall I see and sigh in relief as I do my necessities without the usual hustle and bustle of the girls' restroom. I'm about to head out of the stall when I hear the voices of Natalie and Jen echoing in the deserted room. Instinctively, I step back and keep the lock on the door.

"...think it's true? I just don't see it, Nat. He's way out of her league,"

"Oh God, yes! That's totally out of question here; Lucy wins by far. Is just rumors. I think he just wants to humor her, you heard Meri!"

Meri? As in Merina? And humor who? Are they talking about me?

"Poor girl, she just doesn't stand a chance. It must feel so hopeless,"

"Yeah, she thinks losing a couple of pounds is going to get them both together," Jen snickers.

My expression falls... The words stab like a knife through my heart, a lump settles in my throat, and my eyes water. But the worst thing going through my head is just one single word:

Hopeless...

"Oh, come on, don't be mean,"

"It is what it is, Nat. They're just worlds apart, it's ridiculous. Besides, Merina says it is one-sided -like any of us expected otherwise," Jen snorts and I feel my heart free-falling to the floor, blooding rushing out of my face. "Ironic how her friend isn't the only one out of place here," she murmurs.

"Jen, you need to stop obsessing over him; they seem pretty in love to me. Kyle is our friend," Nat hushes, trying to knock some sense into her, but failing miserably. I swallow my sadness and perk my ears in attention.

"Oh, but I know for sure they're not. I'll let Merina know about it and she'll leave Kyle like this," she snaps her fingers and my eyes almost bulge out. Maybe they have... oh no...

The photos...

Does she plan to release them? She doesn't know that Merina already knows about them, does she? Did Kyle give them to her? My head is spinning.

"What do you-?"

Jen interrupts "I'll tell you later... anyway, are you still on for next Saturday's party?"

I hear the door opening and closing behind them and I stumble out of the stall, shocked. I do a mental rewind of the conversation and breathe deeply a couple of times. They seem to know I like Mason, and according to them, Merina told them but... no, it cannot be. She wouldn't betray me like that, I know my best friend. Still, even if she didn't talk, people know, or at least suspect about my feelings for Mason.

Stupid, stupid, stupid Blair, you've fucked up!

I have to distance myself, punch him more, and smile a little less around him or something. I can't have him know, he'll freak out and cut out our friendship!

Oh my God... what if people have already told him something about this? That I'm hopelessly in love with him? No... Jesus, I hope not.

With a brewing storm in mind, I mindlessly walk to my locker to retrieve my books and avoid any eye contact in the trajectory. Camille and Danielle approach me with excited expressions and I cringe -I have to spill the beans about the wedding.

After hearing Jen and Natalie's conversation in the bathroom, I feel stupid about treasuring those moments that are so magical for me but probably mean nothing to Mason himself.

He's way out of her league

She just doesn't stand a chance

I think he just wants to humor her

It must feel so hopeless

I'll talk about my wonderful night, and how we danced, and how he called me beautiful like some fool while for him it probably was... a way to pay me back for everything I've done for him, or worse...

For mere pity.

I cringe and almost slap my face remembering how last night I slept with his hoodie on like some lovesick groupie. Is that how he sees me? A fan? An idiot, desperate girl chasing after something he knows she can't reach?

Has everything been a lie, an illusion?

Is it?

I've never dedicated a song but... this made me think of you

Don't worry about anyone... just be with me

I don't believe there are words invented yet to tell you how beautiful you are, Blair

Would you run your fingers through my hair?

Give me a kiss, Bear

No... I refuse to believe that.

But I can't truly accept that he likes me, either. Numbers start filtering in my mind. I'm size eleven, I need to drop another fifteen pounds, my measurements aren't quite what I want yet, I'm squishy and fat and covered in cellulite and stretch marks. I shake my head. He can't love or like someone like that... someone like me. I'm so confused and sad. My mood has been ruined.

What do I need to do to reach the right numbers? Will then be the time I'll be good enough?

"Blair you have some gossip to spill," Camille smiles giddily.

"Oh, yes, bitch. No excuses. At lunch, we need to know everything,"

I just force out a smile and nod. "Sure guys, I gotta run now. See you," I walk away, leaving my two friends with puzzled frowns drilling holes on my back as I go.

All day, a frown took the place of the smile I arrived with. I'm mad that I let those bitches get to me, but the meaner side of my mind knows they're right and just keeps on repeat what they said. I'm a hair away from being a size ten, which is two sizes away from size eight: the goal Dr. Quinn set for me.

I'm thankful I haven't had classes with Mason today, otherwise, I think I wouldn't have been able to put up a good front with him. I'll need to prepare mentally for English literature though. I skip the cafeteria and go directly to our usual lunch spot with my water bottle and apple in hand.

"Hi, guys!" I try to act as if it was just another sunny day in Blair's life but Tori picks up on it.

"You okay, B?" She asks with concern.

"Yeah, everything is cool," I answer and try to smile.

"Okay, I've been waiting for this to happen all day. Tell us every single detail. Did he pick you up? Do you have any pictures together? What did he say when he saw you? Oh my God, have you kissed-?"

"Let her talk, Camille! Damn it!" Danielle roars and I smile at her outburst, this time, truly amused by it. This was just what I needed after negative thoughts all morning: my friends.

"Well, he picked me up at my dad's. It was embarrassing because apparently, word got around and no one wanted to miss my "first date", so every uncle and aunt came, my cousins, my grandma..."

"Okay, okay but, did he drool all over you? That dress was just a dream on you, Blair!"

They're worlds apart, it's ridiculous

He just wants to humor her

He's way out of her league

My smile diminishes as unwelcome thoughts swarm my mind and I shake my head. "I mean, yeah. He said I looked good," I shrug, not wanting to relive it like I remember the whole thing: full of magic and compliments and a sliver of untold feelings. I feel uncomfortable retaining it like that now. Maybe I read too much into it in my lovesick state.

"Oh come on! You looked hot as hell, B! How come he didn't tell you?!" Danielle looks completely flabbergasted as if someone thinking I'm not pretty is a crime and I smile at her.

"Did you dance together?" Tori says dreamily.

"Yeah, a song or two," I look down, frowning, remembering how I imprudently reclined my head against his shoulder and how I foolishly thought he might kiss me.

Wanting to get off of the Mason topic, I try to smile and I tell them how I saved Jo's day with my makeup skills, and how the venue was out of this world. Pleased with some talking about Mason's family, they leave me be and we move onto another topic. I keep Damien's confessions to myself and all the "magical" moments I lived this weekend, including Mason being at my dad's house yesterday.

The bell rings and giving the last bite to my apple, I stand and try to compose myself. I'll spend this hour with Mason and everyone might already know about what I feel so I have to act a little cold and distant.

Cold and distant, cold and distant, cold and distant...

I repeat the words until I reach Ms. Zimmerman's classroom and spot Mason already at his desk, with my designed place right in front of him. He has a pen between his teeth as he reads through some notes on various post-its. Unconsciously, I smile and sit down in front of him.

He looks up and smiles, taking the pen out of his mouth. "Hey, Bear,"

"Hey..." I greet him, awkwardly. Cold and distant, remember! I clear my throat. "What are you doing?"

"I'm finishing my character analysis on Gatsby. Wanna check it out?" He hands it over with a smile and I nod. He's so eager I can't help but smile again.

"So you're focusing on his love for Daisy to describe him?"

"Yeah, I decided to develop the analysis from there. I think the guy was truly brave for going after what he wanted and driven... but also kind of hot-headed, and he was very easily persuaded by people he cared about; I wrote that, from my point of view, it stemmed out of the desire he had for being good enough for her, you know? He wanted the approval of the people in her socioeconomic environment because he knew how much she cared about that,"

"Wow, Mason that's... deep," I say, truly impressed with the way his conjectures were conjured up. "It's amazing,"

"I learned from the best," he winks at me and I blush. People start cramming inside the classroom and the usual noise commences to fill the silence.

"Hi, guys! Please continue working on your projects! Remember you have two weeks to hand it done! If there are any questions, come, in order, to my desk," Ms. Zimmerman settles down on her chair and everyone starts working.

"So..." Mason starts. "Will you come to the party on Saturday?" He grins and I sigh, looking to the side. Why does he want me there anyway?

"I don't know, maybe," I retort while getting out my pencils and a piece of paper to start outlining my character analysis essay on Daisy.

"Maybe? Why, maybe?" He frowns.

I sigh. "I don't know... I guess I'm just not on the party mood this week," I murmur without explaining further. I make it my mission not to look into his eyes for the whole hour. I know if I do, I'll break and give in.

"Blair, it's just Monday, we have five days in which that little pout could disappear," He smirks and I squint my eyes in his direction. "Besides, you're forgetting I already told your friends about it. I doubt they'll let you miss it,"

"They can't force me," I scoff.

"Oh, but I can," This time he crosses his arms.

I huff again. "Who are you? My father?" I say sarcastically.

"No, but I can be very persuasive," Mason smirks and I keep looking down at the outline I'm doing, writing on it, and checking the draft notes I've done last week.

A minute passes and Mason speaks again. "You're feistier than usual today..." he observes. "Did something happen?" His concern makes me sigh. I'm being a big bitch.

"No, I'm fine. I'm just cranky. I haven't been eating much. You know... the diet and such," I shrug and after some seconds of silence I look up.

Mason's jaw is set tight and his eyes are the ones narrowed this time. "You're lying to me, Bear. And you know what? You're a terrible liar," he accuses.

"It's true! I can show you my menu if you want," I cross my arms over my chest and sit up straighter, trying to look more confident.

Besides, if I was a terrible liar you'd know by now that I'm crazily in love with you, I want to add.

"Okay, well, let's say it is true... I know there's something else you're not telling me," He keeps his serious expression and I feel my resolve waver slightly.

Well, I'm not telling you that I love you and that everyone already seems to call me a fool for it. I don't know if you know about that already or if what I think you feel is just an idea in my head and I feel more pressured than ever to become the perfect body. Plus, I haven't been eating much and my best friend's reputation could very well be in danger thanks to your best friend. There.

I have all that rant prepared but what comes out, in the end, is: "I'm fine, Mason, it's just shit I'm already used to dealing with, just leave it alone," I grumble but he is relentless.

"Is anyone bothering you?" His tone is dark and bordering on furious. I gaze confusedly at him and shake my head, lying.

"No, it's fine,"

"Blair, I can help with it-"

"No, you can't Mason, it's not what you think, just leave me be," I exasperate and he huffs.

"Why are you always this difficult?" He asks annoyed. "Is it something someone said to you? Something I did or said?" He genuinely worries and I sigh again. I can't be a bitch to push him away anymore, he knows it isn't my normal behavior. Plus it isn't fair on him.

I soften my tone after a sigh. "No, Mason, it's not you. It just isn't my day today," I smile tightly and go back to my essay.

"Okay," he says simply, and for a few minutes, we concentrate on the task at hand. I'm deep into Daisy's analysis when Mason puts a note on my desk.

You look hot when you're concentrated

Your admirer, R.

I roll my eyes but smile nonetheless. I shake my head, amused by his antics and he just smirks in my direction. "So what have you made out of Daisy, Bear?"

"She's an immature asshole," I shrug, disgusted with the character. Mason laughs lightly and nods.

"Yeah, she wasn't my favorite, either,"

"I mean," I start ranting, unable to contain myself. "He gave her his all, and she didn't value all Gatsby did for her, she was just so selfish and childish," I shake my head outraged. "Some people just shouldn't be in a relationship," I finally grumble and scowl moodily. Mason is smiling, with his head posed on his hand, reclining his elbow on my desk.

"You get so into it; this is what I mean," he says and I blush, embarrassed. "Want to take this conversation to my house this evening, Ms. Saunders? I believe we have a deadline and we have to finish the analysis of two other poems," He wiggles his eyebrows and I smile.

"So responsible, Reid. I'm impressed," I grin, then shake my head. "But I can't today, I need to do something important this evening,"