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fourth of july ; sufjan stevens

* highly recommended reading this chapter with the song

THIRD PERSON

THE FIGHTING between Luke and Quinn mellowed out in the early hours of the night, Ellen stepping in to quiet her sons down.

The three boys sat at the dining table, silently. Ellen stood with her hand on her hip, looking between them all. Jack, was present to be the mediator.

Ellen glanced down at her phone, ringing off the hook before she stepped out of the kitchen to pick up the call. Luke, wouldn't look at Quinn, the situation of being betrayed the only thing on his mind.

The woman placed her fingers over her lips, tears pooling in her bright eyes, she nodded, listening to the person on the line.

She stepped back into the kitchen after a few minutes, gathering herself as she placed her hands over her mouth, staring at her kids.

It was a look they'd never seen before, a look of shock mixed with sympathy. The look alone made their stomachs turn, their mother wasn't vulnerable. She rarely broke down in front of them, the only tears they'd ever seen was happy tears.

"Mom?" Luke said, worry laced in his tone. "Is everything okay?"

Ellen tried to hold herself together, she knew she'd have to be strong for them. She knew it would destroy them.

"Um." Ellen sniffled, exhaling as she couldn't speak. She couldn't form words, she couldn't say it. "Just listen to me."

The three looked between each other in confusion.

"There was an accident." Ellen clutched her stomach, her lips in a grim line. "An accident...with Tate."

"Is she okay?" Luke barely let his mother finish her sentence, a thin line across his forehead as he screwed his brows together. "Mom?"

Ellen glanced at her youngest, her head tilted to the side slightly as she shook her head. "I'm sorry, boys. She...she didn't make it."

"What?" Luke blinked. "What do you mean? What does that mean? What?"

Luke couldn't breathe, his chair screeching against the floor as he stood, staring at his mother intently. "What does that mean, mom?"

Jack pressed his palms against his eyes. Though, the two weren't the closest compared to everyone else, Jack adored Tate like a sister.

"She's gone, Luke." Ellen fought back her tears. "She was pronounced dead on scene."

Luke couldn't wrap his head around it, Luke couldn't imagine a world without Tate. Tate couldn't be dead. Luke's body gave out, his knees weak as his body fell droopy, his behind falling back into the chair.

Jack aided to his brother, wrapping his arms around him tightly as his sobs echoed. Luke clutched his brother, shaking uncontrollably.

The silence that filled the air was deafening, Luke's sobs being the only noise in the dimmed dinning room.

Quinn was frozen, in shock. His hands shook as he lowered his head in his hands, attempting to hold himself as his chest began to tighten.

Ellen stepped over to his side, placing a hand on shoulder. "Oh, Quinn."

"You're a good brother." Ellen glanced at her son, making him jump as she sat on the sofa, catching him off guard.

Quinn ran a hand through his hair, his eyes darting to the late hour on the clock. "What?"

"I never want anything to come between you boys." Ellen placed her glass down, despite Quinn breaking his curfew, she didn't scold him. "Especially girls."

Quinn blinked, confused. "Yeah, I know."

"But I have to ask." Ellen shifted, watching him lean against the doorway. "What's this unspoken thing going on between you and Tate?"

Quinn should've known this was coming, his mother knew him better than anyone else. "I have a girlfriend, mom. There's nothing there."

"I know you, Quinney." Ellen pressed her lips together.

Quinn had fallen in love with the brown eyed girl the second he laid eyes on her. He didn't need to hear her speak, or get to know her, he just knew in that moment, she was meant for him.

"It doesn't matter, mom." Quinn's front began to crack, his mother knew him all too well. "Tate and I will never be more than friends. She's Luke's best friend, it stays that way."

"You never know." Ellen shrugged, lowering her reading glasses to get a good look at the boy. "Get her, Quinn. Before it's too late."

Quinn was too late. Quinn was too late with it all. None of that mattered, Tate was dead. His Tate was gone, forever.

He couldn't think over the sounds of his brother's loud cries, in that state he was in, Quinn was completely numb. It was like his body powered off, not a thought in his head. He was positive he could be stabbed and not feel it. Nothing hurt more than loosing her.

Luke was limp in Jacks arms, his teary green eyes lifting to search for Quinn. Luke, despite hating it, knew if anyone loved Tate as much as he did, it was Quinn.

And, they had both lost her. With everything he had, he lifted himself from Jack's hold, shifting over to his oldest brother.

Quinn allowed Luke to fall into him, cradling him tightly as Luke's tears stained the boys T-shirt. Quinn was completely silent. Not a tear falling down his cheek, not a croak leaving his lips, complete silence.

It terrified his mother.

"Why are you so quiet, Quinn?" Tate asked, glancing up at the boy from her homework. "You haven't said anything."

Quinn shrugged, attempting to focus on his geometry work instead of the girl sitting across from him. "I'm just trying to focus."

"Liar." She mumbled, capturing his attention as he finally looked towards her with a cocked brow. "What? You don't talk ever."

"I'm just a quiet person." Quinn argued, knowing the truth resonated deep within him.

"Lies." Tate shot back, shaking her head as she set her pencil down. "You're only quiet with me. You talk to everyone else differently. Did I do something wrong?"

Quinn wanted her to drop it. In fact, Quinn wanted Tate to never speak to him again. He couldn't take it. He couldn't take the way his chest ached when she wasn't around, he couldn't take the way it burned watching her blush from another guys joke.

"Will you just let it go?" Quinn pleaded, locking eyes with the stubborn brunette. "Please, Tate."

Tate dropped it, going back to doodling on the scrap work. She knew Quinn liked her, she knew she liked Quinn. But she knew she'd be living in his silence for the rest of her life, she knew he'd never reach out first.

Quinn should've claimed her years ago, Quinn should've been all of her firsts. It was supposed to be him.

"It should've been me." The only thought that came to his head in five minutes.

"What's your worst fear?" Quinn asked, looking at Tate as she took the sun.

She cocked her head towards her, lifting her sunglasses to her forehead as she hummed. "Probably dying."

"Really?" Quinn asked, narrowing his eyes towards her. "Your worst fear is dying? I would think, like, spiders or heights."

"Nope." She popped her word, shaking her head. "Those don't bother me. There's too many answered things about death. But, I don't have to worry about that for a long time."

And now, her worst fear had grabbed her. And there was nothing Quinn nor Luke could do about it.

CRYING