The music starts fading away, and I feel like it could've been minutes or seconds, but Mason and I simply stand there in the center of the dancefloor, engrossed in each other, letting the colored lights illuminate our bodies in the night. My hands are on the nape of his neck, his at the end of my spine, brushing the silk material of my dress with care. I don't want the moment to die. I want to be trapped in this fantasy forever where I can hold him and let my heart believe that he's mine and that I am his.

We stop moving, and I take more seconds than necessary to open my eyes. I breathe my last intake of air in this beautiful trance we've created and open my eyes slowly. Mason has that look again, the look that got me flying through the moon all these days, the same one he had when we were in his room that day in his bedroom.

For a moment, I see hesitation whirling around in his eyes, and I swear I try so desperately to scream through my gaze, pleading him to lean in and kiss me, and give me the greatest first kiss I could ever have; the single first kiss I could ever want.

I try with all I have, and he leans closer. My heart rate picks up, my hands start sweating, I feel as light as a feather, dizzy, and my belly starts bubbling up with excitement. I exhale delicately, then I glance down to his lips. They're lightly parted, moist, and artistically shaped to perfection.

Then they stop dry in my line of sight, not leaning down to meet mine as I assumed they would do; instead, they linger away. I hold my breath. Shit. I valiantly lift my head to see him in the eye questioningly.

Do you repent on the move? What happened? What did I do wrong?

I stay still and calm, whereas his golden-brown orbs hold a storm inside. Something keeps him from proceeding to finish what he's started and I feel sick. Have I made it all up in my head...?

God... We're just friends. He invited me here, as a friend and nothing more. He hasn't done anything to make me contemplate otherwise, has he? Something explicit like saying: "Blair I like you," as Damien did. He sure isn't the type to hold back, he would've said anything by now if he felt something. All those other times he was teasing me and fooling around.

My soul constricts with rejection and my soft smile wears down as I take a step back. If anyone's to blame for the fantasies running in my head, is me. Message received, Reid. He takes a breath like he's about to say something, then his mouth sets on a thin, cold line. His jaw settles tightly and the storm in his eyes gives away the battle inside his mind. He glances to the side, his mother has an undecipherable expression as she waves us over.

An hour or so later, Mason's instructed to take me home, and we go for our coats after saying goodbye to his family.

"Goodbye Mrs. McAvoy, it was very nice to meet you," Mason's grandma envelops me in an unexpected hug.

"Oh, sweetie, take care of yourself, and take care of our Alex. We see how happy he is with you," My heart squishes a bit more but I smile it through.

"Mom," Mrs. Reid warns her mother and I find myself reassuringly shaking my head.

"It's okay, Mrs. Reid. I had a wonderful time, thank you for having me," I hug Mason's mother and she smiles gently at me, taking me into another hug.

"I'm glad, sweetie," Her smile looks tight and it doesn't quite reach her eyes when she lets me go. I put up my kindest one though; maybe she's tired, after all of this I know I would be too.

"Wait! Aren't you going to say bye to your big sister?" Jo comes in jogging, trapping Mason in a loving embrace as well with Trevor lazily following her.

"Be safe, Jo. Send some pictures when you get there, and while you're at it just stay in Bali forever, okay?" Mason teases her and Jo gives him a playful punch on his shoulder.

"Idiot," Jo murmurs and then smiles softly when she comes to me. Like everyone else, she hugs me tight and I giggle when she sways a little; she's kinda wasted.

"Thank you for coming, Blair. My knight with shinning makeup brushes,"

I laugh as she giggles at her own joke and then, Jo settles her chin on my shoulder. "I know he loves you, just wait for it..." I freeze with her words. "I haven't seen him this happy in so long,"

After that she just goes over to her brothers, leaving me wondering who she was referring to; unless she figured out I like Mason, then she meant him... No. I can't allow myself to think about it anymore.

After we all finish saying goodbye, Mason and I go back to the table and each of us takes a pen to write something down on the book; the white pages full of blessings and beautiful wishes. I decide to put to use my best calligraphy and write:

Jo:

I hope you both live this love for as long as your lives endure. Love is about achieving realness, not perfection. I'm so happy for you.

Love, Blair S.

We step into the cold air, our exhales forming little clouds of mist in their wake. With each step I walk further from the house, I feel the magic fading, reality sinking in, and any minuscule hopes or thoughts of Mason evaporating from my mind.

We get into the truck in silence and before he can get in, I let out the saddest sigh knowing that for almost an hour I will have to pretend that I'm happy, that I didn't paint any impossible scenarios in my head tonight, and that I'm fine with Mason not loving me the way I love him.

The engine rumbles to life, and while Mason gets us out of the parking lot, Give Me Love quietly makes our company, to my misfortune, considering those are the words I want to say so bad to him, but I can't risk my heart like that. I know the result and it won't be pretty.

"You're quiet," After ten minutes into calm silence, Mason slices through the lack of conversation, and I turn to look at him. "What's on your mind?"

That I love you, but that you don't love me back.

"Nothing really, just... Jo and Trevor, how they found each other. It's amazing. Not many are lucky to have that..." I murmur and smile looking at my lap. I'm not brave enough to face him without feeling like I'm going to cry.

"Or brave enough to seek it," He adds with a shrug and I nod agreeing with him.

"Yeah, that can be it too," I whisper quietly and the rest of the ride courses in silence. When we reach my house, the lights are out except for Molly's. My mother must be asleep already. When I move to open the door, a hand touches my arm and I look at Mason for the first time since we got inside the car.

"Wait, Bear,"

I look at him questioningly in the eyes. There's the battle in his eyes again. The conflict. But this time, it stays for a shorter time. A resolution comes to the surface and he smiles at me. "I'll open the door for you,"

I look at him funnily and snort. "You know, I can take your shitty door now,"

"I know, but tonight, you're my date, and my lady won't be opening her own door while having me as her date,"

I grin and watch him run around the car to open my door. I wish he wasn't so attentive, then maybe tricking myself into not loving him would be easier. I jump out of the truck barefoot and hiss when little stones embed themselves on my feet.

"Just like the first time we met, you're barefoot, just coming out of a party," Mason smiles and I roll my eyes but grin in the end.

"Except that this time I'm not lost and you're wearing a tux," I bump his shoulder and move to start walking home. Overweight and high heels aren't a good combo, but glam over anything, right?

As I'm about to move, I feel him take my hand. I look at him questioningly. "Bear, I know it's late but... can I use your restroom?"

I laugh loudly throwing my head back before motioning him to come in. He makes his way to the restroom after I tell him where it is and I open the fridge to get some fresh water for both of us. I leave the fridge's door open for the light and reach for two cups. Hands pose on my waist and a strong chest presses itself onto my back while a hand grabs the other cup.

"You scared me, Mason," I exhale in relief and turn around to face him. My foolish attempt to feel nothing for this man vanishes the moment I look in his eyes... the moment I take in the lack of distance between us, the way he has me caged in against the counter with his arms and his gentle stare.

Despite the heavy energy between us he does his best attempt at a smile. I'm still breathing heavily. I still want to kiss him. I still want him to kiss me. I want him to be my first kiss.

I still love him,

But I shrug it off with a chuckle, easing the seriousness, closing the door on an impossible illusion. I walk away from the counter, his eyes trail the steps I take with the two cups in hand to serve us some water. I feel him staring at my back the whole time, I spill some water on the kitchen's island due to my shaking hands and when I finally got the two glasses I'm not sure I'm able to swallow anything right now. He's still staring at me like that.

I sigh and smile like he doesn't make my legs weak as I hand him the cup. He takes it from my hand, grazing the tips of his fingers with mine. I swear I almost drop the cup from that alone, but my stomach clenches when, still looking at me, he smirks as he leaves the cup in the counter behind him and whispers: "dance with me,"

I exhale an excited laugh and cover my mouth immediately. "What the hell Mason? We just came from the wedding, and we danced!" I whisper to him, but I'm already leaving my cup on the table behind me. He makes two steps to reach me, his arms encircle my waist, and mine nervously run from his chest to his neck.

"I know," He whispers and vanishes any space left between our bodies. "But I want it to be alone with you now," He says quietly to my ear and my heartbeat thrums violently against my chest.

I feel so silly and so giddy I start laughing quietly. I'm elated. "What song will we dance to? We can't be too loud or my mother will kill us,"

He smiles at me with those dimples and shows the screen of his iPhone, three little dots of volume. "This will be enough, just for us to hear it," I smile at him shaking my head. "Here, put your hands around my neck so we both can hear it,"

"You're crazy," I whisper but comply when his arms hug me to him again. An acoustic version of Come Out and Play by Billie Eilish starts to sound and I smile. "I never thought you'd hear her music,"

"This one's great," He smiles. "I like the lyrics,"

"I thought music was just about the sound," I ironically throw back his words at him and he shrugs.

"I learned a thing or two a few months back from a really smart tutor," He smirks and I chuckle, rolling my eyes. 

After that, we just dance around my kitchen in the refrigerator's light. Face to face, we're both smiling gently, until Mason's grin fades. He's serious, he's got the look that takes my breath away, the look that makes me hope, dream, and string myself along. I hide my face on his chest, laying my head near his neck, where I can breathe in his cologne. I'm such a chicken, but I can't help it. I feel him tense as my head lies on his chest, and he tightens his grip on my waist until one arm is completely wrapped around it and the other hugs my head to his chest, resting his cheek on my head.

"I've never dedicated a song," He cuts through the silence again and I smile against his chest. "But I guess..." He falters and I hold my breath waiting for his words. "I mean... this made me think of you, and I want you to know,"

I freeze, my heart swells for this boy and his words; this time I don't hold back and hug him tighter, risking my life I lean my head away and plant a small peck on his jaw. We dance in silence but before the song ends, I whisper in his ear: "Thank you... for the song,"

I want to say more. I want to say: thank you for the way you make me feel, thank you for wanting me despite my appearance, thank you for the hint, thank you... I just need more time, but I do love you.

He smiles gently at me, cupping my cheek with his hand. He plants a kiss on my forehead and with it, new seeds of hope. "Thank you for everything," he says back in the same quiet tone. Just like that, the insecurities eating away at me during the drive back home disappear.

Mason walks back to his truck and I wave him away with a lovesick, tired smile, the lyrics keep repeating themselves in my mind.

I know it makes you nervous,

But I promise you it's worth it

To show them everything you've kept inside

Don't hide...