"I just... love you so much..."

Their intertwined, desolate roads will part... Cale knew from the very start that he has to wake up from this dreamland and face his lonely reality.

A father's love.

A family's oneness.

Everything was made for Cale, not for him alone.

This world was made for Cale Henituse, not him.

"I am sorry... for causing you so much pain..."

Even if his place was by his side, Deruth wasn't his.

Saying goodbye has always been the most difficult thing to do. He never imagined himself doing something like this, especially to this person.

He who listens. He who always knows what to say to his wavering heart. He knew when to give him a hug and comfort him. He is the one who made him the child he is and the person he could be.

No one will ever be able to take his place in his heart.

That is the only thing he can promise.

He was aware that the time for their separation was approaching. Their time together is coming to an end. He has prayed and will continue to pray for the rest of his life to begin without him. He had always known, from his words and their previous farewells, that their lasting happiness would eventually draw to a close.

They can't reverse time's flow.

He will try to keep his pain hidden from everyone. He tried to act as if everything was fIt was a sign that he should have given up long ago and pursued a path that no one would dare to take. He can only hold onto him before he loses himself in the anger behind his mask.

How can I let you go?

No one told him how. He had always been the one left behind.

No one taught him to let go without giving everything up.

No one taught him it was even more painful to elt go of someone he truly loves.

But....

He wished he could grab Deruth's parting hands and hope that his feelings reached him.

He was able to say things he could not before.

Words he could not put into words before.

He no longer knows how to live alone, so he will live for himself this time.

For as long as he lives. For as long as he exists...

This is a fearless life.

A world without him would be meaningless. He has long desired and hoped to be loved.

He felt emotions and relished every moment of them.

This person taught him that.

This person became a source of hope for him.

"Thank you."

In a time and place where they can be together peacefully.

"Thank you for everything..."

This is the last. He wanted to reach out before everything returned to normal.

"Thank you for loving me... for caring for me... for protecting me! Thank you! Thank you so much!"

He can proudly keep his feelings and remember the times when he first learned what love was.

"Thank you for allowing me to be your son!"

This heartfelt appreciation. This gentle love.

He'll treasure them and watch this person from afar.

"Thank you... for being family to me..."

The agony of losing a loved one.

The agony of yearning for someone.

He made one final decision: they would meet separately - and live in the present.

"Thank you for loving me..." The memories and decisions he made are the reason he can live happily ever after. "When even I can not love myself."

Crying his heart out, he wanted to take it out and crush it with his hands.

So this is what they mean; is not it sad that even your own family has no idea who you are?

"Thank you... thank you... and..." he had no idea these two words cut like knives than I love and care about you, "I am sorry for deceiving you."

He stood up again, trying hard not to cry. He will part with him in happiness with a smile.

His voice croaked, as did the tears he was holding back. "Enough... this is enough."

Deruth took a step back and shook his head. He refused to look at him and eventually turned his back on him.

He stood there motionless. Losing this person was the final straw for him in his quest for acceptance.

He undoubtedly lives in a depressing world.

This is the first time he has wished for his small wish to be granted.

Even if there was no joy, that man embraced him with warmth - those proofs that he was treasured and loved will surely hold onto the end of his promise.

He will protect him... their family...

Even if he desperately wants him.

He would always be by their side, even if he could not be a part of them..

Unfortunately, the loud taps echoed. He can only wait to hear the doors close and let go of hope.

It was his mistake. He was crying because he wanted to be a part of his world.

This is the final goodbye. A heartbreaking goodbye.

Every person who has a heart would scream in agony as it vanished like nothing.

This is alright. This is enough.

He thought he had prepared himself, but he can never be prepared.

What exactly does he need to do with this trembling heart of his?

He wanted to say goodbye by wishing him all the best from the bottom of his heart.

He knew that no matter how much he wanted him and how much he wanted it, no matter how much he prayed, he would never be a part of their world.

Why is it so difficult for him to be loved by the person he cares about?

He can not help but grab his chest, as if he is having difficulty breathing. He exhales as tears flow uncontrollably from his eyes..

Don't cry. Don't cry, Kim Rok Soo. Let him go with a smile. Allow him to believe there was nothing wrong.

He struggled to keep his emotions under control.

Kim Rok Soo. Kim Rok Soo. Don't cry. Don't beg for love. Everything is fine. It is all right, Kim Rok Soo.

Making himself believe in the type of life he used to live was a lie.

I will be fine.

"Please be happy, Dad."

He had no place to go.

The sound of closing the door, on the other hand, did not reverberate in the room. He could feel a strong hand grabbing him. He is going to inflict pain on him. Wishing him happiness when he is unable to experience it is an outright insult. He continued to cry his heart out, unable to keep his cool. He can't stop himself from crying. He can't turn around now. He can't. He can't face him. He is a coward who can not be honest about his feelings.

Kim Rok Soo. Kim Rok Soo. Stop crying. You shouldn't show him that you're still expecting some hope from him. You'll be fine. You'll definitely be fine.

I lived in that kind of world. I can live in that kind of world here again.

He waited for the pain, but it never came. There was a comforting *thump* sound and warmth on his brow.

Cale opened his eyes. Reddish-brown eyes like his stared straight at him. Deruth was looking at him, at his soul. He was looking directly at him. The older man's head weakly butted against his.

"Tell me..." Deruth whispered brokenly yet warmly, "How can be happy without you, now, when I love you so much?"

**

It's awful. Truly awful... to know all of these, to feel pain from the truth straight from his mouth.

'Since when, I wonder his presence becomes so big?'

Memories of their moments filled his vision. Every part of life became a part of this child. That person's laughter and smile keep replaying in his mind as he tries and look somewhere.

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why did his world look so empty just because he turned away from him?

Why does it hurt him now that he's not making any movement and just letting him walk away?

'Since when, did he become my greatest joy and pain?'

Why?

Why?

Why did he want to be stopped?

Why him?

Of all people, fate has given him, why the pain?

Why of all the people of the world, why did he fall in love with someone whom he had never understood.?

The cruel vestige that's left in his arms is a part of his love.

When I realized, I was alone in a soundless box of amending, I couldn't stop crying.

He meant so much to me that I can no longer let him go.

Deruth considers him to be the most valuable thing in the world.

I will always be by your side and will do everything in my power to protect you.

The miracle of having found this child makes him sing with joy.

I do not care what I have accomplished so far as long as it is for your protection.

He became what Deruth considers to be the most valuable thing in the world.

"Please be happy, Dad."

He paused... So, what exactly is happiness? He wishes for him to be content. He... this child... is wishing him happiness from the bottom of his heart, with a trembling voice.

You want me to be happy... But why do you look so miserable right now?

He can't let him go.

While he needs time to think, this boy was ready to let him go anytime.

He turned around not opening the doors that could end everything between them.

You can't even properly wish me happiness while looking at me.

What he sees was the child he loves so much, trembling miserably. It must have been difficult. It must have been painful to muster all courage to tell him the truth.

He won't feel alone anymore. He won't let anyone take this child away from him.

Don't look so miserable... because I...

He will protect him, live and forever to protect him with all his might.

He will continue with strength...

With unbreakable resolve...

Not to see him in vain just like this.

I can't let you go like this.

Slowly approaching, his steps were faster and wider. The trembling child in front of him struggled from keeping his tears from falling.

Each day he spends with this child is full of happy moments.

The pain and fear he felt when he was alone have disappeared completely.

You truly are the most important

He doesn't want to lose anything more in this life.

He just firmly believes in this love that propels me with all his might – to make him smile from the bottom of his heart.

Would light headbutts suffice? He's not looking at him at all.

He smiled not parting his forehead from him.

Just the simple thought that their lives could separate makes him sad.

Just the simple thought of not being able to be with him kills him.

He had long loved this child more than his life.s

"Tell me..." Deruth whispered brokenly yet warm at this child's surrender, "how can I hate you when I love you so much?"

He firmly took my hand and put it on his chest. The feeling is so great that he ended up with a beautiful accepting smile he had never worn.

"you were the one who turned away from me?"

Only next to this child, did he find new happiness?

"will you still accept me even if I may not be your son?"

He doesn't want this child to leave him...

"I guess... I really... did miss you, dad..."

I just want to protect you... I dedicate all of me...

"you are the only one I can't lose!"

You are what I have of m precious in this world.

"Dad... dad... this pumpkin loves you so much."

"you are my son."

Embracing him tightly in his arms, Deruth buried him on his shoulder. His hands were on his back and head, patting him gently to ease the fear in his heart.

He can hear his desperate sobs.

He can feel his strong hands holding on to him.

He can't go back.

He can't find fault in him.

Whether he is Cale or Kim Rok Soo...

"You are my son! My child! Nothing can change that; I'll not allow anyone to break it..."

To unconditionally love someone, meant more than his life.

"I will protect you... love you..."

He can't promise him a world where he can live at ease, but with his power and wealth, even with his life, he'll do all he can to protect him and make him happy.

"You are my son... you are my child... mine! Rok Soo-ah... Cale... no matter who you are..."

He had seen his child cry so much before.

This scene... this moment... this is the first time that this child cried his heart out.

"I will love you still."

This is the first time that his tears fell letting go of every inhibition in his life.

This is the first time, that Deruth finally understood this child's heart.

The soul in his child's body was a broken person who struggled to complete himself.

"Hah... urgh... *sniff* hah..." hearing him cry like this.

Hearing his soulful yearning cries were heartbreaking.

"*sniff..* Can... I... stay?"

Deruth kissed his temple and let him cry all his wants. He did not let go of him even if they had settled on the floor. Cale was not letting him go neither did he has any intentions of letting go.

"I am your home."

He has long been his true son.

"Can... I really... *sniff*... love you?"

He hopes that his son, Cale, would be in a better place where he could be happy.

"yes... yes... as I will love you more."

He will face the present and the future with his current son.

Hearing his mournful cry breaks his heart. The anxiety... the fear... all are being let out with this cry...

And he hoped that both of them would be happy.

"dad.. dad..." like a chant... he couldn't help but smile and pepper soft kisses on his head.

His precious one...

His little red precious pumpkin...

"I love you, pumpkin..." he whispered like a broken recorder while soothing Kim – no... "Love you."

Grinning widely and lovingly at Cale crying inconsolably in his arms.

"I love you so much..."

Following the emotional exchange between father and son. Deruth opened the family registry after returning to his room after putting Cale to sleep. In his descendants, he writes the name 'Kim Rok Soo' in beautiful calligraphy. He had a lovely smile on his face as he stroked the unique name on the paper..

"Rok Soo-Ah..." he said quietly. He did not even notice that his cheeks were flushed with joy and tears. He is turning into a crybaby. He now has two four children whom he will always protect. He may not live much longer, and he may die, but he will ensure that his children live happy lives. He will make certain that if Rok Soo or Cale decides to leave when he is no longer present, he will have everything he needs to live the silent life he desires.

"He deserved to be happy... he deserved to rest."

He will devote his entire life to the child who sought refuge in his embrace.

"so that when I die... no one will make you sad or cause you harm..."

Rok Soo... his Cale... his beloved pumpkin.

He will live a happy and peaceful life.

With him and this family.

The moment we decide to love, we become vulnerable to pain and hurt.

That is why it's important. 

To fight for what you feel. 

END